High quality women

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It seems most mens problems start from not choosing a high quality woman as a mate.

So how do we get around this when we are walking testosterone machines. Or are we simply at the mercy of our make up.

Is it better to be friends with someone first over a period of time so you know the person properly.

After reading a lot of articles on this site it is obvious that the consequences of poor decisions can be brutal.

The irony in this is a lot of woman I've met seem to lose interest very quicly when they realise it will take more than 2-3 dates to get you in the sack. In otherwords if they realise there is a man behind the penis then they go looking elsewhere.

These are the woman to avoid as they are looking for a man that can be easily manipulated.

 

[Warrior74]

I look over my dating past and really, I have pushed the quality women I met in life away. There are women who were there for me and on my team and I totally ignored them. I pushed them away. I went after the freaks and hoes. I'm asking myself why I did this and of course the anwser is weak inner game, low self esteem. I played captain save a ho with low class women. I never felt good enough for high quality women. I still struggle with that.

When a decent woman shows me interest its hard to accept. When some slut or gold digger shows me attention, at least I know exactly what she wants and I manipulate the situation to get what I want without giving her what she wants (unless all she wants is sex, I got no money to give em!)

I think the key for me is to step my game up. Get my life where I want it to be. Financially, physically, mentally, spiritually. I am working on that now. I know its going to take time and sacrifice, and right now I'm willing to be alone and get my house in order. I'm working two jobs and starting a buisiness, paid off all my credit cards and saving as much money as possible. Joined a gym, down 10lbs and I've been praying and meditating and spending more time with my family and friends. I also have joined business organizations and started networking. Meeting more people of substance and quality than in the club. I'm doing all the things I need to do in life that I know I am slacking on. I feel my confidence in myself growing all the time.

I have an FB but she is a low class woman. She has a lot of drama and BS. And to be honest, I only call her when I want sex. That way I avoid the trainwreck that is her life. I can't allow myself to get sucked into that wirlwind. I just want sex on a regular basis. I'm cutting her loose soon. I'd rather be alone for a while and chill than deal with her as a headache.

Here's to high quality women in 09!

 

[jophil28]

It seems most mens problems start from not choosing a high quality woman as a mate.

So how do we get around this when we are walking testosterone machines. Or are we simply at the mercy of our make up.

Firstly you need to decide what your "must have" qualities and attributes are in a woman. Then make another list of "dealbreakers"

Then you aim to date women who demonstrate the "must haves" and walk away from the deal breakers.
Never compromise your self respect and honor, and ALWAYS place respect higher than pvssy.

( and do some industrial strength reading of Guru 1000's numerous posts on this subject )

 

[facadegeniality]

sometimes, by the time i found out abt the "must have", i have been LJBFed.

 

[jophil28]

sometimes, by the time i found out abt the "must have", i have been LJBFed.

Well that happens sometimes.

I guess that the point I was trying to make was this -
You need to compile a list of the qualities and characteristics which are very important to you. I am not just talking about her physical attributes, I am leaning towards her "character" attributes...her morals and ethics and her willingness and ability to treat you with the respect that is rightfully your's .
There is an old saying that goes like this" Respect has to be earned " ..Crap !
You are entitled to be treated with courtesy, good manners and consideration as a matter of course. You do not have to "earn" this treatment by "proving" that you deserve to be treated well.
What that old saying means ( probably) is that you have to earn ADMIRATION.
And I agree.

 

[Colossus]

I actually sat down last month and made a spreadsheet, as silly as it may sound. I made 7 columns: Physical, character, personality, sexual, values, behavior, and interests. Under each I made a list of attributes that were descriptive but not overly specific, and color-coded each to represent Mandatory, Preferable, and Negotiable.

I'll refer back to from time to time to make any updates or just refresh my mind on what I want. Understand I am not out 'hunting' for these things, I'm just more cognizant of it when it crosses my path.

 

[MacAvoy]

It seems most mens problems start from not choosing a high quality woman as a mate.

Is it better to be friends with someone first over a period of time so you know the person properly.

The irony in this is a lot of woman I've met seem to lose interest very quicly when they realise it will take more than 2-3 dates to get you in the sack. In otherwords if they realise there is a man behind the penis then they go looking elsewhere.

First of all, listen to yourself, you sound like a women. I would consider a guy not all there if he didn't want sex by the third date.

But more importantly back to the original question. Your right, most men's problems arise from getting emotionally involved with a low quality women.

The other problem is too many of you jump too soon into relationships. Your over value the *****. I keep talking about Anti Dump's philosophy:

You should be free as a bird, flapping around, singing, full of joy with life. Women want to trap the bird and throw it in a cage (cage = committment). When birds try to fly into the cage, wouldn't you think something is wrong with that bird? After all, who wants a bird that WANTS to be in the cage? No, women want the birds that are FREE, WILD, and BEAUTIFUL. They want A GOOD CATCH. Good Catches do not fly into cages. Only wounded or needy birds do.

