How do you punish a gf the right way?

[Diaforetikos]

My gf decided that she didn't wanna tell me that she was speaking to her mentally unstable ex-bf of 6 months. I asked her and she struggled to tell me. I don't care if she talks to him cause I know if she cheats on me with that f*gg*t, her ass is gone, but for her not to tell me pissed me off.

Everyone is gonna say dump her, but this isn't that serious to me. I'll dump her a** when she officially cheats on me or I just feel like doing whatever.

But until then, how do I show her that it wasn't a good thing for her to do, but also keeps her running back to me and still respect my authority?? I just want her to know how serious I am about this crap. I didn't yell at her because I'm not that kind of guy, but I did tell her that what she did was bullsh!t and that it was really effed up.

I also asked to tell me anything else she wasn't telling me. She said nothing. I explained to her that it wasn't about who she was talking too, just the fact that she didn't tell me. She said, I seriously don't have nothing else that I'm not telling you. I also don't wanna become that control freak bf that is trippin about small stuff. Thats too insecure for me. Anyways, I asked her to leave and she did.

I don't want her to just think that that was it. I want her to know that she won't do it ever again or else.

What do I do?

 

[Pierce]

Just act cold. That's it. When she asks whats wrong, just say nothing.

 

[ELITE]

I had the same kinda little problem before. I was just straight up with her. I told her if you choose, to respone to your ex. He use to beg and be AFC. Or respect like you wouldn't approve of me talking to a ex gf. If I see this happen twice im done. You decide. And I was willing to walk away. When she new I was serious, I never had that problem again. If she in a relationship with you and talking to her ex thats no respect. Man up! and let her know whats up! Without sounding mad are jealous, but she better recpect you. Are your done. Up too you bro to take my advice.

 

[Diaforetikos]

She just texted me a few times asking me if I was upset. She sent the texts back to back, so its something that's troubling her. That's what I want.

I like what you said ELITE. It is disrespectful. I still talk to my ex, but I have no intention of hooking back up with her. She also is in a relationship and we broke up almost 2 years ago. Feelings are gone. But this is 6 months and she was hiding that sh!t. Not cool. So, I'm gonna talk to her tomorrow. I got work in the morning, so I'm not trying to deal with this sh*t tonight.

But I'll be more firm in my actions and put my foot down on her talking to her ex.

My girl told me that her ex's sister called her asking to talk to him because he was and still is tripping, going through some stuff, so she did. My gf's ex's sister said that my girl was the only one out of all his friends that knew him well enough to talk about the serious crap he goes through. I'm glad she was honest with me about contacting him first, but sh*ts not cool mayne.

Before we started dating, she said that he had some issues, so I know that's true. He didn't even want sex from her. She kept asking. They dated for 2 years and only had sex 3 times. All bad. That man is tripping.

I'll let her know where I stand. And until I see that I can trust her again, then I'll let my girl speak to him.

Thanks guys.

 

[The Assistant]

Yell at her. Make yourself heard loud and clear like a goddamn MAN. Tell her your moving on no matter how much she apologizes. Make sure to start talking to new prospects as well. Make it easier on YOURSELF to move on from this bytch......don't play by the pvssified rules that society has set forth for you..........you make your own rules playa

 

[betheman]

She just texted me a few times asking me if I was upset. She sent the texts back to back, so its something that's troubling her. That's what I want.

My girl told me that her ex's sister called her asking to talk to him because he was and still is tripping, going through some stuff, so she did. My gf's ex's sister said that my girl was the only one out of all his friends that knew him well enough to talk about the serious crap he goes through. I'm glad she was honest with me about contacting him first, but sh*ts not cool mayne.

Before we started dating, she said that he had some issues, so I know that's true. He didn't even want sex from her. She kept asking. They dated for 2 years and only had sex 3 times. All bad. That man is tripping.

I'll let her know where I stand. And until I see that I can trust her again, then I'll let my girl speak to him.

