"How could it have gone wrong??" - The Sh*t Test Everyone Fails

[Ted_SA]

This is what happens to me every single time! Funnily enough I think this is happening to me right now!

I have been seeing a girl for a few months. I finally slept with her last night and I can see the whole distance thing already having spoken to her briefly today. I put in so much effort trying to "get" the girl, that when I "have" the girl I am often stuck as to what I should be doing now.

As soon as I get close to a girl this happens.

I still don't understand entirely what the best thing to do now is though?

I may create a seperate thread for my situations as there a couple of other issues that come into play but I can definitely see the presence of the active test in my situation.

New thread posted here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1562858#post1562858

 

[Mr CIDH]

The ONLY men who survive it are "naturals".

.. and the men who have read this post. Knowlegde is power. Cool post.

 

[PerfectCircle]

Most insightful post ever OP. litterally touched base on something far from basic, put it under a magnifying glass, and explained it so anyone could relate to it, and understand it. I read every word and became a smarter man out of it.

 

[Lion]

Good post to the OP, very useful.

 

[Jon55]

I agree with Jon55. I have a girl, had her for over a year. I turned AFC, am too jelous, too controlling, and even insecure I guess. This has been a struggle that I have faced for a while now. We're still together but on a "break" right now because she needs her space. The break will last two or three days.

I'm pushing her away. She doesn't want to go but I'm making our lives miserable. She adds to the fire by doing certain things that I don't approve of.

I need to trust her, give her her own personal space (we see each other 5-7 times per week and spend 4-7 nights together per week) and stop the jealousy. I just feel disrespected by the slightest things and my ego won't let me brush things off. I feel she is getting the better of me if I roll over and say ok when she cancels a date on me or whatever.

I know what to do, thanks to this site, it's just doing it that is the hard part.

Haha oh man, a couple of years ago this post would have hit closer to home than I'd like to admit.

Once I finally realized how many sexy, intelligent, funny, non-trashy women there are out there (I mean REALLY accepted it and actually recognized it, not just saying it out loud but truly believing it) is when the AFC inside me really took a killing blow. Yes, there are girls that you will get in a relationship with, and they're probably very special and you'll remember them forever, but there are many other girls in your future who will give you the same experience.

Once you notice yourself acting like you're going to lose something, stop. Realize what you're doing, and realize it's so not the end of the world.

The most important thing is that your focus on the real issue; yourself. Girls aren't the issue, the AFC/little boy inside you is. Focus on your life, and let girls be a part of it. Girls are just the icing on the cake of life, don't make them the cake. Your life should be the cake.

 

[Ease]

im hitting this too, around the 3 month mark. Its been nagging me a while and iv been trying to rationalize and pass it off as minor, but it comes down to her interest level dropping. Iv been failing the relationship **** test!

While it is very important that the main issue is 'beind yourself' and 'being self confident', i think the important point that this thread makes and we should pay attention to is, not let the interest level slip!

Personally, i think iv become to keen on making dates. Sure she has been happy enough to go, and hasnt been flaking but iv become a bit predictable in that sense. I dont text/call between dates really but i can tell shes been losing the killer attraction.

This part of the relationship is such a *****.

 

[DJDanny]

This part of the relationship is such a *****.

Get used to it because it never ends.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Just act as moody, unpredictable and illogical as they are and you'll be fine lads. Key word: Drama.

 

[Jon55]

Just act as moody, unpredictable and illogical as they are and you'll be fine lads. Key word: Drama.

Er, no. You should be the rock, unmovable and standing tall. They can be the water, going crazy and making a scene.

Then again, not all girls are drama queens (although most love at least a little in their lives).

 

[Ease]

Just act as moody, unpredictable and illogical as they are and you'll be fine lads. Key word: Drama.

Er, no. You should be the rock, unmovable and standing tall. They can be the water, going crazy and making a scene.

Then again, not all girls are drama queens (although most love at least a little in their lives).

which one?

someone drop some wisdom on this matter, unpredictable is necesery but men are indeed supposed to be the unmovable rock.

correct and contradicting advice.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Up!

