How do you attain Social Status?

[chator56]

high status is a state of mind

I would modify this statement to read high social status is a perception and an illusion. So what you really want to know is how to generate the illusion. Do you think famous movie stars are treated high status by their parents? Obviously not, unless we're dealing w/some really demented parents. So high status is relative to the group of people you associate with. You might be high status with your friends, but enter a different environment and that all changes. The key to showing your girl you're high status is to keep her in your reality. You're ex-gf obviously had her own ideas about what constituted high status for her, with which group of people, the kind of status she was looking for, could be found. I agree w/many of the other posts here about how one goes about changing oneself into a desirable product that people want to be around. I don't agree that high status is the single most important factor w/women. High status is a perception that can be generated not only by who you associate with, but how you dress, talk, treat yourself, others and how they treat you back. I think if you're ex dumped you for not being high status enough, this is a very superficial reason and probably not the real reason, unless she's superficial.

 

[Ever onward]

unless she's superficial.

She's really that superficial

Sure social status is a perception and it's superficial. For so much of my life I haven't wanted to play that game. But now I want to play the game.

We all know that there are certain factors that contribute to status, whether we like it or not.

Money
Looks
Influence
Who you know (or who your seen with)
how you dress
what car you drive
personality
Commanding presence

And many many more. It's easy to say that social status can be a combination of all factors but I'm sure that some factors are of greater influence than others. And sure maybe this is all superficial and artificial and someone who is a true DJ would be above this all. But at this point I don't want to try to be "above this" because I've done that my whole life. I want to become the very thing I hated and beat all the "beautiful, social people" at their own game.

Sure this might not be the way to true inner peace, enlightenment or self-esteem. My motivation for wanting to change this part of myself is my own, right or wrong. I'm not asking for judgement but actual concrete tips. I thank all who reply and I'm not saying my beliefs are better than yours.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

If you don't like to 'club,' then dont, and dont allow anyone tell you that you have to or need to. Find women that meet your requirements, and use the search and google to learn conversational and social skills.


Owning a room is easy; Owning individuals is a bit harder.

Here's a hint-- perception.

 

[Ever onward]

Self-Mastery

That's some solid advice man, thanks.

You're right, I shouldn't change myself for others but if I want to change it's for me. Like I said, so much of my life I thought I was "above" the need to be social like the masses. Maybe deep down I just want to prove to myself that I can play the game just as well as the social people and if afterwards I feel that "I'm above it" it will be coming from an actual position of experience.

A lot of guys on this thread have given some great ideas on research I need to check. Unfortunately, I haven't had the time yet as I have 3 research papers due this week. But don't worry your advice hasn't fallen on deaf ears.

I really wanted to make a thread that would become a comprehensive reference for guys looking for advice on gaining social status. Somewhere along the way it ended up being a thread about the importance of status or about my personal motivation for wanting status.

Anyways, back to topic. If anyone has anymore advice about gaining social status, it's much appreciated (and not just by me btw)

 

[Bile]

When I deal with my boss, sure I might do a good job, I might do a great job but other people who might not do the job as well get promoted or raises instead of me simply because he likes them better.

yeah, and why do you think he likes them better?
yes, thats right, cuz they're more charismatic, better conversationalists, or can generally show him that they're better persons than you are.
once again, it comes down to having skills, and you cant cheat your way throught this. no way

 

[Ever onward]

yeah, and why do you think he likes them better?
yes, thats right, cuz they're more charismatic, better conversationalists, or can generally show him that they're better persons than you are.
once again, it comes down to having skills, and you cant cheat your way throught this. no way

What makes you think that I'm trying to cheat my way through this? Because I want to gain social status in all areas of my life? I never said that I wasn't willing to put in the work to get better at "conversation" at being "charismatic" or to be a "generally better person". I was simply pointing out that even at work, as in all dealings with people, social status is important. We are all social creatures after all.

I started this thread to ask for advice on how to attain social status.

I really am sorry I started this thread. Too many people are more interested in debating the issue of social status or in judging me and my motivations or the hypothtetical examples I gave instead of actually giving advice. I see now why the veterans on this board say it has gone to crap. It is practically a useless gesture to ask for advice on here. I'm not saying that I'm leaving sosuave but I'm done ASKING for advice here.

As far as I'm concerned this topic is closed. Thanks to all the posters who actually posted advice.

 

[S1NN3R]

I started this thread to ask for advice on how to attain social status.

Permit my philosophical streak here, but you asked for advice, which is in essence, asking for help.

We would not be helping you by giving you the right answers to the wrong questions.

Learn to question your own beliefs, only then can you truly advance yourself beyond what you are. Nearly everything I learned from asking other people was not from them just answering my question, but leading me to the questions that I should have been asking.

