How do you know if her IL has dropped or she's just playing "hard to get"?

[lorekeeper]

as posted in one of my other posts, I've started NC'ing all the women who i was sorta interested in, mainly because I want to start focusing on myself, I didn't drop HB8Lawyer because I thought there was potential with her.

We've slept together 3 times over 2 days. (edit: over a month ago) everyone in our social circle has commented on the both of us like "whats going on with you two" etc... She was studying for her BAR, so I agreed to leave her along for a while, and when she passed it, she flew to cuba for a week.

Now, I've been C+F with her this entire time. I neg her like crazy, but I haven't escalated into a more serious "conversation" type thing. I'm always just cracking jokes.

Lately every time I've wanted to meetup with her she's made an excuse, but made a makeup plan, all of which I have been unable to attend.

I do not want to drop her just yet, but can someone let me know what the difference between a low interest level and a girl thats playing hard to get (also, she's a REALLY bad flirt.)

 

[jophil28]

I do not want to drop her just yet, but can someone let me know what the difference between a low interest level and a girl thats playing hard to get (also, she's a REALLY bad flirt.)

You may not want to read this but it matters little whether she has low IL or is playing hard to get. Either situation should be your warning sign NOT to invest in this woman. She is either NOT very much interested in you OR she is a mindgamer...or both.

Then you wrote that she is a really bad flirt - ding !
How many warnings do you need.

 

[kingsam]

2 introductory articles to LOW INTEREST LEVEL ... how its works/ the red flags

http://uk.askmen.com/dating/doclove_500/529b_doc-love-low-interest-level.html

http://uk.askmen.com/dating/doclove_400/460_relationship_expert.html

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

God...what's really appalling are the responses to the Doc Love articles: A bunch of AFCs and women saying he's full of crap, "My gf and I split up 2 times and now we're back together and happier than ever", which really means "She dumped me to go ride some strange c0cks but I have money so now she's back."

I have tried to stay away from the notion that most men are fvcking spineless AFCs without a clue, I want to give my fellow man some credit, but I just won't do it anymore. I thank God for leading me to this site, otherwise I'd still be one of them.

 

[Zarky]

I do not want to drop her just yet, but can someone let me know what the difference between a low interest level and a girl thats playing hard to get (also, she's a REALLY bad flirt.)

Date multiple women and this situation will sort itself out.

 

[Falcon25]

Doc Love is a great columnist. There is one thing that he is dead on about; YOU CAN NEVER GO TOO SLOW WITH WOMEN. Slow is always good. You rushed, you lost. Next.

 

[WaterTiger]

I'm seeing this....

We've slept together 3 times over 2 days.......

Now, I've been C+F with her this entire time. I neg her like crazy, but I haven't escalated into a more serious "conversation" type thing. I'm always just cracking jokes......

Lately every time I've wanted to meetup with her she's made an excuse...... but difference between a low interest level and a girl thats playing hard to get (also, she's a REALLY bad flirt.)

You've slept with her, but are still cracking jokes & being all funny crazy...

This woman is a lawyer, she might LIKE to get serious. You're still acting like a frat boy & she's looking for a corporate partner. She might think you're immature. Try a REAL conversation before you chuck her out of the boat.

 

[lorekeeper]

I'm seeing this....


You've slept with her, but are still cracking jokes & being all funny crazy...

This woman is a lawyer, she might LIKE to get serious. You're still acting like a frat boy & she's looking for a corporate partner. She might think you're immature. Try a REAL conversation before you chuck her out of the boat.

Yes sir!

this is totally the route i want to go, but i just cant seem to isolate her. If I invite her out, she says she has something else to do, but reschedules when she's doing something else. most of the time I say I'm busy, but sometimes I go, but it's always in a group with our friends.

 

[Sandow]

Everyone can see she's showing low IL, I don't know the full extent of the situation, but it sounds like SHE is spinning her plates, when it should be YOU!

That's the reason why you guys have slept with each a few times but she's still being flaky and hard to get. She's busy, seeing other guys. If she wasn't then she'd be with you!

Next this one bro. Or you can continue chasing her. I do what I would do and see other people. If she knew you were dating other girls I guarantee that would greatly spark her attraction for you.

