How did I play this?

[Fruitbat]

Girl mentions a guy she met dating but she rejected but they remain "friends".

Girl mentions guy often. Guy is offering help to her.

I accidentally observe intimate discussion with said guy via text and call out. Girl says I don't speak to him again and cuts off contact.

Later, I say I just want honesty, not angry. Girl shows context of discussion and actually seems innocent, not actually sexual between them, but discussing sex. I say "fine, you can stay friends then"
So, via text, she speaks of him AGAIN and how he is helping her. I laugh it off and say he's a fool to help a girl who is involved with a guy she actually likes.

She then immediately keeps saying "you seem angry because I said I would stop talking to him"

I said no, I said you can keep talking to him but he definately wants you, bad.
She gets upset about this and assures me nothing in it and seems upset again that I questioned it.

So, eventually I say something like "Look, I don't care who you are friends with, I trust you and if you want someone else you will just find it. But I find it disrespectful to keep bringing this guy up all the time, it;s inappropriate given I've already said I don't care"

I said this because it seems she wanted to focus on me "being upset" about her tallking to him when I wasn't, she is trying to make me jealous, I said fine but needed to call her out.

Thoughts?

 

[TheGambino]

Just chill, change subjects have fun, kino make out and end date let her chase take her out again and rewind stop overthinking. Works wonders

 

[jboyd5]

Good on you for telling her that you don't like hearing about this other guy. Could also be hinting at other options to make you step your game up, perhaps you have become complacent. From the dialog it seems like she could have been testing you to see how you would react.

 

[Fruitbat]

Good on you for telling her that you don't like hearing about this other guy. Could also be hinting at other options to make you step your game up, perhaps you have become complacent. From the dialog it seems like she could have been testing you to see how you would react.

Got a text this AM with her apologising and promising not to mention again.

Radio silence from me for a bit.

All her game so far has been aimed at me proving I treat her well etc. This felt like a test the other way to see if I could put my foot down. I think she's a bit overwhelmed with how good I've been to her and this was some subconscious thing on her part to become submissive or see if I stand up to her. That's how it felt.

Frame is back to me now....I have to keep a bit distant because I didn't enjoy her antics.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Just chill, change subjects have fun, kino make out and end date let her chase take her out again and rewind stop overthinking. Works wonders

I was going to say blow a load on her to make sure she knows her place in this interaction the two of you have, but I guess the above works too.

 

[Glassguy]

@Fruitbat Wait....you are dating this chick?

 

[Fruitbat]

@Fruitbat Wait....you are dating this chick?

....yes....what's the surpirse?

 

[Glassguy]

....yes....what's the surpirse?

How long have you been dating her?

 

[Fruitbat]

How long have you been dating her?

A few weeks.

Quite intense though, spent about 4-5 days togther.

Another thing to note is that this guy is in orbit, is a virgin, and my girl has few friends here. He is asking her to find him a GF with her friends as the dude is asian and never getting a white girl here.

My real desire is to tell her she can't speak to the guy but I played it as " I don't give a shyt because I have nothing to fear" She is only bringing him up to make me jealous, I don't fear this dude at all. Plus, would she be telling me about him if she really wanted to screw the guy?

It;s a ballance between being a jealous douche and a pvssy.

Note as well, I only got annoyed at the texts because we both agreed to not see others early on, at her request. I only flipped initially because I thought she was lying while I genuinely played the game.

 

[dude99]

Girl mentions a guy she met dating but she rejected but they remain "friends".

Girl mentions guy often. Guy is offering help to her.

I accidentally observe intimate discussion with said guy via text and call out. Girl says I don't speak to him again and cuts off contact.

Later, I say I just want honesty, not angry. Girl shows context of discussion and actually seems innocent, not actually sexual between them, but discussing sex. I say "fine, you can stay friends then"
So, via text, she speaks of him AGAIN and how he is helping her. I laugh it off and say he's a fool to help a girl who is involved with a guy she actually likes.

She then immediately keeps saying "you seem angry because I said I would stop talking to him"

I said no, I said you can keep talking to him but he definately wants you, bad.
She gets upset about this and assures me nothing in it and seems upset again that I questioned it.

So, eventually I say something like "Look, I don't care who you are friends with, I trust you and if you want someone else you will just find it. But I find it disrespectful to keep bringing this guy up all the time, it;s inappropriate given I've already said I don't care"

I said this because it seems she wanted to focus on me "being upset" about her tallking to him when I wasn't, she is trying to make me jealous, I said fine but needed to call her out.

Thoughts?

Focusing on yiu being upset makes it your fault.

Don't worry about her texting and chit chat with a dude she friendzoned. He is probably one of many.

 

[Fruitbat]

Focusing on yiu being upset makes it your fault.

Don't worry about her texting and chit chat with a dude she friendzoned. He is probably one of many.

I only gave a shyt when I thought it was sexual chit chat.

What I object to is her bringing him into discussions frequently, and given her subtlety is diminished due to poor english it is transparent as hell. I object to the disrespectful jealousy game and being tested, and that's pretty much what I told her.

 

[Glassguy]

I disagree with dude99 (which is not often).

This type of behavior and you've only been dating a few weeks? WTF?

Start withdrawing attention NOW! Start finding more chicks. This is a major red flag and is TOTALLY disrespectful.

And dont think for a moment that this guy wouldnt fvck your girl if he had the chance.