I like to help people. I would not be helping you by telling you how to fake social status and confirming your belief that social status is so important. People with social status earn it, and it is in earning it that it becomes significant. Social status is and should only be an indicator of other successes in your life. Social status is the effect of greatness, not the cause. Time spent attempting to raise your social status artificially is time wasted. I promise you that.

Please learn to listen to what others who have been where you are have to offer you, not just what you want to know. I am not prefessing to know more than you, but I have had the same questions you do, and I learned the hard way that which I am trying to give to you the easy way.

 

[Ever onward]

Permit my philosophical streak here, but you asked for advice, which is in essence, asking for help.

So if I posted a thread saying "anybody have any tips for learning to dance?" I should expect a bunch of replies saying "how important is dancing really" and "you know what, you're just looking for quick fix to learn to dance, you shouldn't ask someone to teach you, you should just know already".

Nearly everything I learned from asking other people was not from them just answering my question, but leading me to the questions that I should have been asking.

Please learn to listen to what others who have been where you are have to offer you, not just what you want to know. I am not prefessing to know more than you, but I have had the same questions you do, and I learned the hard way that which I am trying to give to you the easy way.

You have some valid points there and I will do a lot of thinking. But like I said, I am done asking for advice.

 

[S1NN3R]

So if I posted a thread saying "anybody have any tips for learning to dance?" I should expect a bunch of replies saying "how important is dancing really" and "you know what, you're just looking for quick fix to learn to dance, you shouldn't ask someone to teach you, you should just know already".

See, in my eyes, the question you asked would have been transferred as, "I want to be able to convince people that I can dance, without actually learning how to dance or showing them me dancing....."

Maybe my definition of social status is just different from yours, maybe you seems something differently about it than I do, maybe World War Three started in my basement, I don't know. What I do know is that you got highly offended when I and others offered a different viewpoint from yours, and if that's the way you generally react, then you shold refrain from asking advice. Nobody was attacking you, nobody was insulting you, we just wanted to show you what we know of the subject, and if you're not willing to graciously accept help that's given to you, even if it's not the help that you specified, then you will have a harder time growing that you need to.

That's all.

 

[Ever onward]

Hey, I'm not highly offended. I'm just frustrated. I was asking for advice on how to learn a skill and I got a lot of flaq for wanting to learn that skill. I'm sure we're just splitting hairs over the term "social status" and I'm also sure I can't adequately explain what I mean by social status at the moment (My eyes are fried from typing papers all day and I feel a little loopy).

 

[chator56]

I think the word "status" is offensive to many here. If you were to say it's important to be a social guy to get women. You would have few people disagreeing with you. But when you change it to a guy w/social status, it makes you sound like some Ivy League wannabe throwing a monkey wrench into the whole idea of seduction.

 

[STR8UP]

Social status is greatly dependent upon the situation you are in at any given time.

George W. Bush might have status out the wazoo throughout much of the world, but drop him in the middle of a primitive Amazonian tribe and he becomes low man on the totem pole. Try to establish yourself as "the man" in your social circles.

I hate to say it, but the fastest way to gain status is to "prove" you have made it. When I say "prove" I am talking about using the criteria that most people use to judge your financial worth....material possessions.

This is where you get into the catch 22. You can go out and spend all of your money on flashy stuff to make people THINK you have it made, or you can postpone buying the trappings of wealth until you can truly afford them, but you usually can't have your cake and eat it too.

I struggled for MANY years. Even when I had a higher net worth than almost all of my friends and family, I still made sacrifices to get myself ahead.

To be honest with you, my status was negligible until:

1) I became known as the owner of a business that young people recognize from television advertising

2) I started buying a lot of real estate

3) I moved into a very, very nice pad and bought a nice car

#1 increased my status with people upon initially meeting them.

#2 increased my status with a lot of professional people (real estate agents, accountants, mortgage brokers, banks) and some of my friends and family.

#3 increased my status with my friends, family, and any of the professionals mentioned above who have been to my place.

Like I said, it's sad to be judged by something like this, but that's the way things are.

Best thing to do is take the route I did- spend several years building yourself up to the point where you can leverage your business asociation, your assets, and when you finally do "make it" your material posessions.

If you try to work it from the material posessions first standpoint you won't get far. Build your assets first. If you are the type who is good at business and can build a brand that is recognizable to your peer group....all the better.

 

[STR8UP]

Oh yea, and when you finally DO get to the point where you achieve a decent amount of social status, don't be surprised if people treat you differently. Even the ladies

 

[Oxide]

Oh yea, and when you finally DO get to the point where you achieve a decent amount of social status, don't be surprised if people treat you differently. Even the ladies

They now charge you more?

