How do men that blossom later in life stop thinking about the lost years?

Electro67

Don Juan
Joined
Mar 14, 2014
Messages
30
Reaction score
3
I lost my virginity when I was 18 but things didn't really start happening for me until I hit my mid 30s. I had plenty of opportunities during the period in between but I was clueless and botched most of them.

I do think about my "lost years" sometimes but really, I'm mostly concerned with the present and the future.
 

Mike32ct

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 22, 2007
Messages
8,095
Reaction score
4,704
Location
Eastern Time Zone where it's always really late
JaegerPilot217 said:
There was one guy who posted a thread here last Fall saying he was 29 and never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, and I spoke to Adam Lyons, one of the most respected Dating Coaches out there, that a couple of his assistants were virgins until 29, but ya don't get me wrong, absolutely was not saying there is anything bad with having your **** together, its just a reminder of something I'm still working on
Understood. I wasn't even talking about the shyte together thing. It's a good point, but I'm coming from a different angle. Some guys just miss out on women early on because of being super shy or having overprotective parents or minimal social circle or no game and no mentor or lack of looks or some combination thereof.
 

zekko

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 6, 2009
Messages
16,046
Reaction score
8,876
Ambitious Player said:
For some reason I feel like having 10 lays in college is much better than having 100 lays after it.
Who says? I would argue the opposite, honestly. You say you're a young guy. Fact is, people tend to be happier in their 30s than in their 20s. Ask people or look at any survey on the subject. How many people say the happiest time of their life was in their 20s? Or teens? Not too damn many.

Fact is, with age comes maturity, and part of that is you learn how to be happy, you learn how to not be negative and miserable, you learn to accept yourself and be more comfortable with yourself.

That said, yeah I carry some bitterness around with me, we all have some scars. But what are you going to do? You can't live your life in a protected bubble. What's that they say? Life isn't for the faint of heart.

Ambitious Player said:
What I am getting at it is that some guys who did not get that validation or thumbs up in high school or college want it now. In a way, validation drives us more than the act itself which makes it enjoyable
PUA gurus are always talking about validation, and about how seeking validation is a bad thing. Look at yourself, it makes you miserable. But I know, it's easier said than done.

backbreaker said:
fast forward 7 years later. you are still going to piano lessons. but now you play the piano at your church and you make 200 dollars a week doing it. you also get to upload sweet youtube videos online and have girls swoon over your piano playing skills. you get to win talent shows and you get to play in bands.
Great example with the piano. But look at the Frat Guy. He may graduate and become very successful, because maybe he has other connections with his frat buddies, and he knows how to network.

Thing is, I'm not Frat Guy, I've never been Frat Guy, and frankly, even though we'd all like to have HB9s at our feet, I have no desire to be Frat Guy. That existence is too shallow to be satisfying, at least to me.
 

apprenticedj

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Sep 17, 2013
Messages
418
Reaction score
43
Location
The Golden State, USA
I want to dip my toes into this jacuzzi. I totally understand the OP, he's longing to capture that fun, casual hookup culture that alot of college age guys experience. I'm a total late bloomer and now I'm feeling nostalgic for a period of my life that never existed. I only had sex with a few girls prior to getting married at age 23. I'm now going through a divorce and I find myself thinking about what could've been. It's fun to daydream about but it's also depressing. The only thing that stops me from beating myself up over it is that, regardless of what I do now, I can never be 23 again. Of course knowing what I know now I would do much better with women if I could go back but I can't. I'm looking back fondly on a time in my life that NEVER happened and will NEVER happen. There's really no use in it and as Mike32ct says those scars will heal eventually. You just have to focus on living in this moment and trying to extract as much fun out of your current situation as possible.
 

