"How could it have gone wrong??" - The Sh*t Test Everyone Fails

[DPistol]

Amazing post. Just recently broke up with my girlfriend and this post opened my eyes.

 

[Mr. Bond]

Bumping this thread...I failed this test. I did have authentic confidence, but I lost it because I got comfortable and lazy with my life. A girl went being one of several I was fvcking to complete oneitis.

Here's the thing, I even read this thread before it happened! But I forgot about all the things I learned, including this important lesson. Even if you're super-confident...actually confident...you can relapse. I did.

I posted this thread a couple years ago.. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=173672

Does this sound like someone who would make a girl his life, get dumped, and take months to get over her? Well it is exactly what eventually happened.

Lesson learned - the "game" of self improvement never ends, and you must focus on winning instead of "not losing."

 

[Tictac]

Bump

 

[Lotus Effect]

I'm bumping this motherf*cker because this sh*t is the sh*t!

I'm speechless. It's so well writen that it just seem obvious, you know!

You read this, and by the end you just say, yeah, that is it! Amazing. Simple. And made me feel like an idiot.

To all the guys on the NC thread, this is a MUST read!

 

[sph21]

What a great post. Before I read this, I could only understand the passive tests.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Hmmm... squirrels has been gone for 2 full years now. I wonder what became of him.

 

[Tictac]

Yes, this has been up for a while.

But it is pure gold - a refresher for old hands and a revelation for neophytes.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Jesus Francis Christ!

I cannot believe you've bumped this (again!) Tictac!
Thank you mate!

I was referring to this post a while ago to a dude over here in SoSuave, but I couldn't recall which thread it was!

Awesome law of attraction! Thank you so much mate! Excellent bump, and an excellent read!

 

[aforabi]

Bump!

This is a "classic" example of "Fear of Acceptance" ...

Once you get her, you do not know what to do with her ...

Just like you, let her into YOUR world and engage her there and see if she wants to hang around... If she likes your style, she will, otherwise, she is a b*tch for sure ...

How do you create your world? By doing things - start building some hobbies - i usually take girls for pool, bowling, rock climbing, cycling, and all kinds of sports - and see if they want to be a part of it ...

 

[jcjetty]

The best advice I've ever been given concerning a ltr is " Don't ever get too comfortable brother! "

 

[dillj]

I was very fortunate that the army sent me to a real backwater in Korea. Nothing to do, basically, $250 per month, 1972, E4, clear money and a Fifth Dan in TaeKwando and 1st dan in Judo wants $10 per month for 24 hours per week, 2-4 guys in the class! Hell YEAH!. I doubled up, and so made black belt in 10 months. Moon said I could have won it at 5 months, actually. When you are also a proven top 10% competitor in combat rifle and pistol matches, have often lived out of a 20 lb backpack for a week or more, you have a REAL man card. Espeically if you've had to draw your pistol or smack some jerk. I had to handle some attacks by 70 lb attack trained dogs, too. Today, I seperate-out that part of me, reserving the coldness for those who deserve/require it. I've got a fine wife and kid. She's seen the GK side of me and while she's glad that it does exist, she wants it "holstered" until it's needed. Seems reasonable to me. This sort of prep to be a real man is likely to cost you at least 20k US $. Do you want it that badly?

 

[mikey2012]

this needs to be bumped

 

[mikey2012]

Bump for 2018

 

[wifehunter]

I'm over it....the best thing to do when you finally get the girl or whatever...is to go about your BUSINESS. When she decided to go cold, you're too busy to notice, because:

 

[Lotus Effect]

Hey guys!

This post still amazes me every sing effing time! And it's also amazing how this keeps getting bumped every time I am in need of it!

I've been away from SoSuave for 3 years, and after 1 LTR, countless lays, and one ongoing LTR I'm shocked that this showed up in my email today. God damn this flipping law of attracition!

Anyways... Pure gold, must read, must re read!

Cheers everyone!

 

[Metanoia]

I've managed to recover now...but every word of this made me smile, shake my head, and laugh in amazement to how much this fit my very situation

 

[Soflobro#2]

Confessions from a woman...

This is one of the best "get out of the matrix" posts! So, another contribution, I found this topic here:
http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2011/03/21/relationshipstrategies/why-we-sh!t-test/

*replace ! for i

Rollo Tomassi is mentioned there.

One of the latest sh!t tests I´ve been subjected to were:
"Will you buy that for me?"
"Will you do my homework for me?"
To which I replied: NO.
"I´ve heard you look like you´re not good in bed!"
To which I replied: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: and said "I think they want to try me uh???"
"I´m a burden to you, perhaps I should go"
To which I replied: PERHAPS!
...

