Hobbies and Ways to Naturally Meet Girls? Dancing?

[rber]

Hey guys, it's been a while since I last wrote here.

I'm 32 now. I've been red-pilled for about 9 years (or at least I consider myself to be). When I was younger, I had my fair share of cold approaches, but what has stuck with me to this day are mostly the insights and mindset.

Nowadays, I'm hardcore focused on building my business 24/7, but I'm thinking of allocating some time to dating without going straight into battle mode and cold approaching random chicks.

I'm looking for sweet and intelligent girls, as funny as it might sound in a red-pilled context. I'm not interested in party girls.

One idea that came to mind was dancing - e.g. Salsa. What do you think? Have any of you found a way that has proven to yield good results over time?

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Rber,
Yes to meet people Salsa is good,but Argentine Tango is better,the caveat being that it is very difficult for a Male to master....The best way to meet Ladies in this venue is in the beginners classes where you change partners and meet a lot of Folk.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Scara's right, if you're looking for women who enjoy to follow your lead, Argentine tango and milonga gives you more opportunities than salsa or bachata. I don't agree with Scara that it's 'difficult to master', but beginner courses are also ideal for switching dance partners and I found here (NL) that there's a shortage of male tango dancers, so if you go to a salon, your dance book will fill up quite quickly.

Other things where you might find 'sweet women' is doing certain types of volunteer work.

 

[SW15]

The majority of hobbies are going to be a waste of time in terms of arranging first dates. Do hobbies in life because you enjoy them but don't expect them to amount to much. Some hobbies that are even somewhat female friendly are tough for finding dates. For instance, tennis is considered a female friendly sport but the majority of decent tennis players are males. In general, tennis is a sausage fest despite its reputation of being a female friendly sport.

In general, dancing classes are a loss leader and I will go into more detail on that below. They are useful to take to get good enough in a style of dance and then go to a club that plays that style of music and has a dance floor. Most men will rarely find a first date or a sexual partner out of the classes themselves.

Dance classes themselves usually are not a good way to meet women. A lot of the female attendees of dance classes are not dateable women for a variety of reasons. If a dance class effort leads to finding sex or girlfriends, it often isn't directly due to the dance classes. A man took dance classes long enough to get good at a particular style of dance, went to a nightlife venue for this style of dance, and then met a woman/women at these nightlife venues. This would be most common in salsa/Latin class or Country Western dancing in the United States market.

@Mike32ct has extensive experience with dance in terms of pickup/seduction and can go into more detail on his efforts there. The bottom line from him is that they were not productive for seduction purposes.

 

[Mike32ct]

The majority of hobbies are going to be a waste of time in terms of arranging first dates. Do hobbies in life because you enjoy them but don't expect them to amount to much. Some hobbies that are even somewhat female friendly are tough for finding dates. For instance, tennis is considered a female friendly sport but the majority of decent tennis players are males. In general, tennis is a sausage fest despite its reputation of being a female friendly sport.

In general, dancing classes are a loss leader and I will go into more detail on that below. They are useful to take to get good enough in a style of dance and then go to a club that plays that style of music and has a dance floor. Most men will rarely find a first date or a sexual partner out of the classes themselves.

Dance classes themselves usually are not a good way to meet women. A lot of the female attendees of dance classes are not dateable women for a variety of reasons. If a dance class effort leads to finding sex or girlfriends, it often isn't directly due to the dance classes. A man took dance classes long enough to get good at a particular style of dance, went to a nightlife venue for this style of dance, and then met a woman/women at these nightlife venues. This would be most common in salsa/Latin class or Country Western dancing in the United States market.

@Mike32ct has extensive experience with dance in terms of pickup/seduction and can go into more detail on his efforts there. The bottom line from him is that they were not productive for seduction purposes.

I took ballroom for about 5 years during that 2010s at the advice here and from a much older coworker.

Pros:

1. Fun hobby.

2. Hot teacher lol.

Cons:

1. I found it near impossible to socialize. Students would show up to class 5 minutes before and leave immediately after. Obviously you weren’t supposed to talk during instruction. Fair enough.

