How could he be this cold?

[iqqi]

Even if he doesn't know how to deal with death, that does NOT excuse him saying such insensitive things.

The real question now is NOT why he is how he is... but is THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

Your life and your happiness depends directly on the choices you make. You chose him as your man... and you are now unhappy.

I'd unchoose him if I was you.

 

[TheBaconator]

He's cold because he doesn't care about someone he never knew or knew well? Men aren't emotional creatures. If you want support, talk to one of your girlfriends.

It's not about him not caring for her friend, it's caring for her, as she probably could use his support and understanding of what she is going through. Just to be there to listen and show compassion, not getting annoyed if she needs to mourn her friend.

 

[MacAvoy]

Out of curiousity, are we pretty much on the same page as everyone at LS on this issue?

 

[ArtVandelay]

I had a friend that died and it took me months and a close-call of my own to even realize what had happened to him. Does that make me a bad person that I wasn't crying at his funeral? In fact, after his funeral, a bunch of his friends went out to lunch and what helped me was talking to friends of his that I'd never met before, sharing stories with people that knew him and making new acquaintences.

If the boyfriend is a complete heartless a**hole that doesn't even care about his girlfriend and is just mad that he won't be getting head while playing Halo 3, that's a different story. But I say unless the OP knows something we don't know, give him a break. What's he supposed to do, pretend he has feelings that he doesn't have?

 

[Magma]

Out of curiousity, are we pretty much on the same page as everyone at LS on this issue?

I think this guy is completely out of line. No, I don't think it. I KNOW IT. It's not a SS vs. LS thing at all. But when he says that he wants to go back to bed and that she interrupted his precious sleep with her news of a friend's freak death, that's just disrespectful.

The disrespect door swings both ways, and just because Lishy is a chick, doesn't mean that she should stand for disrespect from a guy that she considers her BF. We here at SS preach the gospel of respect. If the genders were reversed, you know the advice would be to dump the hor.

My two cents...

 

[iqqi]

I had a friend that died and it took me months and a close-call of my own to even realize what had happened to him. Does that make me a bad person that I wasn't crying at his funeral? In fact, after his funeral, a bunch of his friends went out to lunch and what helped me was talking to friends of his that I'd never met before, sharing stories with people that knew him and making new acquaintences.

If the boyfriend is a complete heartless a**hole that doesn't even care about his girlfriend and is just mad that he won't be getting head while playing Halo 3, that's a different story. But I say unless the OP knows something we don't know, give him a break. What's he supposed to do, pretend he has feelings that he doesn't have?

Did you not see the part where he said:

"But you wont be on the phone all night crying about your friend will you?" ... I then told him if he was upset I would be supporting him and he said " Ok Bye" and put the phone down!

He even hung up on her. That is awful.

 

[ArtVandelay]

If that's the case, he's probably an a**hole in general. This new situation with the friend's death is the symptom, not the actual problem. I'm sorry that the OP's friend died but it's her own fault for choosing such a boyfriend.

 

[MacAvoy]

It's not a SS vs. LS thing at all.

I never said it was a SS vs LS thing. I was never one to jump on the lets go infiltrate LS or get involved in the LS vs SS threads here. I think Purple (most prominent former LS poster currently on SS has great perspective.

I was genuinely interested in what they thought over at LS.

 

[Magma]

I never said it was a SS vs LS thing. I was never one to jump on the lets go infiltrate LS or get involved in the LS vs SS threads here. I think Purple (most prominent former LS poster currently on SS has great perspective.

I was genuinely interested in what they thought over at LS.

Hey no worries dude. I just thought it might have something to do with your "experiment?"

 

[MacAvoy]

No, I could care less about other forums. My experiment has yet to begin and may never get off the board.

 

[DonGorgon]

Men are always soo quick to tell women to get rid of their BF...LOL ever notice that.. I wonder why that is...LOL

 

[iqqi]

If that's the case, he's probably an a**hole in general. This new situation with the friend's death is the symptom, not the actual problem. I'm sorry that the OP's friend died but it's her own fault for choosing such a boyfriend.

I agree.

 

[j0n024]

WOW.......I love how everyone just attacks the dude without actually knowing the man and only knows him by what Lishy writes about him.....this is fvcking pathetic.

1. NOONE on here BUT Lishy can deal with this and she shouldnt take advice from anyone on here but what she feels.

2.NOONE has a right to critisize someone WITHOUT knowing the person or at least not talking bad about him behind his back.

I feel sorry that everyone just attacks someone because of what he did or didnt do....damn. I have been around this sort of thing since my past has made me have to deal with this type of stuff first hand but attacking someone just because he doesnt want to talk about it is assinine. He was asleep and listened to her for awhile....I think he did what most people would do if they got woken up , they would listen for awhile and ask to talk about it later WHICH he did! NOW everyone is saying that the guy DOESNT love you because he hung up on you.......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WOW REALLY! First you never stated if the guy knew your friend or not and second if he didnt know then he isnt out of line....it's like going to with your husband or wife to a funeral on their side and going up to the casket......what's the point? You dont know the guy and you would feel embarassed wouldnt you? People on here have to face the facts......someone died get over it our lives are finite isnt that what the bible teaches you, to live your life like you would die tomorrow or is everything here just a crock?

I am sorry for your loss but saying your BF doesnt love you because he probably has no attachment to your friend is stupid and if you leave him just because of this your an IDIOT, I mean what you want him to do drive to your place and stay up all night watching you cry? Yes it would be nice and would work IF you lived 2gethor but would you have listend to him if it was the other way around? You can fool yourself and say yes to save face but you would probably have done the same thing .......haha people and there emotions.

