Im dating a girl (at least i think i still am) 4 hrs away...we've been seeing one another on weekends for 4 months now. We haven't had sex BUT this last weekend there was some "petting" and it seems her attitude may have changed toward me. I'll be honest, i like her A LOT and i suffered from a bit of oneitis for her ..so much that when i call her at night im as anxious as one could get...i don't think she is on to me in that area and i plan on being more of a man(even if it means losing her) in that area. I flower her with complements and she likes them(ive read here where you shouldn't do that though) ...she stares(or did) at me A LOT with a smile and it gives me a great feeling and she has stated that "the physicle attraction is there"...and that was after the "petting" session. ....also, the entire time we have been dating ive felt anxious about her ...am i putting her to high on a pedistal? we had a little "fight" after the "feeling up" thing ..so much i was gonna leave but she stopped me. I told her id stay BUT she was gonna have to act like a woman and not pout over this "thing" that just happened. ...Did i screw up? opinons please. ....oh we made up but it still feels different.
Hey Men....need advice please.
- Thread starter teachme
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Iceberg
Master Don Juan
4 Months of "dating" without sex? I'm sorry, but this whole relationship is a joke.teachme said:
What's there to like? Four months without sex.....She might as well be your sister.
You had a fight over the fact that you touched her sexually? And you want to KEEP this woman?
Come on, man. This is a joke, right? You lonely and desperate do you have to be in order to tolerate this? Tell me this is your first "girlfriend". Tell me that you're a virgin. Because anything else would absolutely blow my mind.
PrettyBoyAJ
Master Don Juan
No sex and you have been seeing her for four months. What is the point?
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
I'm sorry, but that's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard.teachme said:
I don't know what kind of losers you were dating, but sex didn't ruin your past relationships. You and the girl not liking each other ruined your past relationships. Blaming it on sex is just childish and superstitious. "I had sex + the relationship ended = sex ruined the relationship" No...that's just dumb.
And besides, you're not "trying to do the right thing"....if this girl got naked in front of you on Date #1, you'd have jumped all over it. You're not fooling me.
You driving for 4 hours to see someone you don't have sex with just makes me think you don't have options. Normal, healthy adults don't do that.
Sorry, buddy. You say you like her "A LOT"...but it just sounds like you're happy to have a woman in your life. So happy to have a woman that you're willing to accept some elementary school relationship. Adults have sex. What you're doing is strange. And I'd recommend you meeting a girl who can treat you like an adult.
But I imagine that a man who's desperate enough to drive 4 hours to see a girl he ISN'T having sex with, is probably too weak to walk away from the girl. A man who does that obviously doesn't have much else going on.
My advice - Move on to a normal, sexually mature woman. My prediction - you won't.
WOW...i need to hear this stuff....and i promise i could/can walk away....thank you, may i have another..RSanders219
Don Juan
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"Im dating a girl (at least i think i still am) 4 hrs away..."
FVCK THAT! 4 hours man? Long distance relationships are weak! Find someone closer to you.
"we've been seeing one another on weekends for 4 months now. We haven't had sex BUT this last weekend there was some "petting" and it seems her attitude may have changed toward me."
Petting?! WTF does that mean? You gotta fvck her, that's why her attitude's probably changing.
"I'll be honest, i like her A LOT and i suffered from a bit of oneitis for her ..so much that when i call her at night im as anxious as one could get...i don't think she is on to me in that area and i plan on being more of a man(even if it means losing her) in that area."
Nothing wrong with liking a girl a lot, but you need to do your best to keep it to a minimum. If she knows you're SUPER into her, this could lead to her manipulating you, doing sh1t behind your back and not having to worry about the consequence, or her just being creeped out eventually. Also.. I used to get REALLY attached/REALLY anxious, but I learned to overcome this over time realizing how sh1tty women can really be. Take that anxiety, throw it out the window.. Just think to yourself "I will still be alive, everything will still be the same ol normal sh1t".
"I flower her with complements and she likes them(ive read here where you shouldn't do that though) ...she stares(or did) at me A LOT with a smile and it gives me a great feeling and she has stated that "the physicle attraction is there"...and that was after the "petting" session. ....also, the entire time we have been dating ive felt anxious about her ...am i putting her to high on a pedistal? we had a little "fight" after the "feeling up" thing ..so much i was gonna leave but she stopped me. I told her id stay BUT she was gonna have to act like a woman and not pout over this "thing" that just happened. ...Did i screw up? opinons please. ....oh we made up but it still feels different."
