How do men that blossom later in life stop thinking about the lost years?

[JoeMarron]

A hot 21 year old woman could hook up with a successful 25 year old alpha with barely any effort on her part, marry him, have children and live happily ever after. A good looking 23 year old male with a wealthy alpha dad has no trouble with women because his dad taught him everything he needs to know. A random dude wins the lottery, cleans himself up, gets fit, becomes more social and is now able to sleep with the women he wants. There's always going to be someone out there who has it easier. Who cares, dwelling on it isn't going to solve anything. The best we can do is to do all we can with the hand we've been dealt.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

For me being 22 or 27 as a guy, is pretty much the same... 5 years pass by quickly, and the only thing that stresses "late bloomers" is that they are know in their late 20´s... age is just a convention, if you were in the jungle you wouldn't bother with things like this. This is the same reason many people chose to marry in a hurry by the time they are 30...

For me the golden rule is 4-7 years younger now that I´m 25. I'm mostly attracted to this age... Many guys here want to know they still have plenty of time, so they can relax and do nothing now.... a 15 yo girl sees a 19 guy as being mature, a 20 yo girl a 24+ as being mature/status. So no one really has a excuse for this by the time you are 20 you can get lots of action, because there are always legal younger girls.

But again to the OP, you don´t have to guide yourself by others, there are millions of late bloomers, and there are plenty of girls in their late 20´s and 30´s who just want to fvck....So dont worry so much about it.

 

[backbreaker]

g. Its just I wish I had the natural ability of game when I was younger in my teens and earlier 20's like 21-23, in my innocent youth and peak prime,

I wish i had a dad that didn't run off with another woman when I was 7 and leave me without a strong alpha male figure in my life to model myself after. But i don't. I wish we lived in a world were the color of your skin truly does not matter to anyone, but I do. I wish I were more popular in High School, but i wasn't lol.

I'm sure the guy in Africa with aids wishes that he wasn't in africa and didnt' have aids, but he does.


that's life. part of life.. part of being an alpha male if you will, a DJ, whatever you wish to give this mythical creature of a person, is to learn to accepct the hand you're dealt and play it to the best of your ability.

If you are playing spades and you get a hand with 1 book you don't ***** all game about how everyone else has books and you only have one book, you play your hand and get your book and live to fight another day. That's all you can do. the quicker you can do that the happier you can be.

it doesn't mean you won't ever geto to date hot chicks or get laid or be whatever, but it means accepctiing that everyone was not born with the equal slate in life.

 

[Born_Again]

You are bummed out about something in the past but most people are

You just have to keep moving forward and OP that type of thinking is going to make you lose more time in the future.

And i know you don't want more regret in life so don't waste time now get out there and enjoy life

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I wish i had a dad that didn't run off with another woman when I was 7 and leave me without a strong alpha male figure in my life to model myself after. But i don't. I wish we lived in a world were the color of your skin truly does not matter to anyone, but I do. I wish I were more popular in High School, but i wasn't lol.

I'm sure the guy in Africa with aids wishes that he wasn't in africa and didnt' have aids, but he does.


that's life. part of life.. part of being an alpha male if you will, a DJ, whatever you wish to give this mythical creature of a person, is to learn to accepct the hand you're dealt and play it to the best of your ability.

If you are playing spades and you get a hand with 1 book you don't ***** all game about how everyone else has books and you only have one book, you play your hand and get your book and live to fight another day. That's all you can do. the quicker you can do that the happier you can be.

it doesn't mean you won't ever geto to date hot chicks or get laid or be whatever, but it means accepctiing that everyone was not born with the equal slate in life.

very interesting

 

[Mr Wright]

When you're young though, you don't really have the money to fully enjoy your youth. Unless you have a well paid job, in that case you don't really have the time to go out 3-4 nights a week as students do. Then once you get older, you may have more time on your hands and money but you just don't have the energy.

It's the old adage pick 2 of the 3:

- Energy(as in youthfulness)
- Money
- Time

Someone's going to be regretting something in the end, the guy who parties through is 20's will regret not having a stable job in his 30's. The grass is always greener, I wouldn't worry too much. I'm just going to kick the sh!t out of whatever I do.

 

[VladPatton]

Look, just stop thinking about shıt that happened in the past, or how bad it was, or you'll end up jumping off a goddamn bridge. If you've got your health, you're home free. Money and puṣṣy are ornaments in the house of health.