A girl once told me "I´m very angry with you because you didn´t close the door as I had requested!". My spider sense was 'Watch OUTTTTT"

I could have said something, well, at least I didn´t apologize!!

 

[facadegeniality]

which one?

someone drop some wisdom on this matter, unpredictable is necesery but men are indeed supposed to be the unmovable rock.

correct and contradicting advice.

I wanna know this too. I have been told that i'm too predicatble after i get the girl.

 

[Gameness]

Squirrels

That was some ground breaking stuff right there. And I loved your fighter remarks since that's what I do. When you talked about the octagon and title shot...I heard dana white in my head go; "do you want to be a f**king don juan?!"

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Guys how to deal when the woman starts "acting angry". I always try to use humor to defuse the bomb.

 

[jnice48146]

This is a great post! I wish I'd have read this 6 months ago, and I might not be NC due to a bad case of the one-itis! it figures that women would have multiple layers of s*it tests. AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!

 

[Perfect]

This is simply amazing. I stopped reading up on the site a few years back because I didn't need any more information on how to "get a girl". I need this. Couldn't have come at a better time either

 

[prairiedog24]

Well, I just ****ing failed this test hardcore. I freaking hate myself right now. Doing everything so so right and then to screw up like an IDIOT.

Been so busy with school I neglected my social circle, not really a club kind of guy, and I live in a city with no young people. For the first time in my life I'm alone. It sucks.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

I found this message very relevant

Dealing with wild women

She will test you, constantly, to see if she can control you. Don't let her push you or manipulate you. She'll yell and scream when you stop jumping on her command. She will push every button she can find to try and get you back under control. She will rage at you. Always stop and think it through. Don't be afraid to apologise if you were in the wrong, but never just assume you were, and never apologise when you were in the right. If you were and it's just another ****-test, tell her directly "your anger is your problem, not mine" and give her some space to get over it. She'll rage even harder when you say this - that's part of the test. If she can intimidate you, you fail, and she loses respect for you. If she can't, even if the night ends on her stomping off to the spare room yelling "I'm never speaking to you again" over some ridiculous thing, you pass. Her respect for you goes up, she feels safer and more committed in the relationship, and believe it or not she finds you more attractive. Never ask for sex, NEVER beg for it. Just crank up your own engine.

It's possible that she won't be able to handle the new you. It's possible that once you stop pandering to her and letting her push you around, she won't want to be with you any more. If so, then thank her for the good times you shared, kiss her a fond goodbye and start looking for someone who can. But if you can handle being the leader of your pack, earning her respect and owning her as your consort through sheer force of personality, then I believe the relationship can work.

It has been stated over and over that if a gal does not "submit" to your frame, you must leave her. Otherwise she will set the frame, which is a lost proposition since the man is the leader, and she will resent you down the road. This is something she thinks she wants, to control you, but the moment she does, she will lose respect and attraction to you. The more bit1chy the less you have to appease her, yet the tendency is the opposite, to try to "weather the storm", which paradoxically, will make her worse.

About sh!t tests in general, it´s called a sh!t test because you don´t know It´s being administered to you. The sneakiest ones are those that catch you by surprise, this is the BIG one that will reveal what kind of frame you have, if you were pretending to be something you are not. That´s why inner game is important, because it DOES NOT matter what she does, you know deep inside who you are (a strong man) , and what you believe (she´s not number one in my life) so you don´t even flinch at her attempts to push you buttons. Actually you find it funny!

 

[Crissco]

Ive read a lot of posts on this froum. This by far is my favorite. Great post and great read.

 

[attraxion]

This thread is gold!

I'm pretty convinced I'm going through the active **** test right now, for the last three days she's been distant and even rude without reason, and I have (stupidly) been supplicating and needy.

Do you think three days is enough for her to lose all attraction? Or I can turn this around by totally breaking contact with her for a while?

Please read my thread at http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=173803 and let me know what to do! I realize I'm kinda one-itis'ed but I don't wanna give up on the game her until I'm sure it's not worth it.