How do you punish a gf the right way?

[loveshogun]

No offense, OP, but for someone who "doesn't care about this," it seems to me like you care a whole hell of a lot about this situation.

It's clearly bothering you a metric f*ck-ton, so let's be real about it. She did something, and no matter how small you -say- it was, you disliked what she did so much that you started a thread on here that makes it look like an F5 tornado has gone through your brain.

I always say "pick your battles." You can win this fight, but realize that with women, every fight you have (even if you win) will be another issue on the table for later.

Decide now whether you stay or leave. It's pretty clear to me that this is how much you care - to me, if I don't care about something, the word "punishment" would never come to mind.

My friend, you must ALWAYS be willing to walk away.

Also, look into anger management - as much as you say you "don't want to be a controlling, jealous guy," I think you really do. That's who you are, and though you can mitigate the worst aspects of that type of personality (by controlling your rage, not acting out in stupid ways, etc etc), you will never be happy completely denying it. There's a HUGE difference between addressing a personality defect ("I'm a jealous guy by nature, but I try not to make unreasonable decisions"), and ignoring a personality defect ("I'm not a jealous guy by nature, I don't want to be a jealous guy by nature").

In my case, I'm the horniest mofo most people have ever met. This means that when I'm with a girl, no matter how attracted I am to her, I can't see myself NOT sleeping with other women. So, to mitigate that, I don't think I will ever put myself in a situation where complete monogamy is demanded (ie marriage). However, I would never be happy if I told myself "I don't wanna be that guy (that I clearly am)" and DID get married or something.

We have to make sacrifices, OP. Sometimes, there's no "right" solution. Just do the best with what you've got.


***EDIT***

I just realized you're young as hell. I mean, I'M young as hell. And I've got 4 years on you.

You might grow out of the jealousy. But, in my experience, that entails learning the hard way. Best of luck.

 

[5string]

scenerios

1)She calls/texts you. You say "I'll have to get back to you. I'm talking to my ex".
2)Calmly say, "for every time you disrespect me, I will disrespect you twice".

 

[Noodles]

My gf decided that she didn't wanna tell me that she was speaking to her mentally unstable ex-bf of 6 months. I asked her and she struggled to tell me. I don't care if she talks to him cause I know if she cheats on me with that f*gg*t, her ass is gone, but for her not to tell me pissed me off.

Everyone is gonna say dump her, but this isn't that serious to me. I'll dump her a** when she officially cheats on me or I just feel like doing whatever.

How do you know he's 'mentally unstable'? Did she tell you this? I'd see that as a massive red flag - that means she's angry about something with him. Angry means he incites some kind of emotion in her. That is not a good thing. I prefer to hear something like 'He was okay - we just grew out of each other'.

I like what you said ELITE. It is disrespectful. I still talk to my ex, but I have no intention of hooking back up with her. She also is in a relationship and we broke up almost 2 years ago. Feelings are gone. But this is 6 months and she was hiding that sh!t. Not cool.

I assume she know's you're talking to your ex? If so then do you tell her every time you do? She may assume you've got something on the side and just be working on a back up. If you haven't told her...well...what do you expect?

And to Pair, he isn't crazy. He just has some stressful issues he needs to deal with. He's not some insane guy. I've talked to him a couple times and hes pretty cool. She doesn't know I talked to him before. Stop being so paranoid.

So you haven't told her you've talked to him? So you can do it but she can't? When she finds out (and she will...see probably already knows - hey, she's got history of not telling you stuff, right?), she'll just see it as another reason not to tell you stuff that might annoy you.

There is only one way to handle this without the drama, and without making yourself look like a jealous fool. You simply say:
'It seems you've got some issues with you ex, and you should probably sort your head - let's have a break and see how things pan out'.

If she goes off with him...well, you found out early(ish). If she makes an effort to come back to you then you can see that she wants you.

You're jealous because you're scared of losing her, and by doing that you're making yourself look childish.

 

[DJDamage]

Your actions should dictate your words.

If you want to punish a girl for her behaviour, you got to play with her head.

Start being more distant, stop picking up her calls each time and then get back to her later saying you were "busy", go out with your boys and be surronded by a group of women so when you call her she is hearing women laughter in the background.

The point of all this is to make sure the hamster in her head starts spinning its wheel where she thinks that she might lose you and be replaced by another girl. Thus if she has high interest in you she will do whatever it takes to "save the relationship" including stop talking to her ex.

 

[Diaforetikos]

To be honest, its over. It turned out that it wasn't that big of a deal. She's cool. I could care less and if I find out she's cheating on me, I'll walk and find someone else to s my d.

Not that serious. Thanks guys.