How do men that blossom later in life stop thinking about the lost years?

[Ambitious Player]

I notice that a lot of the users here, on PUA forums, and in most dating advice categories tend to blossom late. A lot have confessed that they weren't the cool kids in high school and some have even said that they were not living your stereotypical college experience in terms of girls. I once talked to a guy that didn't lose his virginity until he was 26 and we talked specifically about those "lost years". The years when you are young, everyone is immature, fooling around, and not taking relationships seriously. Having read Rollo's post on SMV, it says that the value of men goes up as they get older and at the age of 30 men have a higher value than women their age.

It's like when you are getting into a relationship in your mid 20s and forth, the fun is not there anymore. It is all about being serious and "when are we gonna marry?". Girls stop trying to have fun and more serious while you are the animal that has been let out of his cage. You don't get to enjoy sneaking around like teenagers were doing or having your bros pat you on the back and tell you that you are the **** because you just hooked up with the prettiest girl they laid their eyes on. I can't be the only one which this has affected but it just always seems like to me that late bloomers have to deal with their scars. It is as if even if you become a player at the age of 30, you won't have the same happiness as a 18 year old did fresh out of high school.

 

[backbreaker]

extremely good post.


First of all, you have to quesiton the premise of your point in the first place. If you are in fact blossoming late in life, that meant you spent your time in your 20's doing something wroth a ****, and the other guys who were running around town without a care in the world, were not. I would not call those years "lost". not in the least bit. You actually did something.


Alot of people mis understand rollo's point when it comes to SMV. Yes women under 30 down, men over 30 up, but that only applies to you if you take care of your business to become a man of value. the premise being, that the traits that make a man desirable, really really desirable, do not come until fruition until he's about 30-40 years old. you don't just wake up on your 30th birthday and there are hb 8's outside in your lawn waiting for you to come out lol. that would be nice tho

so, are those years really lost? not they weren't. I've said this a number of times i went 3 years without getting laid. then another year about 2 years later when i was getting clean off drugs, i didn't date for a year then. i was young. 18-20 the first time, 21-22 the 2nd time. i did a lot of things in those years. i started a business. i learned how to work. I learned how to play the piano. I learned how to cook. I learned what hobbies and interest truly fascinate me. I learned how to be alone. . I learned how to not need a woman. I learned how to be resourceful. I learned how to deal with my own problems and not cry like a little ***** to my GF every time something bad in my life happened. I learned how to be patient.

Y point being those years really aren't lost. so I don't feel bad about the times in my life when I was not getting laid for vairous reasons.


I'll admit. i was pretty f'n bitter. it's not even that you want to be a player. I was just hurt. I was really realy hurt honestly. I did not trust women. **** i still really don't. i knew every woman that talked ot me would not give me the time of day when i was younger and it took me awhile to accept that and deal with it.

i made up for lost time and if any woman gave me the slightest bit of slack for it she could, zero fvcks given. there is nothing a woman could say ther were not enough tears in a woman's eyes for me to give a **** about my behavior. i fvcked friends, i fvcked cousins, lol just because i could.

and the thing is, that's not me. at the end of the day i'm pretty traditional, i want to come home to a wife and my son and just chill out. that's all. women drove me to that ****.


what women do not understand is that they think that when they are 30, the men they are now "into" have been playing around like they have or whatever for the last 10 years when most havne't. they throw their insecurities onto the new guy and the new guy resents them for it. the guy wants to just do what the woman has done for the last 10-15 years and this is the first time he can.


at the end of the day, it's the price that women pay for not giving responsible men the time of day when they were younger it's not my problem. no one put a gun to women's heads and told them not to **** with guys that were trying to make something of themselves.

 

[Ambitious Player]

Well good job on turning it around man but I want to know more about the fun aspect of getting laid and being in a relationship while being older vs being younger. Lets take 2 guys for example.

