how do I convince this girl I actually like her

[guppyscum]

Hey guys,

I am not quite sure how to act with this girl I have been dating. She has had a super high interest level since the start, to the point where at times I considered a few things red flags but others considered them sweet (like buying me a toothbrush the first night I stayed over)

Anyway we have been seeing each other for about 5 weeks, and recently she said she would be busy for a week or so, so I thought great a chance to see some friends and hang out. About halfway through the week she begged me to meet her and her uncle before they were having dinner, I already had plans so declined. The next night she invited me to a party but for the same reason I declined. Although I missed her I wanted to honour my plans.

She called me a couple days later and we argued over me not coming to the party, she was upset I was so nonchalant and didn’t want to see her. I actually did, but sincerely had made plans I couldn’t make it even though I said I would try.

I took her out to dinner, we chilled and everything was good, until last night. She was going to a party with a friend and invited me along. I went with a friend and ended up having a great time, so much so that when she was leaving I said I wanted to stay, especially because I knew her friend from inter-state was staying at her place.

She is p.issed with me for not coming with her. I have high interest in her but why is she busting my balls all the time? I think now she will distance herself from me because she thinks I don’t like her as much, but in all honesty I do and have told her that. Is she just insecure or is this some kind of weird test? I just wish she would cut me some slack. It’s too early in the relationship to be arguing?

 

[AbsoluteFreakinChump]

my opinion...

I think she was wrong for expecting you to do what
she wants on short notice when you already had plans.
However, if you and her went to the party together
as a couple, then you should leave together as a couple
in most circumstances. That's just common courtesy.
Unless you are trying to make your gf jealous.

 

[Bonhomme]

Since she went to the party with a friend, I don't think you were obligated to go home with her.

Like AFC said, had you gone with her, it would be common courtesy to leave with her, unless she was being out-and-out unreasonable in some way or another.

Just talk it out, and point that out to her. Tell her you spend lots of time with her, but wanted to make the most of the less frequent opportunity to hang out with your friend, and wasn't too keen on making her friend the "third wheel" ... but wait, one other possibility just occurred to me (sinister chuckle ....).

 

[whistler]

Originally posted by guppyscum
... I considered a few things red flags but others considered them sweet...

Those'll bite you in the ass a little down the road. Just do yourself a favor and keep them in mind. If/when they resurface, think carefully.

 

[guppyscum]

Thanks for the advice guys; I really did think she over-reacted.

Interestingly enough last night, in my attempt to smooth things over I met with her, her interstate friend and her inter-state uncle. Charmed them all, including her best friend, and after a couple of hours had her friend telling her that she over-reacted.

Anyway the night continues and I am on my best behavior even though it is ****ting me that she is still skeptical. At about 3 in the morning, we are over her side of the city and I am expecting to stay with her as this was (at least in my eyes) the crux of the issue.

Her best friend says she is absolutely fine to sleep on the couch but she insists of driving me home! The irony of the situation was not lost on me… I mean WTF?!

This girl goes on about how it shouldn’t be so hard early on in the relationship, as we are in the honeymoon period. I have dated a lot of girls and know this girl is being very difficult. Why is she testing me so fiercely? Especially after her super high interest level at the beginning.

I refuse to apologize for things I haven’t done.

 

[flexion_]

Beware superhigh interest levels. She seems an AW it appears. These problems won't get easier with time.

I'd personally just back right off - if my guess is correct she will go a bit psycho on you when you do.

 

[Slickster]

Guppyscum

Don't change a thing dude!

You don't have to convince her that you like her! Remember she is supposed to be chasing you.

Her not being sure how you feel is exactly where you want to be.

It gives her challenge and mystery.

Hold your ground. Honor your plans. Give your attention sparingly.

When she gives you grief smile and make some more fun plans for the two of you. Tell her she's being silly and blow off her shyt tests.

You are playing things right. Keep it up and let us know how it goes.

 

[guppyscum]

Ok, thanks for the advice fellas, appreciated. Against my instincts I decided to chase this girl a little. I guess she provided me with some challenge which initially I thought was lacking between us due to her high interest level. But as it turned out even though I felt she was over-reacting she still piqued my interest.

She was still being cold the day after the ‘drop off’, but she mentioned she was going an art gallery with her inter-state friend and uncle. We always talked about going to this exhibition so I grabbed a buddy and went and had a look. We met there and hugged, she told me she had had a hard day so I held her a little.

We couldn’t spend long as she had to drop her uncle at the airport but she asked what we were doing later and I said we will be around the city somewhere. I went to a local bar with my friend and messaged her that we were there. Shortly after they arrived and we chilled with a beer. They were being very indecisive as to their plans and mentioned something about going to Chinese New Year downtown. I mentioned I would have cooked them dinner had I not been in the middle of moving house, to which she replied well you can come cook dinner at my place. We talked about option but my wing stepped in and said we would bring some great Thai food.

At this point she seemed visibly excited, she said she would provide the drinks and things were looking up. We had a great night, she was being very affectionate again but I could still tell she doubted my intentions a little. She even asked if I was a ‘serial dater’, what she meant exactly is beyond me but I played it off.

Drove her and her friend to the airport early the next morning and she was all over me again. I guess the point to all this was that my supplicating behaviour seems to have paid off in this instance. Whereas had I backed off further she would have grown more pissed and distant from my lack of enthusiasm. Are some AFC characteristics a positive after some (unintentional) disinterest?