How do I solve my "shortness complex"?

[Adone]

Hi everybody.

I want to start this one by asking the Mods not to close this thread, since it doesn't talk about "how to get taller" or something, but it's actually something that could prevent people from posting stuff like that.

I'm 5'8, I'm not a midget but I'm pretty short, compared to people my age. I know I have a "shortness complex", since I always worry about being short and I often check other people's height and compare it to mine.
Average height here is around 5'11, so most people are taller than me. I usually spend my holidays in a State where most people are 5'9 or so, thus I look more or less average. Well, guess what? My game over there is almost perfect. I don't even have to mack, since girls approach me. I think this is not due to height, but to my inferiority complex.

I'd like to know how this can be solved, because this really hurts (not being short, but "feeling short").

 

[dirtyvibe]

Hi everybody.

I want to start this one by asking the Mods not to close this thread, since it doesn't talk about "how to get taller" or something, but it's actually something that could prevent people from posting stuff like that.

I'm 5'8, I'm not a midget but I'm pretty short, compared to people my age. I know I have a "shortness complex", since I always worry about being short and I often check other people's height and compare it to mine.
Average height here is around 5'11, so most people are taller than me. I usually spend my holidays in a State where most people are 5'9 or so, thus I look more or less average. Well, guess what? My game over there is almost perfect. I don't even have to mack, since girls approach me. I think this is not due to height, but to my inferiority complex.

I'd like to know how this can be solved, because this really hurts (not being short, but "feeling short").

i used to think i had a short complex-- i got into lifting weights, got a bit stronger (now 5'8, 150 lbs from 115 lbs)

turns out i just had a power complex-- i just felt weak compared to all the males arround me, and since so much of male heirarchy is based on physical dominance (just research male apes), i was kinda left out there.

now that im at least as strong or stronger than most guys, that i stand a chance in a fight, i don't feel nearly so bad about myself. women also approach me now.

getting stronger helped me, it may for you also.

 

[Le Parisien]

See Adone, I just knew that. We had some exchange about this your height thing some time back, you were saying out loud that "you don't care", that you were simply "curious". I knew you do care, but it's ok, I admit that I went through the same thing in my younger years (basically high school and early college).

Let me start by sharing a few things with you.
The first time I seriously realized that I'm not tall was when I was 14. Some other kid was "jokingly" saying some disrespectful things to me. I did what many would have done/said, "shut the fvck up or I will beat the living sh*t out of you" in a badass manner. Only to realize that it's not like in the movies. Due to my size and especially my height (1m74 or 5'8-5'9), it had no credibility. And it only got worse throughout the highschool years: most other kids were at least 1m80 (5'11).

At some point I got so self conscious that I was whining to my parents about how they gave me bad genes, that as smart as I am, as supposedly attractive as my face could be, it's all useless, "because I'm so short!"

Then came college. I went for the fench elite engineering programs. Life was basically study study and study some more (first two years). Later on when it was partytime, no attractive girls were to be found. What do you expect? It's a top engineering college. But one thing I learned through these years without knowing it (I realized that only later) is how to command respect.

Just imagine a campus filled with smart, successful and many times athletic young males, with no decent females to release the tension (I think you get what I mean). It was a highly testosterone charged environment. If you want respect, you need to earn it, and it's not easy. It's not as hard as the army, because the setting is different, but the dynamics behind is pretty similar. When I first started, I was just an average dude at best. But when I finished school, I was transformed into a very outgoing and social person with many talents that many people know about on campus.

Then I came to the US for my graduate studies. It was the first time I set foot on a huge 50% male %50 female campus filled with tons of young hotties in their early 20s. My heart was beating so fast that I felt like a textbook nerd from Hollywood movies. Because although I had extensive social experience. I "knew very little" about women.

But very soon, I realized that the social intelligence and charisma that I acquired all these years were going to serve me well.

To make the story short. By the time I left the US two years later, I didn't have any insecurities anymore. My social intelligence plus the positive experiences with beautiful females helped me to make peace with my body image, especially with my height.