Guy 1 is a frat boy at a huge party school. He has his frat bros and knows that some of the sorority dime pieces would love to go out with him. The guy constantly gets the validation for being attractive with having sorority girls giving him the validation, his bros telling him how cool he is, and going on date nights with cute girls. College is literally a blast to him and he is young. So many young girls in his area for him to pick from and have the best time of his life with but the key part is that he is young, he is getting to enjoy the innocence of relationships, nothing is serious, and he does not have a worry in the entire world.

Guy 2 is an investment banker on Wall Street who makes a six figure salary on his own. In college he was studious, he went to a tough university where everyone was worried about grades and getting ahead rather than partying and getting laid, not many hot girls either. He has long work hours and though he is accomplished and has made it far in his life, the quality of women he is around pale in comparison to the frat boy. The guy has to worry about his job, the bros aren't there to back him up, he is constantly alone, and most women who he is around just want to mooch off of him rather than love him. Relationships aren't fun, every woman is out for his wallet, and by now most of the hot girls have been taken.

How does Guy 2 become as happy as Guy 1? Seems like Guy 1 can completely **** up the rest of his life but in his years of college he would have slayed more high quality tail than Guy 2 and had the kind of experience that emotionally and mentally lifts him. The guy can walk down the street with a smile on his face and love life. Guy 2 does not have that same privilege. It seems like even when guy 2 has had over 100 notches, he still won't get the same happiness as guy 1 did.

Maybe I am young and know little but it seems like women get to fully live out their peak and enjoy it with the validation they get from men while men rarely get to enjoy their peaks as they are constantly getting pressured from society into marriage.

 

[Mike32ct]

I get exactly what the OP is saying. The experiences you have with women later in life are quite different than you would have had in high school or college. So, yes, late bloomers do have "scars" from what they missed out on.

It took me a long time to get over the late bloomer thing. But I finally did. It just takes time.

I can logically tell late bloomer guys that it's pointless to look at another guy's happiness (such as the puzzy slaying frat boy) and feel envy, but it's going to happen until he matures enough to realize that we are all on different paths. So, in the end, you have to find your own happiness.

 

[Ambitious Player]

True but what I am wondering is do you ever really get over those scars? It is almost like being a late bloomer is an insult or kick to the face. Like no matter what you do you will never have that enjoyment out of a relationship. For some reason I feel like having 10 lays in college is much better than having 100 lays after it.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Deep post, but the thing is, you just can't go around comparing yourself to other people. Guy #1, the frat guy, lives for the moment and enjoys it. Guy #2 plans ahead, and works hard for the future.

These are not the only choices. The goal is to live for the moment and enjoy life, now, AND work hard and think ahead for the future.

All that really matters is where you are right now, and where you want to go. Live learn and grow. Allow women to join you on your journey.

 

[Mike32ct]

True but what I am wondering is do you ever really get over those scars? It is almost like being a late bloomer is an insult or kick to the face. Like no matter what you do you will never have that enjoyment out of a relationship. For some reason I feel like having 10 lays in college is much better than having 100 lays after it.

Great question. I guess we have to look at what we mean by "get over it."

In my case, by getting over it with time, I meant be at peace with it and accept it. I've done that. It is what it is. I can even find humor in it and laugh at it .

But do the scars go away completely? No, never IMO. I'll never be able to relate to women in a "normal" way. Even most men will never fully get where I'm coming from despite their good intentions. I'll always be an outsider looking in.

 

[sharkbeat]

Well good job on turning it around man but I want to know more about the fun aspect of getting laid and being in a relationship while being older vs being younger. Lets take 2 guys for example.

Guy 1 is a frat boy at a huge party school. He has his frat bros and knows that some of the sorority dime pieces would love to go out with him. The guy constantly gets the validation for being attractive with having sorority girls giving him the validation, his bros telling him how cool he is, and going on date nights with cute girls. College is literally a blast to him and he is young. So many young girls in his area for him to pick from and have the best time of his life with but the key part is that he is young, he is getting to enjoy the innocence of relationships, nothing is serious, and he does not have a worry in the entire world.

