How fast should we be going??

[JustAnotherLover]

Okay so I've had feelings for this girl for what, like 3 or 4 months? Anyways everything escalated, and I guess it fell together right, 'cause now we're bf/gf. :rock:
Had our first kiss last week (only like 3 or 4 seconds, no tongue), and today we had our first date and ended up making out in her car for like 20 min with her on top of me and feeling each other and everything!
So, um... are we going too fast? How fast should we be going?! lolol

 

[Mr.Freestyler19]

u doing great

 

[eaglez1177]

Okay so I've had feelings for this girl for what, like 3 or 4 months? Anyways everything escalated, and I guess it fell together right, 'cause now we're bf/gf. :rock:
Had our first kiss last week (only like 3 or 4 seconds, no tongue), and today we had our first date and ended up making out in her car for like 20 min with her on top of me and feeling each other and everything!
So, um... are we going too fast? How fast should we be going?! lolol

There is NEVER such thing as going too fast. If anything, you're going slower than what me and my ex did and a few of my friends and their ex's. Where im from, if people are going out in a relationship, they've already hooked up a ton of times for a while, and some have also gotten to oral sex. After going out for a week with my gf, she was giving me head, and I would return the favor by fingering her. After about a month, I was finally gettin laid a lot.

But, you're still doing PERFECTLY fine! So start worrying and try not to overthink or overanalyze things.

 

[(JJ)]

you should be going as fast as the two of you are comfortable with. everything is really on a case by case basis. you hear stories of people who (claim) to have waited to have sex till they were married, like my parents for example, and still have a happy relationship to this day..

that being said, my first gf since getting to college, we fvcked the second time we saw each other. it tends to take less time with each subsequent girl, i've noticed.

but as long as the two of you are enjoying it, feel )at least partially) comfortable with it, and are safe about it, you can keep pushing the limits.

 

[JustAnotherLover]

OKAY um we're kinda worried now.
Our date was on thursday, that's the first post with the 20-minute kiss,
then the next day she came over and we drove off and made out for like an hour.
But yesterday we drove to a parking garage and made out for like 3 hours!! And I got her topless (mighty fine, btw ) and we were just having fun. Good times.

But she's saying we might be going too fast! She wants to slow down. She says she doesn't want the relationship to turn purely sexual; I don't want it to either, I really like her alot.

We've only been 'official' for 3 days. That is, if official means we're dating. Otherwise I've known her for 3 or 4 months now.

So, we went from mild kissing for 15, 20 minutes to full-blown passionate making out for 3 hours with teasing/tickling/foreplay/hickeys/nips, in just 3 days!!
Is this too fast?

I really don't want to ruin this relationship. WE don't want to ruin this relationship. What are some guidelines we should follow?

(I'm 16 by the way, turning 17 in a few months. She just turned 17 and this is the first relationship for both of us.)

 

[Ice882]

If you guys are truly compatible and not just forcing it for the sake of sexual attraction (as I have in the past) then talking about it will be chill and as long as you're pretty considerate and not too pushy you'll be fine. Don't listen to what she says about too fast OUTSIDE of a hooking up scenario, though. If she says stop while you're hooking up and is not giving the "false resistance" you should stop but otherwise I'd just do my thing.

 

[eaglez1177]

OKAY um we're kinda worried now.
Our date was on thursday, that's the first post with the 20-minute kiss,
then the next day she came over and we drove off and made out for like an hour.
But yesterday we drove to a parking garage and made out for like 3 hours!! And I got her topless (mighty fine, btw ) and we were just having fun. Good times.

But she's saying we might be going too fast! She wants to slow down. She says she doesn't want the relationship to turn purely sexual; I don't want it to either, I really like her alot.

We've only been 'official' for 3 days. That is, if official means we're dating. Otherwise I've known her for 3 or 4 months now.

So, we went from mild kissing for 15, 20 minutes to full-blown passionate making out for 3 hours with teasing/tickling/foreplay/hickeys/nips, in just 3 days!!
Is this too fast?

I really don't want to ruin this relationship. WE don't want to ruin this relationship. What are some guidelines we should follow?

(I'm 16 by the way, turning 17 in a few months. She just turned 17 and this is the first relationship for both of us.)

First off, stop freaking out just because she said she wants to slow down. If you're fine with something like that, then fvckin slow down. I mean I personally do not understand what exactly you can "slow down" to though if you two have only been making out. I mean if you were like fingering her and she was givin you head, well yea then you could easily "slow down" to something less intense, but wtf do you slow down to if you're just both making out?

