How do you get her back after "let's be friends" in Western-world pickup?

[Millard Fillmore]

in the "Ukrainian pickup", the recommendation is that you need to stop communicating with her, get (and show) improvement in life, and then after some time try to seduce her again.

Something along these lines except don't "try to seduce her again." Western women have a way of circling back.

But more importantly you just gotta do your own life and forget about her - easy come, easy go. Improve your life for your sake; don't make it performative. Lots and lots of women out there for you.

IME women can go from friends to lovers to friends quite easily, it's just that most men let their egos get in the way and muck things up. Calling anything "the friend zone" to me is just another frame surrender. If she says you're her friend, let her. But here's the thing. You get to define you before anyone else. So just be the Ukrainian playboy that got away (or whatever you want) and forget about what she says. Life's too short to live it in other people's paradigms. (Respect her boundaries but not her attempts to set your frame, if that makes sense.)

 

[SSSlawik]

Your self-respect?
And any respect she may have had for you.

Yet again, it's a matter of perspective. If you think of yourself as the one who humiliate yourself - well, then you are humiliating yourself. As for her respect towards me, it is of no value for me if we won't communicate ever as lovers anyway.

It’s in a man’s DNA to know how to act with a woman over 30.
Now if the girl was 21, OK. 31? She is done and done,

What do you mean, how the fact that a girl is 21 changes this situation more towards "ok"?

You could either stand your ground, let her know you want to date, and tell her to reach out to you (going No contact)

But in this scenario you shift any burden towards the girl and as far as we all know they are not particularly like responsibilities.

Something along these lines except don't "try to seduce her again." Western women have a way of circling back.

Well, i certainly can't be any reliable source with respect to statistic on this topic. But here in Ukraine most of the women are surprisingly insecure and will be beating around the bush, but won't contact you first. And I actually had multiple stories where after certain time i successfully reconnected with the girls just by reaching them first. Like the girls whom you didn't call to the second date or who flaked.

 

[The Diver]

I do want to get her back

Getting your ex back is like having a shower and putting your dirty underpants back on.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Well, i certainly can't be any reliable source with respect to statistic on this topic. But here in Ukraine most of the women are surprisingly insecure and will be beating around the bush, but won't contact you first. And I actually had multiple stories where after certain time i successfully reconnected with the girls just by reaching them first. Like the girls whom you didn't call to the second date or who flaked.

Nothing wrong with doing that generally. Honestly, whatever you do, as long as you're not kidding yourself and you're congruent, it's all good. However I personally would put her on ice for a while.

 

[The Duke]

Getting your ex back is like having a shower and putting your dirty underpants back on.

I've never been successful either. Those skid stains never go away. ;-)

 

[SSSlawik]

Getting your ex back is like having a shower and putting your dirty underpants back on.

Well, if you don't change anything it would be fare to get the same result in this regard
But in the situation of mine i don't consider this girl as my ex that is to say (i mean we didn't had proper relationship in the first place))

However I personally would put her on ice for a while.

What minimal term of ice would be required, any guess?

 

[Gameplayer007]

But in this scenario you shift any burden towards the girl and as far as we all know they are not particularly like responsibilities.

Well, i certainly can't be any reliable source with respect to statistic on this topic. But here in Ukraine most of the women are surprisingly insecure and will be beating around the bush, but won't contact you first. And I actually had multiple stories where after certain time i successfully reconnected with the girls just by reaching them first. Like the girls whom you didn't call to the second date or who flaked.

First, that's the point. She rejected you, she's the one who needs to fix the situation. You give her the burden to change her mind and be unsure if her choice is the best. The strongest in the negotiating position is the one who walks away and you give her the gift of missing you. She can't value your time or you, she can miss you indefinitely. Also "responsibilities"? Dude this is about interest. Most women are uncertain about things. That's why you give her the burden while you live your life. If she thinks she made the wrong move and her interest rises, IF being a big factor, then she needs to reach out to you.

Second, if you have "multiple stories where after certain time you successfully reconnected with the girls just by reaching them first" then why are you in the predicament that you're in now with this girl? That just seems like a repeat of a loop of "I think this method will work for sure this time." The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again expecting a different result, as the old adage goes. If it really worked that well, then you wouldn't have made this post right now with the status of her friendzoning you. You need to find someone who has a higher interest and is worth your time. A girl who friendzones you essentially has put you on the sideline. By doing that she's the one in control. You need to be a man and set the boundary. Tons of guys get burned thinking "I'll win her heart by being her friend." That's passive. Real men are not passive. Real men say what they want, they define their terms and limits, and they exhibit strength. You need to exhibit strength to her by implying (not saying directly) you have options, and you'll do what you want

 

[SSSlawik]

Also "responsibilities"? Dude this is about interest. Most women are uncertain about things. That's why you give her the burden while you live your life.

