How an alpha should be

[Hydrak]

I was watching Mad Men the other day and noticed how the leading character Don, who is an obvious alpha male, converses. He looks comfortable in his own skin and doesn't really talk much, he takes a few seconds before responding yet manages to ganish respect despite not saying THAT much. Since he doesn't talk that much people listen to what he says. He focuses more on body language.

Is that how an alpha male should behave? Most people (even guys) my age lets their mouth run 24/7, which might set you out a bit from the crowd. Do you find this approach or the more social one (talking to everyone, letting the mouth run a lot without thinking much) more successful?

 

[yougottaknow90]

You're thinking too much into it.

Just don't be a p*ssy and let people walk over you. Speak dominantly and in dominant terms, and you'll be fine.

Oh, and avoid submissive body language. Take up space. Don't break eye contact.

The quiet yet dominant alpha thing works when you have the stature and body type to go with it. Not something that is easily faked.

 

[faeyt]

Mad men is my number one favourite show. Don Draper is the ultimate alpha. But if you watch through the series, you'll realize, he gets with ANY woman he wants, with minimal effort. He sits at a bar and women approach HIM. He can get with any woman in the show that he chooses.
But notice what he does.
He chooses not to brag, in fact he acts like he is loyal to his wife. He rejects some women that throw themselves at him. He is true to himself, and he only chooses the women he wants. He only ever sleeps with one other woman at at time other than his wife.
The catch?

He is unhappy. He is so unhappy, from trauma that he never got over as a youth. He hates his life, and he's constantly asking random women to run away with him. There's a tradeoff to living the Draper lifestyle...I have him on a poster in my room and when stuck in a situation I always ask myself "What Would Don Draper Do?". But remember, do what YOU want. Achieve what YOU want in life. Because if you push it all aside and ignore who you really are, you'll end up just like him. He has everything, but to him, he has nothing.

"When a man walks into a room, he brings his whole life with him. He has a million reasons for being anywhere, just ask him. If you listen, he'll tell you how he got there. How he forgot where he was going, and that he woke up. If you listen, he'll tell you about the time he thought he was an angel or dreamt of being perfect. And then he'll smile with wisdom, content that he realized the world isn't perfect. We're flawed, because we want so much more. We're ruined, because we get these things, and wish for what we had."

 

[Gunner26]

I talk loads. I'm also blunt. Being blunt means that although I talk alot, I get to the point fairly quickly, and sometimes I can come off as too direct or intimidating when really I just can't be bothered with beating around the bush.

Being blunt and talking loads works in my favour, because of this I'm a pretty funny guy, and for some reason my line delivery is almost always spot on. Blunt one liners work really well for me.

Is it alpha though? I don't think it matters, so long as you're not akward when you talk.

Obviously some guys aren't going to talk as much as others, and some, like me are going to talk much more. In both instances you could say that we are alpha. To me though, the amount somebody talks isn't what makes a man 'alpha' or not, what makes him alpha is being comfortable talking in any situation in which he feels like talking.

Gunner

 

[zinc4]

I talk loads. I'm also blunt. Being blunt means that although I talk alot, I get to the point fairly quickly, and sometimes I can come off as too direct or intimidating when really I just can't be bothered with beating around the bush.

Being blunt and talking loads works in my favour, because of this I'm a pretty funny guy, and for some reason my line delivery is almost always spot on. Blunt one liners work really well for me.

Is it alpha though? I don't think it matters, so long as you're not akward when you talk.

Obviously some guys aren't going to talk as much as others, and some, like me are going to talk much more. In both instances you could say that we are alpha. To me though, the amount somebody talks isn't what makes a man 'alpha' or not, what makes him alpha is being comfortable talking in any situation in which he feels like talking.

Gunner

There are plenty of guys who are more than comfortable talking in any situation and they are still far from alpha...not a good definition...i think Alpha is just believing you are the best and being able and willing to do what it takes to accomplish anything you desire.

 

[Deep Dish]

Most people (even guys) my age let their mouth run 24/7, which might set you out a bit from the crowd.

Law 4: Always Say Less than Necessary

When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.​

And, per Roissy,

Women Prefer Laconic Men

We’ve talked here about the problem of being tongue-tied in the presence of women. A scarcity of speech is the biggest issue for the majority of men. But we shouldn’t forget the mirror image of this attractiveness-killing ineptitude: the nonstop talker. The motor mouth. A significant minority of men — particularly greater betas and lesser alphas on the cusp of making a mark in the world — suffer from the second problem: they don’t know when to shut up and let the woman speak, enamored as they are with their blossoming manhood and acquirement of conventional male attractiveness traits.