 

[Ambitious Player]

Wow deep discussion. I was getting more at the moments you have.

I think you are all picking up what I am saying but at the same time there is some disconnect in what I am exactly getting at. Truth is, I haven't even hit my mid 20s yet but I feel so left out. Could be a media thing though because it makes it seem like High School in the USA is like the movie Superbad.

What I am getting at is that landing a 9 when you are a 30 year old man who has accomplished **** in life would not get you the same pleasure as landing a 9 in college with your boys around to cheer you up and push you on. Something about those years when you are young (and I guess by this forum's standards I am) and developing. When you are in high school or early in college, still a kid, learning, and have that kind of success is just something you cannot ever recapture.

It is like I feel in my mind if I miss out on the prime years now when I am in a school like system, I will never have that chance again.

But the problem is that I know my development will still take time. I am in an area where there is not as much to do. Some of these frat boys lucked out big time by having awesome alpha male figures in their life or rich parents, I did not. These athletes were not only gifted with good genetics but were put into a situation where they could learn to play a sport good enough to get a scholarship in it and play it in college.

Like I feel in me that if I do get better, do develop, and do become much better than what I am I will never be happy. A part of me feels like I will do everything to make up for lost time, even get with 400 women if I can and skip out on marriage to fill that void. Even if I wanted to settle down I could not do it, my emotion would want it but my mind and all the things I have missed out in the past would not allow it.

Growing up us late bloomers were never really studs or the guys who received social and sexual validation for being so ****ing awesome. A part of me longs for that validation that the frat boy who was running through 9s in college got or the popular kid in high school got.

Yet I know after college is done with and you are no longer around the same people you used to be, you won't get that same validation and approval. You won't get the same love and warmth of humanity that you once got. It is like you are sent right into the cruel world where everyone is out for themselves and you can never find that same community you had in high school or in college.

Damn, now I know what makes so many blog writers and guys out there so ****ing angry sometimes. I can see why guys turn into these heartless players because they want revenge for the years they didn't want to miss out on but did. They wanted a shot with that hot sorority girl in college but too ****ing bad because she wants herself a frat boy or an athlete, and you are neither guy.

Those teenage years and early 20s are the years EVERYONE is supposed to get it. After that the sense of community is gone, people are rushing to settle down, and society makes you feel bad for being a single man in your 30s which I hope changes.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

Wow deep discussion. I was getting more at the moments you have.

What I am getting at is that landing a 9 when you are a 30 year old man who has accomplished **** in life would not get you the same pleasure as landing a 9 in college with your boys around to cheer you up and push you on. Something about those years when you are young (and I guess by this forum's standards I am) and developing. When you are in high school or early in college, still a kid, learning, and have that kind of success is just something you cannot ever recapture.
.

If picking up women had to be restricted to a period of 5 years 18-23, or if the best of life was it, life would really svck.. But from my experience, even if most guys experience lots of action in high school and college, they are doing so with plain janes and ugs, this true for the great majority. The few guys who score 9's in this period a very small range, either they are super good looking, or ultra bad boys. Many times the fact that they don't seem to care, relates to their every day problems... many times bad boys have lots of issues.

Although I do agree that any female over 26 has in their forehead, written I want to get married... but fvck them, they screwed you over when they didn't want you in highschool, so don't let the mistake happen again by stealing from you some good years.
Also about friends cheering you up, it's very often the opposite, they will be jealous for you getting a hot girl, and will say she is a wh0re and stuff like that. You are pretty much exaggerating something that it really isn't there, and that would not make you any happier...

 

[JdelaSilviera]

I have no clue where this idea of "guys sitting around cheering you on while you bang 9s in college" came from. It doesn't exist lol. If you want to be in a frat then join a fraternal order or the military.

There's a team of guys waiting for you at home, shouting "Go! go! go! go!" and then you sign autographs lol.

Another point I wish to had, is that it's better to be a late bloomer and go smooth for that point on. Than the opposite, having wild years while very young to then ending up in misery. Everyone´s lives has ups and downs...

 

[Yo'Mama]

I think this post resonated with a lot of people, myself included. It's something I think about a lot, even though I understand there is no point thinking about it or dwelling it.

I got no action in my university years. Objectively I'm a lot happier now but at the same time I know I'm far from young anymore and that really grates. I also hate that I'm too old to get the young girls (at 36 I think realistically the youngest girls I would get are 26 but more often late twenties or early thirties).

