How do you approach girls in everyday situations?

[Jukeboxhero]

Alright, I'll keep this short and sweet.

My biggest problem is I simply don't know what to say or how to approach women in general. I don't really want to game them or get laid. I just want to improve my social interaction skills, specifically when it comes to random strangers, without being an annoying AFC-geek-whatever who they just wish would leave them alone.

Right now, I'm doing pretty good at saying "Hey, how are you?" as a passing greeting, but I really don't know what to say beyond that. I'll give you some examples.

Girls walking in the Mall

Girls walking or browsing at a grocery store.

Pretty much anywhere.

Sometimes I find something to say about our surroundings...but sometimes I have no clue. Like if I saw a girl at the grocery store walking past me with a cart..the only thing that I could come up with is commenting on something in her cart, like "Hey, Nice Melons!" or "Nice shopping cart, holds a lot of stuff doesn't it". Essentially, this is the thing that holds me back. The only things that I can think of are stupid and awkward.
I think the best thing to do would be start with an opinion opener, or something that could stimulate interesting conversation.

I was thinking about going direct, just for the hell of it, but walking up to every girl and saying "Hey, you're cute and I wanted to meet you" still seems absurdley retarded. What if she's already standing beside you or walking past you..?

P.s. I know that a lot of people say, "It doesn't matter what you say, but how you say it", but I still believe you need to have something to say that is interesting and socially exceptable.

 

[SharinganUser]

Ok, here is your problem. Why is it stupid and awkward? Because you think it is stupid and awkward. That is the only reason. Women tend to feed off of the energy arround them and if you are giving off stupid and awkward feelings, they will pick up on it.

Just relax, you are actually making their day by approaching them. They might even be refreshed by your original and "awkward" style.

You don't have to be a smooth talker or a great conversationalist.

When I was working on approaching girls, I kept the conversation short, tried to make them smile, said my name, asked for an email/#, said"hey I think you are really interesting, we should (talk later, meet up, have sex(lol no don't ask for sex)).

Basically just go up to her and introduce yourself and let words come out of your mouth.

 

[Gamblor]

How do you approach girls in everyday situations?

YOU JUST ****ING DO IT.

You hold your head up HIGH, look the ***** straight in the eye, approach with a swagger and a smile, confidently extend your hand and say. "Hi, I'm the Gamblor, it's nice to meet you".

At this point, one of two things will happen:

1. She'll smile, shake your hand and introduce yourself. Women smell confidence and they smell nervousness. If you come off as a confident man, the girl is probably going to respond to you. Very quickly you will develop a sense of whether or not a ***** is interested. You make small talk about anything for a moment, and instead of asking her if it would be ok if you could maybe have her phone number, you tell the girl "it was nice meeting you but I got to go, what's your number?" You tell that hoe. Youre a man, you dont ask. The confidence with which you assert yourself tells the girls brain that your a man and she'll have a very hard time saying no

OR

2. She'll walk by, laugh, make some dumbass comment or otherwise blow you off.

Guess what? YOU JUST FOUND OUT SHES A *****! *****ES AREN'T WORTH YOUR TIME! Imagine how you'd feel if you never approached the *****? You'd sit up at night wondering about the ideal dream girl you let slip through your fingers, when all along she was a ***** and not worth your time.

There are billions of women on the planet, you don't have time for *****es.

Regret feels much worse than remorse.

SO JUST ****ING GET OUT THERE AND LIVE, AND STOP ****ING CARING ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK

 

[Lexie]

Girls are going to think one of two things if they get a "hey, how are you" at the grocery store, and it's all based on your looks:

1. If you look nerdy, or in any other way like a social-misfit, she's going to think you're desperate and brush you off.

2. If you look like a lady's-man/stud, she's going to think you're a dog who hits on every girl he sees.

The best way to strike up a conversation with someone completely random is to ask them something specific, that you couldn't ask just anyone. For example:

In the supermarket: After a glance in her cart shows you she found that brand of peanut butter you spent hours looking for (supposedly), stop her and say "excuse me, but I've just spent 30 minutes looking for that peanut butter, could you tell me where you found it?" If she's nice, she'll help you out, and it doesn't look like a clear come-on.

Now's your chance for a follow-up question! Since you're obviously such a nice guy, not like every other sleeze that hits on her in the grocery store, try a compliment like, "thanks, and by the way, you have an amazing smile."

Not only did she get to help you (which women love), she got a confidence boost that wasn't from a scummy guy.


