Here goes...

[RandomLegend]

Hello guys,

I've known about this place a while back, but I didn't want to register until now.

Here's the situation. I'm in a relationship with this girl for almost a year now, we've had ups and downs as any couple does. However, this is my first real relationship (by real I mean more than a couple of weeks) so I'm not really experienced. As far as she goes she's been in two long relationships (2 yrs) and a load of other ones that didn't last more than a month or two.

I've broken up with this girl three times but always came back to her thinking I was acting too rash and she's a genuinly a nice girl (lol). Now, a couple of weeks ago she said she wanted to go to the seaside with her friends cause she's still got money saved up from her job and wants to go sunbathing and stuff. I wasn't thrilled about this, but after talk with my older sister I decide to not make any trouble and let her go, thinking that will show I trust her and she could trust me when I want to go sometime in the future with my friends for a few days... I didn't have the money to go with her at the time and she said we'll go together when I save some money.

So, it's been two or three days since she's gone, we text each other bla bla... Then she gets angry over some song I didn't have the time to listen to, and she said it was important to her. We get into a bit of a fight, she goes out angry that night. We straightened it out the next day. Two days after that I was really nervous, didn't get much sleep that day and I get into a fight with her about her not responding to my text the night before even though she was home until 3AM, she says she was nervous that night and didn't want to get into a fight with me again. I say bull. So we fight, and I text her something like if you're gonna do this **** and behave like this then you're free to go cause you're not gonna make me your dog. She responds with "ok :*". Naturally that pisses me off big time, so we break up again.

She was coming back home the next day. We text all morning and at some point I said this is stupid and childish and we should see each other. She said something like what's the use you left me for the 4th time bla bla... okay. I didn't make contact with her, removed my relationship status on FB (she thought I had something else going on because it's impossible to break up like this for no reason) but I caved in a day or two later and called her. I told her I want to talk to her in person (I guess I needed closure), she says she's got plans for the day but will let me know if she can make it. Later on, she sends me a text she really can't make it and wants to know if I could do it tommorow. I decline as I was going to the seaside the day after. So I did, I went for 5 days no contact, except for a song I posted on FB which was kinda hurtful and I removed it because I didn't want whole of FB seeing us fall apart.

Okay, so I get back and a few days after that I call her around 2-3 AM she's somewhere in town, I pick her up and we talk, kiss and whatever. The next day I call her over, make her a dinner, we drink wine hang out and phuck.

At that point she's like, I don't want to get back together because I can't depend on just words again. We'll take a break until I "get together" and "figure out what I want". I say **** that, either we're together and we try to make it work, or we're not. So we get back together.

Last night, she's at my place again. We had kind of a fight earlier in the day because I didn't want to tell her if I had sex with other girls while away. In the end I tell her I didn't, so she starts telling me about what happened to her while she was away. Remember the fight we got into over a song and she went out angry? Well, that night she went out with her friends and a guy came over to their table. He stayed with her and another friend for almost that whole night, paying them drinks and stuff. She said she realized something was wrong between us because she allowed that to happen.

The day I broke up she went outside all in tears and generally looking like hell to buy cigarettes or something, and sees him. Sometime that day he sent them a message if they want to hang out at the beach that night. She texted me saying she was going to the beach. So they get out, they're at the beach he's being really nice to her and her friends (there's like 20 people there she says), and later on they get into a club. They're all dancing but she's ****ed up, she's staring at the floor and not talking to anybody. He tries to dance with her but she won't pick her head up. Her friends tell her to stop being so sad and whiny, so she picks her head up and he kisses her. Now, she says nothing else happened between them physically, they talked when walking home but were not alone. They exchange numbers and she says they texted each other when she got back. But when I called her the second day she returned she deletes his number and stops responding to his texts. He also added her on FB but she didn't accept.

