How Do You Not Care ?

[lil hooligan]

How do you just wake up one morning and think "i dont give a **** what anyone thinks" Seriously how do you do it?, iv tried again and again but some how i fail to do it, i always end up wondering what people think of me
could someone please give me some advice on how to do this, it would be a real help, thanks

 

[dbot]

You can't just convince yourself to not care. You have to consistently step outside of your comfort zone more and more until eventually the things that would make most people nervous or self-conscious don't even phase you.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

As you become more confident in stepping outside your boundaries you will care less and less about the impression you leave on others.

 

[Canadian Catnip]

How do you just wake up one morning and think "i dont give a **** what anyone thinks" Seriously how do you do it?, iv tried again and again but some how i fail to do it, i always end up wondering what people think of me
could someone please give me some advice on how to do this, it would be a real help, thanks

This is how I did it.

Next time you fall back into wondering what someone else is thinking, do the following thing.

First of all stop yourself and replace that thought with this one. Look inside yourself for what you think. This may be a completely new way of thinking for you. The first few times you try it you might not get anything. But keep it up. Eventually you will gain the habit stopping yourself from thinking about what others think and thinking about what you think.

See, when you try thinking about what others think you are not really getting any true feedback. You are really only imagining what they are thinking, nothing else. When you stop doing that and realize that the only real answer you can get is from yourself and what you think, you will begin to do it more.

What would you rather have. A made up guess on what others think of you, or the real feedback from your own mind and body on what you think.

As I said before, at first you will be so unfamiliar with checking in with what you think that it will seem really odd. Keep it up and before long you won't even be worried about what others think of you. Because it won't matter.

This is where the phrase SELF sufficient comes from. We begin to rely on our SELF for our feedback, not others.

Eventually you will come to learn that you always give yourself the best advice and it can be trusted 100% of the time.

By the way, it's not about not caring, it's about becoming self sufficient. Start relying on your SELF more.

 

[everywomanshero]

Yea I don't think you'd want to stop caring, like the last poster stated, but you want to become not dependent on what every person might think/say/do.

Some people are real asswipes, weirdos, creeps, do gooders, etc. You'd have to be one stick up the ass straight cracker to not offend any of them, but at the same time if you're just closed off and don't care, well guess what, most peple will be closed off and pay you no attention either or worse think you are antisocial and downright scary. I doubt this is the desired result.

I think as men we get this idea that we are supposed to be emotionless and "dead to the world", sort of like a Clint Eastwood character. Really, I don't think we have to be all dirty hairy all the time nor do I think we have to be all Mr. People Pleaser either. I think it's OK to get pissed off, to be assertive and tell people what you need from them and why, and I think it's OK to tell someone they are being an asswipe when they are being an asswipe... but it's not always advisable to do so if there is a possible misunderstanding involved. Because of how messy all this gets sometimes it's easier to wish we just didn't care, but I think that oversimplies a complex dymanic. The best answer I know of is just to have fun with interactions, if you're having fun, then you're probably doing great anyway. Anytime I;ve lived by this rule my problems have been cut in half.

 

[War Against Betaism]

People act like changing your mindset and internal programming can be done over night. That couldn't be more wrong. Like a person's body who hasn't worked out before starts working out, they're still going to look pretty much the same the very next day. Changing the mindset is very much the same way, there seems to be this myth that people literally became DJ's overnight and the right advice needs to be given to cause a paradigm shift.

 

[WC2]

Take all your life savings.

Goto expedia.com.

Book a flight to LA.

Be whoever you want to.

Come back a new (and yes, poor) man.

 

[yoimjamie]

im a philosophical sort of fellow, i just realised one day that in the end, absolutely nothing matters at all, everyone's going to die in a fairly pathetic fashion, so there's no point in worrying about anything anyone else thinks, ever.

i was instantly a much better public speaker. i don't even write my speeches any more, as long as i know what i'm talking about i just ad lib it from start to finish.