Talking too much fails on multiple dimensions: it increases the odds you’ll say something dull or beta, it strips away mystery, and it demonstrates a lack of interest in the woman’s values and desires. It also shows you don’t truly understand women, for a harangue about your accomplishments, social climbing, materialism, or connections is a red flag to women that you are an insecure, approval-seeking mediocrity, no different than the thousands of other men dancing like monkeys for a pretty woman’s attention. Harangues are especially off-putting to women when the subject matter is devoid of emotional resonance, as most men’s shop talk would be.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/01/31/women-prefer-laconic-men/​

 

[Zarky]

This thread would have been great about 5 years ago when the show came out.

 

[dvjackson]

The "man of few words" image of the alpha male is pretty popular but it's only one variant.

The alpha male is simply the leader of his social group. So many qualities can put him in that position. There are men that are lively and interesting, leading conversations, telling stories, always broadcasting their personality and intellect... pretty much the opposite of the Don Draper type, but still just as much of an alpha male.

 

[backbreaker]

there is nothing alpha male about don draper. that's the entire point of the ****ing show lol. he's a man who uses alcohol and sex to cover up seriously deep emotional issues to the point where it effects every faccet of his life. he's not even happy. he's never been happy. how can you call a man an alpha male when he doesn't even like himself.

 

[Gunner26]

There are plenty of guys who are more than comfortable talking in any situation and they are still far from alpha...not a good definition...i think Alpha is just believing you are the best and being able and willing to do what it takes to accomplish anything you desire.

That's a fair point, I don't think I really articulated myself that well. Wasn't really what I was trying to say looking back at it.

I get that alot of people who are comfortable talking aren't alpha, but it's more likely that they are alpha than a guy who isn't comfortable talking. Think a school teacher, if they talk confidently, they are more likely to be respected and seen as 'alpha' in a sense by their students, than a teacher that ums and ers when he talks, at least from my experience anyway.

Maybe saying that comfort when speaking equates to being an alpha male was a little naive of me, however, the main point is this:

How often you talk doesn't make you Alpha or Beta.

Gunner

 

[Deep Dish]

Gunner26:
…the main point is this:

How often you talk doesn’t make you Alpha or Beta.

I agree, but it’s more of a matter of preventing mistakes. Half of game is not screwing up.

 

[Brosy]

Winston Churchill was a cynical alcoholic and probably the most alpha politician of the 20th century.

Incidentally it was he who said: "We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out"

This and 'Law 4' as per Deepdish's earlier post are pretty good advice, not just with girls, in work/career etc too.

There's definately an art to having presence without saying a word though, I don't know magic the formula yet... sometimes you have it sometimes you dont.

 

[twentee]

If you have to think about "being alpha" at ALL, it means that you AINT (and probably never will be, either.). Sorry about that, but it's a fact.

 

[DJ Bax]

Woah now twentee, I completely disagree.

For example, the other day on the show 'Mad Men' a woman said something along the lines of, "In America you choose a job, then become the person

that does it." Meaning that you ultimately choose who you become, a lot of the people who are considered "alpha" became the way they are

because of their ever changing thought process. We may believe one way then an event, person, or group (sosuave) shows us how we are wrong in

our ways and we change/adapt. Becoming an alpha or a don is a process, you aren't just born this way. The people who you think were just born

with an alpha mindset were probably thought to think this way from an older person in their past.

 

[Deep Dish]

twentee:
If you have to think about "being alpha" at ALL, it means that you AINT (and probably never will be, either.). Sorry about that, but it's a fact.

“As you think you shall become,” Pook.

Law 25: Re-Create Yourself

Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define it for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life.

Law 34: Be Royal in your Own Fashion: Act like a King to be treated like one

The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated; In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. For a king respects himself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown.​

There are naturals, and those who learn to be naturals. Belief is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

[Zarky]

Keep in mind that if you're on the internet discussing topics like these, it automatically precludes you from ever calling yourself "alpha." So really, the point is a bit moot, wouldn't you say?

 

[DJ Bax]

So now it's un-alpha to go on the internet and converse with people who have

similar goals and aspirations, what is next. If you drive a crappy car you aren't

allowed to be alpha?