During an actual dance or dance “social,” I would get the stink eye from the teacher if I got into a lengthy conversation with somebody because that’s considered tying up potential partners for others. (As an introvert, my whole “game” has always been deeper convos.)

Chatting is only acceptable WHILE social dancing. But that’s not easy to do while you’re still learning because your brain is tied up. (It’s fine for an advanced dancer who runs on muscle memory.)

2. Very wide age ranges, but typically on the much higher end.

Anyway, I personally didn’t find it helpful in the women department at all. But everybody is different, so your mileage may vary.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Hey guys, it's been a while since I last wrote here.

I'm 32 now. I've been red-pilled for about 9 years (or at least I consider myself to be). When I was younger, I had my fair share of cold approaches, but what has stuck with me to this day are mostly the insights and mindset.

Nowadays, I'm hardcore focused on building my business 24/7, but I'm thinking of allocating some time to dating without going straight into battle mode and cold approaching random chicks.

I'm looking for sweet and intelligent girls, as funny as it might sound in a red-pilled context. I'm not interested in party girls.

One idea that came to mind was dancing - e.g. Salsa. What do you think? Have any of you found a way that has proven to yield good results over time?

Unless you are REALLY into dancing, this is not going to pay off.

You could spend 8 evenings in a beginners course and most likely not get a single fvck out of it.

IF you find a chick thats interested and willing, you will find yourself in a new social circle and it will be expected that you keep on dancing until you part ways with your future ex.

She will want to go/complete dancing courses, go dancing saturday nights while all you(really!) ever wanted is fvcking and not spend nights out that you could use to build your business or do things that are more interesting....... like relaxing and fvcking.

Also, if you want to chase down a woman on the dancefloor, you most likely will catch yourself a partygirl.
Lets be real, if a woman is into dancing and looking for a DANCER, she will expect you to DANCE, otherwise she will find herself another guy that is willing to dance however long it takes to get her into his bed.

She will also most likely be on tour dancing when you are not in the mood or have other things going on.
The dancing girl also will be dancing with other guys that ALL are a going to hit on her while they have their filthy little rat paws on your girl.


Be careful what you wish for!

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

YMMV.

I got into tango together with my wife. At the end of the first beginner's course, they asked me if I would be interested to come on other nights as well to dance with the single ladies coming for the first course. So, while I took the second course with my wife on Thursdays, on Tuesday and Friday I went alone and helped other young ladies to dance. With one or two exceptions, every one of them wanted to know if I was available for more than dancing. When I did the third course with my wife, I danced on two other nights on with single ladies on the first and second course. I kept in touch with many of these women and after my divorce I took many of them to tango salons and to bed.

But, I agree that you shouldn't get into dancing because you're looking for a woman. You have to enjoy dancing with women. For me, tango is a sensual and intimate dance and close to actually having vertical sex with your clothes on.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

Don’t get too surgical about it.
You don’t need dancing. It’s an ocean full of women out there.
You need to improve your game fundamentals, which is what is going to give you the most success.
Spam cold approach again like it’s 1999 and tomorrow you are going to die.
It’s Old Testament for a reason.
If the chick is quick to say they have a boyfriend still push a little further to make sure they really mean it and not an old fashioned excuse.
Most girls will forgive you for being too aggressive or direct but will not forgive you for being a puzzy.
The price is built into the practice.

I just got the digits from a 7 cute latina cashier at Whole foods the other night. We chatted after her shift in the parking lot for about 30 min. I was just sharpening the blade since I hadn’t cold approached in weeks. Cold approaching is brain food for your mental health.

Small talk to even average chicks to avoid rusting out and then corner a really hot one when you ready.

 

[SW15]

Unless you are REALLY into dancing, this is not going to pay off.

I agree with this and the rest of the comments that you provided about the dancing effort.

