How do I even get started with dating at 29?

[Mike32ct]

Well there is a dating coach that I’ve been interested in giving a try for awhile who does his sessions via phone call or FaceTime and he does a 1 hour session for free to new people in order to see if its helpful to them or not, do you think I should give that free 1 hour session a try and see how it goes?

I wouldn't. One hour free call is usually to get your story AND let you know how much it will REALLY cost to work with them. Prepare for some sticker shock (unless their paid hourly rate is on their website). A lot of them charge big $.

 

[needimprovement250]

I wouldn't. One hour free call is usually to get your story AND let you know how much it will REALLY cost to work with them. Prepare for some sticker shock (unless their paid hourly rate is on their website). A lot of them charge big $.

Their paid hourly rate is listed on their website, its $100 per hour after the free hour and he sometimes runs discounts on his paid hourly rate.

 

[Mike32ct]

Their paid hourly rate is listed on their website, its $100 per hour after the free hour and he sometimes runs discounts on his paid hourly rate.

Ok that’s not too bad. My concern was mostly about ones with no advertised rates.

 

[needimprovement250]

Ok that’s not too bad. My concern was mostly about ones with no advertised rates.

Yeah I agree with you on that, its always a red flag when they don’t list their hourly rate up front. This one specializes in guys who have no dating experience at an adult age and he’s posted some videos to YouTube where he speaks at length on that subject and he addressed a lot of the same issues that I’m dealing with in those videos. So I figure that it can’t hurt to just give it a try and see how it goes?

 

[Mike32ct]

Yeah I agree with you on that, its always a red flag when they don’t list their hourly rate up front. This one specializes in guys who have no dating experience at an adult age and he’s posted some videos to YouTube where he speaks at length on that subject and he addressed a lot of the same issues that I’m dealing with in those videos. So I figure that it can’t hurt to just give it a try and see how it goes?

It’s your decision. Just trying to be mindful of your time and budget.

But definitely focus more on the work situation. Start thinking about what you may be naturally good at.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thanks @Modern Man Advice this is probably the best advice that has been given to me on this thread, just joined your follower list on here also. I just feel really bad and discouraged by the fact that I’ve never dated when I’m nearly 30 and I can’t help but feel like its too late for me at this point. It also didn’t help that someone on here said that its over for a 30 year old NEET and someone else said that you need to be in a career with your own place to even get started with dating because I’m pretty far from that point right now. I’m totally fine with just casually dating because that’s a great way for me to get experience and if I’m able to get a FWB or something along the way, a relationship can wait, or maybe it turns into one, who knows.

It most assuredly isn't. You are simply creating obstacles in your mind that don't actually exist in reality, you just think they do.

 

[VirtuousD]

My biggest fear regarding that is if they ask about my past relationships and dating history in a conversation. I obviously wouldn’t bring it up or volunteer that info about myself, but what if they ask? Another user on here said awhile ago to just play it off in a witty way and then change the subject without revealing much about it, but would that work?

There's no reason it shouldn't, I've never had issue with women digging deep into past relationships on some detective **** at most it was why did you break up or how long did it last easy to fresstyle answers to both of those and change subject.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Thanks @Modern Man Advice this is probably the best advice that has been given to me on this thread, just joined your follower list on here also. I just feel really bad and discouraged by the fact that I’ve never dated when I’m nearly 30 and I can’t help but feel like its too late for me at this point. It also didn’t help that someone on here said that its over for a 30 year old NEET and someone else said that you need to be in a career with your own place to even get started with dating because I’m pretty far from that point right now. I’m totally fine with just casually dating because that’s a great way for me to get experience and if I’m able to get a FWB or something along the way, a relationship can wait, or maybe it turns into one, who knows.

Thanks, man. I appreciate that.

Well, the thing about forums like these is that literally anyone can pretend and say whatever they want. It's easy to wage wars from the comfort of your keyboard and behind a screen. You will find both destructive and constructive advice and perspectives. It takes time to learn how to use a shopping cart mindset when receiving advice here. You only take what you find useful and uplifting aka good for you, and for you alone. The other advice you simply ignore, and trust me, I ignore a lot of members here (not gonna name who). Just surround yourself with people both virtually (online) and physically (real life) that uplift you.

But do know there are really good men here, there are a few members who I respect a lot and admire.

As far as how you feel, you are entitled to feel that way but know it is never late to do anything in life. Age like height is a mindset thing. If you believe it is an issue, then it is an issue. If you do not think it is an issue then it won't be. People, and especially women, perceive quite well how you view yourself. Just in the same way, a predator will sense your fear.

Give yourself small attainable goals based on your own priorities in life. Career, finances, independence, women, etc. Just a small one to start and attain that. Then let that momentum and confidence (self-belief) carry you on to the next small attainable goal/milestone. And if you continue on that path you will be surprised what your life will be like in 1, 2, or 3 years from now. You will be then 33, and God that is young for man. A mature man in his prime is anywhere between 30-40. More if you take care of yourself well enough. You got time. A lot of it.

