How do you deal with meeting your ex's new guy?

[trent81]

This happened to me a week ago.

I shook his hand and said;

"How does my dic taste?"

I swear to you.

He was silent. Filled with rage. I looked him in the eye. It felt like eternity, like a romance novel. I stared deep into his soul. He knew, right then and there, that I would eat his heart if he swung at me.


So he walked away.

 

[penkitten]

why do you want to go to a bbq that they will be at?
maybe it's me, but i would find something else to do that would probably be even more fun than sitting around watching the two of them.

 

[KontrollerX]

"yet the very fact that they still have feelings associated with it means they're not over it."

The point I was making is that the phrase "The opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference" does not apply in all circumstances.

It applies for a child hating their parents for not getting them a special toy that they wanted that their friends got.

Of course in the moment the child hates his parents but its the kind of hate where he loves them but he's just dissapointed with them at the moment, its not indifference so that old phrase applies and he still loves his parents.

Where the phrase does not apply are situations where someone hates their victimizer as the victimizer is someone who robbed, raped, murdered a loved one or psychologically traumatized them in some way.

Indeed I agree with you that people who continue to hate their victimizer are emotionally effected by what happened but this emotion does not take the form of love and thats what needs to be driven home here.

It takes the form of seething resentment, hatred, humiliation, possible desire for revenge or any number of unpleasant notions but never anywhere does the emotion of love enter in.

Love is not a hidden motivator here.

To put a blunt example out there so no one can mistake my point...

Rape victim: I hate my rapist for raping me.

Ignorant fvck: Oh because you continue to hate your rapist for raping you that must mean you secretly love him!

Intelligent human: You dumb fvck, just because a person is angry with their rapist for raping them doesn't mean they secretly love them! Anger and hate are natural emotions to feel after having been victimized in such a traumatic way. Why don't I take this chainsaw and cut off your arm and then when you hate me for cutting off your arm I can tell you in the same ignorant fvck fashion that must mean you secretly love me?

Ignorant fvck: Ahh sh!t I really am stupid aren't I?

Intelligent human: Yes...yes you are.

Edit: The ignorant fvck of my example was not intended to represent you Mr. Me. Its just a story device character to try and get my point across. Had to clarify this as its easy to mistake intent online since its a text based medium.

 

[KarmaSutra]

You know how some people who are deathly afraid to speak in front of a crowd use a mind blind by pretending everyone is naked? Use this same mind blind but with your own twist.

Imagine this new guy is eating her boxed lunch as the remainder of your last creampie slowly drips down the poor idiot's chin. Now he's stuck with this crackpot and all you can do is laugh.

Hope that's a pina colada he's sipping on . . .

 

[ThunderMaverick]

You know how some people who are deathly afraid to speak in front of a crowd use a mind blind by pretending everyone is naked? Use this same mind blind but with your own twist.

Imagine this new guy is eating her boxed lunch as the remainder of your last creampie slowly drips down the poor idiot's chin. Now he's stuck with this crackpot and all you can do is laugh.

Hope that's a pina colada he's sipping on . . .

*throws up all over the place*

Trent, why would you say "how does my d1ck taste?" to the guy? What did he do to you?

 

[Julian]

What does fairness have to do with Life?

Are you saying that he should treat this dude with respect because of WHAT?

Why should he show this guy any respect?

Please answer (if you can...which i doubt).

Dont hate the player hate the game

 

[wjh]

"The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference."

What everyone here is missing is that to be effected negatively by a BPD doesn't ALWAYS mean you are still in love with them.

Similarly to how a rape victim can barely stand to face their attacker in court and shakes with a combination of rage, disgust, humiliation and hatred for her attacker and what she went through.

To be a victim of one of these people is very similar but in a purely emotional deeply traumatized sense.

Your brain literally changes to a degree from going through the psychological pain of being painted black by a BPD similarly to how many soldier's minds get fvcked up and traumatized by war, not just from PTSD but from the overwhelming psychological horror of it all.

I read guys on BPD forums saying that when they saw their BPD out in public with another soon to be victim clearly and calculatingly flaunting the new man in their face the ex victim didn't feel jealousy what he told the forum was his body began to shake intensely, he started to sweat profusely and he thought he was going to have a heart attack and he couldn't even pinpoint what feeling she had provoked in him.

What he described was a massive psychological trauma based anxiety attack.

To see the BPD out and about and re-live her cheating hurtful nature anew was to bring all of that horror back to the surface.

I watched a documentary of an eldery woman who was raped in her home who experienced a day long dealing with trauma emotions which culminated in her having this same massive anxiety attack followed by crying that she couldn't get to stop for many hours even with her daughter holding her and trying to comfort her.

Those who've been through the ringer with a BPD or any Cluster B unawares as to what they are have been psychologically raped and I'm not exaggerating to say that and no people who have not been victims will never understand it or in the more ignorant people's cases ever believe it but it is true.