Most hobbies aren't going to pay off in terms of seduction. Hobbies might create social circle options (that's debatable and somewhat dependent on the hobby itself). Most men aren't going to find someone in their hobby or hobbies. As a result, they'll need to do some combination of real life approaching and tech-based stuff.

Cons

I found it near impossible to socialize. Students would show up to class 5 minutes before and leave immediately after. Obviously you weren’t supposed to talk during instruction. Fair enough.

This is one of the biggest challenges with fitness classes too. It's true at fitness classes at big box type gyms (LA Fitness, etc.) and even dedicated fitness studio type places (Title Boxing, SoulCycle, etc.).

Fitness classes do tend to have younger ages than dance classes though.

As an introvert, my whole “game” has always been deeper convos.

That makes sense. Some introverts can do well with this style. Game is a combination of looks, money, status, and personality. Deeper conversations are supposed to showcase personality.

With initial approaches, introverts who are reliant upon their conversational skill will have difficulty in certain venues. Most nightlife options are not well suited for introverts. Tech-based methods are good for introverts on the surface but the female abundance on apps negates anything that might be good for introverts on the surface. Non-bar approaching is likely the best overall option for introverts so that's why the hobby method seems appealing to an introvert. There are non-bar options where an introvert can do well. If an introvert can manage to have social circle connections, he can do well there.

There are introverts that can do well on first and second dates based on their conversational skills.

 

[parabellum]

Salsa girls are generally spicy.


id say, that getting the salsa basics can be good down the road. Just the basics, there’s no point in competing with Latino Chad that has been dancing since he’s 2 yo.

complement with having a sweet middle sized puppy, the more energy the better. You’ll meet so many people just because of the dog that it almost feel like a hack.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi SW15,
There is some truth in your scathing criticism of Dance Classes...The beginner generally is not successful,but it is a Rite of Passage....The Ladies at the classes are just about all lonely,they come with an agenda,most to get a Man,someone to whisk them round the Floor show off their finery,their bling....And so the successful Guys are the ones who do the classes a few times,become reasonably adept and at the same time desirable,the real Sheikhs,are the usual Dance Floor Predators,Older Guys who have danced for years,they have a Smorgasbord LOL.

 

[Scaramouche]

YMMV.

I got into tango together with my wife. At the end of the first beginner's course, they asked me if I would be interested to come on other nights as well to dance with the single ladies coming for the first course. So, while I took the second course with my wife on Thursdays, on Tuesday and Friday I went alone and helped other young ladies to dance. With one or two exceptions, every one of them wanted to know if I was available for more than dancing. When I did the third course with my wife, I danced on two other nights on with single ladies on the first and second course. I kept in touch with many of these women and after my divorce I took many of them to tango salons and to bed.

But, I agree that you shouldn't get into dancing because you're looking for a woman. You have to enjoy dancing with women. For me, tango is a sensual and intimate dance and close to actually having vertical sex with your clothes on.

Hi Amsterdam,
Seems like you are a natural,maybe played a musical instrument?...I go to town to Dance on Mondays,last week thirty+ Folk,but grab this,six were unattached Femmes,why?because it is just such a difficult dance for Male leaders...about 25 years ago I attended three beginners courses back to back,with maybe twenty others,I am the only one left standing.....As for having vertical svex,after all this time and a personal trainer generally once a week for twenty years,I am just soo busy working out what I am going to do next,that svex is the last thing on my mind...Why do it?firstly,once mastered you will never be short of Women in any large Western City.Secondly,it is a walking Dance that even seriously Old Folk can manage.

 

[corrector]

I took ballroom for about 5 years during that 2010s at the advice here and from a much older coworker.

Pros:

1. Fun hobby.

2. Hot teacher lol.

Cons:

1. I found it near impossible to socialize. Students would show up to class 5 minutes before and leave immediately after. Obviously you weren’t supposed to talk during instruction. Fair enough.

During an actual dance or dance “social,” I would get the stink eye from the teacher if I got into a lengthy conversation with somebody because that’s considered tying up potential partners for others. (As an introvert, my whole “game” has always been deeper convos.)