"you might be right"

 

[Mr.Mac55]

Pretty much exactly what happened to me.

Dated girl for 9 months. Had sex so many times I lost count. It was casual and fun for so long.

Then I started staying over at her place every now and then. We fell in love. I bought her gifts. We made plans to take vacations together. All was good.

She has three kids though, so one night I was in she threw the "what about my kids?" thing at me. I balked. I refused to commit.

She dumped me 5 days later.

 

[thelittleprince]

Disclaimer

The following is a mind-dump. It's a result of a lot of actual experience and a lot of compiled thoughts I've had dancing around in my head about why things didn't work out with "this woman" or "that woman". It's obvious this is geared to someone who's looking for more than just a "f*ck"...you really DON'T have to worry about this kind of thing if sex is all you're after. I'm not chumping out, but once you reach a certain age, you wouldn't mind finding a girl you can chill with for the long term. This game isn't all it's cracked up to be.


Boy meets Test

So you met a girl. Things went well right from the start. You were smooth, introduced yourself immediately, showed you weren't afraid to bust her balls a little, turned up the charm and the kino, and she's calling you right back all the time, texting you throughout the day, you've had sex once or twice. Everything's going great. In fact, she seems to want to spend time with you all the time! She's inviting YOU out now, instead of you always having to beg for HER time. Maybe she's even "confessed" that she "really likes you", or she's brought up exclusivity or the possibility of a relationship. Hell, she's everything you wanted, so you're more than happy to go along with it.

But then something happens. Suddenly the calls stop coming as frequently. She's "busy" a lot more often, going out with "the girls" or not available to see you. When she IS around, she seems strangely distant, like she still likes being around you, but she acts as if there's somewhere else she thinks she should be. She's not warm to you physically any more. She starts getting calls when you're out together. You notice a few more male "friends" on her MySpace account. Eventually the frustration gets the best of you and you ask her what's up? "Nothing", she says. Then you don't hear from her again...unless you take the AFC route and badger her until she gives you the "LJBF" speech.

How could things have gone so wrong? You HAD her. She was all about you! Did she find someone THAT much better? Did you do something wrong? What the hell happened that led her to such a 180??

To quote George W Bush, "You just fell for the trap!"

The Test Even the Best Don't See Coming

Early in your encounter with a woman, she'll throw you a lot of sh!t tests to see if you're truly worthy of "having her" or just a pretender running game. She'll bust on your confidence to see if it's authentic. She'll ask clever questions to try to trip you up or see if your answers give her secret insights. She'll get mad or start crying sometimes, just to see how you react. Websites like this one do an excellent job on teaching you how to maintain the frame, stay confident, and deal with these tests one at a time, until, finally, she appears to have let you in. Checkmate, you think! You've finally broken through the "tests" and the "b!tch shields" and earned her final approval.

What you've REALLY just done is fallen into the most clever reverse-psychology gambit women have in their arsenal. You've been blinded by the prospect of victory, so you don't realize you've been suddenly swept into the REAL challenge.

And the worst thing is...there's no FAKING your way out of this one. It's a woman's only sure-fire way to really test your mettle, to see what, deep inside, you REALLY believe about yourself.

The PASSIVE Tests

Women's initial sh!t-tests are PASSIVE tests. They can filter you out based on a lack of confidence or a reluctance to approach. They can filter you based on how well you pick up on their little key words or ideas. On how readily you initiate "kino", how comfortable you are physically. How good you look, how good you are in bed, etc... And how you react to her throwing curveballs at you. Whether you are GENUINE or not.

This is what a woman is trying to determine. She LIKES what she sees...that much is apparent by the way she responds to you. But in a world of players and liars and cheats and a-holes, she wants to know...is what she sees really YOU, or is it a clever mirage? Are you playing her? Are you making yourself out to be MORE than you really believe that you are?

Fortunately for the budding "Don Juan", these passive tests are relatively easy to disarm. But for the woman, administering these tests takes very little investment on her part. She can be administering the same set of passive tests to 20 different boys at once to see which are really MEN.

If you pass these passive tests, you have every right to be proud of yourself. But all these passive tests are for a woman are screening procedures to see if you're worthy for the REAL test, the one that requires her to invest some serious effort into...

The ACTIVE Test

The ACTIVE test lays everything bare. And it comes at precisely the point you think you've "won the battle" and can get a chance to rest your "game".