JoeMarron

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 25, 2012
Messages
1,311
Reaction score
63
Age
33
Ambitious Player said:
My problem is that I want that validation. I want to live that frat boy lifestyle after college yet feel that all the money in the world cannot buy that lifestyle. Like I want people around me to know I am getting the 9s and 10s more than I want the 9s and 10s themselves which sounds pretty ****ing twisted. Guess for me that is what is just killing the experience. I would rather be the frat boy that gets the 9 or 10 and his bros who know about it pat him on the back and tell him how he is the man rather than the Investment Banker that hooks up with a 10 but no one really knows about it other than him and the 10.
Post your conquests here and we'll be sure to give you a pat on the back. Seriously though this isn't a healthy mindset and I think you know this. That being said I have no solutions for you except to try to live in the present moment. I know that's easier said than done. If you REALLY want to live the frat boy life I don't see why you couldn't simply go to college now. Most men in their late 20s early 30s who stayed in shape can easily pass for being younger. Plus if that investment banker has a large enough social circle then there will be plenty of dudes around to give him validation for his conquests. I also don't see the point in working your ass off so much to be successful to the point that you have no time to enjoy the fruits of your labor until you're retired. Perhaps that investment banker should've arranged his priorities differently.

backbreaker said:
you know people say this andi always wondered.. what does the guy that has aids that lives in the congo think about his life when he tells people his life sucks lol? i mean, he's at the bottom lol.
:crackup: "Hey man look on the bright side, at least you aren't dying of AIDS in Afri...oh wait....damn."
 

Mike32ct

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 22, 2007
Messages
8,095
Reaction score
4,704
Location
Eastern Time Zone where it's always really late
I was able to partially compensate by getting laid on vacation. Some select Vegas trips worked for me. I experienced my first ONS at age 33, which was fantastic. Ok, she was about the same age, but it was still great. I still remember my jaw dropping when she said, "Are you ready to get out of here?" Despite the age, it was a priceless memory that made all my past "gaming" attempts worth it.

Then the MILF teacher one in 2012 :). She was 42 but still a pretty lady.

Yes, it's not the same as making out for days with your cute 21 yo gf when you're 20-27, but I did the best with what I had, and that helped me largely put the issue to rest.

As someone above said, ultimately, focus on what you are doing TODAY. I'd like to go back to 31, but it's not going to happen lol.
 

backbreaker

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 24, 2002
Messages
11,573
Reaction score
572
Location
monrovia, CA
another thing OP is that once you get older, you being to realize just how fvcking idiotic and stupid most 20 year old women are. I don't mean that to be mean but they are just too immature. **** women my age are still bad, women that are 18-22 are unbearable.
 

JaegerPilot217

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 25, 2013
Messages
1,231
Reaction score
16
backbreaker said:
another thing OP is that once you get older, you being to realize just how fvcking idiotic and stupid most 20 year old women are. I don't mean that to be mean but they are just too immature. **** women my age are still bad, women that are 18-22 are unbearable.
still they may have nasty attitudes but they are the most physically attractive, the sex with them makes up for that
 

backbreaker

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 24, 2002
Messages
11,573
Reaction score
572
Location
monrovia, CA
not really

20 year old girls are like Jags. they look nice but they run like **** and they always need to be taken to the shop to have it fixed. the maintenance / upkeep for a jag is not worth the outer apparent or the status of stating you own a jag
 

Mr.Positive

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 13, 2007
Messages
1,857
Reaction score
100
I think as long as you keep moving forward in life, you really don't have the time or care about the "lost years". You are moving forward.

Life should always...always, be getting better. If it's not, stop, regroup, analyze, fix what needs fixing, and get going again.

Taking a break from women is never moving backwards. Wasting time on women who drag you down, is.

As long as you blossom, you'll be the man you should be. Too many guys never do however. Don't be like them. You can never blossom and still be rewarded in life, by luck, but you'll never see your true potential. It's not about women, it's about you.
 

JdelaSilviera

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 10, 2010
Messages
569
Reaction score
41
Yep, that's a bit up media mentality. First you always feel older than you are... if you are about to start your wild phase in late twenties, you are still young.

Second you should bear in mind that lots of alcohol and sex are not healthy for body and mind, and won't make you happy by any means. Most party animals I know are not that happy, also look at all the drama in hollywood. People who live this lifestyle are simply not happy.