If you're looking for something more substantial than a small conversation, it's best to go with a girl you see on a regular basis rather than a one-shot run in.

 

[Jukeboxhero]

Girls are going to think one of two things if they get a "hey, how are you" at the grocery store, and it's all based on your looks:

1. If you look nerdy, or in any other way like a social-misfit, she's going to think you're desperate and brush you off.

2. If you look like a lady's-man/stud, she's going to think you're a dog who hits on every girl he sees.

The best way to strike up a conversation with someone completely random is to ask them something specific, that you couldn't ask just anyone. For example:

In the supermarket: After a glance in her cart shows you she found that brand of peanut butter you spent hours looking for (supposedly), stop her and say "excuse me, but I've just spent 30 minutes looking for that peanut butter, could you tell me where you found it?" If she's nice, she'll help you out, and it doesn't look like a clear come-on.

Now's your chance for a follow-up question! Since you're obviously such a nice guy, not like every other sleeze that hits on her in the grocery store, try a compliment like, "thanks, and by the way, you have an amazing smile."

Not only did she get to help you (which women love), she got a confidence boost that wasn't from a scummy guy.

Thank you, Lexie!!

That's a great idea

This is along the lines of what I was looking for! I was considering going up and approaching girls on the street/stores by just introducing myself, but that seems a little weird. They would probably instantly be thinking "What the heck does this guy want, is he going to try to sell me something?" I mean, if someone approached me and immediately say "Hey, I'm Bob soandso, how are you today?", I instinctively think they want something from me that I don't want to give to them and I put my defenses up and try to get rid of them asap. Normally, I love to talk to people, unless their approach makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason.
Even if I did go up and do that, I have no idea where to carry the conversation from there. She'll be looking at me like "Why did this guy just approach me, what does he want?"
I was also thinking of some different opinion openers that are HONEST. Not just something I made up, but something I really want to know. Like if I'm shopping for a present for my little sister. Or I need an opinion on something that girls love to share their knowledge on.

And for now, I'm not looking to "Game" anyone or get them to go on a date or even get their number. The main reason I'm doing this is to just become more socially comfortable with strangers and help eliminate approach anxiety in general, specifically with attractive woman who aren't drunk or in some escalated, friendly party mood (because that's usually only temporary...and you can think someone's interested in you when they're really just drunk or having a good time). I think that I'm actually a good conversationalist once I get started....the most difficult part is breaking the ice and getting them to open up to me.

I'll give you an example.
I currently work at a hotel and I pick people up at the airport a lot in our Hotel shuttle.
I usually start out by asking where they flew in from, and what they're doing in Columbus. They're usually doing something business related, so that just leads to a lot more questions about what they do and how they like their jobs. Sometimes I also ask about what they do for fun and one thing just naturally leads to another without anything feeling awkward or forced or people being suspiscous of my intentions. I can talk to almost anyone, from hot chicks (which are rare) to government agents.
Again, this All comes from practice. SO I realize I need to practice a lot more to be comfortable, but it's hard when you have nothing to get you started.

Thanks again, everyone...I'm going to keep trying different approaches.

 

[Snow Plowman]

I'm not going to comment on this as I know you won't do the advice that I'd give.

But atleast your in the field and you'll get it eventually

One thing I will point out though is that your limiting yourself and also you don't understand how attraction works. I know this because your looking, thinking and viewing this stuff from a logical stand point. Whehter its to actually PU or just being social. There are certain things that sets the fun conversations from the boring stale conversations that people are just going through the motions.

For one, asking questions is a waste and makes conversations boring, unless your setting them up for something good. You don't really lose AA from constantly approaching, even though it can soften the feeling but nonetheless you'll still feel it.

What I recommend you do is understand the following...
- What is attraction and how it works
- How the female mind works
- Frame Control/Realities
- Very basic roadmap

After you learn about those then you can tweak what your doing and actually get somewhere, because I can already see you setting yourself up for many sticking points...first one I point out is you thinking saying "Hey I'm SP" as wierd. In a actual interaction once I've said that I'm off to something else without looking back. Maybe I say I want to throw an apple at her, or maybe I want to accuse her of cart jacking my shopping cart...

"But wait it makes no sense!"

From "Hey I'm SP" instantly to "I'm going to throw a rotten apple at you" to "Hey your trying to cart jack me"

"It makes no LOGICAL sense!"

