How do you get the girl to invest time and effort as much as you do.

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

I meant like pull back on that girl and don't call her after you have made a good impression. Just wait until she makes a contribution then you continue on.

Can you tell me your game plan? Like Exactly what are you going to do from first meeting, then deciding when is the time you pull back to get her to invest her time in. What exactly do you do to convince her to invest her time and energy to you.

 

[Charm]

Just dont overinvest too much into one portfolio if you get my drift. You can "check up on it" but just like checking your weight every day when trying to cut fat, its a bad idea. Work on improvement, check-in often enough to keep things going but work on other areas of your life as well.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Can you share your own experience. It's great that you can help me on this because I have been having trouble with getting the girls to bite the bait. (Well I get the girls but winning them wholly) I might get some action but I would see it as fool's gold.

 

[Charm]

Quality relationships are built over time and with trust and follow-thru. One thing to avoid is falling for any girl before you've spent time together at least five seperate times and this does not count time spent talking on the phone. I've known some girls for YEARS i've never spent more than a few occasions with but thats not my main point.

Life is full of opportunities to learn and grow and taking risks is the only way to bring out your full potential for these kinds of opportunities.

You have to create a lasting impression in your first few encounters. This is why building rapport is so important in the early-stages of the game. You want her to think about how much she enjoyed talking with you and how she felt comfortable sharing with you things about her life. You want her to WANT to tell you more and share more with you (this will eventually become a physical desire because mental and physical are connected). By creating interest, you've begun to set the hook. Now you have her # right? So you give her a call and talk to her for a few minutes, tell her that you enjoyed meeting her and think it would be fun to get together and do lunch or whatever first (inexpensive) date you have in mind. You make her want you by displaying confidence and value through your actions, demeanor and really great conversations and fun times together when you start dating. Escalate the conversations and focus and having a sexual confident attitude.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Has anyone got a field report that relates to this thread?

Charm Thank you very much for your input.

 

[Hitman10000]

You can't really. If you work on a job that gives more money/bonuses on how much you invest/put effort into it makes a lot of sense. Romantic relationships are the same way, much more than most realize. A lot of guys in their first relationship make the mistake of putting way too much effort for little in return. It's like me the employer can pay you crap wage and make you look ridiculous in front of customers or in a romantic sense, the girl doesn't give you much sexual access while you're paying for everything/doing everything.

Women focus on personal relationships a lot more than men do, but men are tricked in today's society that we have to put focus on relationships. Many of us men assume it's the right thing to do. Like what Faded Image says, only do as much as she does.

 

[sexy_kuta]

i believe that its our job to make the intro.. give them a lil taste make a lil effort THEN sit back and let them chase u.. if they dont chase u then they aint worth it since u put the effort in they should too

but heres the trick, how much are you going to invest in her? how much can you risk? cant be too little, or cant be too much, definety dont buy her any flowers.. what i do is. talk to her, but not too muhc like every day or two, thats investing too much but if did correctly, thats the one of the best investment u can do.
talk to her, let her know the true side of you, get her to laugh, take her out on a date where u can apply kino.
and if shes liking you, she will keep talking to you. and i'd say after 2 weeks, she'd be calling u once a while to see whats up, because shes interested in you.. NOW as time goes by you reveal yourself SLOWLY.. maybe after a month she relized your all about respect and your honest and your straight..
then the relationships builds up.. you see the first stage is all about you two gettin comfortable with each other.. not her gettin comfortable with u only. but both of you. you guys need to be on the same level. then the next level decideds if you two can be more than friends..

if you invest to much, you give her the power to take advantage of you.
if you buy her flowers and sh1t. give her rides in the begining. shes going to ask u for rides and more rides.. make an excuse.. if u have too but dont invest too much,

another thing is, if you invest too much, you WILL come off too strong, and you'll scare her away. kinda like clingyness, i dunno about you guys but i get fukin scared of that sh1t!. if a girls texting me 10 times a day. im fuking pissing my pants lol

so whats the best hting do to? is take things slowly, LET them progress, but be yourself, always, you dont need to put up ANY act. you odnt need to dress differently to get her to notice you. you dont need to fuking turn emo or gangster just for her. you be yourself and let her get attracted to the true
side of you. then things will progress during time.

 

[typical]

Best threads ive read on here in a very very long time, some excellent tips and ideas, good job fellas keep it up

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Nice one...Sounds like you've critiqued some of my past exploits. I realise it now.