Third, you don't "lost" anything and hence there will be no scars. Scars will have those with an encyclopedia type book of failed relationships and associated drama. And you will have thousands of times sex before you die...

Fourth, you may feel like everybody was doing it, but many people "lose" their teens and college to a committed relationship, I know a few couples with 10+ years relationship.

Fifth, you can't benchmark yourself with women, by no means. Women start dating around 14 and fvcking around 16... By the time they are 30, they had 15 years of jumping from penis to penis.... look how happy they are also.

Sixth, ages are just a convention, the number of times the earth went around the sun since you were born ;). You perhaps feel like, a guy who flunked in college a lot, and feels like is to late to do something, or there is no point any more. Until a reasonable point there is no "age" to do nothing, you could also look at those who are getting married in their 20´s as losing their youth also.. I see guys from every age, going out, and gaming women. These years are only lost if you haven't built anything or learned with them.
Good luck
 

JdelaSilviera

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 10, 2010
Messages
569
Reaction score
41
JaegerPilot217 said:
still they may have nasty attitudes but they are the most physically attractive, the sex with them makes up for that
Yep, agreed. Also, although there are some hot chicks in late 20´s and after, there body is never, ever. What it used to be as 18-22... That´s women peak, after that they have all their lives to appreciate their fading beauty... I would hate to be a woman lol.
 

JaegerPilot217

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 25, 2013
Messages
1,231
Reaction score
16
JdelaSilviera said:
Yep, agreed. Also, although there are some hot chicks in late 20´s and after, there body is never, ever. What it used to be as 18-22... That´s women peak, after that they have all their lives to appreciate their fading beauty... I would hate to be a woman lol.
For a very long time I've felt bitter and angry, frustrated and resentful towards life and society because I hate how life and society made it the social norm, status-quo that guys have to make the first move and do the approaching, asking out, initiating, etc., when women get old, I like to think of that as us men having the last laugh, women getting dealt the karma treatment for all of those years of rejecting and friend-zoning guys, labeling them creepy or stalker. Don't get me wrong, women don't owe me anything just like I don't owe them anything either, its just obviously they don't know what men have to go through since women play the passive role in the world of dating and relationships, sex, hook-ups, etc., yes on rare occasions there are exceptions in which it is the reverse but its hardcore rare but I do see the positive aspect of being the initiator and doing the approaching now, when I get bittered and frustrated about it, its because I wish approaching and talking to girls in a way in order to attract them was common sense for me earlier like it seems for almost all guys by the time they are in their late teens and early 20's, its like knowing how to get a cute pretty girlfriend is instinctively common sense for most guys
 

zekko

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 6, 2009
Messages
16,046
Reaction score
8,876
Mike32ct said:
I wasn't even talking about the shyte together thing. It's a good point, but I'm coming from a different angle. Some guys just miss out on women early on because of being super shy or having overprotective parents or minimal social circle or no game and no mentor or lack of looks or some combination thereof.
True enough. I wish I could say that my failures were because I was off seeking a higher calling. But the truth is that they were more the result of social awkwardness, not having the looks, not having enough value, or just being generally clueless. I can't complain though, I didn't do badly in my 20s. I was never a superstud by any means, but I did okay. I had my dry spells, but generally speaking I could get laid, and had a few girlfriends.

JaegerPilot217 said:
still they may have nasty attitudes but they are the most physically attractive, the sex with them makes up for that
Wow, I don't know, that sounds pretty close to pedestalizing to me. I can't remember ever wanting to bang some chick who had a nasty attitude.
 

bigneil

Banned
Joined
Oct 20, 2006
Messages
8,377
Reaction score
2,696
Location
Texas
First, remember that we should start working at age 15 and live to be 120. So right away we limit ourselves by thinking we should stay in college until 23 and feel old at 29. That said, I was a late bloomer. I didn't lose my virginity until I was nearly 20, but it was to an HB9 hitchhiker who I picked up (she was 18). It was worth the wait. I'm glad I didn't settle for one of those fat girls everyone in town had.

