How Badly Did I Screw This Up?

[Machine10033]

For the beta provider there's plenty of value.

She'll sell her idea of what a high value women is and then he'll buy it thinking he has something worthy.

For those that's not beta, he'll know she's full of crap doing a con job on him trying to enslave him into being the loyal provider.

Exactly !!! Single mothers are amazing actors! They will find out what your looking for and shape shift to become what your looking for! They know how to reel you into their drama real quick!

 

[Spaz]

I appreciate everyone’s thoughts on the subject.

Spaz, I hear you, but I also don’t think it’s fair to lump all single moms into this one category, making them all out to be phonies. How do we know a single mom can’t add value to a mans life and be a great thing? (Especially if she’s a smoke show)

I understand that the kid/kids will always come first no matter what. That part I get. But that doesn’t mean a man is automatically a nobody when it comes to relationships with single moms

Of course he's not a nobody.

He has a very important role to play in society.

In fact a highly critical role to fill in.

Who else is gonna play the provider-protector-father figure role ? Somebody has to do it.

I say let those men that enjoy being the beta provider be empowered towards that end.

That's why I offered help in my earlier posting.

Balance is achieved. We can't have too many Incels roaming around and too many kids fatherless.

 

[Bullbearpig]

I appreciate everyone’s thoughts on the subject.

Spaz, I hear you, but I also don’t think it’s fair to lump all single moms into this one category, making them all out to be phonies. How do we know a single mom can’t add value to a mans life and be a great thing? (Especially if she’s a smoke show)

I understand that the kid/kids will always come first no matter what. That part I get. But that doesn’t mean a man is automatically a nobody when it comes to relationships with single moms

In an earlier post you said you always avoid single moms. That was so full of ****. You're jumping at the first one to come along.

 

[JST8828]

In an earlier post you said you always avoid single moms. That was so full of ****. You're jumping at the first one to come along.

Calm down there, jack. Yes I have avoided them. If you read what happened you’d understand this was a very rare, and an odd occurrence.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Beta this/Alpha that, it's nonsense to platoon every woman as bait to catch. If you're feeling a vibe, progress on. If she doesn't then you have to sac-up and get it out of her with a simple, direct question. If she answers, great. If she doesn't, scrub her off and converse with the other women you should be communicating with. You can bet your hat she's not counting on you as her sole option.

 

[R.U.G.]

This bro is in my neck of the woods. Bro, she did you a favor. Lose her number and find a woman, preferably without someone else's seed and go after it; if you want a relationship. Single mommas are fine for sex and a slump buster, but are generally not relationship material. If you're having issues now sliding your sausage in and getting some attention, can you imagine what it would be down the line?

Wake up and move on.

 

[JST8828]

This bro is in my neck of the woods. Bro, she did you a favor. Lose her number and find a woman, preferably without someone else's seed and go after it; if you want a relationship. Single mommas are fine for sex and a slump buster, but are generally not relationship material. If you're having issues now sliding your sausage in and getting some attention, can you imagine what it would be down the line?

Wake up and move on.

I feel where you're coming from, but I also feel like you missed the point.

 

[JST8828]

Back with a final update on this thread if anyone was interested in giving their two cents. I have copied and pasted my original post editing it to include the update.

Got a message from a single mom of a 3 year old son on Match.com. Never married. Always had zero interest in them aside from potential hit and quits. I quickly went the flirty route to try and feel her out, not directly mentioning sex, but calling her gorgeous and saying stuff like we can go back to my place for a glass of wine if our first date goes well, etc. Fun, flirty. Nothing horrific. Long story short before she calls a babysitter for a date I explain how I'm only looking for something "casual" right now. She tells me that doesn't work for her and writes "Thank you for being honest. Good luck". I tell her how I don't mean casual by using her or anything, but more along the lines of how I don't want a "serious commitment" right now. She suddenly says ok that works and we're on a first date that night at a bar down the block from me.

On the date, something shocking happened that I hadn't experienced in a long, long time. The girl is BETTER looking than her pictures, and on top of that we are hitting it off beyond belief. I truly enjoyed her company. I was floored. It was that type of chemistry and attraction that only comes along once in a rare blue moon. In an interesting note that may come in play later, she tells me that while she's dated here and there with people she's met through friends, I am her FIRST ever Match.com date, and it was a co-worker friend of hers that "pushed" her into trying it. She comes back to my place easily for glass of wine, though she says "Just for an hour" and we end up having a heavy makeout session/I feel her up, etc. I try and go for sex but she tells me she doesn't want to be a "first date girl" and she just has to get to know me better. However she does say she wants it really bad and can tell we would have great chemistry. She has to force herself to hold off. I tell her I completely understand and don't want her to feel pressured. I offer to drive her home which she loves and texts me saying it was "beyond sweet". She also specifically tells me how she's "Ok" with casual dating and that she's not looking to get married tomorrow. We even make plans for a second date on the way home. Hand holding on the ride home as well. One of the nicest first dates I've personally ever had. In a nutshell, I was now considering wanting to really get to know this girl. A complete 180 from my thoughts just a few hours earlier. I was shell shocked. But I was excited to see her again.