The problem is my mindset now is the mindset all the people having fun seemed to have in college, i.e. drinking, partying and getting laid. Whereas when I was actually in college I didn't drink and was too shy and awkward to really enjoy it. They weren't happy times but, as some people have said, I tend to look back with rose tinted spectacles, for a time that never existed. It's a common phenomenon though, people will be nostalgic for an imagined age. The film 'Midnight in Paris' is sort of about that, amongst other things.

Describing the feeling as a 'void that can never be filled' seems exaclty right. I just can't bring myself to settle down now, whereas the guys who were players in school and at college are almost all now settled down. I don't know if they are but I always imagine them to be happy because they were successful in their youth and therefore have nothing left to prove. Whereas I feel that I do. It's not that simple of course, I do love meeting new women, variety, etc but part of it is trying to make up for lost time.

It's hard to deal with. I do understand that it's better just to move forward but for us introspective types it can be tough.

I hate the fact there's such a disconnect between the mindset of the girls I date now and my own mindset. I want fun and casual flings, they want marriage and kids. I'm kind of horrified to see that my friends are now married and having their second or third child. It shows me that there's nobody around to party with. I think if I had buddies that were single and were up for trips to NY or Vegas to swoop women, I would feel ok. I have money now, I can afford to go anywhere, stay in nice places, eat at great restaurants, etc. My life is much better now than it was but I don't have people to do that stuff with! Everybody has settled down. I don't get it, I really don't. That wife and kids lifestyle sucks for me. I can understand some people choosing it but EVERYBODY I know has gone down that path.

I wish I could just meet some like minded guys to get up to shenanigans with. There are clearly a lot of people like that on this board but most of us are scattered around. It's a shame. A lot of the times I resort to rolling solo. It's ace sometimes but other times it's kind of isolating and I see these mixed groups of young people drinking, having a good time and probably screwing each other and I do feel envious and like an outsider.

Everybody is so serious now. Everybody is preoccupied with their kids. I don't feel the same urge to settle down and have kids at all. What are you supposed to do in that situation? Having said all that, right now I would rather have my life than theirs (the guys who got tail in college but have now settled down I mean). They may be very content but it's just not for me, so right at this point I'm happy I'm still single, travelling to different countries on a momen's notice and meeting new girls (I'd like to meet many more but I guess I have to get better).

Sorry, maybe some of this post was off topic but the OP and subsequent discussion definitely hit a nerve. It's something I, and by the sound of it many others, have been thinking about a lot but I didn't realise a lot of other people felt this way. I just want to hang out with buddies, drink and screw a cornucopia of women, you know? I dont give a f**k about catchment areas for schools, house prices, climbing the corporate ladder, etc. But everybody around me is, so I feel really isolated.

 

[Mike32ct]

Hi YoMama.

Yes, I completely agree that being a late bloomer can also lead to wanting to sow your oats at an (advanced) age where everybody else wants to settle down.

For example, I KNOW I could get laid from my dance class within a few dates with some of the ladies there, but they are in the "I need a serious bf / husband" mode. I'm just looking to break a dry spell at the moment lol. But I don't want to burn any bridges in that social circle so I don't even try. I just go to class to learn.

No strings fun on trips spoiled me lol.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

lol, thirties seem depressing to me... Women and their stupid biological clocks ruin everything. They start fvcking at 14, when they should be doing more appropriate things to their age, of course by the age of 27 they see dating and guys as boring, so they pretty much just need a guy to have kids. And then many guys go along these sh*t leaving other guys alone and that feel also the need to get married. For me the idea of chosing a lifetime partner base on 2 years relationships when you are living for more 60 years, is one of the stupidest things invented by humanity..

I think this post resonated with a lot of people, myself included. It's something I think about a lot, even though I understand there is no point thinking about it or dwelling it.

I got no action in my university years. Objectively I'm a lot happier now but at the same time I know I'm far from young anymore and that really grates. I also hate that I'm too old to get the young girls (at 36 I think realistically the youngest girls I would get are 26 but more often late twenties or early thirties).

The problem is my mindset now is the mindset all the people having fun seemed to have in college, i.e. drinking, partying and getting laid. Whereas when I was actually in college I didn't drink and was too shy and awkward to really enjoy it. They weren't happy times but, as some people have said, I tend to look back with rose tinted spectacles, for a time that never existed. It's a common phenomenon though, people will be nostalgic for an imagined age. The film 'Midnight in Paris' is sort of about that, amongst other things.