Why am I telling you all this? So you can see that when I say "it's mostly all in your head", it's not some keyboard jockey typing wishful thinking.

In my case, what helped me grow out of it was my social intelligence (so I never had to be tall or huge to command respect from people) and the realization that I have a face that's attractive to the hot girls I am interested in.

See here comes another pitfall in the usual "damn I'm too short" mentality. You are "too short" for what? standing at 5'8, do you get turned down by hot chicks all the time as a direct consequence of your sole height? I don't think so...
It's more like "damn, if I meet a 5'9 gorgeous leggy blond, most likely she's not even gonna look at me before blowing me off... " thing in your head. I'm sure it didn't really happen (or not that much) in your real life, but just the thought of it creates this indescribable frustration. Am I right?
I used to be the same...:yes:
Now just understand that you don't need "everything" so that every hypothetical HB you might meet will be attracted to you. You can't get all the HBs in this world to like you right? And you don't need that either. If you get positive vibes from most HBs you actually do meet in your life, itsn't that enough?

You need to realize that it's never as bad as you think. I don't know about you, but I just happen to prefer taller girls (5'7-5'9), maybe as a subconscious consequence of my earlier self hatred about my height... So you would expect my situation to be really bad... That's also what I felt and thought until this gorgeous leggy 5'8 german/french HB10 fell in love with me...

The conclusion? Maybe this doesn't sound politically correct and goes against the "everything can be made possible" cherished and venerated by many. But I think if you are indeed a guy who has great things to offer, eventually very positive experiences with HBs will make you grow out of your complex. It might be next week, or in a couple of years, or it might never happen if you actually are just a whiney loser...


And I will finish with a few more "classic" rationalizations :

- I remember you said you are Italian right? I thought you live in Italy. Because in Itay, 5'8 is exactly the average height for young males. You defintely wouldn't be considered tall, but clearly not short. It's like 5'10 or 5'11 in the US.

- You also said you lift weight, so I suppose you don't have a skinny/bony/nerdy build that command no respect from people

- I also remember that yous said you have an attractive face. So if you were not lying and if you are not mythomaniac, you will do fine with most HBs. I know for a fact that many times, an attractive face can make up for an average height.

 

[myspacepickupguide]

How do I solve my "shortness complex"?

Stop believing it matters - it doesn't.

Try to befriend other short people who are more successful with women than you are. They're out there.

I'm 5'9" and I don't have any "shortness" problems. You're average.

Stand up straight and tall. And grow a pair.

 

[Scrumtulescence]

Some good advice here. I'm 5'8 as well and curse my genes for it (especially since my dad is at least 6'1 when he doesn't hunch over), and something that honestly helped me, as silly as it is, was looking at the heights of many famous "hot" celebrities. Not just their PR-reported heights, but actual real-life heights. Go to celebheights.com and peruse the famous male celebrities.....you'd be surprised at how friggin "short" many famous sex-symbols are. Hell, I had no idea Johnny Depp is at most 5'9. That kinda stuff made me feel a little better about my own height.

 

[Shiftkey]

Some good advice here. I'm 5'8 as well and curse my genes for it (especially since my dad is at least 6'1 when he doesn't hunch over), and something that honestly helped me, as silly as it is, was looking at the heights of many famous "hot" celebrities. Not just their PR-reported heights, but actual real-life heights. Go to celebheights.com and peruse the famous male celebrities.....you'd be surprised at how friggin "short" many famous sex-symbols are. Hell, I had no idea Johnny Depp is at most 5'9. That kinda stuff made me feel a little better about my own height.

Isn't Tom Cruise like 5'6"? Arnold Swarsinager is like 5'4" - I saw his costume from Terminator 2 in Hardrock Cafe once.

Really though, at 5'8" you're still taller than the vast majority of chicks, so it's not a big deal. But I can't give great advice because I'm 6'1" mwhahahaha

I'm also a tad bit drunk right now teehee :moon:

 

[MuayThai]

Being really short (under 5'4) is like being disabled for a man.

5'8 is crappy, I know, i'm 5'8.