Date #2 is on this past Saturday. She suddenly can't get a babysitter to go out and has no choice but to invite me over her place after her son is asleep. I was all for it. We do takeout and watch TV. The chemistry is still amazing and we are both having a great time. Laughing/talking nonstop. I was loving it. Then, in a wild turn of events, the kid WAKES UP though about 2 hours in and isn't feeling well. She's going back and forth and seems stressed. Finally after her disappearing for a good ten minutes, I subtly offer to step out to which she nods yes with tears in her eyes. She's very upset about it all but I tell her not to worry and how I totally understand. I give her a kiss goodnight. She texts me saying I’m “amazing” for being so understanding. ALSO, she says she was having fun for the time being and was “really looking forward to seeing me today”. I tell her "Same here". So despite this unfortunate situation, all was still fine IMO.

The next day (Sunday) I texted her asking how the kid was. She says thank you for asking and he's doing better with meds. We send a couple texts back and forth but the convo fizzles out. I didn't want to go right in with asking her on date #3. I wanted to wait a couple of days and make her miss me. I've also learned going full throttle so soon with a plate can often backfire. Monday there was no communication. Then TUESDAY around noon, I text her. I invite her over MY place for Friday night and say I will cook for her. While she was at work all day until 7:30pm, she did NOT respond to this text message until 8:30pm. She has written back at work to me before. She says, in an upbeat manner for what its worth, that she can't Friday bc she has a "holiday party". No counter. Asks how my day was though. Immediately I had a weird feeling and thought I had screwed up by inviting her right back over my place on a Friday night instead of out. She didn't feel she knew me well enough to sign herself up for sex with me yet, even though the reality is I didn't even intend for that to definitely happen.

The next night, Wednesday, I try and clean up my potential "mistake" and ask her to go out to dinner at a restaurant near her tomorrow and if not its no big deal. She responds upbeat, saying she can't tomorrow but "Maybe I can try and get a sitter for next week??". "Maybe"? I thought? "Try"? I thought? The first date she had a sitter in seemingly seconds. Now it apparently was a big deal? I tell her sure what day works for you? Lets plan ahead so you can get that sitter. She responds an hour later saying "Ok let me try and work some babysitting magic". That was Wednesday night very late. I did not hear from her Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and all day Sunday. It was now just about over in my mind, and I was rather shocked.
Finally Sunday, late at 9:45pm, though we've texted at that time before, I send her a casual text asking about her favorite football team.

GHOSTED.

I sat in shock on the next day, Monday, wondering what really happened here. Was me simply sending a friendly/warm invite for her to come to my place and cook for her at FATAL mistake that turned her off or was there another mystery to this madness? Just incase the former was the case, I pulled out a rare move and one that I'm sure wouldn't be popular with many on here. A good 3-4 days later, again obviously with hearing not a thing from her, I fired off one final text message:

"Hey. Really hope you didn't get the wrong idea about what I was looking for. Would still like to take you out sometime and get to know you better. No pressure. Offer is on the table if you're interested."

No response.

I have since come up with my own personal theory as to what happened in this entirely unusual story. You can read about it in my next post.

 

[JST8828]

Her ghosting wasn’t her being malicious. It was more of another thing...

Avoidance.

Allow me to explain:

After the two great dates, the girl did legitimately like me, at least to some sort of an extent, as several of details within the story rightfully supported. The great chemistry, the laughing, the nonstop talking, the nice post date #1 text, the tears of sadness and stress in her eyes at the end of the second date as she had to have me leave telling me if I don’t ever want to see her again she understands, and most notably the texts after said second date. It is the previously underlined event however which took place at the end of that second date that, whether later that night or the next day, triggers her into coming to the harsh realization, probably not even for the first time in her time as a single mother, that she simply cannot do this. She simply cannot legitimately date. She had told me there had been a few sporadic dates met through friends here and there, but who knows how hard those plates have been for her, too. Who know what really happened the last 2 years of her life. Of course, one of the most important yet overlooked notes of this entire story was her openly telling me that her friend PUSHED her into Match, and oh yeah, let's not forget the interesting fact that we need to accept that I was her first plate from Match, too. So, for all the reasons mentioned above, she decides to abort before anything got even remotely serious. She might not be mature enough for some things as we would end up seeing, but she was mature enough for this. She decided to abort not just for herself, but for me too, even if it was the very wrong way to handle things. More on that later.

So after this decision is made in her head what does she do? She tries dodging that third date, in nice ways. Asking how my day is going anyway. Saying “Maybe I can try to get a sitter next week??”. Not once, but twice she tries to kindly dodge. Her upbeat/positive ways while responding as you saw were very interesting to look back on IMO. This wasnt a blatant ‘I’m done with you’ attempt at fading with one word answers and grumpy tones. Someone who is done doesn’t ask how your day was, too. Someone who is done doesn’t continue on asking what I did at the gym that night. Someone who is done doesn’t respond saying “Hey you!” or “Hiiii, so….”. as she did. She did feel bad. She did know this kind of s-cked. She may very well even had small second thoughts in her head. However maybe after having a few days away from me and having more time to think, that was it. So in any event, when I didn’t get the picture and reached back out casually with the football text a few days later, she took the only next way out she felt was possible, and quietly faded, especially given the easier feeling of doing so seeing as how the text came in to her late at night.