Becoming exclusive with a woman means the both of you talk about not dating or seeing anyone else. The dating with others comes to an end.

Never ask a women to become exclusive. She must ask YOU. She must talk about it FIRST.

Why? If a woman hasn't asked you yet it means she is still open to seeing others. She still has DOUBTS about you. Highly interested women don't want you going out with other women.

A woman asking for exclusivity is like a 'marriage proposal'. She is cementing and laying the foundation for true intimacy.

She wants something that's lasting. It is the ULTIMATE test of interest, guys. She is 'proposing'.

If you ask first, you will never know her true interest level. Why didn't she bring it up? How come she is still letting you see others? Why isn't she CLOSING her options? Is she seeing someone else?

Think about it.

The importance of dating is to get to know the other person. You shouldn't become exclusive with someone unless you've known them at least 3 months. Its hard to really get to know someone and all of their tendencies in such a short period of time.

 

[puma183]

That seems to be the cornerstone of this forum's post history.

When a girl being "hot" is enough to get you to pursue and get involved with her, prepare for trouble. It's like going into crazy financial slavery over buying a shiny new sportscar, which everybody knows is something that many people want, but nobody needs.

Yes Stormbringer is giving good advice. Ignore at your own peril. If you ignore it, here is a time-machine glimpse at your future ex-wife:

http://www.thelaw.com/forums/showthread.php?t=28835

 

[window]

MacAvoy, if you're prepared to sleep with someone after 3 dates then I think you have no self respect. Think about it. You would have known this person for a maximum of 6 hours and you're trusting your life (financial and physical) in 1mm of latex.

What you're saying and the point of my post is that men will disregard the qualities they seek in a woman for the pursuit of sex.

These are the guys that get into trouble.

Also there seems to be a trend whereby if the woman realises that you are not easily manipulated then she'll move on quickly. To me this is a low quality woman and one to be avoided so be on the lookout. I'm sure woman of substance have the same criteria and avoid similar men.

 

[jophil28]

I actually sat down last month and made a spreadsheet, as silly as it may sound. I made 7 columns: Physical, character, personality, sexual, values, behavior, and interests. Under each I made a list of attributes that were descriptive but not overly specific, and color-coded each to represent Mandatory, Preferable, and Negotiable.

I'll refer back to from time to time to make any updates or just refresh my mind on what I want. Understand I am not out 'hunting' for these things, I'm just more cognizant of it when it crosses my path.

And THAT, gentlemen, is how it should be done.

 

[Jeffst1980]

There's no easy answers to this. You DO need to sit down and pinpoint the qualities you desire in a woman, but don't expect this woman to suddenly appear at your doorstep.

Really, the only way to recognize high quality women straight of the bat is to gain experience by dating lots and lots of women. Patterns do emerge in time, and while you can never be 100% certain of another person's strength of character (nevermind after 2-3 dates), you can learn to eliminate low quality women fairly quickly.

I truly believe that by focusing on improving your own life and becoming a high quality male, you will naturally begin to attract high quality females as a matter of course. If you become the man you want to be, you will attract the women you desire--of course, this is easier said than done.

You are going to have bad experiences with women; we all have. You are going to make mistakes and have regrets. Don't be afraid of this; it's part of the human experience. Even if someone was weaned on sosuave philosophy and studied this stuff all their life, they're still going to make mistakes and pick low quality women at some point in their lives. The point is not to continually dodge bullets; the point is to learn from your mistakes.

If you put off marriage for some time and spend the first third or more of your life improving yourself, you will be the optimal position for choosing a high quality mate. Guys that marry young often wind up almost arbitrarily marrying their second or third girlfriend without proper vetting. Contrast this with a guy that waits till he's 35-40 to marry and in the meantime uses his resources to better himself: He has a wider pool of women available and, more importantly, has the life experience to recognize the kind of woman that is marriage material.

 

[Chrispy]

I actually sat down last month and made a spreadsheet, as silly as it may sound. I made 7 columns: Physical, character, personality, sexual, values, behavior, and interests. Under each I made a list of attributes that were descriptive but not overly specific, and color-coded each to represent Mandatory, Preferable, and Negotiable.

I'll refer back to from time to time to make any updates or just refresh my mind on what I want. Understand I am not out 'hunting' for these things, I'm just more cognizant of it when it crosses my path.

This is a VERY thoughtful and clear spreadsheet.

What are red flags that suggest a woman is not of high quality? I already exclude the obvious: liars, drug addicts, players, cheaters...but what about the subtle ones?

I am sure a lot of us are normal decent guys who already have a baseline for a decent high quality woman. Is it possible to detect the red flags early? We can do all the tests and spend all the time in the world but some women can hide who they are too.

 

[Mr. Me]

Is it better to be friends with someone first over a period of time so you know the person properly.