So how do you deal with meeting your BPD ex's new guy if you are still feeling traumatized and vulnerable to the whole ordeal?

You don't.

Fvck her.

Don't go.

Take care of yourself.

You've got nothing to prove.

Bottom line is if a rape victim hates their rapist it doesn't mean they are secretly harboring love feelings for that piece of garbage.

It means they were victimized and had their innocence stolen away and can never get back what was taken from them and are righteously angry about that and may hate their attacker for the rest of their life.

Its the same with the victims of Cluster B.

Not ALL want a return to the false paradise.

Some just hate or are disgusted by their victimizer for what that person did to them and thats all there is to it.

Nothing deeper to be read into than that and it only makes sense that such a person would want to keep as much distance between themselves and that scum as possible.

The difficult part for me about my BPD ex is that while she's a clever biatch, she's also hot as hell, and I can't help but want to bang her (especially in degrading ways). Although I haven't seen her in 2+ years, the false paradise you speak of in my case is purely physical. I realize that that's because my current crop of sexual mates isn't cutting it for me, though, and that I have to actually do something about it because my BPD ex's sexuality is not an option, simply because she's too much of a basket case, and that I shouldn't look at the past when there are better in the future. It's just a difficult psychological barrier for me because part of me has this slight feeling that maybe I could just keep a wall up and treat her like crap yet still bang her, while she tried her best to try to screw me psychologically.

Someone on here has a BPD ex they still hook up with that has done this successfully. I might have to consult with him.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

What does fairness have to do with Life?

Are you saying that he should treat this dude with respect because of WHAT?

Why should he show this guy any respect?

Please answer (if you can...which i doubt).

Why wouldn't I be able to answer this? You haven't been here long have you?

Well he's shifting the blame on someone who was on the outside, which is pointless and insecure. Maybe I could see him doing that if the guy was a good friend of his and conspired to get with his ex behind his back. However, he's upset that his ex is sleeping with someone else. A person who was secure in himself would realize maybe the dude got a bum deal with the b!tch and would say to himself "his loss, my gain".

You don't have to go out of your way to show the guy respect, on the other hand you don't have to be disrespectful like a boy because you felt you lost prime ***** to someone who you think is better than you. He's antagonizing the guy because he's jealous. Anyone here will tell you that acting on jealousy and uncontrolled emotion is counterproductive.


I think Jay Z said jealousy is a female trait.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

If you know Jay-Z you know how he handles women. 99 problems but a ***** ain't one? You sound like a man who's out of touch.

How is it male dominance if your ex is fu*king someone else? You're not dominating anyone. How are you dominating someone who won't even bend over for you anymore?

I would have laughed at Trent if he came up to me and said that. It's really insecure. If he asked me how his **** taste I would have said "she doesn't have time to kiss me when I'm telling her to suck MY d1ck. She tells me she's thankful for having someone bigger than her ex."

 

[trent81]

If you know Jay-Z you know how he handles women. 99 problems but a ***** ain't one? You sound like a man who's out of touch.

How is it male dominance if your ex is fu*king someone else? You're not dominating anyone. How are you dominating someone who won't even bend over for you anymore?

I would have laughed at Trent if he came up to me and said that. It's really insecure. If he asked me how his **** taste I would have said "she doesn't have time to kiss me when I'm telling her to suck MY d1ck. She tells me she's thankful for having someone bigger than her ex."

No matter what you say or what you do, it comes down to this. I was ****ing that woman FIRST. That means, you are GETTING MY LEFT OVERS. You are intimate with a woman who sucked, fuvked, took, and shook everything I gave her. The psychology of having a woman who has been used and abused by another man is too much. It is such an inferior role for you if you got her SECOND, that there is no argument. You walk away. I FUVKED HER FIRST. THEREFORE, it doesn't matter what she thinks about my size. YOU ARE ENTERING MY LEFT OVERS. DO YOU GET IT NOW? YOU ARE SLAVE AT THAT MOMENT, I AM MASTER.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

No matter what you say or what you do, it comes down to this. I was ****ing that woman FIRST. That means, you are GETTING MY LEFT OVERS. You are intimate with a woman who sucked, fuvked, took, and shook everything I gave her. The psychology of having a woman who has been used and abused by another man is too much. It is such an inferior role for you if you got her SECOND, that there is no argument. You walk away. I FUVKED HER FIRST. THEREFORE, it doesn't matter what she thinks about my size. YOU ARE ENTERING MY LEFT OVERS. DO YOU GET IT NOW? YOU ARE SLAVE AT THAT MOMENT, I AM MASTER.

Hahahaha. Used and abused? Sounds like she dumped you. If you dumped her and said that to the ex's boyfriend, you're possessive and therefore INSECURE. You can't stand another man being with what you didn't want or couldn't have. You truly feel like it's your loss.