So why did she ultimately ghost? Well she definitely didn't feel it was fair to me to eventually make up any kind of phony excuse whether that be about another guy or whatever it may have been, but at the same time certainly more importantly she wasn’t up for any kind of emotional text to me, someone she knew all of a week explaining all the details of how she really felt which ultimately would be her facing her very troubled reality that is her unable to have a real dating life.

So that's basically it. I was a guy who was treating her nicely, gave her a massage on the first date, gave her a ride home totally out of his way, brought drinks over, asked about her son’s wellbeing, was completely understanding about the stress that comes with being a single mom and dating(i.e. The kid waking up sick on date #2), and a guy who was overall very courteous to her in such a short period of time. So, my bottom line in all of this is? I’m almost certain all had nothing to do with one single solitary nice/warm sounding invite to cook for her at my place only some TWO days after she flat out revealed that she had interest with the date #2 post-date text. Although only twice, she had met me. She had gotten to feel me out. You don’t get to truly know a person after just two dates, but you can have a general idea if someone is a complete phony or not. She’s a smart girl. She knew I wasn’t a creep. At least not one she would decide to fade and ghost on bc of an invite to his place where he wanted to cook for her, another potential agenda or not.

So have you put it all together by now? Conclusion is she was already done, or at least very unsure about moving forward even BEFORE my invite to come over went out.

In closing, think about this one last this… If it did have to do with me, and the whole invite over/casual situation, wouldn’t this girl, who seemed extremely mature, extremely honest, and very upfront about things from the start (“Sorry I’m not into casual but good luck.”, ring a bell??), have written back to that heartfelt text at least in SOME form implying that yes, the invite over kind of turned her off and how she’s sorry? You just do have to look back at the hard and most important evidence from our initial Match convo. The second I brought up casual she basically shot it down in my face. If that wasn’t someone who is ok with rather harsh honesty I don’t know who is. But NOW she suddenly couldn’t tell me how she felt about something I said or did? I didn’t know her well at all, but I knew enough to know that this felt surprising and unusual. Even my closest honest friends said it was. The problem of course, and the reality of course, was that it WASN’T about me. It was about HER, which was something way too deeper and way too uncomfortable for her to get into.

 

[Killakittie]

Honestly man she probably had other men she was more invested in and you did something or acted in a way that pushed her away. Her initial attraction got your foot in the door but if you behave the way you're acting in this thread around her she'll run. I'm not saying you did now. Also women disappearing is actually common and happens to me from time to time. I don't even give it thought anymore.

 

[Smartone84]

Your theory may be accurate, but it's far from a sure thing, especially in today’s day and age with women. Yes she actually verbally let you know she’s ok with casual dating on the first date and all the other positive stuff, so it's interesting, yeah, but women are as unpredictable as the lottery especially in the early stages of dating. Is it very surprising that she'd change her mind that fast about you and everything just a couple days later after what you described was another “great date” along with the good text from her after the second date? Yes, and that’s why it just makes me feel like that invite to your place was more of the real culprit, but we'll never know. I could be wrong.

Perhaps another more serious relationship oriented guy jumped into the picture for a great date during the week when things started to feel uncertain for you, or while you may have been the first Match date, there could have ALWAYS been a guy in the picture beforehand from somewhere else. As a single mom she can't play the field like normal girls and she can't be getting babysitters every night of the week so, in this theory, maybe she tried you out, but then let you go. Then again that wouldn’t fully explain her getting teary eyed at the end of the second date and telling you she had a great time, etc.

Maybe your theory is true. Maybe the thought of getting back into dating got to be too much for her. Especially if you really were the first guy from Match and obviously she’s hoping things go well and trying to play host at her apartment and it all went to hell with the kid, etc.

So while she may have thought you were amazing for being understanding and what not, maybe she had second thoughts on legitimately dating someone after all, as you put it.

"Pushed" into a dating app? Yeah, something tells me this girl may not have been ready at all, and that incident on the second date only magnified that fact. So she tries to dodge the third date a couple times nicely before eventually ghosting you which in her mind might be just leaving well enough alone instead of spilling her guts to some guy she barely knows about the troubles of how she just can't date yet as single mom. Still doesn’t make what she did right, but it is what it is. You didn’t have enough time in with her yet to make her have a real second thought.

 

[JST8828]

Her initial attraction got your foot in the door but if you behave the way you're acting in this thread around her she'll run. I'm not saying you did now. Also women disappearing is actually common and happens to me from time to time. I don't even give it thought anymore.

I can promise you there was no acting weird/AFC in front of her. It was only two dates. I barely even had time to potentially screw up lol. In addition, she even confirmed some interest after both said dates.

 

[jaymbrs]

Exactly !!! Single mothers are amazing actors! They will find out what your looking for and shape shift to become what your looking for! They know how to reel you into their drama real quick!

Damn I'm kinda going through something like this right now... She seems too perfect. But at least I'm getting laid whenever I want.