 

[Purple-Haze]

Lishy, I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. When someone I know (even remotely) dies, I always feel like major crap. I hope you're talking to your friends about this and releasing all those emotions you are experiencing right now.

I'm not entirely sure WHY your bf said what he did. It could be that he is very uncomfortable with talking about death (or doesn't know how to respond to something so sensitive).

It could also be that he's not used to seeing you so upset. Are you generally very upbeat and emotionally strong, Lishy? Is this one of those rare times you let your guard down? Could it be that he was caught off guard and isn't sure how to behave around the "sensitive, crying Lishy"?

Maybe he thinks it's NOT his role as your BF (and a male) to support you or hug you or shower you with meaningless "there, theres"? I know some guys think that crying and "sharing" is a female activity alone (and a man should not participate). Obviously, this thinking is a bit archaic and not ideal for one who likes to share.

Whatever it is Lishy, you can't conclude that he doesn't love you. I think it's safe to say that he is behaving unfavourably and is perhaps even an "a$$" (especially if he thinks this is a "chick" problem). However, this doesn't necessarily equate to him not loving you. Remember that he's a different person altogether and processes his experiences differently than yoU (which is further compounded by the fact that he is a man).

But accepting this doesn't do much for you, does it? You want him to be there, to be your friend and your arms of strength and he is failing miserably. If it were me, I'd just ask him what's up. I'd tell him that I need him, that I need his protection and love right now and I need him to TRY to understand. At the least, I'd want him to hold me (without having to say anything). Do yo u think that would help Lish? Sometimes, when things like this happen, I just want him to hold me tight - being near him sometimes is the best comfort of all. Maybe after that you can talk to him (or not).

Finally, I wanted to ask you if you think there is a pattern with your bf of indifference/apathy. If so, can you live with it (no matter what the reasons)? Do you think you two can work on it together? Do you love him enough to look past it?

I hope you feel better soon. I am sending a big warm hug your way Lishy.

 

[MacAvoy]

WOW.......I love how everyone just attacks the dude without actually knowing the man and only knows him by what Lishy writes about him.....this is fvcking pathetic.

1. NOONE on here BUT Lishy can deal with this and she shouldnt take advice from anyone on here but what she feels.

2.NOONE has a right to critisize someone WITHOUT knowing the person or at least not talking bad about him behind his back.

I feel sorry that everyone just attacks someone because of what he did or didnt do...

I'm sorry to burst your bubble but this happens about a thousand times a day on this site.

 

[Papermoon]

You can be a decent human being and a dj. Your boyfriend's behaviour suggests he is neither.

Why isn't he a decent human being? It doesn't matter if he knew Lishy's friend or not. In fact, if he had known him it would make cold behaviour more acceptable, because everyone deals with loss their own way and Lishy, in that case, could not expect him to take care of her. However, boyfriend didn't know the friend, he knew Lishy. Once you are in a relationship you take some responsibility in making your partner happy. Ignoring pain and suffering in your partner says one thing: that the relationship is just a secure way to score some ass and get attention. Once Lishy was too distracted (the loss of her friend) boyfriend wasn't cuddly nice, but showed his true colours.

Why isn't he a good dj? Assuming that he isn't an exclusive boyfriend, he could have other girls and not be deeply emotionally invested. That's okay and good for him. However, the goal in spinning plates is to keep all of them intact, not breaking some. Meaning: while not being exclusive you treat the women well. We all know that being an ******* comes back to haunt you. Treat one women badly and all of her girlfriends are forever lost to you. Do you Lishy would encourage any one to get with that loser?


He lost in both aspects, which makes him a douche and eternal loser.

 

[jacob]

just going over the posts, you can make out who's a "nice guy" (AFC) and who's a "jerk" (Don Juan). Who'll kiss a females *ss, and who'll stand his ground.

 

[jacob]

just an observation

 

[schttrj]

"On Sunday after I found out I rang my boyfriend and I was crying my eyes out and he said how sorry he was and listened to me for a bit"
I think he showed you compassion to the bit a person should show towards another he doesn't even know. Then again, he is being really honest in that he was sleeping and he would call you later or that he is getting bored on that topic! Why would discuss this in a forum and why not just ask him honestly yourself,"why are being so cold?"

Just my advice to you, please don't try to put on any technique with your man if you truly love him and be honest and direct to yourself and to him as well.

Lishy, stop b!tch!ng on him here, since we all know that deep in the core of your heart, YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE HIM FOR THIS.

 

[Lishy]

Ok I read all of your replies, and thank you for taking the time and thank you for your condolences!

Ok to set a few things straight, he did not know my friend and I did not expect him to sit and watch me cry or even to make me feel better, as nothing could make me feel better, I have lost a dear friend and I also have the knowledge that her 12 year old son watched her die and now he has lost his precious mum! It is killing me!!!!!!!!

I never excpected a thing from my bf, I have all of the emotional support I need from friends and family.

However, what I did NOT expect was my bf to say what he did and then put the phone down! To me that is cold as ice and I dont want him in my life anymore.

He can be quite cold at times regarding feelings. But he has never been like he was yesterday!

I am going to ignore the people being rude to me on here and just listen to the people who have thought for 2 minutes before replying. And to the poster who asked what LS say, the majority tell me not to end it and here the majority say to leave.

I came here and to LS so that I could get some feedback and I have got that. The choice of what to do is still mine and as it stands right now we are through. I do not expect any man to be perfect but I do want someone who is here for me when I need it.