I will agree that you should not say anything to her. Just start withdrawing attention and ghost if needed.

Either turn her into a late night booty call/personal *** dumpster or throw her in the trash. That's what she deserves. No more "dating" and definitely dont spend a dime on her.

Guys need to stop putting up with this bullsh!t from women. Go find someone better.

 

[Fruitbat]

I disagree with dude99 (which is not often).

This type of behavior and you've only been dating a few weeks? WTF?

Start withdrawing attention NOW! Start finding more chicks. This is a major red flag and is TOTALLY disrespectful.

And dont think for a moment that this guy wouldnt fvck your girl if he had the chance.

I will agree that you should not say anything to her. Just start withdrawing attention and ghost if needed.

Either turn her into a late night booty call/personal *** dumpster or throw her in the trash. That's what she deserves. No more "dating" and definitely dont spend a dime on her.

Guys need to stop putting up with this bullsh!t from women. Go find someone better.

Thank you for endorsing my decision to call out and withdraw attention, but I do find 90% of women do shyt like this, or variations of, early on dating.

I know he would and that is what I told her. I told her he obviously wants you but I basically have nothing to fear.

She came back very apologetic. I am not sure if this is sack-worthy but it sure gives me the frame back.

Even my ex wife flirted hard with a waiter once early on, and I dumped her and she had to beg me back. She never did it again, nor anything remotely like it.

I think it;s a shyt test, not a serious disrecpect or cheating.

 

[dude99]

I only gave a shyt when I thought it was sexual chit chat.

What I object to is her bringing him into discussions frequently, and given her subtlety is diminished due to poor english it is transparent as hell. I object to the disrespectful jealousy game and being tested, and that's pretty much what I told her.

I get it chicks want to try to make you jealous, but best reaction when they try to push your buttons is no reaction at all.

 

[dude99]

I disagree with dude99 (which is not often).

This type of behavior and you've only been dating a few weeks? WTF?

Start withdrawing attention NOW! Start finding more chicks. This is a major red flag and is TOTALLY disrespectful.

And dont think for a moment that this guy wouldnt fvck your girl if he had the chance.

I will agree that you should not say anything to her. Just start withdrawing attention and ghost if needed.

Either turn her into a late night booty call/personal *** dumpster or throw her in the trash. That's what she deserves. No more "dating" and definitely dont spend a dime on her.

Guys need to stop putting up with this bullsh!t from women. Go find someone better.

I dont disagree with withdrawing attention. Good plan. Let her know you have options. Just dont give her the reaction she is looking for.

 

[Fruitbat]

I get it chicks want to try to make you jealous, but best reaction when they try to push your buttons is no reaction at all.

The issue is, she was pushing me - "are you angry because I did this"etc which I initially said I don't give a shyt, carry on, just know the dude likes you (in a jokey way) and I think he's a chump.

Then, she got super pissed off because I didn't accept he's entirely platonic, then I got pissed off because she was acting like a stupid kid.

I go so far with the "don't react" but at points one has to just tell it as it is. Not reacting.....well, if you don't react when some chick is all over you best pal....there is only so far you can not react. When she is blatantly trying to jelly you up, I call out on HER behaviour rather than "oh, shyt, I am losing this girl" if that makes sense.

 

[Fruitbat]

I dont disagree with withdrawing attention. Good plan. Let her know you have options. Just dont give her the reaction she is looking for.

Indeed. Rwaridng this bullshyt with attention is dumb. She is back in the chase. I've sent her fvck all back and I won't until she starts pulling her weight.

 

[Glassguy]

The issue is, she was pushing me - "are you angry because I did this"etc which I initially said I don't give a shyt, carry on, just know the dude likes you (in a jokey way) and I think he's a chump.

Then, she got super pissed off because I didn't accept he's entirely platonic, then I got pissed off because she was acting like a stupid kid.

I go so far with the "don't react" but at points one has to just tell it as it is. Not reacting.....well, if you don't react when some chick is all over you best pal....there is only so far you can not react. When she is blatantly trying to jelly you up, I call out on HER behaviour rather than "oh, shyt, I am losing this girl" if that makes sense.

Just reading this makes me feel exhausted. And its a "few week" relationship.

Way too much drama and red flags. I would immediately abort. That being said, you are already justifying her behavior (which is very disrespectful towards you) yet you are obviously going to condone it and stick around.

Best of luck. I dont think you are going to find answers that fit what you want to hear on here.

 

[Glassguy]

And if a chick things I am going to go AFC and "compete" for her attention (which is why she keeps bringing him up), boy is she wrong. I will just hop to the next one that makes things easy and is fun.

Period.

 

[Fruitbat]

And if a chick things I am going to go AFC and "compete" for her attention (which is why she keeps bringing him up), boy is she wrong. I will just hop to the next one that makes things easy and is fun.

Period.

Hard when you can't just hop to the next one that easy because you are fairly average.

BTW, I also had a girl I rejected online and I message her sometimes and she messages me about our various dating experiences. I told current girl about her. It's not like I ambringing her up 24/7 but I didn't feel I was massively disrespecting her.

It takes me hard work to find suitible women and I am mid 30s and can't just hop from women to woman that easy, sorry.

Also, generally girls making you jelly is a sign of high IOI in some cases. Especially when they are young and a bit naive like this one is.