People say "Do better in other things" "become smart/social/funny/ritch"
And then people will "respect/like/notice you more" but ultimatley, people are more animal than they like to admit, and when they see a shorter guy they automatically think "weaker/timid/less manly" wether its true or not.
And reading scientific studies is the worst because they confirm all your thoughts about it.

I'd like to know how this can be solved, because this really hurts (not being short, but "feeling short").

Are you sure this about being short? Is it about "physical dominance" or being able to defend yourself? Is it to do with girls?
Becuase you'll never be taller. Not unless you get an operation (it's called Ilizarov Bone Lengthening)

Just beef up and do some martial arts. I used to get thretened by bigger guys, not anymore, I can do a high kick of 6'3, hit as hard as a guy 30 pounds heavier than me, fight five three minute rounds without worrying about it. I'm not scared of anyone.

Your short deal with it best you can. And most importantly, your no less man than anyone else.

 

[Stud]

haha whatever you do, dont develop the syndrome of, 'i'm short, so i have big muscles to compensate'. almost every guy around here under 6' goes to the gym to compensate because "girls like a tall guys with big muscles, so since i'm not tall, ill have huge muscles." it doesn't compensate. it shouldnt even ****ing matter.

your short? oh well. it just wasnt in the cards for you, what more do you want dude? thats like the people who piss and moan that theyre **** isn't big enough. why are YOU concerned with how tall you are? are there some shelves or something your parents put up real high to **** with you? lawn gnomes talkin ****? if theres not a practical reason for you to be concerned with your height, then its really just your lack of confidence in yourself and the reason is deeper than your height, and thats the real issue you should focus on.

 

[NewMan]

I'm 5'8"

I can tell you there is no barrier between height and getting hot chicks.

My ex GF told me she never dated 'short' guys until she meet me - and she was very hot.

My current GF is extremely hot.

Whilst women perceive that they want a tall dark and handsome man - the reality is not quite true.

most of my friends are tall - shortest is 6'. The funny thing is I command a lot of respect with them for several reasons. 1- I lift weights. I'm 5'8" 190lbs. 2 I've a lot of exerience in matial arts. 3 I'm very physically fit.

I am not intimidated by anyones height - I've trained and fought taller guys my whole life and I've a lot of experience to back my confidence.

And confidence is the word. You need confidence in yourself. Except your height, because there is nothing you can do about it - and don't let your self confidence (and lack thereof) get in your way.

 

[wayword]

Isn't Tom Cruise like 5'6"? Arnold Swarsinager is like 5'4" - I saw his costume from Terminator 2 in Hardrock Cafe once.

Lol, BS - Ahnold is 6'-6'2".

Anyways, height is one of the main variables that do matter to most women. But like any variable you are lacking in, you either have to improve it or compensate with other variables. Look to some short role models to see how they did it...

Prince is 5'3" but a musical prodigy (unfortunately also hung like fishbait, though).
Charlie Chaplin was barely 5'5" but a ladies man cuz he was talented, famous and had a HUGE schlong!
Tom Cruise is only 5'7".
Bruce Lee was barely 5'8" but a gifted martial artist and charismatic screen star. His wife was very devoted to him and pretty hot.
Steven Spielberg is also about the same height - and constantly surrounded by hot bimbos who wanna be in his movies.

And I personally know some radio DJs who are extremely short (maybe 5'6") but have hotties flirting with them up in the VIP booth at clubs.

Problem is, most women will equate shortness with weakness and a small pen0r. So, you're going to have to overshadow those doubts, somehow. And getting lucky with one taller girl who likes you does not disprove this general mainstream attitude.

 

[Adone]

To Le Parisien: Thanks for the solid advice man! I want to clarify some points though:

1) I prefer short ladies, but unfortunately average height for a girl here is around 5'5-5'6 or so... and these girls usually prefer 6'0 guys.

2) Average height in Italy is definately not 5'8. I spend time in every part of Italy and I've noticed that average height grows as you go north: in the islands, I'm just a inch below average. In Rome, average is around 5'10. In the north it's usually 5'11. In a city I used to live during high school, my 6'0 brother in his junior year was perfectly average.

