How do you deal with FOMO when going in monk mode?

[FlexpertHamilton]

I am really focused on making money right now and making long-term plans (such as moving to overseas) and I just cannot even be bothered to deal with women or most things in general. What's the best way to deal with FOMO with women when you're focused on more important things? If I completely avoid seeing or interacting with women, I don't get FOMO but when I see opportunities to pursue them (IOIs, etc) I get bothered if I don't act on it.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I think one way of dealing with it is to remember the pretty face and nice body are the tip of the iceberg....

Underneath the pretty princess facade she has an instagram inbox flooded with men she's either had sex with or is considering having sex with

She has 3 dating apps filed with men begging to take her on dates

She goes for coffee on a Saturday morning with her girlfriends and talks about who's giving her the most attention , the most tingles and who's been fvcking her that week

She's still routinely seeing n EX from 4 years ago

She posts thirst traps and has a camera roll full of her own nudes

She leaves men on "seen" to see how much they will chase her

She buys cheap outfits from SHEIN and then returns them after she's worn them

When she gets home she puts on her pyjamas, takes her 3 layers of makeup off and sits and watches Disney movies written for 6 year olds

Nothing is ever her fault and never will be

---------------------------------------------------------

I mean I know its difficult for men to put women in this type of perspective but it is the cold light of day reality of them

Imo unless you meet a woman who's actively displaying typically traditional female traits like

Loyalty
Honesty
Modesty
Kindness

You really ain't missing anything.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I don't really believe in "monk mode". There is no reason why you can't have a well rounded life. Just need to know how to compartmentalize better during the day.

Take opportunities that come your way. That's the universe giving you what you are looking for. It's your job to take advantage of them, it can't do all the work for you.

 

[Lotus Effect]

I think one way of dealing with it is to remember the pretty face and nice body are the tip of the iceberg....

Underneath the pretty princess facade she has an instagram inbox flooded with men she's either had sex with or is considering having sex with

She has 3 dating apps filed with men begging to take her on dates

She goes for coffee on a Saturday morning with her girlfriends and talks about who's giving her the most attention , the most tingles and who's been fvcking her that week

She's still routinely seeing n EX from 4 years ago

She posts thirst traps and has a camera roll full of her own nudes

She leaves men on "seen" to see how much they will chase her

She buys cheap outfits from SHEIN and then returns them after she's worn them

When she gets home she puts on her pyjamas, takes her 3 layers of makeup off and sits and watches Disney movies written for 6 year olds

Nothing is ever her fault and never will be

---------------------------------------------------------

I mean I know its difficult for men to put women in this type of perspective but it is the cold light of day reality of them

Imo unless you meet a woman who's actively displaying typically traditional female traits like

Loyalty
Honesty
Modesty
Kindness

You really ain't missing anything.

A little bitter, but it is the hard truth!

Wish I could double like this post.

I don't really believe in "monk mode". There is no reason why you can't have a well rounded life. Just need to know how to compartmentalize better during the day.

Take opportunities that come your way. That's the universe giving you what you are looking for. It's your job to take advantage of them, it can't do all the work for you.

I wanted to agree with you, but ever since I took the monastic road, my head got clearer to focus on myself alone.

Working solely on myself, while cutting all bvllsht and noise from my life, conversely gave me far better results than when I was 'actively' pursuing, or focused on results.

It is not easy tho. Quiting addictions and being 100% disciplined with everything.

'When I rose above the noise and confusion' getting on a bliss state and enjoying unexpected results placed me back on a indulgent mood... which brought me back to the chaos faster than I could've imagined.

And back to square one again. But with a little more clarity.

Thinking about it, I guess that's the journey of the man.

 

[Lotus Effect]

I am really focused on making money right now and making long-term plans (such as moving to overseas) and I just cannot even be bothered to deal with women or most things in general. What's the best way to deal with FOMO with women when you're focused on more important things? If I completely avoid seeing or interacting with women, I don't get FOMO but when I see opportunities to pursue them (IOIs, etc) I get bothered if I don't act on it.

Focus on your journey OP.
No one else will do it for you.

There is no pursuing them after all.

Or as Brazilian poet Mario Quintana said:
"The secret is not chasing butterflies... It is taking care of the garden so they will come to you"

 

[BackInTheGame78]

A little bitter, but it is the hard truth!

Wish I could double like this post.



I wanted to agree with you, but ever since I took the monastic road, my head got clearer to focus on myself alone.

Working solely on myself, while cutting all bvllsht and noise from my life, conversely gave me far better results than when I was 'actively' pursuing, or focused on results.