 

[john_1234]

nice points str8htup; totally agree w/ ya. as people get older, they realize one's career/position has a STRONG bearing on status

 

[Ever onward]

I think the word "status" is offensive to many here. If you were to say it's important to be a social guy to get women. You would have few people disagreeing with you. But when you change it to a guy w/social status, it makes you sound like some Ivy League wannabe throwing a monkey wrench into the whole idea of seduction.

I think you're right. Many people seem to be thrown off by the term social status. I in no way was referring to ivy league type status. I just meant status with the local bar/club scene and local college parties, that sort of thing. Like when you walk into a room, be it at a bar, a party, what have you, how do you penetrate the social network and own it?

Here is how I veiw status:

We are social creatures. We are on this Earth to interact with each other. Each of us are trying to find our place in the world and see if we can make that place the best one possible.

Real world examples:

At work, you have seniority

At school, you have seniors having more status than freshman.

In business, you have promotions

In social environments, you have popularity (this is what I was specifically referring to)

In every human (social) interaction, there is a hierarchy.

My theory is that when you first meet a person, you automatically, and unconciously, compare where they rank in the social hierarchy in comparison to yourself. Let's say you approach a woman, I believe she will be receptive to your advances (picking her up) if she percieves you as having more status than her. Whether that status is based on your looks, personality, ect, whatever it is about you that demonstrates to her that you are a high status male. That is why successful PUAs "demonstrate value". Men tend to demonstrate their value with their personality (such as who is the alpha male in a given situation?) and women through their looks. Now most attractive women, they demonstrate value with their looks and that is how they acheive their status (their place in the world or social hierarchy). Other women who don't have looks, may have a great personality and that is how they achieve popularity (or social status). Sometimes you find a woman with a combination of good looks and personality.

Earlier in this thread SINN3R mentioned that his gf likes him for who he is. That is true but who he is, in her eyes, is a high status male. Now what she bases that status on is only known to her. It is probably a combination of his personality, looks, ect ect. whatever it is that makes SINN3R, SINN3R and that gives him high status in her eyes. If he had been of lower status in her eyes, (his personality wasn't what she liked, she didn't think he was attractive enough) then she wouldn't be with him.

Anyway, I guess I look at it all from a biological standpoint as I've listened to David D. a lot lately, specifically his interview with Geoffrey Miller and that is why I've been so focused on this concept of status and it makes sense to me. So having said all of that, I posted this hoping to get tips on being the alpha male in social situatons, on how to enter "the mix" penetrate social cirlcles and become a high status male in the eyes of the group (yes, being popular).

I do want to thank everyone for the great feedback (and not so great feedback) that has been contributed here and maybe now you all have a better idea of where I'm coming from, even if you don't agree with all of it.

EO

 

[Ever onward]

A great social status article for anyone interested

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=70707&highlight=dark+circles

 

[chator56]

I don't thing you're wrong EverOnward, but I think what offends many people here is when it sounds like you're saying that you must first attain social status before you can do anything; seduce, date, etc. Yes, it helps if you have social status, and its importance is relative to the type of girl you meet, or want. But seduction isn't the exclusive privelage of persons who have attained "social status." This is kind of like saying you have to be rich, or famous in order to have an attractive female. Seduction was devised by average guys, who didn't have these things, and didn't think the rich and famous guys should have all the women.

 

[S1NN3R]

Yes, it helps if you have social status, and its importance is relative to the type of girl you meet, or want.

I disagree. Social statuc means jack unless you have the goods to back it up, in others word, why you have that status to begin with. If you don't actually have that status, and you just act in a manner that makes it seems as though you do, then you're just a poser and women will see you as just a poser the second that you're in a situation that you didn't plan.

This is different if you're just out to pick-up some tourist bird, bang her in the hotel room and be gone in the morning. In that case, you can be anybody you want. You can fake anything you want, if you're good enough to pull it off. The problem with that is that to fake social status in a new envorinment like is needed for such an endeavour, you generally have to throw serious money around, a $50 to the doorhost, to the bouncers, to the ****tails. Then you're out $200 bucks, but you've sure made a good impression.

Much better to just use the things that bring social status to pull honeys. Then you earn the status and it follows you everywhere that people know you. Again (I'm repeating myself hoping that someone will get it) social status doesn't do anything on it's own, it's just indicative of people knowing all of the things you can do.....

 

[Ever onward]

Social statuc means jack unless you have the goods to back it up, in others word, why you have that status to begin with. If you don't actually have that status, and you just act in a manner that makes it seems as though you do, then you're just a poser and women will see you as just a poser the second that you're in a situation that you didn't plan.

Okay, so how do you get the status "to begin with"? How do you obtain "the goods to back it up"? That's all I was ever asking

Anyway, guys who are interested in status should definetly check out that link I posted. That was one of the best posts I've found on status.