I certainly regret not knowing how to make the moves when I was younger or I would have got one of the most beautiful women I ever knew (I got her later but she had a kid by then). But hindsight is always 20/20. The main thing you regret later are the times you cared too much, acted too nice, waited too long, and didn't try to kiss her when you were alone together. But you can only learn by failing, so fail a LOT!

I wish I knew more about diet back then, but some things just take time, and sometimes the Government was wrong (see sunshine, eggs, coconut oil, hemp, etc.) and your instincts were right. Better late than never.

Life is not linear. You must constantly seek improvement, and periodically (about every 5 years) reinvent yourself.

Don't carry baggage too long, because you'll fulfill your dreams and realize they don't mean anything anymore. Half our goals at age 30 are still based on showing up people in high school, but they have moved on, so there are indeed time limits in life.

Ultimately, you can only fool yourself so long. In the end, you either achieved what you set out to do, or you failed at it. Be hard on yourself and demand the most.

I found that the most important milestones on the road to becoming a successful seducer were:

1) Achieving radiant health.
2) Finding your purpose.
3) Being dedicated to your profession for the long term.
4) Achieving a major technical goal.
5) Learning how to care for an animal.
6) Learning how to dress like a gentleman.
7) Traveling for work to the point of physical exhaustion.

That is when a beauty will walk up to you and tell you that you are the man, and you'll realize that she is right. You will then carry yourself differently because you won't have anything to prove. Then, you'll be that interesting older guy, and it's just a matter of maintenance.
 

JaegerPilot217

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 25, 2013
Messages
1,231
Reaction score
16
For guys its literally a matter of knowing how to get a girlfriend and get laid, for girls they literally don't need to know how to get a boyfriend or get laid because obviously it just happens out of thin air for them, if I was socialized the right way earlier and had success with girls in my late teens and early 20's then I wouldn't be as resentful about the status-quo that guys are expected to do the approaching
 

backbreaker

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 24, 2002
Messages
11,573
Reaction score
572
Location
monrovia, CA
JaegerPilot217 said:
For guys its literally a matter of knowing how to get a girlfriend and get laid, for girls they literally don't need to know how to get a boyfriend or get laid because obviously it just happens out of thin air for them, if I was socialized the right way earlier and had success with girls in my late teens and early 20's then I wouldn't be as resentful about the status-quo that guys are expected to do the approaching

you are one bitter motherfvcker lol. you have to realize women have disadvantges to life too. you're focusing on this one thing.

first o fall you as a guy have the ability to drastically improve your quality of partner by having a good career / learning game / working out. for women it's literally a genetic lottery. Imagine knowing you're below avg looking and nothing you can do will make you below avg and you will be stuck with below avg guys for the rest of your life because of it

yes women don't have to approach men. that's the status quo. yes they get sex easier than men. okay, now what.



we have some pretty half decent dicussions in the mature man section. i will post this from one of the posts i made there a few months back

The older I Get the more I agree with the OP to a great extent. If you think about it, for all the *****ing that men do on this site about how women have it made, if you actually took a step back and thought about this for 1 minute, I wouldn't trade places with the prettiest of women in 2014.


Here are 2 very practical things you need to consider


1. Inflation. Not ***** inflation. Actual inflation. Inflation has rigged the game for women. Think about it. I live in LA. You live in LA you go to school, you wren't super duper smart so you get a student loan, it takes you 4 years to graduate and now you have 60k in student debt. Whereas 25 years ago that would have been 20k in student debt

On top of that, everyone you know has a bachelors degree so that's not good enough. You have to go to graduate school and pack on more debt.


AT that point, rather a woman goes to graduate school ro doesn't she's ****ed either way lol She's ****ed if she goes to school until she's 25-26 because she will be forced to work hours that are not conducive to dating and raising a family, but she needs the money.