Now only the "real men" make it to the active test, and the reason for that is that it requires the woman to do something that takes an enormous investment of time and emotion from her.

The ACTIVE test is very simple. She GIVES you what you want. She gives you her affection. Either subtly or directly, she says, "You win. I'm yours."

Then she watches what you do next.

What you gonna do...with this p*ssy?

Kandi's line from the E-40 song..."What you gonna do, with this p*ssy?"...sums up the active test perfectly.

"You want me? You think you're good enough to handle me? You've got me. Now what're you gonna do??"

Most of the artificial "game" preached in communities like this one focuses on how to GET the girl. The entire series of passive tests and how to disarm them is focused on GETTING the girl. But the one test she has that you CANNOT plan for or defy is giving you what you're after...then seeing what you DO with it once you HAVE it.

In essence, you've been given your title-shot. You've shown enough in training sessions and lesser fights that she's finally decided it's worth it to stick your ass in the octagon with some REAL fighters. You can't front any more...it's time to put your money where your mouth is.

What a woman is looking for in the active test

A woman is looking for one thing in the active test...CONGRUENCE. To administer the active test, she waits until the moment you realize that you HAVE her, that she's YOURS. Once that moment registers with you, she looks for ANY deviation in behavior.

For the unready man, a sudden mental switch occurs when he realizes he HAS the girl he wants. Before he had NOTHING, so he had nothing to lose. It allowed him to play games and change the way he interacts with the world to impress the ladies and work past the "passive tests".

When he realizes that he HAS the woman, he suddenly has something to LOSE. As a result, his strategy changes from "search and destroy" to "hold the line at all costs". The woman suddenly becomes much more precious. As a result, the false confidence he could display when he truly didn't have anything to lose evaporates. Behaviors manifest that bely his true unconfident nature, such as:

-Being too eager...to return calls, to set dates, etc
-Getting into set patterns and worrying when those patterns deviate
-Acting possessive or suspicious
-Trying too hard to please...supplicating, buying gifts, being "overly romantic"

Do you recognize these behaviors? They're the hallmarks of "AFC" behavior. And the unready man doesn't even REALIZE that he's giving off these signs. Why not? Because he says to himself, "I CAN'T be a chump any more! I already HAVE the girl!"

This is why the ACTIVE test is so diabolical. With the man believing he has already won, he feels he no longer has to "play" the game...yet he's faced with the new challenge of what to DO with what's been given to him. Without the "game" to back him up, he's left scrambling to hang on to something that he's surprised he got in the first place, and is now DESPERATE not to lose.

Game Over

Once a woman sees this deviation in behavior, her TRUST in who you are is compromised. This is often the END of your relationship with her...you just don't know it until the ******d signs start manifesting. She can no longer trust that you truly ARE the confident, suave character who successfully negotiated his way through her passive traps and into her heart. You've been exposed as a fraud, one who doesn't have a CLUE what to do with a woman once he has one.

And honestly...how SHOULD you? Especially if this is your first time reaching that point with a woman? Even the best game-runners have no CLUE this is coming and fall to this gambit. The ONLY men who survive it are "naturals".

That is exactly what happened to me in my last relationship. I "captured" a high value woman and then she dominated the relationship because I became insecure. She was the first (I'm 34) woman I can say I loved and it caused a lot of pain. I am absolutely loving The Rational Male right now. I have serious work to do.

 

[touma.akagi]

What you've REALLY just done is fallen into the most clever reverse-psychology gambit women have in their arsenal. You've been blinded by the prospect of victory, so you don't realize you've been suddenly swept into the REAL challenge.

I'm gonna be frank with you, all this '**** test' talk was confusing af at first. No, not this post, I'm talking about overall. And really, I realized the problem is that a lot of posters on here overcook it way too much. And I mean, way, way too much.

Instead of analyzing the woman for tests, why not just be confident and be honest with her? Why overcomplicate things by having to think about what's a test vs what's not? If anything, you can be testing her and seeing if she's not a gold digger, etc. Have her be the one who thinks she's losing you so that she takes the 'hold-the-line' mentality.

And honestly...how SHOULD you? Especially if this is your first time reaching that point with a woman? Even the best game-runners have no CLUE this is coming and fall to this gambit. The ONLY men who survive it are "naturals".

Eventually you'll reach a point where you don't have to worry about how much texting you're doing, how much you're buying, etc. If you make one mistake it probably won't end the relationship - it's doing it twice that might end in tragedy, but if it turns out you're a walking p ussy with no backbone to speak of, then that sure as hell will make her ghost you.