If she says she doesnt want the relationship to be purely sexual, then just assure her and tell her it won't be. Your acting like shes saying all these things to you and you have no idea how to handle it, when in reality its all very easy to take care of.

And like I said before, imo there is NO WAY that going from "mild kissing" to all that other stuff in 3 days is moving too fast. Like I said, thats my opinion. YOU have to be the decider of what is too fast or too slow for you. Trust me, ive heard of people escalating with girls 100x faster than you descibed.

I mean imo, if you're going out with a girl, you should already be comfortable enough to a point where neither of you have to worry about "moving too fast", because if you feel like your movin too fast, then it means your uncomfortable with something, and you should never have gone out with the chick in the first place if your still uncomfortable.

One more thing I noticed: To me it seems you've become VERY attached to this girl. You mention how you really dont want things to mess up. I'll say this: those kinds of feelings are the beginnings of that "clingy AFC behavior".

 

[Analyzeit]

Obviously justanotherlover is from the much less promiscuous side of society, so watch out for the advice eaglez..

No offense eaglez but you just loaded the guy about the sex you used to get and oral and stuff.. geeze me easy on him lol and then you say but your doing perfectly fine... talk about mixed messages no offense eagle just trying to help. so be very eeeeeeeasy on what you say, remember not everyones hangs out in similar more promiscuous circles, good advice eaglez but geeze mate, he's not as promiscuous as us... and thats pointing out the obviosu

Anyway

OK... You were maybe taking it a little slow and the start... could of turned to LJBF but your lucky. BUT now you've gone to a light revving of the love car, now your whacking through the gears just about blowing the poor girls engine lol. Point is you went from slow to a huge jump (for such a slow relationship) The girls going home and she's worrying.. ect... ect... Just like a cars accelerator, you gotta smoothly speed up, same with escalating you WILL find that in some spots you can escalate very fast, but not this one.

Just try to have a day off making out and have a fun day!... Do sexual things in moderation. i hope you get me.... otherwise... and yes this does happen.... you both will get bored of sexual things with each other.. bad bad bad! lol just ease up these things take work with girls like yours mate.

As eaglez said though take things at your own pace... The DJ community is well rather anti LTR but it's up to you what you choose just watch out you don't get attached

 

[eaglez1177]

Obviously justanotherlover is from the much less promiscuous side of society, so watch out for the advice eaglez..

No offense eaglez but you just loaded the guy about the sex you used to get and oral and stuff.. geeze me easy on him lol and then you say but your doing perfectly fine... talk about mixed messages no offense eagle just trying to help. so be very eeeeeeeasy on what you say, remember not everyones hangs out in similar more promiscuous circles, good advice eaglez but geeze mate, he's not as promiscuous as us... and thats pointing out the obviosu

Anyway

OK... You were maybe taking it a little slow and the start... could of turned to LJBF but your lucky. BUT now you've gone to a light revving of the love car, now your whacking through the gears just about blowing the poor girls engine lol. Point is you went from slow to a huge jump (for such a slow relationship) The girls going home and she's worrying.. ect... ect... Just like a cars accelerator, you gotta smoothly speed up, same with escalating you WILL find that in some spots you can escalate very fast, but not this one.

Just try to have a day off making out and have a fun day!... Do sexual things in moderation. i hope you get me.... otherwise... and yes this does happen.... you both will get bored of sexual things with each other.. bad bad bad! lol just ease up these things take work with girls like yours mate.

As eaglez said though take things at your own pace... The DJ community is well rather anti LTR but it's up to you what you choose just watch out you don't get attached

1. First off, what I described in my first response to him was something that I did. I'm not saying he has to be like me and go "fast" and try getting laid within a month. Thats just me, thats I how I like to do it, and thats what im comfortable with. The only reason why I brought that stuff up was because he was worried if he was going too fast, so I mentioned that just to show him that there was no way he was going to fast if I had gotten oral after a week and a lay after a month.

2. Just because hes not doing what I did doesnt mean he isnt doing things perfectly fine. Aside from getting possibly too attached, his actions have been perfectly fine. Ive only been bringing up stuff regarding the "speed" of the stuff they do because he's clearly been over-reacting. He just has to stop worrying, stop over reacting, stop over analyzing, and just be himself, be comfortable, and have fun.