And no, you weren't f*cking that woman first. Someone else got to bust her p*ssy before you did. Someone shot a load in her mouth before you did. Someone put it in her ass before you did. Maybe several. Doesn't matter who did it. Hell, I probably f*cked her before you. Hahaha

Like STR8UP says, someone is always someone else's leftovers...including you.

Edit: Oh, you're not a master of something you can't control. You don't control her. You probably never did. The EX's new guy is now. HE is the MASTER!

 

[mutambo]

This happened to me a week ago.

I shook his hand and said;

"How does my dic taste?"

I swear to you.

He was silent. Filled with rage. I looked him in the eye. It felt like eternity, like a romance novel. I stared deep into his soul. He knew, right then and there, that I would eat his heart if he swung at me.


So he walked away.

sorry for offtopic but,

hahaha. I know this is bad, but it would make me laugh inside too.

TOPIC:
The options in "dealing"
A. Being overly friendly and likeable to him -> waste of time, no benefit for yourself.
B. Being a douchebag -> Great fun, altough your making a fool out of yourself and not making any friends. And also wasting time.
C. Not comming -> Non of the above options: go do something with your friends, workout, do some reading endeer in your hobby or so on.. So much to do.
THUS, look from your own perspective always, let your ego decide. Why waste time when you can do something useful?

But if you really have to, just say "hi", "how are you" "nice to meet you" and "bye". No more no less. It is on the verge of not caring and caring. But in reality you should not care at all.

 

[trent81]

Hahahaha. Used and abused? Sounds like she dumped you. If you dumped her and said that to the ex's boyfriend, you're possessive and therefore INSECURE. You can't stand another man being with what you didn't want or couldn't have. You truly feel like it's your loss.

And no, you weren't f*cking that woman first. Someone else got to bust her p*ssy before you did. Someone shot a load in her mouth before you did. Someone put it in her ass before you did. Maybe several. Doesn't matter who did it. Hell, I probably f*cked her before you. Hahaha

Like STR8UP says, someone is always someone else's leftovers...including you.

Edit: Oh, you're not a master of something you can't control. You don't control her. You probably never did. The EX's new guy is now. HE is the MASTER!

Once again, you are not understanding the moment of inferiority. You are in a severe disadvantage at that point. I am your Master at that point because you are taking something I left. Do you understand the magnitude of what you are going through? Here is a man, someone who fuvked the love of your life. So many times that it hurts you to picture it. We all know other guys have been here too. But at that moment, at that time, you are owned. Because you have just MET the man who used to fuvk your girlfriend. If you cannot see how bad of a spot this is for a man you are in complete disbelief. Unless you DON"T CARE about her. Then who gives a sht right?But don't come here and act like you are in a position of strength during this moment. He has pocket Aces, you have K8 suited. It's a big difference.

I don't understand what you mean by did she dump you and I'm insecure. I am giving you an example. I have never met a woman's boyfriend that dumped me. If you are trying to make this personal, I have no understanding of what you are talking about. I am giving you an example, and also a real life scenerio that could happen. So maybe you don't mean me when you say "you", but people should know that this is not a position of strength for the new boyfriend.

 

[trent81]

My buddies and I saw this girl we know three days ago. Real sorority slut. If there ever was one. We met him (her husband), and we were laughing and looking at him like, what the hell you doing with that? They had a child together. Do you know why we were laughing? Because six years ago I had cocaine on my divk and was bangin her anal. While my friends were getting their divk sucked after I was done. We pulled a gangbang on her. He had no idea, he was looking at us like "what the fuvk". But as he walked away, he knew exactly what he married. He was not in a position of strength. He walked away with his head down and his child in his hand. BE GLAD AND HOPE YOU NEVER BECOME THAT GUY.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Trent, I think any man here who had CONFIDENCE in himself and who he picked wouldn't care what you said. If your comment was directed at me I'd laugh. I've been in situations where guys have tried to "ALPHA" me and I've laughed it off. It's pathetic.

You come from a position where you have something to prove to ME, not the other way around. You are trying to get ME to care, and from that it serves as you acting desperate towards someone who had nothing to do with your past relationship. You peacock at ME and at the end of the day it doesn't matter what you think or what you do: What I want is important. Jay Z said AGAIN "what YOU eat don't make ME sh1t."

An insecure man who didn't trust himself would be upset at you.

A lot of guys here would do the same thing I would.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Failed to counter any of my points? Good. Now you know the difference between how a confident man and an AFC would deal with your sad desperate comments. Good for you man!

 

[The Asian Lover]

What's with the victim mentality? We are men!

How come you compare a man that was in a relationship with a freak to a rape victim? WTF???

He is a weak man that got his balls chopped off by a predatory female. He needs to toughen up and realize that the game is cruel and merciless to the weak.