Okay, if you're driving 4 hours to see her, and you're both attracted to each other there should be NOTHING WRONG with you feeling her up. Who does she think she is getting all pissy about that?
Also, you should've left. Don't let a woman influence your decision.. This woman really seems like a huge joke. I would avoid her and go meet women that are FUN and EXCITING!
Hope this helped man. Godspeed!
FVCK THAT! 4 hours man? Long distance relationships are weak! Find someone closer to you.
"we've been seeing one another on weekends for 4 months now. We haven't had sex BUT this last weekend there was some "petting" and it seems her attitude may have changed toward me."
Petting?! WTF does that mean? You gotta fvck her, that's why her attitude's probably changing.
"I'll be honest, i like her A LOT and i suffered from a bit of oneitis for her ..so much that when i call her at night im as anxious as one could get...i don't think she is on to me in that area and i plan on being more of a man(even if it means losing her) in that area."
Nothing wrong with liking a girl a lot, but you need to do your best to keep it to a minimum. If she knows you're SUPER into her, this could lead to her manipulating you, doing sh1t behind your back and not having to worry about the consequence, or her just being creeped out eventually. Also.. I used to get REALLY attached/REALLY anxious, but I learned to overcome this over time realizing how sh1tty women can really be. Take that anxiety, throw it out the window.. Just think to yourself "I will still be alive, everything will still be the same ol normal sh1t".
"I flower her with complements and she likes them(ive read here where you shouldn't do that though) ...she stares(or did) at me A LOT with a smile and it gives me a great feeling and she has stated that "the physicle attraction is there"...and that was after the "petting" session. ....also, the entire time we have been dating ive felt anxious about her ...am i putting her to high on a pedistal? we had a little "fight" after the "feeling up" thing ..so much i was gonna leave but she stopped me. I told her id stay BUT she was gonna have to act like a woman and not pout over this "thing" that just happened. ...Did i screw up? opinons please. ....oh we made up but it still feels different."
Okay, if you're driving 4 hours to see her, and you're both attracted to each other there should be NOTHING WRONG with you feeling her up. Who does she think she is getting all pissy about that?
Also, you should've left. Don't let a woman influence your decision.. This woman really seems like a huge joke. I would avoid her and go meet women that are FUN and EXCITING!
Hope this helped man. Godspeed!
2 months is the longest you should ever wait - and that's only if you've done everything but sex (and it's long distance). Even that's too long but it can lead to great sex.
Implement NC immediately. It's your only chance. When she contacts you, tell her you met someone else (or ideally do). Hopefully she'll get jealous and put out. Tell her you are a MAN and you have NEEDS. If she can't meet your needs, you will find a woman who does. Don't let her shame you for being a man. It's the same as if you refused to make her feel loved.
Remember: women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved.
And you already made her feel loved - too much so - don't blame yourself.
Implement NC immediately. It's your only chance. When she contacts you, tell her you met someone else (or ideally do). Hopefully she'll get jealous and put out. Tell her you are a MAN and you have NEEDS. If she can't meet your needs, you will find a woman who does. Don't let her shame you for being a man. It's the same as if you refused to make her feel loved.
Remember: women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved.
And you already made her feel loved - too much so - don't blame yourself.
PrettyBoyAJ
Master Don Juan
No contact.
SandHawk
Master Don Juan
TeachMe: We're not a relationship forum with tips on how to fix your broken relationship and messed up principles. We are a forum that focuses mainly on approaching and banging as much girls as we can or want.
We cannot help you with specific problems in your relationship, we cannot help you fix your relationship as much as we can't repair the Titanic. Your relationship, which sounds like a total joke to me, is like the Titanic: It's a broken ship that's sinking really fast, and you're trying to hold on to it and keep it afloat for some strange and f*cked up reason.
I'll tell you what every normal man would say: Abandon ship, and while you're at it, launch a torpedo into it so it'll never see the light of day again. This relationship is KAPUTT. I won't reiterate what all the others said(except, well, FOUR F*CKING MONTHS WITHOUT SEX? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?), but you need to move on.
Scroll to the bottom of this page and read the DJ Bible and the Book of Pook. Start approaching girls, make new friends and start banging broads right from the start. Sex doesn't destroy relationships, it makes the bonds in them stronger. Not having sex in an LTR is like never refueling your car, at some point the fire runs out and you're stuck in a ****ty car in the middle of nowhere.
