How do I respond to this?

[Trump]

You're 21, so you may not have gone out with this type of girl before; however, I HAVE, and it's a pain in the butt. You're always walking on eggshells, always afraid of saying the wrong thing, and constantly worried that anything you try to do for them isn't going to be good enough. It's NOT a good relationship to be in.

What's the solution? I'd say "stop being around her," but since you're not spinning any other plates at the moment (which you should be), I'm pretty sure that advice is going to fall on deaf ears. So, instead, don't call/text her, wait for her to reach out, and keep the convo to a minimum. Don't ask her to hang out, and if she, by chance, ask you at some point why you two haven't hung out in a while, just tell her you're not about drama and found some other chicks to hang out with - which you SHOULD be doing anyway.

Great advice but bro there is no way he is going to take it. 21 years old with little experience and a hot girl is into him? You could have the Nazis invade his home the next day and he would still respond her text

"Help, I burnt my toast!"
"Make it quick, the Nazis are coming"
"Never mind idiot."

It's hard to condition guys with little dating or sexual experience, girls know this and will use it to feed their ego as much as they can.

 

[8inches]

You overreacted bro, she was joking. Why is it so hard for some guys to apologize when they're wrong.

 

[Piers Nivens]

Like I said, she broke the NC and initiated today. A series of simple stupid messages:

"hello"
how are you"
"I have a question, I took this psych class in another college already and got an A in it im taking it again i just realized it all the material is the same. what should I do?"
"btw im not texting you to talk to you so dont worry"

BULL****! within the CUNY system you cannot take the same class equivalent of the same name and course materials again if you already passed it even with a D, even if it was taken at another CUNY college. And she got an A in it. so she just made up some bull about the class just to use it as an excuse to initiate contact. and quickly says she didnt text to talk in general dont worry.

I texted back:

"idk, ask someone else. i dont have time for this drama. do not contact me"

she writes back:
"why are you so rude!?"
"ok i will ask. idk what to say to you"

i write back:
"and Im the rude one, yeah ok. bye"

she writes back again:

"yes you areeee"

its been 20 minutes since then and I have not responded.

we are both on the campus at the moment. should I tell her to come meet me and talk face to face?

 

[Piers Nivens]

responded with:

"im not the one going around calling people an idiot when they try to help. learn to appreciate when someone goes out of their way to give help, maybe then you wouldn't have conflicts with everyone"

 

[ARrocket]

"idk, ask someone else. i dont have time for this drama. do not contact me"

Immature. You're causing the drama now. Could have said "I'm not sure" and left it at that.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Agreed with AR Rocket.

Yes this chick is kinda lame, but you don't need to overtly spell it out for them. Obviously she figured out you might be upset or have lost interest since you went NC, but when you did reply to her text remember LESS is MORE.

Just saying "hmmm not sure" or something to that effect would drive her crazy, because you aren't being rude/mean, but you aren't being your "bend over backwards" self.

You spelled it out for her and now she knows she can still control you.


Bad move.






PIMP

 

[Cremasta]

Piers, what are you doing?!

You're forgetting the basics here:

"If a girl keeps finding reasons to talk to you, she is interested."
This girl is interested and it looks like you're shooting her down at every opportunity!

So what she says isn't always logical, big deal. She's making the effort to be in contact, this is a good thing.

If you don't want her around anymore, just tell her.

 

[DonJuanabe]

You're still being her textmate.

 

[Piers Nivens]

Immature. You're causing the drama now. Could have said "I'm not sure" and left it at that.

Sounds fair. I mean, I can totally sense the desperation in her texts to talk to me/meet up. I'll admit, maybe I over reacting whilst she's trying to get back in touch. But whats done is done, can only fix it from here on in.

Agreed with AR Rocket.

Yes this chick is kinda lame, but you don't need to overtly spell it out for them. Obviously she figured out you might be upset or have lost interest since you went NC, but when you did reply to her text remember LESS is MORE.

Just saying "hmmm not sure" or something to that effect would drive her crazy, because you aren't being rude/mean, but you aren't being your "bend over backwards" self.

You spelled it out for her and now she knows she can still control you.


Bad move.






PIMP

I had texted her telling her off (look, I'm totally interested and attracted to her, but she did get me pissed off). Told her off, and said to talk when she doesn't need anything (referring to the college stuff etc).

She texts me back:

"blah blah"
"wow A (me)"
"so all those times I stayed up talking to you 2AM I needed stuff?"
"if I ever see you on the campus im gonna clap clap, bravoo"
"????" (after no response from me)

its been 4 hours i have not wrote back because I'm not sure how to pull this from here.

the reason this is going through text at the moment is because, like I said, she's religious and is at home, so she is more comfortable texting but when she's outside she calls me all the time (not literally but you get the drift).

 

[Piers Nivens]

You're still being her textmate.

when she's at home, we have to usually text because she's kind of religious ( I told you, she tells me I am the first guy she has broken so many barriers with, including seclusion, and kino).

But we do call when she is outside, etc.

 

[Aristippus]

Sounds like she enjoys drama over stupid things and turns non-issues into issues. If you want to continue with stupid, pointless arguments, then continue contacting her and that's what you'll get. Stupid, pointless arguments and drama.

 

[Piers Nivens]

Sounds like she enjoys drama over stupid things and turns non-issues into issues. If you want to continue with stupid, pointless arguments, then continue contacting her and that's what you'll get. Stupid, pointless arguments and drama.