I was in a relationship with a "BPD" She took me out to fine dining restaurants and spend a $800 on me for new years eve. I f*cked her in the a$$ and blew my load in her mouth. Back then I had some weakness in my game, I got tired of her drama. I broke up with her without having several backup girls.

She paraded her new boyfriend around me. She did her best to get back at me for breaking up with her. I went through a lot of pain. I learned my lesson and grew as a man. Now I always have other women, no matter how much I like a particular girl.

 

[KontrollerX]

"How come you compare a man that was in a relationship with a freak to a rape victim? WTF???"

The comparison was made because it was appropriate.

Read my previous posts carefully in this thread word for word, without a reactionary retard mindset, fully comprehend them, take your time, then finally you will bask in the joy of understanding and learning and will have no more ignorant unnecessary questions to pose.

"He is a weak man that got his balls chopped off by a predatory female. He needs to toughen up and realize that the game is cruel and merciless to the weak."

If you and a buddy were walking through a forest and a bear suddenly came out of nowhere and pounced on you and ripped off your leg how would you feel if as you are lying there on the ground screaming and bleeding and your buddy just points his finger at you laughs and says "lol dude, you're so weak, you should of brought a rifle you pvssy".

My guess is you'd be quite pissed at your buddy for saying such an ignorant idiotic thing and in the hospital I'm sure your conversation would go something like this...

You: Fvck you man we weren't hunting!

Him: Doesn't matter man we were in the woods you should of automatically assumed you needed to be armed to the teeth incase something like that happened.

You: WTF? That doesn't make any sense, we weren't in the deep woods, we were in a well known human travelling trail, bears haven't been known to attack humans in this area, hell its been said they are afraid of humans here and might I add you were not armed either.

Him: Yeah but if he'd gone for me and gotten my leg I would've immediately accepted that it was my own damned fault and promptly gotten over it even though from that moment on I would have become a cripple.

You: Yeah right assh0le. Screw you. In reality you'd be pissed off and thoroughly insulted if all this happened to you and some ignorant fvck came along and told you it was all your fault for not being prepared to hunt when all you intended to do in the first place was go for a walk in the woods.

Do you get it yet asian dude?

The victims of borderlines aren't actively on the hunt, they are just people fully intending to take a nice walk in the woods with someone. They have no idea or inclination that they should be armed and ready to rock and roll in order to be able to do this.

Your example about victims of BPD being weak is utterly and completely retarded.

Mainly because most normal guys be they AFC or otherwise do not know what they are dealing with, they go in with that douchebag trusting mentality of women that morality posters like TheHumanist always prop up as the pinnacle of healthy thinking and when that way of interaction comes back to bite them in the ass the morality bozos are nowhere to be found to pick up the pieces of that guy's broken life, instead there are ignorant bozos like you that should know better there to point in the guy's face and say "haha! you lost the game!"

How the fvck can you lose a game you aren't even playing or know you are supposed to be playing?

Answer: You can't.

BPD victims are prey. Period.

Only someone whose actively involved in mindgames who engages a BPD on that level and then loses can be considered weak because both parties know they are playing a game. Naturally then the loser of that game can be deemed weaker at that game.

Situations where animals and people are prey which in my mind means there is no contest of who will win to me that doesn't qualify as weakness. Its then an issue of predator and prey.

The deer is an intelligent animal but we are so far beyond its intelligence there is no contest of who will come out on top, the hunter in the blind with a gun to his side or the deer? Again no contest. The hunter will blow the deer away and if somehow the deer runs away did he prevail over the hunter? Not at all for the hunter is still alive and free to keep coming back until he gets his prey. The deer has no chance at all other than to hide out. Its beyond the deers ability to stalk and try and kill the hunter, the deer can only try and hide as in the food chain compared to humans the deer are prey and we are predators. No weakness involved on the deers part. Its the only strategy the deer has.

The AFC's, the normal men who have no clue about BPD's are like these deer.

No contest.

The BPD will win.

The men and AFC's never had a chance, never saw it coming.

 

[The Asian Lover]

I took years of boxing.

If I dropped my hands, I deserved to get knocked the f*ck out. I always kept my hands up, because of that along with having an iron chin, I was never knocked out or knocked down.

"Never give your heart to a women that deserves it." That's a basic rule that every guy knows, even the AFC's. I knew the rule and I broke it. I paid the price.

I was in a relationship with a BPD. When I broke up with her, she did her best to get back at me. She brought her new boyfriend to the gym where I worked to f*ck with me.

I was under so much stress, I broke out in hives. My neck was completely covered. The right side of my head turned gray.

I became stronger, colder. I am not a victim. As hard as that experience was for me, my game is much better for it. Women are only booty calls. A woman has to prove her worth to even be considered relationship material.

 

[Jamo]

You tell him: Thanks for taking her off me, you cured my headache!