 

[Bluesteak]

Adapt to the "Bro" lifestyle. Its very common here in socal, you will be DGAF ing like nobody's business

 

[snowdog]

Get really really drunk...

You'll be running around naked in no time and probably get arrested, while not giving a sh#t.

 

[loving]

Honestly dude it just came to the point where I realized when I'm thinking about other people (including when im thinking about what theyre thinking) then I am letting their physical body control my perception of reality.

It was then really just a choice to think life through the eyes I choose, and although hard at first with persistence it becomes a life change where you are in control of 100% of your interpretation of life.

Truly liberating. You asked a very good question.

 

[thechallenger]

1st---- experience a lot of embarassing moments/falures
2nd--- put your ego aside
to have this take place you need to have the following:
an experience that absolutley crushes all your self esteem and confidence.
than when your contemplating suicide for months even years, your realize that peoples opinions dont mean jacksh1t!!! we are all living our own lives not to be spectators of yours
whatever you do will be forgoten sooner or later.

 

[DonGorgon]

Options = the power to not care...

Its easy for women nnot to care cause option chase them...
Most average men have to chase options and still cannot match those of even and ugly woman..

S0.. work as hard as you can to get as many options as you can... especially when you think you dont need them...

 

[WC2]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1488082&postcount=3

 

[Drewskie]

You can't just convince yourself to not care. You have to consistently step outside of your comfort zone more and more until eventually the things that would make most people nervous or self-conscious don't even phase you.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

As you become more confident in stepping outside your boundaries you will care less and less about the impression you leave on others.

Just stumbled on this, very good, especially for a short post.

 

[chinwaggler]

What you should think, instead of I don't give a ****, is I want what's best for me, whatever happens.

 

[cw92]

This is how I did it.

Next time you fall back into wondering what someone else is thinking, do the following thing.

First of all stop yourself and replace that thought with this one. Look inside yourself for what you think. This may be a completely new way of thinking for you. The first few times you try it you might not get anything. But keep it up. Eventually you will gain the habit stopping yourself from thinking about what others think and thinking about what you think.

See, when you try thinking about what others think you are not really getting any true feedback. You are really only imagining what they are thinking, nothing else. When you stop doing that and realize that the only real answer you can get is from yourself and what you think, you will begin to do it more.

What would you rather have. A made up guess on what others think of you, or the real feedback from your own mind and body on what you think.

As I said before, at first you will be so unfamiliar with checking in with what you think that it will seem really odd. Keep it up and before long you won't even be worried about what others think of you. Because it won't matter.

This is where the phrase SELF sufficient comes from. We begin to rely on our SELF for our feedback, not others. Eventually you will come to learn that you always give yourself the best advice and it can be trusted 100% of the time.

By the way, it's not about not caring, it's about becoming self sufficient. Start relying on your SELF more.

excellent post

 

[Pakwah]

I think one of the main things is to be comfortable with yourself.

Now, some people dont like how they look, or where they live, or how much money they make, or the car they don't drive, or where they work, and absolutely this will effect your attitude and behavior

I don't let others get to me, they can like me, they can not like me, they can call me, they can not call me, thing is i will continue to be comfortable with myself, yes i would like to go out more, but i have a gf and a son, so ok...not going to happen...i drive a 91 beater, i have a buddy who has an 04 mustang, he chooses to work long hours to afford it. I live in an apt, i would like a house, do i want all the bills and crap that comes with it? No. My ex's new bf did long haul. Makes good money, so what? Im home every night in my own bed and my bills are paid too

I don't think of those as excuses, not to get a house...not to get a better car....im comfortable with what i got. I have no need for more, granted more would always be nice.

I say hello to strangers, nod to people i dont know, so other situations are more comfortable and i don't come across fake.