3) I agree with it all being something dominance-related and, although I weigh 150, I still feel small compared to other people. I see my muscles big, but my frame too small, both height and width.

 

[OBSYDYN]

I'm only 5'7", and I do alright with the women. I got sick of looking down at myself for being short, and realized that I needed to do something to compensate.

It's all on how you carry yourself.

 

[Adone]

Italians are mostly ugly short people. Sorry to burst your bubble. What junior year in Italy? I may be a large black man, but I know that there is no junior year in Italy. Next you will be telling us about pep rallies and tailgate parties.

Probably you are a troll, but for the sake of it I'll answer:


1) Recent studies proved that average height in Italy has become taller than Germany.

2) I'll tell you what, I'm 5'8 and people call me midget, which means that I'm at least 3 inches below average.

3) When I said "junior year" I obviously meant his 3rd high school year... That was not too difficult to understand.

 

[Adone]

Another point I want to clarify: my insecurities are mostly inside-related. It's pretty difficult to explain, but I do pretty good with ladies. I'm also a really social people. It's just that sometimes I don't feel happy because of my height and because I know that if I were taller, I would be an even greater person.

 

[[S]alvatore]

Italians are mostly ugly short people. Sorry to burst your bubble. What junior year in Italy? I may be a large black man, but I know that there is no junior year in Italy. Next you will be telling us about pep rallies and tailgate parties.

I'm Italian, short (5'7"-5'8"), but not ugly. Luckily i'm not going to stoop down to your level and start insulting African-Americans, because there is alot more material about a select part of your culture, than there is for my entire race.

 

[MuayThai]

haha whatever you do, dont develop the syndrome of, 'i'm short, so i have big muscles to compensate'. almost every guy around here under 6' goes to the gym to compensate because "girls like a tall guys with big muscles, so since i'm not tall, ill have huge muscles." it doesn't compensate. it shouldnt even ****ing matter.

your short? oh well. it just wasnt in the cards for you, what more do you want dude? thats like the people who piss and moan that theyre **** isn't big enough. why are YOU concerned with how tall you are? are there some shelves or something your parents put up real high to **** with you? lawn gnomes talkin ****? if theres not a practical reason for you to be concerned with your height, then its really just your lack of confidence in yourself and the reason is deeper than your height, and thats the real issue you should focus on.

Stud how tall are you? Has it ever been an issue for you?

'i'm short, so i have big muscles to compensate'

So you want guys to be short and skinny. But I also don't advocate becomming really big, reaks of insecurity. But hell if your obiously insecure about it anyway, why not?

it shouldnt even ****ing matter.

your short? oh well. it just wasnt in the cards for you, what more do you want dude? thats like the people who piss and moan that theyre **** isn't big enough. why are YOU concerned with how tall you are? are there some shelves or something your parents put up real high to **** with you? lawn gnomes talkin ****?

Being tall for a man has an effect on everything he does. Getting a girl, getting a job, fitting in. So it does "****ing matter".

if theres not a practical reason for you to be concerned with your height, then its really just your lack of confidence in yourself and the reason is deeper than your height, and thats the real issue you should focus on

There are a thousand practical and real issues why a guy wouldn't want to be short.
Lack of confidence? You obiously don't get out much. I'm the most confident out of all my friends, i'm smart, funny and look good in the face. But i'll always have one limitation in the things I do. I'm abit shorter than other people.

I honestly don't care, I am trying to be the best I can, in everyway. I've made so much progress and this little thing I can't change is in the way.
And i'm willing to do anything to get rid of it, i'm even considering surgery. If thats whats got to be done, so be it. I'm not gonna be this height for the rest of my life if I can change it.