 

[jophil28]

.. but i just cant seem to isolate her. If I invite her out, she says she has something else to do, but reschedules when she's doing something else. most of the time I say I'm busy, but sometimes I go, but it's always in a group with our friends.

THis is the typical behavior of two people who are locked in an unacknowledged arm wrestle .
All men will encounter a few of these difficult women who try to assert their frame after the initial sexual encounter. One of the favorite tactics that women like this employ is 'unavailablity' when he suggests getting together. IF he initiates, she rejects his offer but then makes a counter offer of her own design in order to feel in charge.
Note how she does not accept his suggestions to get together, but she "reschedules when she is doing something else.."

This woman is avoiding a closer connection and is attempting to hold the OP at arm's length in a loose connection over which she feels in control. Meeting him only in the company of friends is merely a tactic to ensure that her required 'distance' is maintained. Women like this are incapable of entering an adult relationship.
The way to treat these women is BADLY. They understand and practise competitiveness in all their affairs, and they do not respond to, nor do they seek true intimacy. To control addicted women like this, relationships quickly become opportunities to work out ancient hostilities with a new leading man.


Unfortunately, these 'relationships' rarely work out well - it is a power struggle from week #2 ( after the firsts few hot nights)and then tends to spiral downward until one party ejects in sheer exasperation.

 

[Tazman]

I think you have more invested in this than she does and it's going to rear it's ugly head sooner or later. Unless you have other prosperous things happening on the side, you're going to try too hard.

In the beginning you feel like the man, like you've conquered something, but when the novelty wears off you'll realize the p-ssy wasn't worth stressing over.

Enjoy it, but don't make it a second job.

 

[lorekeeper]

TL;DR to follow.

I Tried calling her last Monday, there was no answer at her home line. so I said "**** it, NC, will be best for me" now... I started getting bad thoughts going through my head, though she's also sleeping with one of my friends, just acting stupid in my head. told myself forget it, and turned off my online chat on facebook (where we used to chat)

It was a VERY bad week for me. I was constantly angry, trying to take it out in the gym, but NONE of my friends called/texted me that week, i figured the group was siding with her or something.

One of my friends did me a huge favor and I made money off it, and he was having his Bday party on Saturday, I picked up bottles of tequila, vodka n rum up for it, but she was going so i said i couldn't make it. I really wanted to go cause it was an Arabian theme, and all the girls were dressing up as belly dancers.

I stayed in Friday, and hurt my knee badly to the point I couldn't bend it in football. I went to bed at 7pm. she texted me at 3am "scantily clad women are wondering where lorekeeper is?"

I replied that I was in bed but since its so late i might not make it, cause the party will be dying down. she said "get your ass here"

I ended up going

She was the only girl left standing, I actually felt a twinge in my chest cause she looked so hot another guy was hitting on her, but she came over to me and hung out with me till she passed out on the couch with some other girls. I came over give her a hug bye and sat next to her, and she grabbed my scarf(shawl, I was dressed up) and pulled it over her as a blanket, the guys i was leaving with gave me a "bye" n left, so i was sitting on a couch with 4 women all sleeping :S

i started getting dozy and nudged her and said "well If I'm gonna fall asleep, I'm gonna sleep comfortable" pushed her over and got behind her, she put my arm under her head and held it against her chest n we both fell asleep.

in the morning we all went to breakfast, OF COURSE when I was sitting with a seat next to me, annoyingHB5 plops down next to me. of COURSE when i was saying bye to her, other ppl kept interrupting. she ended up just leaving. I was seeing a movie that night with a friend, i invited the gang, she said yes, called me later that evening, i told her iron man2, she said she seen it and see a team. We met up at the theater with some ppl and as I was waiting for my friend me and her started staring each other down (something we both do) and getting really aggressive with each other, jokingly. (ie: DO WE HAVE A ****ING PROBLEM HERE? --YEAH, I THINK WE DO) she threatens to use her water bottle against me. She does, getting my dress shirt wet; I run after her and we play fight as I try to steal the water bottle, she ends up dumping it all out. I go see iron man with my friend, she goes sees a team with her friend.

Monday: back to NC.

I'm confused as to whether i had a good time or not. It made my week, since the ONLY thing I've been doing is work and gym. but I'm starting to think I shouldn't have gone. Wow, this was longer then expected. Don't even know if I want feedback for this, don't even have a question. guess its a vent.