Guy 2 is an investment banker on Wall Street who makes a six figure salary on his own. In college he was studious, he went to a tough university where everyone was worried about grades and getting ahead rather than partying and getting laid, not many hot girls either. He has long work hours and though he is accomplished and has made it far in his life, the quality of women he is around pale in comparison to the frat boy. The guy has to worry about his job, the bros aren't there to back him up, he is constantly alone, and most women who he is around just want to mooch off of him rather than love him. Relationships aren't fun, every woman is out for his wallet, and by now most of the hot girls have been taken.

How does Guy 2 become as happy as Guy 1? Seems like Guy 1 can completely **** up the rest of his life but in his years of college he would have slayed more high quality tail than Guy 2 and had the kind of experience that emotionally and mentally lifts him. The guy can walk down the street with a smile on his face and love life. Guy 2 does not have that same privilege. It seems like even when guy 2 has had over 100 notches, he still won't get the same happiness as guy 1 did.

Maybe I am young and know little but it seems like women get to fully live out their peak and enjoy it with the validation they get from men while men rarely get to enjoy their peaks as they are constantly getting pressured from society into marriage.

You are generalizing your example as if boys who were studious will always lead to a life of a salary man, and boys who party in school will always party for the rest of his life. So I am not sure what you are trying to prove here.

We quickly segmentize people with their habits into different groups and conveniently put labels on them, and the labels imply certain habits or lifestyles that we deem more or less attractive than others. Guy 1 and Guy 2 in your example could very well be the same person. He was Guy 1, and became Guy 2 later in his life. Or, he was Guy 2 and became Guy 1. I would not be surprised if there are such men in this world.

The point being, fun in college is different than fun in adulthood. They are two different lifestyles. In college, you drink, you party, you drive a hot wheel with the most popular girls in school. Your sphere of influence is small but concentrated. In adulthood, the fun could be defined by traveling around the world, doing different things, sleeping with local beauties, and having a blast in different countries. Nobody would know you are living the life of a DJ because you are moving around constantly. You are not popular, but you are still getting laid.

TWO different lifestyle bro. There are people who chose to be a nerd in school and continue to be a nerd for the rest of their life, living the life of a family man. There are also hot jocks back in college but living the life a of a family man later with an HB4. 9-5 job, weekend getaways, dinner and lunches with small group of friends, post pictures of their babies on FB. Your past matters for it defines who you are today, but what matters more is what you do everyday, because it will define what you will become in the future.

 

[skinnyguy]

It all comes down to the importance you place on puss.

I'm still guilty of this, but thinking "man my life would be so much better if I were surrounded by HB 10's" is a losing game.

Those guys have plenty of problems that you don't know about, so it's not as rosy as you think. Now you're saying…well I'd live with that if I got so much puss! Well, you were given this life so just deal with it. Look on the other side of the spectrum. You could be dying of AIDS in Africa.

I think that being grateful for your life and being happy in your own skin is key, and will eventually lead you to more puss anyway. Girls won't be attracted to you if you view yourself as an AFC. Whenever I view myself as an alpha who has a lot going for me, I do better in the game.

After all, if puss is what you're going for, thinking that you have been dealt a bad hand will just make things worse. I did that for the past 10 years and am trying to rectify myself. When I'm finally comfortable with my own experiences and realize that life is too short to worry about those things, then I will be happy.

 

[backbreaker]

let me put it in these terms

say you are 8 years old. you play the piano on Saturday mornings while everyone else is watching X men. your mom has you @ piano lessons.

so you get to school and everyone else is talking about the new x men episodes and you did not see them because you were playing the piano. It sucked. When everyone was talking about the new episode where Gabit beat up juggernaut and how cool it was and everyone talking about jean gray being phoenix, and how super awesome it was, you were left out beucase you were playing the ****ing piano.


and you say you know what, life isn't fair. dammit all i want to do is watch x men on saturday morning with a big ass bowl of fruit loops and a coke lol. maybe a bacon egg and cheese biscuit from mc donalds. why am i having to wake up early Saturday morning to go play the piano. I don't want to go.


fast forward 7 years later. you are still going to piano lessons. but now you play the piano at your church and you make 200 dollars a week doing it. you also get to upload sweet youtube videos online and have girls swoon over your piano playing skills. you get to win talent shows and you get to play in bands.