3. Every society is or can be "promiscuous". Thats just simple fact because you can never truly know what a girl is down to do and how fast she'll do it until you actually do it with her! Ever heard of the term "closet wh*re"? Its pretty much a definition for a girl who is seemingly not promiscuous or slvtty and seems like a goody-two shoes girl who would take things "slow", but when you actually start getting with her, she's fvckin wild and down to do anything! And even if this girl truly isn't "promiscuous", it can usually be very easy to "break them in"

 

[Analyzeit]

For the first one, you really hardly got that point across man like, just looks like man that sh!t is scary for someone new. I do see the point just maybe he doesn't need to hear so much detail about that side of things lol... but maybe i'm to nice.

Second one is very true not going to argue with you there lol

Thirdly is very true and i think our man here just found one of em haha

 

[JustAnotherLover]

Oh, she knows how to move. I'll tell ya that much.
She's... yeah, she's promiscuous lol.

But we agreed we're gonna slow down for the time being.
She said no sex for 3 months (in retrospect, that's not that long at all!)
And she said she has an idea for my birthday gift which is in a few months. :O
OHOHO
(I don't know if she's completely joking though) D:

Oh! Also... we're kinda getting some hate at school. Like, we're both in IB which is basically the super advanced, nerdy group of elites. No one in there is in a relationship which might be part of the reason that they're all like WTF.
She was feeling down the other day, what do I do?
I know I'm not supposed to be an emotional tampon, but does that still hold true if I have a girlfriend? Or is that my 'job' now? D:

Also I AM getting more attracted to her. You guys don't like that LTR stuff but I do... I believe in love over lust.
Is this love or what? I dunno.
I still do kino and neg hits and all that, but...
If I'm "there for her" does that make me more like an AFC or does that make me the "sensitive man?"

Basically I wanna know if I'm supposed to be the ****y funny cool guy still, or the sensitive loving guy who cares for her now. 'Cause obviously I can't do both. :/

 

[jeffthechef]

okay i just got internet back today lol
and i didn't read all the posts about sex...basically, escalate...and if she says stop, then stop (dont want to get slapped with rape..even if she consented, cause how the fck are you gonna prove it..too much law and order lol)
but try again another time

i dont think it's possible to go too fast..as there is no one definitino of "fast"
it's a mutual thing between the two people

dont set agreements on no sex for so and so long
my friend did that..and they broke up 2 weeks before it was supposed to happen...and it kinda ruins the fun of it...the first time with a girl shouldn't be planned...SPONTANEITY + SEX = FUN + GOOD STORY

it's not your job to be the tampon EVER...BUT, now that you're in a relatinoship you should definitely talk about these things/when she's down...these are those cheesy moments in movies when the two main characters bond...these are the moments she'll consider when you screw up and is considering whether or not to give you another chance
just dont overtalk about things, meaning..you talk about the situation/solution..then repeat over and over, talking about the same ****..then you become a tampon

hmm, as for the love/lust thing..lust can be fun, but love is better..
but love is near impossible to find in HS..you need more experience before you realize how hard it is to find true love...i thought i loved my first gf in 6th grade...then i thought i loved my second gf a year later...and so on..until i found this site, and you look back and realize how far from love it all was...good learning/fun though

you can be there for her.

you can do both.and she wants both

no girl wants a guy who's the same every time they interact...a guy who's always there, even when she's not in the emotional/needy state...or a guy who's always ****y even when she tells him she wants to kill herself

you can and need to be both...you really shouldnt just decide though...it's not human nature to be one way all the time...just LIVE..and adapt to the situation

Btw, you're overthinking :yes:
just relax

 

[JustAnotherLover]

Nice. I think I'm good.
Looks like so far everything is going nice n smooth... B)

Oh! Also we were getting some hate at school from a few people, but in a way it made us closer cuz she got all sad and I was like "don't worry babe I'm here for ya" and she lay in my arms.

Spring break is coming up!
We're gonna have fuuuuuuuuuuun.
So. Um.. When can I tell her those three words? D:
I have to wait for her to say it don't I? :/

 

[eaglez1177]

Nice. I think I'm good.
Looks like so far everything is going nice n smooth... B)

Oh! Also we were getting some hate at school from a few people, but in a way it made us closer cuz she got all sad and I was like "don't worry babe I'm here for ya" and she lay in my arms.

Spring break is coming up!
We're gonna have fuuuuuuuuuuun.
So. Um.. When can I tell her those three words? D:
I have to wait for her to say it don't I? :/

Lol when can you tell her those three words? I said this in another thread already, so ill just say it again:

Your in fvcking highschool. HIGHSCHOOL. That means your a damn teenager. The last thing you should be talking about is love. You have no idea what true love actually is. And any person or girl in highschool that says they love someone doesnt really know what love is either. All theyre feeling is just attractions and the feelings of liking someone, not true love. Imo, true love is being able to say "I want to spend the rest of my life with this person, and if it ever came down to a life or death situation, I would die to save their life". Thats my view of love.