Well news flash chicks are emotional, all that logical BS won't help but no you already stated you didn't want to here that...I'm done, hope to see some updates on your progress.

 

[DonJuan11]

I was thinking about going direct, just for the hell of it, but walking up to every girl and saying "Hey, you're cute and I wanted to meet you" still seems absurdley retarded. What if she's already standing beside you or walking past you..?

You have to find out what she likes and talk about it. If she likes shoes, talk about shoes, if she likes food, talk about food. It's all about tickling her funnybone.

If she asked you about something you like, you could talk forever.

Reverse it.

 

[marinetti]

perfect answer Lexie.

also guys, i think it works much better when I'm in the moment. If I were to stalk her from aisle to aisle, trying to work up the guts to talk to her, I would come off as 'off' when I finally approach her. if I see her, look at her cart, notice something, and right off spontaneously ask her about it, I seem much more aligned in the moment and it works much better.

going out and practicing isn't just about doing approaches. it's working on this vibe as well.

 

[Ratisson]

perfect answer Lexie.

I think Gamblor's was way better. I couldnt have said it better myself. Im printing his answer and posting it on my bedroom wall and jerking off to it every night because it was so good:yes: hahaha

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

It honestly does not matter how you open, as long as you approach from a position of power.

-Mr. Fingers

 

[skirtChaser]

hey bub, you need some social skills, just a suggestion, next time you go to a mall for the first 30 minutes try saying hello and talking to guys, maybe older men, whoever, stay away from the fruits, try to carry on a short brief conversation and make it interesting, make notes in your mind and now try approaching the women now that you are "warmed up" try using the same techniques and try asking things that require a thought out more than three word response. if someone told me nice melons my response would be "thanks", but........if somebody said hey I was looking at the melons and couldn't tell if they are ripe or good, do you know how to pick out a melon that would be good?.....I just ended up passing on them because I couldn't tell if they were fresh. see the difference?

 

[ElStud]

Just do it. Although I find that if you're in a place you go everyday like school or college, that it's easier for me to approach. I CAN approach in malls and other public places, but I just find it much harder.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...P.s. I know that a lot of people say, "It doesn't matter what you say, but how you say it", but I still believe you need to have something to say that is interesting and socially exceptable.

Contrary to what guys say, you do have to say something relevant, that's the key to being able to start a conversation with anyone, anywhere. Want to know why guy's have such a problem approaching in a may and having something to say? They are trying to think of the perfect opener, the perfect c/f line that will hopefully get them laid that night.

Wouldn't it be much easier to think of something to say about what is going on around their target at that particular time? What is she doing, what is she looking at? Why not say something about that first and then start rolling into a routine if you have to use one?

In your example about approaching a woman in the grocery store, lets say for instance you see a woman in the produce section looking at cantaloupes; wait a second... Let's use a different example. Let's say that you see a woman in the soup isle looking back and forth, up and down the rows and rows cans. You can come into her general vicinity and start your own search. After a couple of seconds you can say something like "It was a lot easier when the only choices were Tomato or Cream of Mushroom."

No, it's not a pick up line nor is it ****y. It's a little funny when you think about when things were simpler. The big thing is that its something that won't necessarily put the woman on guard (unless she has a thing for Cream of Mushroom). This is a good way to build rapport while keeping her comfortable and possibly more receptive when you actually start your pickup.

 

[ElStud]

Not really, I've opened girls with stupid sh1t like "Ruff ruff!" and I've gotten them interested.

 

[marinetti]

was it Mystery who said "There's no such things as b!tches"? Or was that Style?

regardless of the source, it's true. if a girl seems strange after an approach, or doesn't want to talk, or whatever, the answer always lies in something you did wrong in the approach. always. no exceptions.

every person in the world is open and friendly to their friends. every person in the world is uncomfortable around weird strangers.

Francisco, in your example, there's an infinite number of ways to open here...

-Wait until she grabs a can, then say "No, not that one. Try this instead."
-Say "I hate soup." Say it loudly and confidently, so that she looks at you. "Well, not really, I just usually prefer to make my own. What do you think?"
-Say "Can I help you find something?" She'll say no. You say "Good, I actually don't work here so I probably wouldn't be able to help. What's a good soup I could buy?"

Of course, situational openers in day (especially in a place like a grocery store) require you to have a friendly, open, warm vibe. If you are closed off or creepy in any of these, she will probably mace you.