Chatting is only acceptable WHILE social dancing. But that’s not easy to do while you’re still learning because your brain is tied up. (It’s fine for an advanced dancer who runs on muscle memory.)

2. Very wide age ranges, but typically on the much higher end.

Anyway, I personally didn’t find it helpful in the women department at all. But everybody is different, so your mileage may vary.

Did you feel satisfied with the touch-based interactions with women? I mean was there slow/sensual type of dancing involved here or was it more distant? Would you compare it to a hug, massage or if you were cuddling up with a woman or some type of experience like that where you'd feel satisfied with that level of touching up with a stranger/fellow-learner?

 

[Mike32ct]

Did you feel satisfied with the touch-based interactions with women? I mean was there slow/sensual type of dancing involved here or was it more distant? Would you compare it to a hug, massage or if you were cuddling up with a woman or some type of experience like that where you'd feel satisfied with that level of touching up with a stranger/fellow-learner?

I’ll give you guys a laugh. In the very beginning, the teacher explained that the guy’s right hand goes on her left shoulder blade. I’m not Mr. Anatomy* so I was thinking to myself, “Where the F is the shoulder blade?” Lol. My partner was kind enough to explain “Your right hand goes on my bra strap.” Lol.

Back to your questions.

1. Yes. It’s platonic but more touch than you typically experience platonically.

2. It wasn’t sensual. It was a bit more distant than that. You might be thinking more of Tango.

3. No, it wasn’t close to cuddling/hugging. You hold hands with your left hand and your right hand is on her upper back. There’s a gap between you both. It’s generally not body to body except for say Tango.

*I’m an engineer not a doctor.

 

[rber]

Thanks for all the responses. While there's no full consensus, it seems the majority of you advise against dancing with the sole purpose of meeting girls.

I have zero natural interest in dancing per se, it's just the first thing that came to mind that naturally involves interaction with girls.

I'm interested in martial arts and anime, but both don't seem to be good ways to meet girls. The former conclusion is based on experience, and the latter I fear might be a group of unattractive sausages with no actual girls, though I have yet to validate that assumption.

I'm curious to see if there are creative ways to go about it beyond the basics of night life, cold approach, and dating apps...

@SW15 I'm indeed an introvert, which is why the hobby method seems appealing. What are the non-bar options where an introvert can do well? It sounds like you don't necessarily see hobbies as one of them.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I'm interested in martial arts

Aikido has a high ratio of female students compared to most competitive martial arts.

 

[SW15]

I have zero natural interest in dancing per se, it's just the first thing that came to mind that naturally involves interaction with girls.

That's not likely to go well. You would feel terrible doing something you're not very interested in and having it result in producing few to no dates.

What are the non-bar options where an introvert can do well? It sounds like you don't necessarily see hobbies as one of them.

The best bet for the introvert is typically a social circle introduction. A social circle might develop through hobby participation. Hobby participation in general is less likely to directly result in a girlfriend. When men are looking for an extended relationships (1-4 years or more), the best bet for getting that with the least amount of grief and frustration is through a social circle introduction. Getting any sort of relationship without a social circle depends more upon superficialities.

On the surface, swipe apps seem like a good option for introverts. They are the most common alternative to late nights at nightlife venues, which generally favor extroverted personalities and superficially good looking men. However, women have such abundance on swipe apps that it is difficult to stand out unless you are quite good looking. While interacting initially behind an electronic screen might play to the strengths of introverts, all the other elements of swipe apps eliminate any sort of advantage from initial interaction behind a screen.

Most bars/nightclubs play to the strengths of extroverts. People who are energized by social interactions tend to like bars/nightclubs. Few introverts do well in a lot of nightlife venue settings. Introverts can have success in some lower energy, earlier in the night type nightlife settings. These are usually quieter lounge type settings that allow for deeper conversations that can showcase some personality depth. Looks are still #1 but elements like money and personality can help some introverts.