Modern Man Advice

 

[MatureDJ]

So that’s it then? I’m just destined to be a lonely and sexless failure and in your opinion, nothing I do will ever change that no matter what?

It all depends on your metrics; I shall presume that if you were Chadish-tier, something would have fallen into your plate, and so ergo, you are not Chadish-tier, and thus the odds look harrowing for you. Don't feel sullen - we men are all living through what ecologists call a "genetic bottle".

What do you think about single mommies? You could try being a Beta stepfather and get regular sex for it return - and maybe even get your own spawn out of the deal; men have a natural aversion to self-cucking, so you could have a decent chance there.

 

[EyeBRollin]

But I don’t want to start dating after I officially enter my 30’s because I’ll feel like too much of a loser at that point for not getting any until I’m in my 30’s. I’ve said to myself for awhile now that if I enter my 30’s in the same situation I’m in now, I’m just gonna fu*k escorts for the rest of my life and will just completely give up on dating. You mean to say that even if I’m both working and going to school for a career, girls will still have no interest in me because I’m not actually settled in a career at 29 and don’t have my own place? I almost wanna call BS on that because I’ve known guys who were literally living out of motel rooms or their cars who were still pulling girls on the weekends.

Waste of time. Women are a liability. You are not yet financially at a point to deal with women in any capacity.

 

[needimprovement250]

There's no reason it shouldn't, I've never had issue with women digging deep into past relationships on some detective **** at most it was why did you break up or how long did it last easy to fresstyle answers to both of those and change subject.

Yeah I’ve heard from some guys who have said that they’ve never had women ask them about their dating history or past relationships and some others have said if they ever do, there’s a good chance they won’t ask until after they’ve already slept with you. So who knows, maybe they won’t ask if you act confident enough and maybe what makes them ask about it is if you act nervous and clueless when you’re on a date with them.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah I’ve heard from some guys who have said that they’ve never had women ask them about their dating history or past relationships and some others have said if they ever do, there’s a good chance they won’t ask until after they’ve already slept with you. So who knows, maybe they won’t ask if you act confident enough and maybe what makes them ask about it is if you act nervous and clueless when you’re on a date with them.

If they ask you it's because they really like you and don't want to be pumped and dumped I find.

 

[needimprovement250]

Thanks, man. I appreciate that.

Well, the thing about forums like these is that literally anyone can pretend and say whatever they want. It's easy to wage wars from the comfort of your keyboard and behind a screen. You will find both destructive and constructive advice and perspectives. It takes time to learn how to use a shopping cart mindset when receiving advice here. You only take what you find useful and uplifting aka good for you, and for you alone. The other advice you simply ignore, and trust me, I ignore a lot of members here (not gonna name who). Just surround yourself with people both virtually (online) and physically (real life) that uplift you.

But do know there are really good men here, there are a few members who I respect a lot and admire.

As far as how you feel, you are entitled to feel that way but know it is never late to do anything in life. Age like height is a mindset thing. If you believe it is an issue, then it is an issue. If you do not think it is an issue then it won't be. People, and especially women, perceive quite well how you view yourself. Just in the same way, a predator will sense your fear.

Give yourself small attainable goals based on your own priorities in life. Career, finances, independence, women, etc. Just a small one to start and attain that. Then let that momentum and confidence (self-belief) carry you on to the next small attainable goal/milestone. And if you continue on that path you will be surprised what your life will be like in 1, 2, or 3 years from now. You will be then 33, and God that is young for man. A mature man in his prime is anywhere between 30-40. More if you take care of yourself well enough. You got time. A lot of it.

Modern Man Advice

No problem man, and I really appreciate you telling me all of this because I definitely needed to hear it.

I can see your point about having to cherrypick who you listen to on this forum, I’ve noticed that some guys on here are total doomers who will pretty much say that there’s no hope for you, or give you advice that is the exact opposite of what you need to hear.

It seems like mindset is the core component that I need to change, and I see your point about how you personally perceive your life situations matters a lot because when I went on my first and only date 7 years ago, I knew that girl wanted to have sex and I revealed how inexperienced I was out of nervousness and she asked me how I felt about being in that situation, I told her that I wasn’t bothered by it because I thought that would sound better than saying that I was really embarrassed by it, and it didn’t deter her at and we still ended up having sex. So maybe my perception of this will make all the difference at the end of the day.

The small attainable goals thing is a good idea also. I didn’t say this in my first post, but I have a really bad porn addiction and that’s been going on since I was 12. Its gotten so bad to the point where my sexual performance has become affected by it. So maybe to start, I should work on quitting porn and reversing the damage from it. Then also devote that extra time that isn’t spent looking at porn towards getting education and career squared away. I would also like to get on Tinder just to practice texting women. I don’t know if you read that in my first post or not, but I’m horrible at texting women and I feel like it would be good for me to use Tinder to practice that. I feel those could be a few good things to get started.

 

[needimprovement250]

If they ask you it's because they really like you and don't want to be pumped and dumped I find.