IF she doesn't go to graduate school, now she has a regular 25k job with 60k in debt living in LA. Back to staying at home with mom and paying off bills plus no dude in his right mind is going to marry a chick with 50k in student loans. My friend in the other thread I'm getting so much heat on that's the sole reason she's not married; her BF won't propose to her until her student loans are paid off. She owes 25k.


So what's the alternative? Be stupid and dumb which is what you see a lot of today.

IN that sense the game is really rigged for women. The good ones, the ones that didn't' go to college just to drink and have sex, put their nose in books and then when they get out of college, they aren't 20 anymore. It's kinda ****ed up.

Saving up for a house, that that costs money and takes time. "Then by the time the dude who you've been with for 4 years is now 28 instead of 24 and now he has 21-22 year olds looking at him now you have to compete with that..



2. Women have the exact same problem AFC men have. They've been lead to believe lies.

While my mom was telling me to hold doors open, eat with my elbows off the table and to be a gentleman and women would swoon for me lol, women were telling their daughters that they could have it all. Don't make the same mistakes that we made, go live! Go to college. Don't settle for a man just because he has a steady job go look for love!

Now granted there are some women who are just.. ****s... for lack of the better word, but alot of women are not operating under the guise of being manipulative *****es or anything they are...


really, you get posts on this forum alot talking about "female AFCs" all the time and guys will say oh she's AFC over me.. really a female AFC is the above.. a woman who bought that you can have it all line, hook line and sinker. That's how male AFCs are made that's how women AFCs are made.


Then both of the women get to their 30's and then factors that wren't calculated for start to come into effect. No matter how much I stay in shape, no matter how educated I am, 22 year old women with perky tit's keep popping up. I want to put off kids until I'm 35 but my man wants kids and is going to leave me so he can find a woman with kids. Doesn't he understand that I can have it all? why doesn't he want me to have it all?


Life is like a roller coaster ride for men and women, we are all on the same roller coaster... better yet, it's a roller coaster that's in the dark, you don't know what turn is going to come, you don't know what is about to happen but men here, the red pill in general act like women have been on the roller coaster 10 times already and that they are using the roller coaster to manipulate us. At the end of the day we are all just as confused. Us just later than them.

Then the woman gets bitter about the age of 30.. no different than when men start to get bitter around the age of 22-24 when they realize just how stacked the deck is against them.


My wife has a female friend who is one of these woman. she's very pretty, she has a BF, she works very hard and is pretty smart. You talk to her she has her entire life mapped out. she's 27. she's saving to buy her first house now while trying to secure the raise at work working 45-50 hour work weeks, she will buy a house at the end of the year with her BF, then when she's 31-32 get married and have a baby when she's 35-36. And you get get mad at her and laugh at her when she hits the wall and none of that happens like she wants it to happen but how is that any different than women laughing at you when you were going months/ years without a date? It's not. Both of you are just realizing just how lied to you were by others.

This chicks doesn't understand her curves aren't going to be there like they are now in 7 years. She doesn't understand her BF is going to be wanted beyond belief in 7 years he's a good looking dude with his head on his shoulders . And she's not a prick she's not stupid she's not anything. she just believes she can have it all.


On the other hand, there are plenty of women who know what they do to men and abuse the **** out of their powers and those I feel no remorse for. One of the benefits I have being married to my wife is having all of her female friends over here all the time, and after half a decade of being with her and around them, I can tell you that most women really are just as confused as we are. The more you listen to them the more sympathy you have for them. We have different problems but we both have problems. most women in their 20's believe that they can have it all all the time just like most men in their 20's seem to believe that they will never ever get laid. Its subjective short term thinking by both parties.



I mean in the grand scheme of things, it may suck getting used and going sexless in your early 20's,b ut that's a problem that pales in coma prison to having to 1. get educated 2. find a husband 3. pay off your debts 4. have a child all before 30. And if you don't do one of the 4, you've hit "the wall" or you're stupid or you have too much baggage.