It is not easy tho. Quiting addictions and being 100% disciplined with everything.

'When I rose above the noise and confusion' getting on a bliss state and enjoying unexpected results placed me back on a indulgent mood... which brought me back to the chaos faster than I could've imagined.

And back to square one again. But with a little more clarity.

Thinking about it, I guess that's the journey of the man.

People mistake working on something constantly with working on it effectively.

Just like with people who work 14 hours days because they think they are getting "more done", what they find out eventually is they are getting the same amount of actual work done as if they worked 40 hours but did so more effectively.

The human mind can only focus on one thing for a certain length of time before it effectively zones out or you create distractions while doing it.

At work , study after study has shown the capability for humans is at most 40 hours per week with some showing even less than that.

Long story short, simply saying just because you are spending all your time on something doesn't necessarily mean it's an effective use of that time.

 

[Clockwerk50]

It sounds like oxymoron, doesn’t it? Being unbothered by women’s existence, but then an attractive one crosses your path, you get this incredible urge to pursue and interact with her, and then all of the sudden you become bothered since you let the opportunity slip out of your hands?

You should consider whether you’re having enough social interactions while you’re focusing on getting your finances in order. Many people use their leisure time to hang out with friends, play sports, or stay in touch with family. If finances are a concern, affordable date options are available. If time is your issue, spending a few minutes texting a friend or talking to someone you cross paths with shouldn’t hinder your progress—after all, dating should be enjoyable. In fact, activities like playing video games, watching TV, or browsing social media might be more detrimental to your goals since you will need social skills when you move to the new city.

But anyways, to answer your question, you have to have the mentality of “grass is not always greener on the other side when you water your own”.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Why would you need to go 'monk mode' if all you have to do is rearrange your priorities to put dating a few rungs lower down the ladder?
And maybe you will meet a woman who understands your priorities and will date you anyway.

 

[Lotus Effect]

People mistake working on something constantly with working on it effectively.

Long story short, simply saying just because you are spending all your time on something doesn't necessarily mean it's an effective use of that time.

When that something you are spending all your time is you, than it most definitely is effective.

Specially because working in yourself is not working in one thing. There are multiple aspects to it:

Diet
Workout
Work
Sports
Home daily tasks/chores
Finance
… to name a few

You are not spending 40 hours on you/one thing.

You are spending the 16 available hours you got per day to do all those activities.

Day in and day out. Every single day. Forever.

With all that done, leisure becomes a reward, and attracting chicks becomes second nature as you got your sh!t together.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

People mistake working on something constantly with working on it effectively.

Just like with people who work 14 hours days because they think they are getting "more done", what they find out eventually is they are getting the same amount of actual work done as if they worked 40 hours but did so more effectively.

The human mind can only focus on one thing for a certain length of time before it effectively zones out or you create distractions while doing it.

At work , study after study has shown the capability for humans is at most 40 hours per week with some showing even less than that.

Long story short, simply saying just because you are spending all your time on something doesn't necessarily mean it's an effective use of that time.

I completely agree, to be clear this isn't at all what I'm saying, because do think those clowns who insist they're working 14 hour days are completely full of shvt.

In my case, I tend to find relationships, and even sex destabilizing, it just invites chaos. I'd rather minimize inputs and outputs at the exclusion of everything unrelated to my goals. I have poor cognitive flexibility and extremely poor multitasking ability, and, there's only so much energy I can put out per day and I genuinely don't think I have the reserves to deal with women as of late.

Why would you need to go 'monk mode' if all you have to do is rearrange your priorities to put dating a few rungs lower down the ladder?
And maybe you will meet a woman who understands your priorities and will date you anyway.

I don't know if I will be doing 'monk mode', but I find myself basically doing it already without even meaining to, since women are such a low priority now that I don't even bother. But I suppose in theory I can still make time for them as long as they're on board with the fact that they're a very low priority.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I don't know if I will be doing 'monk mode', but I find myself basically doing it already without even meaining to, since women are such a low priority now that I don't even bother. But I suppose in theory I can still make time for them as long as they're on board with the fact that they're a very low priority.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I didn't enter into any monogamous relationship. I wasn't sexless, but I wasn't spending time and effort building LTRs.
Around this time I also realised that women didn't really go for the guys who offered them stability, several of the women I had sex with turned out to have boyfriends or even husbands. That basically turned me off on the notion of offering any woman exclusivity. My priority was with my writing and managing my own life. I was in my early thirties before I met a woman I married and had children with. However, I didn't need to go monk mode, I just kept sex as recreational.