Somehow I miss your point. If women uncertain about things, it seems that it would be more effective to push your position instead of waiting something from them. I don't talk about convincing logically, but about changing her mood and emotions.

Second, if you have "multiple stories where after certain time you successfully reconnected with the girls just by reaching them first" then why are you in the predicament that you're in now with this girl? That just seems like a repeat of a loop of "I think this method will work for sure this time." The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again expecting a different result, as the old adage goes. If it really worked that well, then you wouldn't have made this post right now with the status of her friendzoning you.

But in those situations girls flaked or i stopped to contact them after 1-2 dates. I have never had a situation like this one in particular

ons of guys get burned thinking "I'll win her heart by being her friend." That's passive.

In my situation i explicitly rejected her friendship

 

[ABC123]

1. You already banged her.
2. She doesn't like you.
3. Because of 2, move on.

You won brother, you clapped them cheeks! Move on, she doesn't like you. The best way to not be in the friend-zone is to not let yourself get in the friend-zone, I read this somewhere, but I can't remember.

 

[SSSlawik]

You won brother, you clapped them cheeks!

Well, I would likely to consider it as a win situation if you have a consistent cheeks-clapping ))

The best way to not be in the friend-zone is to not let yourself get in the friend-zone

It is true, to be in a friend-zone is a choice. I do not consider to be there because i do not have any contacts with here since she "let's be friends" me

 

[RangerMIke]

When a woman says she just wants to be friends, at least in the USA, she isn't really attracted to you with little chance at anything romantic happening. With ridiculous effort, you may be able to get her to 'settle' for you, but as soon as someone better (in her mind) comes along you will get pushed aside. Or worst... she'll hold you accountable for your inability to turn her on and torture you until you have had enough.

Best advice is to just move on if you are not getting what you want and direct your energy with other women.

There really is nothing a man can do about 'attraction', it is either there or it isn't. What a woman finds attractive in a mate is different from woman to woman. There are some common threads with traits a majority of women want, but if you are not actually tickling her fancy... you just have nothing to work with.

Advice: If you are capable of emotional self-control and can set aside your attraction and think of her as a cousin, then go ahead and be her 'friend', but understand that very few women are actually capable of being 'friends' with men. There are benefits to having non-related female friends... but they have to be genuine friends. But understand that at that point moving forward you have to abandon all hope that you can turn that around... you can no longer think of her as a potential romantic partner. BTW she will know if you really only think of her as a 'friend' and if you really don't... then she will either (a) Completely avoid you. (b) Use you for whatever she needs as you orbit around waiting for your chance.

When a woman tells me she wants to just be friends I say "Sure"... then I see if she reaches out. If she doesn't, then she really isn't interested in adding to her list of friends and is only hoping you will take the hint and go away.

 

[FlirtLife]

Hi, guys! I'm from Ukraine (Europe) ...

3. At some point I felt a certain detachment from her and a coldness. She finally told me that only six months before we met, she broke up with the guy with whom she lived together for a very long time. She said that they broke up because of his multiple betrayals, and the other day (that is, after our last meeting with her at that time) he contacted her and wanted to reconcile. She said that the past relationship is the past and it cannot be returned, but now she has an emotional mess in her head, and wants to work through the trauma before starting something new. That is, she suggested that we take a break.
I didn't really know at the time if she wanted to get back with her ex and if she was telling the truth, but now I understand that she was obviously considering such a possibility at the time.

I don't speak Ukrainian, but Slava Ukraini.

I think you're placing second to her ex. She isn't over him - she "has an emotional mess." When this ex wants her back, she breaks up with you. Her emotions and actions indicate you rank a distant second to her ex. Maybe she said some things to avoid hurting your feelings, but look at her reaction and her actions. If you pursue this girl, you risk placing second whenever her ex returns.

 

[SSSlawik]

I think you're placing second to her ex. She isn't over him - she "has an emotional mess." When this ex wants her back, she breaks up with you. Her emotions and actions indicate you rank a distant second to her ex. Maybe she said some things to avoid hurting your feelings, but look at her reaction and her actions. If you pursue this girl, you risk placing second whenever her ex returns.

As bad as it sounds, it would be too optimistic to expect her to swiftly choose the guy with whom she familiar for two months over the guy, with whom she had a prolonged relationship. I mean you need to be realistic. Provided she won't go to him eventually, I see no that big problem with it

There really is nothing a man can do about 'attraction', it is either there or it isn't. What a woman finds attractive in a mate is different from woman to woman. There are some common threads with traits a majority of women want, but if you are not actually tickling her fancy... you just have nothing to work with.

But same works with a men and 'attraction' is not a constant measure. Don't know, sometimes with a girl you have 'attraction' and want to have her badly, but the other day or more you can be deadly unattracted...

 

[nikafc]

you are in love with a filter

 

[SSSlawik]

you are in love with a filter

What does it mean? I don't understand this concept