On top of all that. If the above wasn't enough. There's NO room for error for women. Let's say you find a woman and she gets the fact that she needs to do her thing before she's 30 and she gets educated and has a job and has a kid at the right time.. what if she married the wrong guy? By wrong guy I don't mean she feel out of love I mean, he beats the **** out of her or something like that. OR he's a raging alcoholic. I mean, you can say tough ****, and that's pretty much what I would say but at the same time, I mean **** I got a second chance. I'm a drug addict lol. I cleaned my ass up and 8 years 11 months later no one is the wiser. ****, I not only got a second chance I started dating HOTTER women lol. I became more social, I got in the gym, I rededicated myself to my work, my life took off in the women department. Women don't' get that. I could lose everything I have tomorrow and while it would suck, I would be comforted by the fact that 5 even 10 years from now I'd be right back here if I work hard. If you made me Job in the bible and took my kid away from me and took my wife away from me and my money I have the ability to get it all back again.. I mean that in theory of course I could not replace my wife or my son but you get what I 'm saying.. women can't do that. You're done lol. You **** up and marry a guy that became an alcoholic at 24 and you are now 29 with a child and an EX game over thanks for playing get your door praise lol. Now you're just that annoying ***** on POF that is always showing her kid off lol. Then you got dudes, walking around here pissed off because a HB8 won't return his phone call. That's missing the forest between the trees. If you do your thing right you have the rest of your life to swing your **** everywhere lol. Most women have at most, a solid 15 year window for that and that's being generous.
 

VikingKing

Banned
Joined
May 17, 2013
Messages
2,152
Reaction score
88
Location
America is best
backbreaker said:
you are one bitter motherfvcker lol. you have to realize women have disadvantges to life too. you're focusing on this one thing.

first o fall you as a guy have the ability to drastically improve your quality of partner by having a good career / learning game / working out. for women it's literally a genetic lottery. Imagine knowing you're below avg looking and nothing you can do will make you below avg and you will be stuck with below avg guys for the rest of your life because of it

yes women don't have to approach men. that's the status quo. yes they get sex easier than men. okay, now what.



we have some pretty half decent dicussions in the mature man section. i will post this from one of the posts i made there a few months back

Women have it easier early on in life, its true and they have more options, but don't like most of their options. Once they lose their looks, their options start running out real fast. Then when they settle down with a "nice guy" who provides, they will still be unhappy.

Men have it harder from the get go. But if you persevere and just keep throwing yourself at your goals, with zero pats on the back, and zero instant gratification, you will win in life.

Its better to be a man.
 

JaegerPilot217

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 25, 2013
Messages
1,231
Reaction score
16
noobolgy said:
Women have it easier early on in life, its true and they have more options, but don't like most of their options. Once they lose their looks, their options start running out real fast. Then when they settle down with a "nice guy" who provides, they will still be unhappy.

Men have it harder from the get go. But if you persevere and just keep throwing yourself at your goals, with zero pats on the back, and zero instant gratification, you will win in life.

Its better to be a man.
Yes I was literally never saying that women have it entirely easier, but I do feel women have it easy when they are young, especially late teens and early 20's, to throughout most of their 20's, probably start to see a decline in options when they reach 28-29, and this goes for mainly the cute pretty hot and average looking girls, yes most of the options with men are men they don't want, but they have the final say since all they have to do is welcome or deny advances and that doesn't really require social effort and charisma, social grace, etc., yes I do see the positive aspect of being the initator, it literally means we are going after what we want and when we want, don't have to impatiently wait like girls do, I think you get the point on what I'm saying. Its just I wish I had the natural ability of game when I was younger in my teens and earlier 20's like 21-23, in my innocent youth and peak prime, yes I know we men can raise and increase our attractiveness with age because of getting or having our lives together, career and stability, etc., but deep inside the feeling of missing your youth lurks inside a lot of us, and plus I think a lot of women would be skeptical of dating or hooking up with a guy that is old enough to be her Dad, 10 to 15 Years age difference is not too bad but I assume there is an age in which men probably become too old to date or attract young 20-something women
 
Top