Yes on the face of it, the 15 year old you will never be able to sit at home with a bowl of fruit loops and enjoy x men like you could have when you were 8. but here is the thing; you really don't want to. you don't have the same interests as you did when you were 8.. at 15 my interests were girls, basketball, video games and clothes. playing the piano helps me with clothes, video games and girls. what does watching x men help you with lol?


That's kinda where i am now. i will probably never know what it's like to sleep with a frat hb 9 chic. i'm sure it's nice. i'm sure if i were single and were given the chance i would do it. but it's not something 30 year old backbreaker lives for. today it's about horse racing, my wife and my son and a good bourbon, some traveling.

you have to give up something now to get something later. you can't go through life never giving up anything or you will never get anything.

Look on the other side of the spectrum. You could be dying of AIDS in Africa.

you know people say this andi always wondered.. what does the guy that has aids that lives in the congo think about his life when he tells people his life sucks lol? i mean, he's at the bottom lol.

 

[Ambitious Player]

My problem is that I want that validation. I want to live that frat boy lifestyle after college yet feel that all the money in the world cannot buy that lifestyle. Like I want people around me to know I am getting the 9s and 10s more than I want the 9s and 10s themselves which sounds pretty ****ing twisted. Guess for me that is what is just killing the experience. I would rather be the frat boy that gets the 9 or 10 and his bros who know about it pat him on the back and tell him how he is the man rather than the Investment Banker that hooks up with a 10 but no one really knows about it other than him and the 10.

By looking at it from that perspective I can relate to guys who legitimately get laid IRL but feel the need to post pics of the girl online, the validation which comes from it matters way more than the pleasure of sex itself. What I am getting at it is that some guys who did not get that validation or thumbs up in high school or college want it now. In a way, validation drives us more than the act itself which makes it enjoyable.

Being that in the USA everyone goes their own way and the sense of community disappears after college, the validation goes away as well because there is no popularity anymore. Even if you nail super models and famous actresses, it seems like you still don't get the same validation that a frat boy in college would get.

It is that feeling of hopelessness that seems to eat late bloomers on the inside. Sure, you might end up nailing more 10s than a frat boy ever will but you still won't get the same pleasure from it. You will get the pleasure of sex but not the validation and the respect from other men for getting those 10s.

I think I have been brainwashed by media and society far too much because this is legitimately ****ing with my head.

Come to think of it, I CAN SEE what made Jordan Belfort into Jordan Belfort!!!!!!!!!

 

[Mr.Positive]

I think I have been brainwashed by media and society far too much because this is legitimately ****ing with my head.]

AP, you are probably too smart for your own good. You THINK too much.

You need more action.

Nothing from the media, or society, matters. The only thing that matters is your own sense of self, your own personal happiness.

Never, never let anything **** with your head.

If you want to go out and bang chicks, go out there and do that. If you want to create wealth, do that a well. Do what ever the HECK you want to do, it's your life. Own it.

Don't go through life worrying about regrets. You'll only have regrets...if you start worrying about them. Don't do that.

Life is a river, always moving, find your way with it, moving with that river.

 

[foreverAFC]

some of us are never able to stop thinking about those lost years, i still find myself shutting out the world and jerking off to old saved by the bell episodes all the time, it is what it is

 

[foreverAFC]

It is that feeling of hopelessness that seems to eat late bloomers on the inside. Sure, you might end up nailing more 10s than a frat boy ever will but you still won't get the same pleasure from it. You will get the pleasure of sex but not the validation and the respect from other men for getting those 10s.

imagine that feeling of hopelessness but not banging any 10s, or 9s , or 8s, or any chicks at all, consider yourself lucky

 

[JaegerPilot217]

ya I know the the feeling OP, I got this post from a guy on CityData.com, he said "I missed out on the critical ages of 14-20 when girls were cute, innocent, cheerful, naïve, and everything was about exploring each other and having a good time instead of strategizing for the long term or using each other", I'll never get to experience a relationship at the peak of each other's libido, looks, and energy. Got to rant this somewhere"

Here is the thread about it right here:http://www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/2061681-worst-part-being-socially-awkward-older.html

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Ya I'm still 26 so I want to act on the time I still have left to date college aged girls

 

[JaegerPilot217]

extremely good post.