Describing the feeling as a 'void that can never be filled' seems exaclty right. I just can't bring myself to settle down now, whereas the guys who were players in school and at college are almost all now settled down. I don't know if they are but I always imagine them to be happy because they were successful in their youth and therefore have nothing left to prove. Whereas I feel that I do. It's not that simple of course, I do love meeting new women, variety, etc but part of it is trying to make up for lost time.

It's hard to deal with. I do understand that it's better just to move forward but for us introspective types it can be tough.

I hate the fact there's such a disconnect between the mindset of the girls I date now and my own mindset. I want fun and casual flings, they want marriage and kids. I'm kind of horrified to see that my friends are now married and having their second or third child. It shows me that there's nobody around to party with. I think if I had buddies that were single and were up for trips to NY or Vegas to swoop women, I would feel ok. I have money now, I can afford to go anywhere, stay in nice places, eat at great restaurants, etc. My life is much better now than it was but I don't have people to do that stuff with! Everybody has settled down. I don't get it, I really don't. That wife and kids lifestyle sucks for me. I can understand some people choosing it but EVERYBODY I know has gone down that path.

I wish I could just meet some like minded guys to get up to shenanigans with. There are clearly a lot of people like that on this board but most of us are scattered around. It's a shame. A lot of the times I resort to rolling solo. It's ace sometimes but other times it's kind of isolating and I see these mixed groups of young people drinking, having a good time and probably screwing each other and I do feel envious and like an outsider.

Everybody is so serious now. Everybody is preoccupied with their kids. I don't feel the same urge to settle down and have kids at all. What are you supposed to do in that situation? Having said all that, right now I would rather have my life than theirs (the guys who got tail in college but have now settled down I mean). They may be very content but it's just not for me, so right at this point I'm happy I'm still single, travelling to different countries on a momen's notice and meeting new girls (I'd like to meet many more but I guess I have to get better).

Sorry, maybe some of this post was off topic but the OP and subsequent discussion definitely hit a nerve. It's something I, and by the sound of it many others, have been thinking about a lot but I didn't realise a lot of other people felt this way. I just want to hang out with buddies, drink and screw a cornucopia of women, you know? I dont give a f**k about catchment areas for schools, house prices, climbing the corporate ladder, etc. But everybody around me is, so I feel really isolated.

 

[Yo'Mama]

It can be a bit depressing but probably only if you're negative by nature and focus more on what you don't have than what you do have. I have to admit, I'm like this but want to change it.

But yeah, I'm fed up that the type of girls who want to date me now want to latch onto me, not just have fun. They're all the type of girls who want serious relationships, whereas I just want hot sluts who are DTF!

What a waste the college years were. I don't think I approached one girl. Unbelievable. In that sense I have no-one to blame but myself but I just had no idea at that stage in life, or the confidence with women to do anything.

 

[apprenticedj]

Yo Mama I hear ya buddy. There are so many expectations that society puts on us, party and be free during college, work hard but still have fun while building your career, meet your "princess" and settle down in a nice house in suburbia with 2 kids and a dog, live happily ever after etc. But that's just unrealistic and increasingly, given the divorce rate, impossible to fulfill at least in a way that makes you truly happy.
Regardless of my current situation I always find myself thinking "my life would be better only if ...." you can insert whatever fantasy you want to finish that sentence. Think about Ol' Johnny FratBoy. He got tons of snizz back in college, one night stands, FWBs, the whole nine. Then he meets a girl and settles down. Now he's in line at the grocery store yelling at his kids. I'm sure he too is dreaming of his days slaying young chicks, he may even be envious of you at this point.
I guess my point is, we always want what we don't have. We dream of the green grass in the other pasture but the reality never lives up to the fantasy. Until Marty McFly shows up in that sweet Delorean and takes you back in time to recapture your youth there's no use in beating ourselves up over it. But this site is a good place to come vent because we've all experienced this feeling in some way.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I also hate how people say it is never too late or you have plenty of time, because I don't want to reach a certain age where I'm too old to date or attract girls in their early 20's, or 20-something women that are still open to casual dating and relationships, not looking to get married or settle down yet

 

[Yo'Mama]