 

[backbreaker]

See, now that's the problem. You're trying to fit "alpha" into a narrow box. Since when is being "happy", whatever the hell that means, considered alpha?

Happiness and confidence are not synonymous.

Happiness and being a leader are not synonymous.

Happiness and talent are not synonymous.

Happiness and being adored and respected by men are not synonymous.

Happiness and effortlessly banging HB10s are not synonymous.

There are numerous men throughout history who were alpha in every sense of the word, but chronically unhappy because they were burdened by responsibility, extreme intelligence, guilt or shackled by worldly vices like a good old bottle of gin. Winston Churchill was a cynical alcoholic and probably the most alpha politician of the 20th century.

name dropping isn't going to prove your point for you bro.

look my point being that outcome dependent people can't be alpha males. it's not possible. and when you tear away everything that don is that's exactly what he is.

since you want to name drop, the difference between your boy churchill and draper is that churchill didn't get to where he wanted to be in life until he was 60; he faile miserably until that point in his life, reatlivily speaking of course. but he kept chugging along beucase that's what he wanted to do.

don draper on the other hand, literally ran away from his problems, changed his identity, using a fellow fallen Korean war vet's identity no less to make it worse no respect whatsoever, uses sex as a crux beucase his mom abandoned him as a child and is incapable of forming an emotional bond with a woman that's deep and long lasting.

i'll give you that all alpha males aren't happy but with unhappiness it's beucase of sacrifice. Don draper is a ****ing ad exec that sits in his office and drinks all day lol. there is no greater good he's just a ****ty person. don is unhappy beucase he choses to be unhappy not beucase he's working towards some great goal in life.

as stated there is nothing alpha about don draper. don draper is the 1960's equivalent of a pua

 

[backbreaker]

I normally don't use TV shows for gaming advice but sunday's esposide of mad men something happened that i wanted to talk about here that was pretty unique and we don't talk about often.


in case you don't watch mad men.. first of all you suck at life. but i will explain what happened

don is cheating on his wife with this woman who is pretty hot. she is hot for don and they have been screwing the entire season. So she calls him up at the beginning of the eposide and they go get a hotel room and they do their thing and then don gets this idea to try to dominate her. he tells her to get into bed and stay there until he gets back. she actually is enjoying this and starts playing with herself when he leaves. he calls and says not to pick up the phone for anyone else. she likes taking orders.

so he coes back, screws her and at this point, he should have cut the game short but he won't get out of dominate mode. now he's telling her she can't talk and she can't have her own thoughts and asking her to crawl around on the floor and **** and eventually she started feeling ashamed.

then she asked herself what the fvck am i doing here anyway i'm ashamed of my actions.

so when he comes back, she tells him that she is going to go back to her husband and the affair is over beucase she's asashmed of her actions

the kicker is that when she says this and don sees that she is serious about this he begs her not to leave. lol that's why i posted this in this particular thread to dispute the fact there was anything "alpha" about Don Draper he's a PUA there is nothing alpha about him

anyway that's not the point. the point i wanted to talk about was there is a fine line you have to walk between being dom inat and shaming women. no one wants to be around someone else who makes them feel like ****.

but at the same time, women like a man who takes charge.

this was demonstrated to absoutle perfection in this eposide.

 

[faeyt]

the kicker is that when she says this and don sees that she is serious about this he begs her not to leave. lol that's why i posted this in this particular thread to dispute the fact there was anything "alpha" about Don Draper he's a PUA there is nothing alpha about him

anyway that's not the point. the point i wanted to talk about was there is a fine line you have to walk between being dom inat and shaming women. no one wants to be around someone else who makes them feel like ****.

but at the same time, women like a man who takes charge.

this was demonstrated to absoutle perfection in this eposide.

Yeah. At first it seems like he's 100% alpha, dominating her, literally telling her what to do. He tells her to get on the floor and look for his shoes on her hands and knees. She says it's right there, and he says to do it anyway. I was so taken aback by this, but by the end, when she says she has to leave, he actually cries and begs her to stay.

I'm not saying alpha's can't cry, it's as was said before, I'm not trying to fit alpha into a defined box. But he was just dominating her because she told him she "needs him and nothing else will do", but when he met with her she was mentioning her husband. As much as I idolize him, he's weak and he just doesn't want to be alone.