 

[Le Parisien]

I think there's a little misunderstanding here. I believe short/average guys should lift weight or stay in shape by practicing good sports (I personally never lift, but rather prefer good sports like Capoeira or Breakdancing), this in order to be great physically and to feel good and energetic, NOT in order to compensate for the height so that "you will be just as good as the tall guys", simply because, well it's not gonna happen.:nono:

Just like BigBlackSuperMan said, many tall guys are also in great shape, you will never command the "brutal" and "primal" kind of respect, do you really want that anyway?... If you try to "compensate", not only you won't get any "respect", but instead you will be known as the insecure short freakish muscular monster, trust me, I've seen this many times, especially in the US, where guys are much more pressured to be physically dominant and agressive.

The purpose is to feel good about yourself, and at the same time not give out this impression that because of your height you just totally gave up on your physique.

And like MuayThai said, picking up a "serious" martial art also increases your confidence a lot. But again I suggest not taking up a martial art in the perspective of "I will be able to take on taller guys" mentality, otherwise you are still just compensating. Do it for yourself!

1) Recent studies proved that average height in Italy has become taller than Germany.

Ok, rationalizing only goes that far. Living in France, I've been to Italy and I've been to Germany. Italians are clearly shorter than the French, not by alot, but it's clearly visible. The Germans in average are way taller than the Frenchies so your studies...

But hey, at the end of the day, the Italians are (supposedly) much smoother than the Germans right? So height doesn't really matter...

 

[Stud]

Stud how tall are you? Has it ever been an issue for you?

I'm 6'1, so no, my height has never been an issue for me.

So you want guys to be short and skinny. But I also don't advocate becomming really big, reaks of insecurity. But hell if your obiously insecure about it anyway, why not?



Being tall for a man has an effect on everything he does. Getting a girl, getting a job, fitting in. So it does "****ing matter".



There are a thousand practical and real issues why a guy wouldn't want to be short.
Lack of confidence? You obiously don't get out much. I'm the most confident out of all my friends, i'm smart, funny and look good in the face. But i'll always have one limitation in the things I do. I'm abit shorter than other people.

I honestly don't care, I am trying to be the best I can, in everyway. I've made so much progress and this little thing I can't change is in the way.
And i'm willing to do anything to get rid of it, i'm even considering surgery. If thats whats got to be done, so be it. I'm not gonna be this height for the rest of my life if I can change it.

I never said anything about a guy not working out just because he is short, but little guys look ridiculous with huge muscles and all the girls know that he is just trying to compensate for his lack of height. It's pathetic. You should work out for the health benefits, not to make up for the lack of height or to impress girls.

There are things in life that you cannot change. Height is one of them. Sorry dude, I'm 6'1 your 5'something. It's just the breaks. You may have more natural ability than me in some area. It's just how it goes. To sit around and dwell on it is just pointless. the fact that you even look around for surgical options suggests your own insecurity. There are many worse things in life than being average or below average height. There's a prayer that you should really look into. It goes, "“Lord! Give me strength to change the things I can change, give me courage to accept the things I cannot change, and grant me wisdom to know the difference.”

 

[MuayThai]

There are things in life that you cannot change. Height is one of them. Sorry dude, I'm 6'1 your 5'something. It's just the breaks. You may have more natural ability than me in some area. It's just how it goes. To sit around and dwell on it is just pointless. the fact that you even look around for surgical options suggests your own insecurity. There are many worse things in life than being average or below average height

I know that prayer. But compromise isn't happiness. Compromise won't fix anything for me, accepting it won't change any of the facts about being abit shorter.

And i'm not insecure about it. In fact i'm confident about it.

I never said anything about a guy not working out just because he is short, but little guys look ridiculous with huge muscles

Amen. but what other options does a short guy have? It's not like they can improve their bodies in any other way.

 

[Adone]

Ok, rationalizing only goes that far. Living in France, I've been to Italy and I've been to Germany. Italians are clearly shorter than the French, not by alot, but it's clearly visible. The Germans in average are way taller than the Frenchies so your studies...

I found that study on Wikipedia. I was impressed myself too, but it clearly said that the average Italian guy between 16 and 25 yrs old is 176.5 cm (5'9.5) and the average German guy the same age is 174 cm (5'8.5). The average American was somewhere between 5'10 and 5'11.