Bottom line is that until you can say something along the lines of what I just said above, you have no fvcking idea what love is, and are in no position whatsoever to use that word. Like hate, love is a very powerful word, so when you use it, you have to truly mean it. If she says it first, you CANNOT just come right back and say "oh I love you too" if you dont truly mean it. What you say instead is just explain to her what ive just said, and how both of you are only teenagers, dont know what love truly is, etc.

It really bugs me how people just throw around the word love like its nothing, because almost all the time they dont know wtf theyre talking about.

 

[jeffthechef]

Lol when can you tell her those three words? I said this in another thread already, so ill just say it again:

Your in fvcking highschool. HIGHSCHOOL. That means your a damn teenager. The last thing you should be talking about is love. You have no idea what true love actually is. And any person or girl in highschool that says they love someone doesnt really know what love is either. All theyre feeling is just attractions and the feelings of liking someone, not true love. Imo, true love is being able to say "I want to spend the rest of my life with this person, and if it ever came down to a life or death situation, I would die to save their life". Thats my view of love.

Bottom line is that until you can say something along the lines of what I just said above, you have no fvcking idea what love is, and are in no position whatsoever to use that word. Like hate, love is a very powerful word, so when you use it, you have to truly mean it. If she says it first, you CANNOT just come right back and say "oh I love you too" if you dont truly mean it. What you say instead is just explain to her what ive just said, and how both of you are only teenagers, dont know what love truly is, etc.

It really bugs me how people just throw around the word love like its nothing, because almost all the time they dont know wtf theyre talking about.

hah blunt/harsh lol...but true..
love, in highschool and ESPECIALLY IN YOUR FIRST FEW RELATIONSHIPS, is usually something you still dont know..as i mentioned earlier about how much i thought i "loved" my gf's..

just make sure you dont go overboard...i thought love was such an important word..that i got pissed when my ex told her friends (girl ones) that she loved them...or put "love NAME" to this one guy on myspace..BUT IT TURNS OUT SHE WAS CHEATING ON ME WITH HIM..LMAO...so i was right in a sense...and i got slightly angry when she said it to me too many times LOL..

so be careful..

 

[JustAnotherLover]

we still don't know what love is...
neither of us is actually willing to say "iloveyou" yet, but we've been talking about it alot.

 

[Analyzeit]

Hey eaglez and jeff not cool.

This guy can do whatever he wants and I'm pretty sure none of us can give an explanation of love and when you got it.

This website isn't about telling people what to do, Justanotherlover take everything with a graina salt soak up this website, but top few things to watch out for is.........

DJ bible does not say anything about not saying "I love you" or going into an LTR at all, it doesn't suggest em, but don't tell him what to do.

Good advice though eaglez and jeff but don't tell this guy what to do

 

[jeffthechef]

Hey eaglez and jeff not cool.

This guy can do whatever he wants and I'm pretty sure none of us can give an explanation of love and when you got it.

This website isn't about telling people what to do, Justanotherlover take everything with a graina salt soak up this website, but top few things to watch out for is.........

DJ bible does not say anything about not saying "I love you" or going into an LTR at all, it doesn't suggest em, but don't tell him what to do.

Good advice though eaglez and jeff but don't tell this guy what to do

LMAO...i completely disagree..
Advice:
1. Opinion about what could or should be done about a situation or problem; counsel.

We're telilng him what should be done...even if yo utake it as us telling him what to do, it's the internet...he can do whatever he wants.

You tell me what to do, and i'll decide if i actually do it or not

 

[eaglez1177]

Hey eaglez and jeff not cool.

This guy can do whatever he wants and I'm pretty sure none of us can give an explanation of love and when you got it.

This website isn't about telling people what to do, Justanotherlover take everything with a graina salt soak up this website, but top few things to watch out for is.........

DJ bible does not say anything about not saying "I love you" or going into an LTR at all, it doesn't suggest em, but don't tell him what to do.

Good advice though eaglez and jeff but don't tell this guy what to do

Lmaooo its called advice for a reason. Nobody is telling him what to do, simply just advising what he should do/what we would do.

And ya, none of us can give a true explanation of love, because we havent experienced it, but what we can give is our opinion of love, our own explanation, and what we think it may be. Which is exactly why I mentioned the words "in my opinion" and "my view" of love. I simply gave my view, my opinion, my OWN explanation of it.

 

[Analyzeit]

I'd love to see advice from you guys, you guys are good i respect you guys, but weren't giving him advice you were saying be like you