Another point I want to make is, vibe conquers all. These are lame openers, but because we're all friendly, warm DJs the woman will respond to you positively. Let me take that back, she will respond to you and give you her attention. From there, the ball's in your court to keep her attention and make it a positive experience. If she's confused and seems a little weirded out by your opener, but she's given you your attention, it's just as good as a positive responce. I'd say "Actually, you looked like an interesting person and that was just a line to talk to you. Although I do make my own soup. What's your favorite kind of food?"

In that respect, ElStud is right. Ruff ruff would work just as well. Or speaking gibberish.

 

[ElStud]

In the end, it's how you say what you say that matters more, not what you say.

 

[bambam]

the idea is to attract them to you. right now you are probably a total chump. i don't mean this in a bad way. not at all. the idea is to not become a creepy "mystery" type character. not unless you want to sell books, dvds, courses, and god knows what else. the idea is to have whatever you desire come to you. easiest way? i would recommend starting a business. at 29 you can definitely go that way. it gives you respectability and it gives you a chance to hire and fire. american society tells you that females want an even relationship and/or a gay looking young boy. that is b.s. most desire guys who are older and have more power than their peer group does. as a tough minded boss you fit that mold. just be sure to act as the boss and not as a friend.

having a god complex is the best gift you can give yourself.

 

[Lexie]

Thank you, Lexie!!

That's a great idea

This is along the lines of what I was looking for! I was considering going up and approaching girls on the street/stores by just introducing myself, but that seems a little weird. They would probably instantly be thinking "What the heck does this guy want, is he going to try to sell me something?" I mean, if someone approached me and immediately say "Hey, I'm Bob soandso, how are you today?", I instinctively think they want something from me that I don't want to give to them and I put my defenses up and try to get rid of them asap. Normally, I love to talk to people, unless their approach makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason.
Even if I did go up and do that, I have no idea where to carry the conversation from there. She'll be looking at me like "Why did this guy just approach me, what does he want?"
I was also thinking of some different opinion openers that are HONEST. Not just something I made up, but something I really want to know. Like if I'm shopping for a present for my little sister. Or I need an opinion on something that girls love to share their knowledge on.

And for now, I'm not looking to "Game" anyone or get them to go on a date or even get their number. The main reason I'm doing this is to just become more socially comfortable with strangers and help eliminate approach anxiety in general, specifically with attractive woman who aren't drunk or in some escalated, friendly party mood (because that's usually only temporary...and you can think someone's interested in you when they're really just drunk or having a good time). I think that I'm actually a good conversationalist once I get started....the most difficult part is breaking the ice and getting them to open up to me.

I'll give you an example.
I currently work at a hotel and I pick people up at the airport a lot in our Hotel shuttle.
I usually start out by asking where they flew in from, and what they're doing in Columbus. They're usually doing something business related, so that just leads to a lot more questions about what they do and how they like their jobs. Sometimes I also ask about what they do for fun and one thing just naturally leads to another without anything feeling awkward or forced or people being suspiscous of my intentions. I can talk to almost anyone, from hot chicks (which are rare) to government agents.
Again, this All comes from practice. SO I realize I need to practice a lot more to be comfortable, but it's hard when you have nothing to get you started.

Thanks again, everyone...I'm going to keep trying different approaches.

You're absolutly right about the "selling" thing, that's what I think too...It's like "what does this guy want and why is he talking to me?"

One other word of advice, go for the really hot girls! They are no less approachable than less attractive ones, and once you get someone talking to you who you felt was "out of your league", you'll realize how easy it is. Also, the opinions thing is a great idea, girls love giving their opinions (and a guy shopping for his little sis is cute).

 

[Lexie]

For one, asking questions is a waste and makes conversations boring, unless your setting them up for something good. You don't really lose AA from constantly approaching, even though it can soften the feeling but nonetheless you'll still feel it.

What I recommend you do is understand the following...
- What is attraction and how it works
- How the female mind works
- Frame Control/Realities
- Very basic roadmap


Well news flash chicks are emotional, all that logical BS won't help but no you already stated you didn't want to here that...I'm done, hope to see some updates on your progress.

I agree to an extent: there's not one thing that's going to work every time, girls are emotional/crazy/moody/weird. Good luck figuring out how the female mind works!

 

[Lexie]

having a god complex is the best gift you can give yourself.

Girls can smell ****y a mile away. Some like it, some don't...that's a chance you take if you go this route. Often, being sincere and genuine will get you a lot farther.