First of all, you have to quesiton the premise of your point in the first place. If you are in fact blossoming late in life, that meant you spent your time in your 20's doing something wroth a ****, and the other guys who were running around town without a care in the world, were not. I would not call those years "lost". not in the least bit. You actually did something.


Alot of people mis understand rollo's point when it comes to SMV. Yes women under 30 down, men over 30 up, but that only applies to you if you take care of your business to become a man of value. the premise being, that the traits that make a man desirable, really really desirable, do not come until fruition until he's about 30-40 years old. you don't just wake up on your 30th birthday and there are hb 8's outside in your lawn waiting for you to come out lol. that would be nice tho

so, are those years really lost? not they weren't. I've said this a number of times i went 3 years without getting laid. then another year about 2 years later when i was getting clean off drugs, i didn't date for a year then. i was young. 18-20 the first time, 21-22 the 2nd time. i did a lot of things in those years. i started a business. i learned how to work. I learned how to play the piano. I learned how to cook. I learned what hobbies and interest truly fascinate me. I learned how to be alone. . I learned how to not need a woman. I learned how to be resourceful. I learned how to deal with my own problems and not cry like a little ***** to my GF every time something bad in my life happened. I learned how to be patient.

Y point being those years really aren't lost. so I don't feel bad about the times in my life when I was not getting laid for vairous reasons.


I'll admit. i was pretty f'n bitter. it's not even that you want to be a player. I was just hurt. I was really realy hurt honestly. I did not trust women. **** i still really don't. i knew every woman that talked ot me would not give me the time of day when i was younger and it took me awhile to accept that and deal with it.

i made up for lost time and if any woman gave me the slightest bit of slack for it she could, zero fvcks given. there is nothing a woman could say ther were not enough tears in a woman's eyes for me to give a **** about my behavior. i fvcked friends, i fvcked cousins, lol just because i could.

and the thing is, that's not me. at the end of the day i'm pretty traditional, i want to come home to a wife and my son and just chill out. that's all. women drove me to that ****.


what women do not understand is that they think that when they are 30, the men they are now "into" have been playing around like they have or whatever for the last 10 years when most havne't. they throw their insecurities onto the new guy and the new guy resents them for it. the guy wants to just do what the woman has done for the last 10-15 years and this is the first time he can.


at the end of the day, it's the price that women pay for not giving responsible men the time of day when they were younger it's not my problem. no one put a gun to women's heads and told them not to **** with guys that were trying to make something of themselves.

I think you said you were a late bloomer right? Not until age 28? And give me an example of guys spending their 20's doing something worth a ****? What about the guys who didn't? Like don't have their **** together yet?

 

[backbreaker]

i got married when i was 28. i was not what you would call a late bloomer in the sense that i got sex in my early 20's, but i went through a phase where i put off women and concentrated on things other than women.


doesn't matter if you are 28 or 25 or 22 if you do what you need to do eventually it will pay off is my point. You're trying to hold it against me that i got my **** together lol. The moral of mypost is to get your **** together. i just realized at an early age what i wanted to do and i was willing to make sacrifices to do that.

 

[Mike32ct]

Not until age 28?

If you meant virgin until 28, that's me. I'm the all-time undefeated SS Late Bloomer Champion :cheer:

If anybody takes until 29+ to score, let me know; I'll turn in my trophy LOL.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

If you meant virgin until 28, that's me. I'm the all-time undefeated SS Late Bloomer Champion :cheer:

If anybody takes until 29+ to score, let me know; I'll turn in my trophy LOL.

There was one guy who posted a thread here last Fall saying he was 29 and never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, and I spoke to Adam Lyons, one of the most respected Dating Coaches out there, that a couple of his assistants were virgins until 29, but ya don't get me wrong, absolutely was not saying there is anything bad with having your **** together, its just a reminder of something I'm still working on