Now I know which ones work and will try it out more once I make some time.

 

[sexy_kuta]

Nice one...Sounds like you've critiqued some of my past exploits. I realise it now.

Now I know which ones work and will try it out more once I make some time.

who u talkin too?

 

[mark9]

Please take my advice

I have been there before.. I know how you feel. And then she is going to drop you so soon that you do not even know it was coming.

My advice for you is to let her know that you are seeing other girls. She NEEDS to know it.. that will make her jealous and your stock will rise.

I am doing this to my ex-girl.... and loving the attention. don't wait just do it.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

For my last proper gal I was startingto turn AFCish with my generousity. I was driving her around to place, giving her just little things, going a bit more adventurous with sex and more other stuff. I decided to do this because she's stayed with me the longest than the other girls. And that this is not a FB thing aymore and treated her more of a gf.

But she was the type of girl who doesnt really go over the top with others. If I was the last person she called my name would still be the last person that she called from like last week! Wasn't sure if I should convince her to ring me more often.

And with sex I was her most serious one and the one who she had sex with the most. She says she really like having sex with me but it is always me to initiate sex and all that. I am the one who's always coming up with ideas and new stuff.

She doesn't come over unless I ring her up first or suggested it. We don't go out unless I take her out etc. I used to like leading all the time but at this stage she should have been putting in effort. I wasn't sure if she really is this type of person or just plain lazy and couldnt really give a sh*t. I was trying to check on her with how she interacted with other people and it seems like I have some kind of advantage over them but sometimes I am behind as well.

This was really annoying me. I tried talking to her about it. That I felt like it was always me who pulls the strings and that it would be great to see her putting in a bit more effort. She says she really likes me and I was seriously questioning that statement (not to her).

So one day I really put it on her. asked her if she really is in it for real and takes it seriously. She keeps convicing me that she really likes/loves me and tells me to take her word for it. I felt I was taken for a ride. She doesn't normally does many things for people but I wasn't just anyone. I was her BF!!

On and on things didn't really change much. and I told her I am really unhappy about it. I told her it felt like I am pulling her around on a leash and didn't feel like a two-way thing. I've given her many opportunities and did'nt do much. If she really did like/love me then she would have done a lot more things for me on her own rather than just nod her head to my whims.

It didnt work work out well...we just argued and argue. I put her words against her actions. Not sure if this was the right thing to say. I was thnking too hard and I ended it. She didn't defend herself well. She said she didnt liked being prssured. I mean, no one should even have to tell her what to do if she had feelings for me? She didn't say anything or convince me to take her back. So I left it at that.

The problem is that we still slept with each other a lot from time to time. I was very confused whether I should've broken up with her in the first place. The thought of maybe shes just that type of person. A passive type who is not aggressive enough to initiate things and would rather expect me to initiate things for her to nod to.

She told me that she probably liked me more than I liked her. She tells me shes going to miss me more than I'll miss her. I am a proactive type I know myself if like someone. I act on it and I walk the walk.

So tell me where I went wrong. Give me feedback on how I could've made this better.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Now, we've gone to a point that we can't reconcile. We fight all the time now. We argue, disgree etc. I am not a mind reader. Don't know how to gauge her level unless I see it. I am not at the level where I could "read" people yet but I don't have enough time and experience at this stage to make the best judgement and I have other priorities.

I should probably move on to someone less passive and more aggressive with me. Someone who will be eager to do things for me on her own.

I've got a question. Which one is better? (providing you are on a LTR and have value)
1. A girl who asks what it is that you want done and is always passive and prefers you to tell her. (Prefers that you call her instead of calling you. Prefers that you initiate rather than be surprised. Prefers that all your input is the only thing needed) <More like a geisha lol

or

2. A girl who is more proactive and does things for you on her own without being asked. (Does things on her own, Calls you all the time, Makes surprises, Initiates a lot of things) More independent type

 

[Tazman]

A woman like the one you described is usually a bit spoiled. They don't do much of anything for anybody because they don't feel the need, it's not necessary because they know people will do for them. However, EVERYONE will take some kind of action to get what they want. When you don't present any kind of a challenge you're pretty much giving yourself away. You never want to do this, with anybody (men or women) because it usually leads to you getting taken advantage of.