Now, I don't know what to think. It's a fact we were not together and I know she thought we wouldn't get back together ever again. The thing is she only says this to me when we're back together even though we saw each other for 2-3 days before we made up. I also don't know if I should believe her nothing but a kiss happened, I don't think she's that kind of a girl but... you see, I know I'm not alpha enough with her just because I don't have that level of self-confidence and she's already been in two long relationships and knows how to act to get what she wants. I am in love with her, and I've done a ton of that stupid Disney **** every guy dreads but I can't help it. I wanted to experience this even if I knew it would hurt. All in all, she's not a bad girl but this broke my heart. And now I don't know if I should stay with her and change my approach to make her realize some things or just break up forever. She did say she was really sorry for making me feel that way and hurting me like that because she never did that to anyone and she was usually the one getting hurt. She also said it hurts her even more because she thinks I'm the one. I know how all this sounds but it's a bit different reading it than hearing.

Sorry for the long post, cheers for anyone who reads all of this!

 

[moneyisking]

Dude way too long buddy.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

Oy vey....

Okay fellas, who wants to let him have it?

Does Judge Nismo care to take a crack at it??

 

[BeDour]

Then she gets angry over some song I didn't have the time to listen to

Pfft what? Seriously?

I don't know man this one is really your call. I read the whole thing. She may have ****ed up with the whole hanging out with that guy at the beach, but she went out of her way to show you that she doesn't want to talk to him. She deleted everything and never talks to him so...

She really has no power in the relationship for a while if you do stay with her. She basically cheated on you just because you were fighting and she decided to get blitzed that night and lose control of herself...so if anyone has some making up to do it's her. You're the boss here so I say stay with her if you want and how it goes. Definitely change your approach on how you deal with her. You're holding all the cards here so play them right.

 

[BeDJ]

If you maintain frame and control of the relationship, her going to seaside with friends shouldn't be a problem. Being your first relationship and the way you handled the situation, I do not think you did. Her actions indicate a lack of respect for you.

When your girlfriend says she is going away with her friends seaside, it's one of the BIGGEST SH!T TEST you will ever encounter in the relationship. You simply let her go without thinking twice. You don't consult with your sister or go into further discussion. You may not like the idea, but you are giving her the higher value by being insecure or suspicious. And let's face it - If a woman wants to cheat, she'll do it without your consent or knowledge anyway.

I read through the third paragraph and knew there was another guy involved. Communication should have been kept minimal and positive. By feeding her negative emotions, you set up the tee for ANY guy to smack it with his driver. Rest assured, her friends weren't backing you up either.

Don't give this relationship another thought. Short term pain for long term pleasure.




Suggested readings:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=185543

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=138921

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=134995

 

[Bible_Belt]

I don't think she had sex with the other guy. It would have made her look like a wh0re in front of her friends; that is more important to her than you are.

I don't have that level of self-confidence

You said it, not me. That's the root cause of your relationship problems. Don't feel like everything is your fault; it's not like she's without her own confidence issues, like any other woman. But being a leader as a man relates to emotional leadership as well. You're supposed to be the one teaching confidence to her, not the other way around.

Your own issues are more important than any one girl, because if you don't grow as a person from this experience, then you are not learning anything and doomed to repeat it again in your next relationship. If you are confident enough that you can replace her easily, she will sense that confidence, and that is the best way to keep her faithful.

 

[RandomLegend]

First of all, thanks everyone for replying.

You're holding all the cards here so play them right.

And what would you suggest? She already agreed tonight to trying out some sex-related stuff I wanted.

Your own issues are more important than any one girl, because if you don't grow as a person from this experience, then you are not learning anything and doomed to repeat it again in your next relationship. If you are confident enough that you can replace her easily, she will sense that confidence, and that is the best way to keep her faithful.

Thanks for this, appreciate it.

 

[BeDour]

And what would you suggest? She already agreed tonight to trying out some sex-related stuff I wanted.

So do it. But it shouldn't be her agreeing. That implies you're asking. It should be her suggesting, and you letting it happen if you want it. After what she did, there should be literally no situation in the near future where she holds the control at all. So don't fall into old patterns of beta behavior, and don't let her pull the ball back into her court. She's going to try.

I'm not saying act like a jerk to her and be all like "whatever bish my way or the highway". No girl is going to stand for that even when she deserves it. But just be confident, don't hang on her every word/action, and be the man in the relationship. She wants to go to the beach with her friends? That's cool, have fun. She wants to go out to the club with her friends but doesn't want to take you? That's fine you're going out with the guys anyway. You ask her to come over and hang out and she's "busy" or is in some weird chick mood? Go out and do something else.