It's not that she enjoys it, it's just that she sensitive and thus very defensive of her statements etc ( i.e. she won't admit she's wrong and will say lets not talk but the very next day she is contacting me again).

Typical traits of sensitive, confused girls.

 

[Aristippus]

Whether or not she enjoys drama is irrelevant. She CREATES it. And it's pointless and sounds like it would be a huge drain emotionally, to deal with someone constantly bickering with you over stupid, little things. To clear up the confusion, replace the word "enjoys" with the word "creates" in my above response, if you feel like I'm guilty of trying to mind-read. The rest is absolutely a fact. Now the point is, is this acceptable behavior or not?

If you find that it's repeated behavior and that it's unacceptable, you only have yourself to blame if you disregard what I've said. You have 2 choices. You can continue seeing her and put up with her constant b.s. and walk on eggshells for the remainder of this relationship or you can make a timely exit and give yourself some relief. This is totally up to you. But remember, you've been warned. Remember that when you come in here next time saying you can't take it any more. You already have the answers and there are your choices.

 

[Piers Nivens]

I can definitely handle my own that's no problem; I don't get affected by anyone's bs etc, I have great healing skills (i..e gettting back on track). All that is irrelevant.

Task at hand is breaking past her this barrier (she already broke the kino barrier herself, despite the fact that when she invited me to six flags last summer she disapproved of my kino however a year later we are in the same college and she is suddenly initiating all the kino HERSELF despite being religious and not being in contact with men that way).

For a lack of a better term or phrase, she's being stubborn. And I have to deal with it but what I don't know (for this case specifically anyways), is to retaliate back by being stubborn in my own ways (i.e. NC/dont give a shvt) or since she is making desperate attempts at contact as usual but without admitting she's wrong, make contact with her in a positive way. Which is where you guys come in and give the assistance.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Stop caring about her being religious. It means nothing. Plenty of people give up that crap so they can live their lives happily. Don't make it your excuse for why she behaves one way or another.

It doesn't matter whether you talk with her for real in person. You are texting her too much and that does not help you; it can hurt you. You want her to miss you and not be in communication with you when you are not physically near her. If that happens she is more likely to want to be physical with you because of the emotional pressure it builds. The problem is that YOU can't stop texting her. YOU are too needy. You need to be somewhat strategic here but you're instead being emotional. Stop texting. Next time you see her plant a kiss on her mouth.

 

[Asterisk]

Don't be so naive!!! with all your posts your doing to sosuave EXACTLY what
she is doing to you!!

she won't admit she's wrong

she's damaged goods! GTFO and next her @$$!!!!

your so much like her it's UNBELIEVABLE

http://http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=16905

 

[Piers Nivens]

Alright alright, I get it. I gotta go WAY down on the texting, call more often and save the good stuff when we're physically next to each other.

Speaking of which, we had dinner and pool planned for tomorrow (before the whole 'argument' if you wanna call it, started).

She's gonna definitely ask me about it in the morning; I am going to go along with it, tell her to meet up at a specific location, have the dinner and the pool, and fix this whole mess while at it (without showing much concern however).

Whatever happens, she doesn't let a meet up get cancelled (due to these kinds of things that is).

 

[perseverance]

Newflash, all couples have arguments from time to time and most of the time these arguments are pointless and can be prevented, but you're human, so relax.

There isn't a mess to sort out as far as I'm concerned, just get over it and move on. Enjoy the activities you have planned and if I was you I wouldn't even bring up the argument unless she does, even then I'd just down play and concentrate on having a good time. Why let good times go bad over nonsensical f*ckwittery? Also the dudes who tell you to next and go no contact with your girlfriends aren't worth listening to, it's alright doing that when you're just dating a girl, but when you're in a relationship, you need to be a bit more grown up.

 

[TheWolfMan]

Dude, I'm gonna have to agree with HB 9.5 on the whole "idiot" thing...if the shoe fits wear it. Anyway you screwed up, but it's salvageable if you want to, it might be better just nexting her, as one of the other posters said you guys have a communication issue. This chick is lost and you refuse to get her directions and ignore her? The hell is wrong with you boy? Listen, I'm all about trying to maintain control and playfully tease girls that one talks to, but you gotta learn there's a time and place for that sort of thing. I mean you know this chick is sensitive right? Keep that in the back of you're head when you're texting her, once you know her better and she gets more comfortable then she will pick up on you're humor and or teasing. The second thing you did wrong was take her texts back as being serious, it sounded like she was just teasing you back with the smiley face at the end. Sounds like you got a little bit of "you can dish it out, but you can't take it" sort of thing goin on there. I'm not saying to bow down to the girl, but learn when to stand your ground and when to give in. This situation was not one of the those times. Tough call on the NC thing, if you guys haven't talked yet, I'd hit her up with with something along the lines of what DonJuanabe said, but keep it playful.

 

[ckdon]

dude what the hell. do not listen to any of these no contact boasters.

TEXT/CALL HER ASAP AND SET UP A DATE ASAP. DO NOT LOSE HER if she has shown so much interest. ive been in this situation before.

if you play ur cards right, she's a keeper man.

you are acting like a jerk it seems. the whole "why are you so mean to me and the you dont have to hurt my feelings" thing proves that she has feelings for you and cares and when in return you dont, she feels hurt and ourtighr said it to you.

arrange a date with her asap man.