Approaching strangers in a non-bar setting is quite difficult and often inefficient for both extroverts and introverts. Some introverts can do well with this if they are horny enough and good looking enough. Non-bar approaching is overall a better option than the swipe apps for introverts but both are challenging paths.

 

[corrector]

I’ll give you guys a laugh. In the very beginning, the teacher explained that the guy’s right hand goes on her left shoulder blade. I’m not Mr. Anatomy* so I was thinking to myself, “Where the F is the shoulder blade?” Lol. My partner was kind enough to explain “Your right hand goes on my bra strap.” Lol.

Back to your questions.

1. Yes. It’s platonic but more touch than you typically experience platonically.

2. It wasn’t sensual. It was a bit more distant than that. You might be thinking more of Tango.

3. No, it wasn’t close to cuddling/hugging. You hold hands with your left hand and your right hand is on her upper back. There’s a gap between you both. It’s generally not body to body except for say Tango.

*I’m an engineer not a doctor.

So you are saying Tango dancing lessons would be better for that type of interactions? Found some Tango dance lessons in my local area. It is intense in body to body contact and trust (neither partner would accidentally drop each other putting into a vulnerable position) is also involved.

 

[rber]

That's not likely to go well. You would feel terrible doing something you're not very interested in and having it result in producing few to no dates.



The best bet for the introvert is typically a social circle introduction. A social circle might develop through hobby participation. Hobby participation in general is less likely to directly result in a girlfriend. When men are looking for an extended relationships (1-4 years or more), the best bet for getting that with the least amount of grief and frustration is through a social circle introduction. Getting any sort of relationship without a social circle depends more upon superficialities.

On the surface, swipe apps seem like a good option for introverts. They are the most common alternative to late nights at nightlife venues, which generally favor extroverted personalities and superficially good looking men. However, women have such abundance on swipe apps that it is difficult to stand out unless you are quite good looking. While interacting initially behind an electronic screen might play to the strengths of introverts, all the other elements of swipe apps eliminate any sort of advantage from initial interaction behind a screen.

Most bars/nightclubs play to the strengths of extroverts. People who are energized by social interactions tend to like bars/nightclubs. Few introverts do well in a lot of nightlife venue settings. Introverts can have success in some lower energy, earlier in the night type nightlife settings. These are usually quieter lounge type settings that allow for deeper conversations that can showcase some personality depth. Looks are still #1 but elements like money and personality can help some introverts.

Approaching strangers in a non-bar setting is quite difficult and often inefficient for both extroverts and introverts. Some introverts can do well with this if they are horny enough and good looking enough. Non-bar approaching is overall a better option than the swipe apps for introverts but both are challenging paths.

Thanks for expanding on this. If I understand correctly, you're saying my good options are primarily social circles and approaching (albeit in a non-bar setting). I suppose I was looking for an easy way out that doesn't depend too much on superficialities or require too much time and energy investment, but if there were such a way, I imagine people would be teaching it instead of pickup.

 

[SW15]

If I understand correctly, you're saying my good options are primarily social circles and approaching (albeit in a non-bar setting).

Those are your good options.

In general, men in the last 15-20 years have focused more of their efforts towards tech-based dating methods and nightlife venue approaching. Before the rise of the online dating in the mid to late 2000s, most men were focused on nightlife venue approaching. When Neil Strauss released "The Game" in 2005 profiling his time spent with Mystery and other pickup artists, that was near the end of the era where nightlife approaching was the #1 option.

Approaching strangers in non-bar settings has always been a bit of a niche activity. That hasn't changed in the 2020s. I think there are men today that are using online dating who probably would have been mainly non-bar approachers had they been part of the 1990s-2000s singles scene.

All forms of approaching have seemed to decline in recent years as tech-based dating methods have become more widely used. In the USA (and likely other Western nations), fewer people are also using their social circles to meet romantic partners. That's telling me that more and more people don't have social circles capable of making introductions. I'm not sure if Israel follows the same pattern as the West.

Most of my commentary is about conditions in the USA dating market as that's where I am located. This board does have representation from multiple nations. We have some terrific European participants.