Yo Mama I hear ya buddy. There are so many expectations that society puts on us, party and be free during college, work hard but still have fun while building your career, meet your "princess" and settle down in a nice house in suburbia with 2 kids and a dog, live happily ever after etc. But that's just unrealistic and increasingly, given the divorce rate, impossible to fulfill at least in a way that makes you truly happy.
Regardless of my current situation I always find myself thinking "my life would be better only if ...." you can insert whatever fantasy you want to finish that sentence. Think about Ol' Johnny FratBoy. He got tons of snizz back in college, one night stands, FWBs, the whole nine. Then he meets a girl and settles down. Now he's in line at the grocery store yelling at his kids. I'm sure he too is dreaming of his days slaying young chicks, he may even be envious of you at this point.
I guess my point is, we always want what we don't have. We dream of the green grass in the other pasture but the reality never lives up to the fantasy. Until Marty McFly shows up in that sweet Delorean and takes you back in time to recapture your youth there's no use in beating ourselves up over it. But this site is a good place to come vent because we've all experienced this feeling in some way.

Yeah, I think that's exactly right. I'm really trying to free myself of society's shackles. I don't normally read 'self help' books but I'm reading 'How I found freedom in an unfree world' at the mometn and it's pretty liberating.

Anyway, sorry to go off topic. The OP should remember it's all relative anyway. I would love to be OP's age. Maybe a lot of guys in their fifties would like to be my age. It is good that as men we have longevity, whereas women really, really don't.

I love my lifestyle, I just wish a few of my friends were up for doing the same stuff but they've become so, so boring. That's unfair because I'm judging it by my standard of what's boring and not but I just wish people didn't think that reaching 30's meant working yourself to the bone for your wife and baby and the occasional holiday. It's not the life I want, that's for sure.

So, I don't think OP, that it's even about age as such, it's just the expectations of those around us. Which makes it even more of a shame because it doesn't have to be like this! I suppose it's different for women to an extent because of their biological clocks but it always shocks me how many guys will go along with a woman's agenda. If there's one thing I've learned it's that often men and women have very different agendas and men shouldn't be coerced into going along with what his partner wants out of life. Therein lies the 'quiet desperation' that many mens life becomes.

 

[backbreaker]

1. This is a really good thread. There is no way in hell this thread could have existed flame free 3 months ago. The mods were right. But that's for another day

2. I feel where yo'mama is coming from. you'll get there. I went through that phase of casual flings, plate spinning. Soon, or better stated one day you will be ready to settle down. But you got to go through that phase just like women had to go through that phase


3. move to a big city. If i were single tomorrow i would have no problem at all living the single bachelor life style but i live in LA. There are plenty of women, my age, younger, older.


4. Workout on a daily basis, will put about 10-12 years if not more on the bell curve of the age of women you can pull. I have no doubt i could pull a 21 year old HB8-9 right now. I don't look 30, **** i'll be 31 in a 2 months (Damn that was quick lol).


If you are 30-40 years old and you wish you could hit up these young chicks, get in the gym.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

I also hate how people say it is never too late or you have plenty of time, because I don't want to reach a certain age where I'm too old to date or attract girls in their early 20's, or 20-something women that are still open to casual dating and relationships, not looking to get married or settle down yet

Ahaha, I love your posts really because we think likewise. How old are you? I will have to change my mentality because for now I see 25+ yo women as utterly useless (not to be cruel, they have their standards and I have mine). I rarely see a really hot girl 25+ its super rare, those who are 28 and hot will keep their shape what? 2 more years perhaps?. I also find them depressing, they are a baggage of unhealthy relationships and desperate to get married.

So in a sense, I think that guys who are late bloomers are more healthy mentally, if they don't give too much importance to their state, because they don't have damage and drama behind, a little bit like kids...

 

[Yo'Mama]

1. This is a really good thread. There is no way in hell this thread could have existed flame free 3 months ago. The mods were right. But that's for another day

2. I feel where yo'mama is coming from. you'll get there. I went through that phase of casual flings, plate spinning. Soon, or better stated one day you will be ready to settle down. But you got to go through that phase just like women had to go through that phase


3. move to a big city. If i were single tomorrow i would have no problem at all living the single bachelor life style but i live in LA. There are plenty of women, my age, younger, older.


4. Workout on a daily basis, will put about 10-12 years if not more on the bell curve of the age of women you can pull. I have no doubt i could pull a 21 year old HB8-9 right now. I don't look 30, **** i'll be 31 in a 2 months (Damn that was quick lol).


If you are 30-40 years old and you wish you could hit up these young chicks, get in the gym.

It's off topic but I've been liking this forum more recently. There seems to be less negativity and less flaming of other posters. Probably I'm the first person to say that SS is actually improving!