When you feel there isn't much effort on you girlfriend's part, you pull back and focus on yourself (which others have mentioned). Don't think about trying to find a woman who isn't selfish, we ALL have this tendency. Just treat the situation accordingly. No reciprocation? No more effort on your part, and you shouldn't start complaining and expect this person to change (when you do this it makes you look weak, like you can't get the attention you want without forcing it), they will do what's necessary to keep you around if they feel they may lose you. If not, you've saved yourself much heartache in the future by weeding out the ones who aren't into you that much.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Actually in normal situations the girl is usually spoilt.

But this one is different. She can't go out because she has to work all the time. Pays for own accommodation in uni. She has her own stuff. Her parents are in stockland. Now that its holidays she and her brother are living in this derelict building sleeping on the floor. Fairly independent. I am well off compared to her. I make things look veeeerrrryyyy easy to everyone when I get by with what little I have.

When I look at things I do have waaay more value than she has. But thanks to a lower self esteem I tend to go with girls with below value than me (make sense?)

Maybe she just doesn't think she deserve me. Maybe she just content with what little she has and doesn't want me to make a difference in her life (some women fight so much to be independent even though it is just an image). She did a few things for me but I think I was a bit picky and want more.

I wont know to this day and I wont put any energy finding out why.

PS I should've pulled my attention and energy back until she did what was necessary to keep me around. Seems like if she lost me then she is using that information so that she is forcing herself to be stronger to make herself tough.

 

[Aaron B]

simple.

increase her interest level high enough.

 

[Tazman]

Seems like if she lost me then she is using that information so that she is forcing herself to be stronger to make herself tough.

Well, I kind of disagree. You see, men chase women, men know this, women know this. An attractive woman gets validation from men probably close to every day, she knows how much she is desired and that she can get a guy pretty much at will. I mean, it's effortless for them. If you aren't that valuable to them they don't put that much stock in you because there are plenty of average guys to go around. THIS is why they don't care, when you are no different than the average guy that approaches them you are just there for the time being.

That's why you focus on yourself. When they see that you have options and you aren't hung up on them (meaning you atleast give the impression that it doesn't bother you when you don't hear from them), they make an effort to please you. There will always be some sort of balance to maintain, but you don't want it to tip in their favor, and don't ever believe in that "50/50" crap, it doesn't exist. You always want the edge.

Imagine how different things would be if it were men who just sat back and looked pretty while women were chasing us?

We will always be the aggressors who put our pride and insecurities on the line trying to connect with them. That's why you always maintain your frame, don't let any chick waste your time, because they don't have to go through the **** we do.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Hmm I am really confused between this girl I was seeing and the truth that came out of this thread. I would probably don't want anything from her ever. Cut her off.

So basically I've been calling a few girls over the holidays. So like if I call about 10...and the ones who msg or bother to return contact in the next few weeks are definitely worth my time. There's a couple Ive been hooking up with but never ever calls at all. It is when I make the initiate move or calling them up once a month to catch up and then hook up. If I never made the effort to keep in contact then absolutely nothing would've happened. What's the difference?

There was this girl I was sleeping with during this year. I've slept with her more times than she has emailed AND phoned altogether. She hasn't invested on me at all unless I go there at her place and pull my wang out (so to speak). And then things go very quietly until 2 or 3 moons later. Is that an exception?

I am starting understand this concept now...but still getting the full grasp of all of this.

Keem em coming!!

 

[Tazman]

Are you interested in having a more serious relationship with any of these girls? If so, they MUST reciprocate your affections. If they don't, that tells you how much interest they have in you, don't waste your time. Some guys would love to be in your position, as far as being able to call a girl up and hook up with her without all the other stuff that comes with a bf/gf type of situation (AKA "fvck buddy").

Some would say you shouldn't even be looking for a serious relationship at your age. 22 years old is young, but if you like LTRs more, go for it.

Just know how to weed out the bad ones. When a woman has an interest in you she will make sure she stays in contact. You won't have to second guess anything, it'll be obvious. You still have to initiate things as a man, but it shouldn't always be one sided.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

As for that failed relationship...she just doesnt understand why someone like me would care so much about her...As if she is saying Im fine no need for you to give a sh*t about me.....Really bad self esteem???

That probably shows that she aint good GF material even though she is a lot of fun. A girl with LSE even though doesnt show it explicitly can be damaging to a relationship