I may not be the most attractive, but i've seen friends my age who look more worse for wear then i do. I think i still carry myself pretty good, take pride in my appearance, work out, try to be active, dress properly, make sure my jeans give me an ass and don't hang off me like they are 3 sizes to big, i eat properly, take vitamins and i think putting good food in your body changes your mental state for the better...you feel more alert, sharper, and you feel better. The negative thoughts don't hang in your head so much.

You can't please everyone....making the change takes a while....a long while sometimes....but it comes....start small, with luck it will snowball, you change too much too fast and it will not last.

 

[Desert Fox]

anger does the trick for me. perpetual state on anger

 

[skEwb]

Take all your life savings.

Goto expedia.com.

Book a flight to LA.

Be whoever you want to.

Come back a new (and yes, poor) man.

LMAO, I sort of did this but I kinda partied during my college years and that helped me loosen up, I'm still in LA and making it just fine though. LA on its own has a way of roughing you up.

im a philosophical sort of fellow, i just realised one day that in the end, absolutely nothing matters at all, everyone's going to die in a fairly pathetic fashion, so there's no point in worrying about anything anyone else thinks, ever.

i was instantly a much better public speaker. i don't even write my speeches any more, as long as i know what i'm talking about i just ad lib it from start to finish.

Yes and yes... yoimjamie I'm the same as you I realized death when I was 11 it hit me very hard and ever since I realized it doesn't matter what you do really one day you'll be gone. Totally agree with you.

Get really really drunk...

You'll be running around naked in no time and probably get arrested, while not giving a sh#t.

haha this brings back memories, ahh.. grass.. alkie and for the daring ones a bit of bump. I challenged LA to come out and get a piece of itself and they'd have to go through me first. I'm shaking my head as I say this, but hell.. it was fun.

My advice to the original post is reflection, self reflection. If you want it bad enough you will reflect to the point of making changes to improve yourself. Nothing you read here will ever permanently change you unless you take some of the advice and put it into action.

 

[Groovy]

Nice question!

Put your focus on the INTERNAL, not the external. Don't follow society, just because you see someone wearing "coool" clothes, doesn't mean that what you should do too! The point is, society doesn't always know what's the best for you.... Only YOU can have your best interrest at hand. When you put your focus on other people, on how society looks at you, you may be trying to get that which you exactly don't want. If you are DEPENDENT on society.... And society doesn't always know what's the best for you..... You may start thinking, "Whoa, I got to stand back a while, do things on my own, so I don't get involved in something stupid!". My point is that you're very well on your own, so develop your OWN worth based on yourself.

So the point is, be independent! Do things for YOU. REmember, you are the most important person. IF you are in SI for some time, you know you have value, and so be patient, even if people don't like you, or give you too much attention, that doesn't mean that something is wrong with you, and it really isn't a sign that you should proove yourself to them.... KNOW YOUR VALUE! You're improving every day, give some pride to yourself.

Next reason, why waste your energy WORRYING about something you have NO CONTROL over?! No matter how much approval you seek, people may or may not like you, it's up to THEM, not you. You can be the best, but I may not like you for some reason. If you, however, asked the person by my side, he'd tell you a completley different thing. Peoples OPINIONS differ a lot, and lots of times it has nothing to do with you anyway... So save your energy, get rid of beliefs that bring you down (They must hate me because I'm so lame!) because those don't benefit you at all.

Last thing, now that you find out your self value, why bother if someone knows or not if you're the man, why bother if someone likes you or not?! There are lots of good places around the world, all friendly to talk to someone who is a good guy and is willing to help others out. So if your particular group doesn't like you for a lame reason... Either think about it, and change yourself, (IF you are really acting bad), but anyways, you wouldn't care much anyway, the world is full of lots of love for the good guys, remember that.

(above post is just my personal opinion btw, your reason to why you not care would probably be different from mines, as everyone sees the world differently.)

The above posters lay it out very well, props to them, I'm loving the initiative of really helping others! I'm going to refer you to some posts.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=137740
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=149263