No. Then you'll end up just being a friend.

Additionally, the time you spend as a friend does not tell you how the person is as a partner in a love relationship and how they will treat you as their partner.

So, that "period of time" is best spent evaluating while dating them until you have a much better sense of the person.

 

[Jitterbug]

This is a VERY thoughtful and clear spreadsheet.

What are red flags that suggest a woman is not of high quality? I already exclude the obvious: liars, drug addicts, players, cheaters...but what about the subtle ones?

I am sure a lot of us are normal decent guys who already have a baseline for a decent high quality woman. Is it possible to detect the red flags early? We can do all the tests and spend all the time in the world but some women can hide who they are too.

This is what I was taught by older folks in my family with successful marriages:

A low quality woman could be a really good actor to you, but she won't be such a good actor if you observe how she treats others and the company she keeps. A woman who treats other people poorly will eventually treat you poorly. A woman who has low quality friends, or grew up in a sh!tty family, is the same herself. The red flags you see in those people will reflect the ones you'll see in her. She can hide her true self but she cannot hide who her family & friends are.

 

[Gia Giovanni]

Well that happens sometimes.

I guess that the point I was trying to make was this -
You need to compile a list of the qualities and characteristics which are very important to you. I am not just talking about her physical attributes, I am leaning towards her "character" attributes...her morals and ethics and her willingness and ability to treat you with the respect that is rightfully your's. There is an old saying that goes like this" Respect has to be earned " ..Crap !

First, that is a bit idealistic and will probably result in a failed relationship.
Second, you make mention of your deserved respect, but not hers. Very telling.

You are entitled to be treated with courtesy, good manners and consideration as a matter of course.

Isn't everyone?

You do not have to "earn" this treatment by "proving" that you deserve to be treated well.

Doesn't everyone? You seem a little focused on yourself.

What that old saying means ( probably) is that you have to earn ADMIRATION. And I agree.

Have you ever admired someone you dislike. For instance, I do not like Obama or his politics. I cannot really articulate why, but he feels fake. However, I admire his charisma.

 

[Mr. Me]

A low quality woman could be a really good actor to you, but she won't be such a good actor if you observe how she treats others and the company she keeps. A woman who treats other people poorly will eventually treat you poorly.

Yeah, and avoid the "but this time it's different" syndrome.

I listen closely to what she reveals about her prior relationships and about her decisions in life in those early dates when she's more prone to be open about these things. I believe that the past is relevant, not something to be dismissed just because it happened some years ago. It's still basically the same person, who, under given circumstances, is likely to repeat past behavior. I listen to also see if she's dodging responsibility for the mistakes she made or if she plays the helpless maiden. All that's a clue as to the type of person she is.

So many women may be way open, as many guys ignore the flags anyway just because she's hot, so the gals find they can say pretty much anything. They can vent hostile about their ex, which is how they'll vent about you too some day, but guys will sit there and smile and think the ex is a chump but not see themselves as the next chump.

When the gal's been dumped a few times however, they learn to wisely shut up about these things and that's when you have to learn to decode what they've said and read between the lines. "Oh, I was seeing someone for three years but he had commitment issues", for example, could mean, "he finally realized that I wasn't good enough to keep being with."

I remember one gal telling me how her husband left her because he said she was mean. Turns out, he was right. The point is, she plainly told me this fact up front. I heard it, but ignored it because she was hot and crazy in bed. At least, until I was the recipient of her anger.

I also like Doc Love's criteria: she has to have integrity, which is comprised of honesty, loyalty and trust. She has to have a giving nature, and she has to be flexible, and with, at the most, very minimal emotional baggage. You watch for telltale signs that she either has or has not these attributes. Her interest in you is something else to be watched, but interest alone doesn't cut it if she doesn't have the rest of these character traits that will make being with her pleasurable.

 

[Mr. Me]

facadegeniality, I'd say you could nudge the door open a bit and see if they walk through it, if they don't bring it up first.

"So... ya ever been heads over heels in love?" may open a conversation rather then the cold interview "what happened in your last relationship?" type question. Then quiet up and let them fill the silence with whatever they spill.

edited to add: one night I was talking to a woman, and she happened to mention her ex and how she still saw him from time to time. So I took a chance and casually asked, "So how's the sex?" and didn't blink and she rattled it right off! "Oh, it's good" she said. That easy to find out she was still sleeping with her ex!

 

[jophil28]

Have you ever admired someone you dislike. For instance, I do not like Obama or his politics. I cannot really articulate why, but he feels fake. However, I admire his charisma.

You write like a confused woman.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

You are entitled to be treated with courtesy, good manners and consideration as a matter of course.

entitled by who? god? the law? common decency?

Is EVERYBODY on planet earth entitled to be treated with courtesy, good manners, and consideration?

 

[window]

The Dali Lama would say yes regardless...and I'm sure as hell going to be inclined to believe what he has to say over what is posted on here !