TL;DR:
NC'ed hb8lawyer for a week. she asked why i wasn't at party. I went. semi-regretting it/confused.

 

[lorekeeper]

I agree with all of you about spinning more plates. but like i said in another thread i was spinning plates, but decided to focus on my inner game, dropped all of them except for this one.

I'll call some of the plates back up I guess and try some damage control. (nc'ed 4 of them for the past month)

 

[AMDG]

Monday: back to NC.

I'm confused as to whether i had a good time or not.

I was a bad time because you have doubts. You turned into her plaything and that's painful to see.

she said "get your ass here"

I ended up going

She tells you to jump - and you ask how high

 

[squirrels]

I stayed in Friday, and hurt my knee badly to the point I couldn't bend it in football. I went to bed at 7pm. she texted me at 3am "scantily clad women are wondering where lorekeeper is?"

You wait an hour...then text her back, "Unclad women already know. "

Then you don't say SH*T more about it.

 

[vatoloco]

I was a bad time because you have doubts. You turned into her plaything and that's painful to see.

I know! I was slapping myself on the forehead while reading the post.

She tells you to jump - and you ask how high

Pretty much. lore, for starters, you shouldn't have told her you were home. In her mind, you should have been out and about, having fun. But since you told her you were at home, at least should have included something like "No, YOU get your ass down here" and left it at that.

 

[Tazman]

I agree with the responses.

Out of curiosity, how does dropping all your plates help you develop inner game? You gain confidence through positive experiences, focusing on one chick who isn't reciprocating your level of interest is a sure fire way to develop oneitis, a losing battle.

The most painful thing to read was how needy your behavior seemed. You were doing things the right way and just threw it all out the window because ultimately her higher status forced your hand.

 

[Zarky]

Out of curiosity, how does dropping all your plates help you develop inner game?

I never understand when people advise others to stop dating and "work on yourself." If you want to really get good at golf, do you stop playing golf and go off somewhere to "work on yourself?" No, you practice like a motherfu*cker.. Same with chicks.

 

[lorekeeper]

Out of curiosity, how does dropping all your plates help you develop inner game?

I'm sorry, I was under the assumption that "inner game" was your OWN confidance/stuff.

By inner game I meant "Getting my **** together".

I'm going to the gym 5x a week, play football saturday, got a job, and also trying to get my own thing up. got an apartment I'm moving into on the 1rst, trying to get out of 13k debt and hopefully get a better car instead of my junker.

50% is money related tasks 40%is my body wellbeing and 10% is girls.

I dropped plates because they were taking too much of my time, some wern't going anywhere, some were starting to flake, etc...

I understand we're on a board primarily for getting women, but someone once told me (on this forum) that many men lose money chasing women, not that many have lost women chasing money.

 

[Tazman]

I never understand when people advise others to stop dating and "work on yourself." If you want to really get good at golf, do you stop playing golf and go off somewhere to "work on yourself?" No, you practice like a motherfu*cker.. Same with chicks.

To be successful with women, I'd say practice is necessary, but it also depends on your goals and how much importance you place on getting the best p-ssy for your efforts. Personally, I no longer strive for the most attractive women because I much prefer the more stable, yet cute, women that are easier for me to obtain. I'm not a bad looking guy and I know what women I can get with a given amount of work.

I'm happy with that, but some guys don't want to settle and continue to aim above their own value, when you do that you will always be fighting an uphill battle, and part of that requires that you optimize your "options" so that you don't get hung up on one chick. Spinning plates is the most effective way to achieve this goal.

If you become the guy you've envisioned who is successfully f-cking attractive women your behavior will reflect this, without any conscious effort.

I dropped plates because they were taking too much of my time, some wern't going anywhere, some were starting to flake, etc...

I was under the assumption you dropped "viable" options. If they're flaking and not too interested, they aren't really "spinning" plates. Shedding women who are a waste of time is always a good thing.

I'm sorry, I was under the assumption that "inner game" was your OWN confidance/stuff.

Confidence comes from successful experiences, you could be the best poker player in the world, completely confident in your abilities, but that doesn't necessarily transfer over to women.

I'm not saying you should focus all your attention on women, but your goals with them will dictate how much time you spend pursuing them, to each his own I guess.