We cannot help you with specific problems in your relationship, we cannot help you fix your relationship as much as we can't repair the Titanic. Your relationship, which sounds like a total joke to me, is like the Titanic: It's a broken ship that's sinking really fast, and you're trying to hold on to it and keep it afloat for some strange and f*cked up reason.
I'll tell you what every normal man would say: Abandon ship, and while you're at it, launch a torpedo into it so it'll never see the light of day again. This relationship is KAPUTT. I won't reiterate what all the others said(except, well, FOUR F*CKING MONTHS WITHOUT SEX? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?), but you need to move on.
Scroll to the bottom of this page and read the DJ Bible and the Book of Pook. Start approaching girls, make new friends and start banging broads right from the start. Sex doesn't destroy relationships, it makes the bonds in them stronger. Not having sex in an LTR is like never refueling your car, at some point the fire runs out and you're stuck in a ****ty car in the middle of nowhere.
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
You know I agree with you most of the time (And i love Amsterdam, by the way)...but being on this site since 2002, I gotta disagree with you about thatSandHawk said:
Sosuave is not about banging lots of girls. It's about becoming the man you want to be. I'd hate for the outside world (or other members) to think that we're just telling people to stick their d**k in random holes just for the hell of it. It's like this - You want to bang 100 girls? Build yourself into the man to do it. You want to go find ONE girl who you might wanna spend your life with? Build yourself into the man to do it. Become a better man, then pursue whatever path you desire.
His situation isn't bad because he's not out banging as many girls as he can. His situation is bad because he tricked himself into believing that dating someone for 4 months without sex is acceptable. He's settling. And he doesn't want to call it settling, so he lies to himself and says that he's "taking it slow" or some crap like that.
If it was some religious or personal mission to abstain from sex, I could buy into it. But he WANTs the sex. He's feeling her up. He's trying to make moves. And after 4 months, it's still not going anywhere. So here we have a man...an adult man...who is convincing himself that 4 months of dating with no sex is normal, acceptable, and healthy.
So he wants sex. She's not giving it to him. And it's been 4 months of four-hour drives just to see the sex he's NOT getting. That is embarrassing. And he's not even here asking us how to get sex. He's asking us how to earn the girl's forgiveness for (god forbid) being sexual with her.
So Mr. SandHawk, my friend, I respectfully disagree. I can help him with specific problems in relationships....once he is in a relationship. But to call this thing he's experiencing a relationship is just an embarrassment to us all. I don't want him to go out banging dozens of girls if that's not his style. But I would want him to be getting sex from the women he calls himself dating.
Two months of this from the girl down the street would be too much. Four months of it from a girl 4-hours away is a goddamn comedy.
Another point I picked up from talking to female friends...
If your not coming on sexually, or not doing it enough, they actually start to feel insulted and unable to turn you on sufficiently.
You can wait for some time (and I do not mean months) just to make her feel secure enough that you are not just in it for a fvck and dump. (how long depends on a girl, some don't care, or are just secure enough to do it in a matter of days, some may take up to a month or so)
After that, it's not only ok to start coming on (in fact, I wouldn't wait more than two weeks before trying out, a month would be where it happens (worst case scenario)), but you HAVE to start and keep coming on. You should be trying to get it more often than she is prepared to accept. Nothing wrong with it, it actually feeds her ego, makes feel needed and wanted. (of corse, keep it possible to have a conversation and time together thats not all and only about sex, but even if you start overdoing it, you are far more likely to keep her than by controlling your "appetite")
If your not coming on sexually, or not doing it enough, they actually start to feel insulted and unable to turn you on sufficiently.
You can wait for some time (and I do not mean months) just to make her feel secure enough that you are not just in it for a fvck and dump. (how long depends on a girl, some don't care, or are just secure enough to do it in a matter of days, some may take up to a month or so)
After that, it's not only ok to start coming on (in fact, I wouldn't wait more than two weeks before trying out, a month would be where it happens (worst case scenario)), but you HAVE to start and keep coming on. You should be trying to get it more often than she is prepared to accept. Nothing wrong with it, it actually feeds her ego, makes feel needed and wanted. (of corse, keep it possible to have a conversation and time together thats not all and only about sex, but even if you start overdoing it, you are far more likely to keep her than by controlling your "appetite")