Thanks guys.

Some ****e being spouted in there methinks!

how do you handle this?
keep it to a minimum, and KEEP YOUR COOL!
Tell her you are very dissapointed (use that very word) and that she has let you both down. then go cold, she will reply, let her do the running and let her tell you how sorry she is and what she pans do do about this guy, keep replies to a minimum and be quite distant. and go out and be seen with other girls

 

[KingofHearts]

this isn't that serious to me.

I just want her to know how serious I am about this crap.

Being honest with yourself is a good start!

Any control you have over her is only the controls she gives you. Your best weapon is the power to walk away. Everything else is just talk.

 

[The Assistant]

Being honest with yourself is a good start!

Any control you have over her is only the controls she gives you. Your best weapon is the power to walk away. Everything else is just talk.

you are misunderstanding.

He isn't serious about her commitment-wise, but he is serious about setting rules and punishments for bytches that he fvcks........my advice from above stays true

And yes, it is possible for a playa to have a fvck buddy that he doesn't care about that he is still serious about keeping in line.

 

[Diaforetikos]

I'm gonna talk to her tomorrow and reiterate my views on this. KingofHears, I know what you mean. I was torn because I didn't know if I should make a big deal out of it or just be passive aggressive.

...BUT, I'm gonna let her know tomorrow... Aggressively. She has one more chance, plain and simple.

I'm not the angry type, but I want her to know I mean business. I'm not gonna walk away because she did one thing. To me, that feels insecure. If she hurts me, oh well, I learn. If I'm gonna drop her before she hurts me, it just shows that I can't handle a simple loss. I know I can get another girl, but I don't feel that they are just batteries that I can just throw out and replace. She's invested in this just as much as I am.

No big deal.

 

[ELITE]

It must be kinda serious for you too post it here. Yea, you guys invested time together. Doesn't matter if her ex is all f.ck up! Are on drugs. Are gonna cry his feelings of problems with her. The point is she is in a relationship with you. She should not have conversations with a ex, unless you approve. Like I said be strong enough to tell her what I told you. Maybe in your own words. Don't argue just tell her one time. Thats good enough. And if she still decides to keep contact with this guy and make excuses cause his having problems. Be willing to keep your word and move on. Are else she gonna keep talking to this ex behind your back. You realy want that while your in a relationship with her? Its your life, you shouldn't tolerate it....

 

[Ease]

I don't want her to just think that that was it. I want her to know that she won't do it ever again or else.

What do I do?

When dealing with stuff like this one of the biggest problems is getting your position straight. You are trying to balance caring, not caring, being calm, angry and making her not do it again.

Its obvious you musn't fall into the jealous bf trap, that will make her more interested in talking to him. But its also true that if you are too passive then you will fall into pusy bf position. You can't just have your girl hiding stuff from you.

Are you angry? Yes
Are you angry because she is talking to her ex ? No

You are angry because she is running around behind your back and not respecting you. Get it into your head that this guy is no threat, he doesn't sound like the kinda guy to steal your gf. But the principle is messed up and feeling disrespected by your girl is a bs feeling. If you get jealousy confused in this you will confuse your position, and she will sense it. Sort out your thoughts before you say anything.

I'd say stuff like:

'What kind of bs is that, are you talking to people behind my back now? What kind of way to act is that, what kind of a chump does this make me look like? Is this how my girlfriend acts?'

You want to comfort your ex and hold his hand then that is a different issue do whatever you want. But what is this like its some secret **** behind my back. What do you expect me to do with a girlfriend that is running around hiding stuff from me?

Then slap her across the face and leave the room for added effect. If that doesn't work then evidently she is a good for nothing dirty *****!

 

[Diaforetikos]

Ease, that's exactly how I feel. He isn't a threat. I just feel disrespected that she had to hide it from me. I'd slap her, but uh, yeah... That's not me.