I see your point with that, they wanna make sure you aren’t just a fu*k boy I guess. But there probably is ways to play it off without revealing much I’m sure, women like when a guy is a little mysterious anyway, so I’m sure its not hard to get away with that.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I see your point with that, they wanna make sure you aren’t just a fu*k boy I guess. But there probably is ways to play it off without revealing much I’m sure, women like when a guy is a little mysterious anyway, so I’m sure its not hard to get away with that.

I usually laugh and tell them "somewhere between 0 and 100" if they ask if I am seeing any other women

 

[needimprovement250]

It all depends on your metrics; I shall presume that if you were Chadish-tier, something would have fallen into your plate, and so ergo, you are not Chadish-tier, and thus the odds look harrowing for you. Don't feel sullen - we men are all living through what ecologists call a "genetic bottle".

What do you think about single mommies? You could try being a Beta stepfather and get regular sex for it return - and maybe even get your own spawn out of the deal; men have a natural aversion to self-cucking, so you could have a decent chance there.

Well, the girl I lost my virginity to made all the moves and even asked me out before I could do it. There’s also been other times when women have been pretty forward with me by texting me first or approaching me to start a conversation. I don’t know if that makes me Chad-ish tier or not, but I don’t think I’m some ugly incel or anything because something has fallen into my plate before. Maybe like I just said to Modern Man Advice, this all has to do with my mindset because I will admit that I have an extremely pessimistic mindset when it comes to women and dating prospects.

Its actually funny that you mention single mommies because I was thinking of making a thread asking about how open they are to being FWB’s with a guy, I don’t wanna be a beta stepfather though. Do you think that they’re willing to be FWB’s with a guy? Because there is a girl who I went to high school with who I was always attracted to and I think she was interested in me because she tried talking to me pretty often at first and approached me as well, but I never did anything about it because of how negative I was with girls back in high school (I could honestly make a whole separate thread about that) so she stopped trying and moved on. We follow each other on social media and she’s now a mom of 2 and recently divorced because she went back to her maiden name. I’ve actually fantasized about being this girl’s FWB so that she can have a night away from the kids and have some “grownup playtime” with me. But I haven’t talked to this girl in over 10 years and I think it would be weird to DM her out of the blue.

 

[needimprovement250]

I usually laugh and tell them "somewhere between 0 and 100" if they ask if I am seeing any other women

That’s a good one, I like that!

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Well there is a dating coach that I’ve been interested in giving a try for awhile who does his sessions via phone call or FaceTime and he does a 1 hour session for free to new people in order to see if its helpful to them or not, do you think I should give that free 1 hour session a try and see how it goes?

If you see value, by all means. I think there's a significant amount of fraudin so definitely VET GURUS. if you see value, definitely give it a go especially if free.

It's a starting point. Stack from there. Go out. Don't fumble around or mental masturbate to YouTube. There's no two ways about it. You gotta go out.

There's a ton of click bait &&& jerry springer theatrics online. Very little actual game. If you got the resources, get this **** handled. Take life by the balls. Really run with it.

It's no overnight magic bullet. You want incremental improvements. You want to shift paradigms. You want to be sourcing options on the regular. More importantly, detach from reliance on the Internet. Go get girls. Utilize OLD but as a fallback. Plan Z. Not the only way to get low hanging fruit.

All you want is to level up. A lifetime of amateur and a culture that exercises misandry. You don't erase that over a weekend boot camp or phone call. It's a lifetime pursuit. Must dedicate transcending from 0 to #1. Society will always be trying to suck you back into amateur hour.

 

[corrector]

But I don’t want to start dating after I officially enter my 30’s because I’ll feel like too much of a loser at that point for not getting any until I’m in my 30’s. I’ve said to myself for awhile now that if I enter my 30’s in the same situation I’m in now, I’m just gonna fu*k escorts for the rest of my life and will just completely give up on dating. You mean to say that even if I’m both working and going to school for a career, girls will still have no interest in me because I’m not actually settled in a career at 29 and don’t have my own place? I almost wanna call BS on that because I’ve known guys who were literally living out of motel rooms or their cars who were still pulling girls on the weekends.

You get lots of blue-pill advice on here to lead you to find post-wall nightmare scenarios.

About the escorts thing, all I can say is your equipment is going to start failing soon. I noticed a decline and aging set in after 32 years old. (2008). You are 29 years old. Maybe that's not bad an idea if you don't need pills to get it up and maybe you'll feel more comfortable around women that way and you can choose who you want to go with that you feel attracted to. Not that I'm recommending this, of course, but the way you mentioned it here made it sound bad.

 

[corrector]

I started dating at age 30 y/o (2006), and met a soulmate in 2012 (36 y/o) and was married in 2014 (38 y/o), and got divorced before the long-dry spell that I'm still in. These were all in my 30s. One good thing you can say is if you do date in your 30s and have no experience then you can't fail because everything is a learning experience until you really get burned (ie and by burned, I don't mean rejection, I mean you put considerable time, money and emotional investment into a woman that does not work out in the end and everything is gone).