I do like what you said about what am I supposed to do with a girl who does that. I'll ask her that and tell that that was the last time she does any sh!t like that again.

D*mn h*. Adding drama to my life for no reason.

 

[ELITE]

I just read over one of your replys. You said, you still talk to your ex. Does she know you still do. Are your just friends with your ex. Even though it was 2 yrs ago. Maybe, thats why your gf took like it was no bigge, it was okay to talk her ex. Because you still talk or be friends with your ex. Your right she should of told you. If you don't want her talking to a ex anymore. You might have too do same. Because you don't approve of her too. But its okay for you too be friends with your ex.

 

[BBbardot]

Yell at her. Make yourself heard loud and clear like a goddamn MAN. Tell her your moving on no matter how much she apologizes. Make sure to start talking to new prospects as well. Make it easier on YOURSELF to move on from this bytch......don't play by the pvssified rules that society has set forth for you..........you make your own rules playa

starting to read your post i honestly thought u were being sarcastic, that it was a joke
hahaha youre a bunch of crazy poeple.

 

[novaknight]

starting to read your post i honestly thought u were being sarcastic, that it was a joke
hahaha youre a bunch of crazy poeple.

Wouldn't be talking if I were you, Miss Troll.

 

[BBbardot]

Yell at her. Make yourself heard loud and clear like a goddamn MAN. Tell her your moving on no matter how much she apologizes. Make sure to start talking to new prospects as well. Make it easier on YOURSELF to move on from this bytch......don't play by the pvssified rules that society has set forth for you..........you make your own rules playa

starting to read your post i honestly thought u were being sarcastic, that it was a joke
hahaha youre a bunch of crazy poeple.

 

[BBbardot]

Wouldn't be talking if I were you, Miss Troll.

not a troll but yes i'm a miss
proof upon request

 

[NocheOscura]

This is all about being a man and setting CLEAR boundaries in the relationship. I´ve tried something similar years ago and immediately told my girlfriend with great force(NOT insecurity for Gods sake!) I wouldn´t tolerate that behaviour. Period.
She never talked to him again and was of course all over me because she knew she was with a man, not a push-over. NO FEAR brother.

 

[Ease]

It's stuff like this that shows us that the most important thing in relationships is being the man.

No matter what a girl will always try to push the boundaries out of curiosity of how you will act. Girls can't leave things like this alone, they will always push it.

The key is how you deal with it. That will put a stop to it and show her what she can and cannot do. You can tell her 'i dont want you to hide things from me', but if you are not man enough it will not stop her from doing it. Communication and fairness are not sufficient in these cases, being a man and putting your foot down and dominating the show is necessary.

You put her in her place, punish her, get angry, deal with it with words, whatever it you like all works. In a way it's your job as a man to enforce the rules for the benefit of both of you.

 

[Diaforetikos]

Or your paranoia induced by fear, grabs at your heart telling you, "I don't wanna hurt again." So you try to come up with any reason to get rid of her a**.

It's not that serious. If she is cheating, then bye bye beezy. If she isn't, more a** for me.

And a little update, I woke up the next day and went to see her. I told her, that sh!t is never happening again, do you understand me? She whined yes and repeated she was sorry over and over again. Didn't talk to her much the rest of the day...

The next day, she was all over me. Wanted to come over and study at my house. She hates studying at my house. A few other things. When I ask to see her phone, she doesn't have the ashamed delay as if I'm gonna find out something like she did the first time. And she always wants to cuddle and crap now. She never wanted to do that sh!t.

She knows I'll drop as soon as she fvcks up. I don't have any problem with it because I can get another girl right after. I have a girl who got jealous when she saw my date. She actually got mad at me, non-verbally of course. So I'm not worried.

And to Pair, he isn't crazy. He just has some stressful issues he needs to deal with. He's not some insane guy. I've talked to him a couple times and hes pretty cool. She doesn't know I talked to him before. Stop being so paranoid.