And you aren't an open book to her anymore either. So no more sappy love stuff for a while. I see a lot of guys (I've been guilty of this in the past too) going to great lengths to "maintain" approval from their girlfriend. Flowers every week. Poems once a month. Buying jewelery because you hope she'll like it. If you're married then sure treat your woman now and then. But if you're taking a girl back after she kissed some guy at the beach...hell no. Her present is your attention so use it wisely.

 

[nismo-4]

TL;DR!

I mean goddamn! you really are worried about this girl, you need to load up on options. If you can do that, you won't need to stress out about one girl.

As soon as she finds out that she's your only one, she stops being your only one.

Don't plead your case with her. Make sure you've got more women waiting in the wings. When you ACTUALLY do, it'll show. And your princess has been in another castle. When she's in your castle, she won't tell you that. And for god's sake don't be a slave to her pu$$y.

Case closed.

 

[luber873]

"As soon as she finds out that she's your only one, she stops being your only one."

Does this apply when the woman brings up exclusivity talk?

 

[nismo-4]

"As soon as she finds out that she's your only one, she stops being your only one."

Does this apply when the woman brings up exclusivity talk?

Make sure this talk happens AFTER you've banged her. Otherwise, she'll bang you at calculated times and have most of the control.

 

[RandomLegend]

And your princess has been in another castle. When she's in your castle, she won't tell you that.

She's only told me this after we made up. I asked her this a few days before but she said nothing happened then. Only when I didn't want to give her an answer if I did anything when we weren't together she told me she kissed this other dude. Do you think there could be more she isn't telling me?

 

[BeDJ]

Only when I didn't want to give her an answer if I did anything when we weren't together she told me she kissed this other dude.

Why would she ask you that question in the first place? A woman that loves you and respects the relationship will never dare to think the question. Female acquittal at its finest.

Do you want us to hug you and tell you everything's going to be alright? We can do that if you want.

Or, we can tell you that you're in a piece of sh!t relationship with a woman who has no respect for you.

 

[RandomLegend]

Why would she ask you that question in the first place? A woman that loves you and respects the relationship will never dare to think the question. Female acquittal at its finest.

Do you want us to hug you and tell you everything's going to be alright? We can do that if you want.

Or, we can tell you that you're in a piece of sh!t relationship with a woman who has no respect for you.

Well we got pretty drunk the night when I asked her that, so it was the next morning she asked me this kinda like "why are you asking me this, or your feeling guilty of something?"

I know I'm going overboard with this, but do you think I should contact that guy on Facebook? He's from another country, she showed me a message telling him she doesn't want him contacting her anymore. I can't think of a reason she would make all of this up, but maybe he would tell me everything and maybe there's some part she left out. Is me contacting him wrong?

 

[BeDJ]

do you think I should contact that guy on Facebook? He's from another country, she showed me a message telling him she doesn't want him contacting her anymore. I can't think of a reason she would make all of this up, but maybe he would tell me everything and maybe there's some part she left out. Is me contacting him wrong?

Why not? Your 'GF' can't have any less respect for you anyway. Hopefully he'll say they fvcked, you hit rock bottom and improve your game.

My nomination for Beta of the Year.

 

[TheCWord]

Reading stories like Random's are fascinating to me, because it's like looking back at a younger version of myself. It makes me appreciate the value of the experience I've gained and knowledge I've obtained on this site and through general self improvement...

I'll give you my take, OP, but, for what it's worth, it won't matter what anyone will tell you. You haven't taken the red pill yet. I read your story and for a moment I feel like screaming, "IS THIS GUY BLIND?!?" but then I realize how I would do the exact same stuff.

You see, young Legend, I, and many of the regulars on here, read your story and know this relationship is over. We know that girl is no good for you. Yet you are doing something that is perfectly normal: instead of opening your eyes to what's right in front of you, you are making excuse after excuse, rationalization after rationalization in an effort to convince yourself this girl is every bit as special as you hope she is.

You will figure this out for yourself. Months or years down the line. But here's the honest truth from someone who isn't expending an exorbitant amount of energy trying to find ways to make this relationship salvageable... Yes, we live in a world of grey where not everything is black and white - however, a girl kissing somebody else is pretty cut and dry. If she had enough interest to kiss another man, that means she does not have enough interest in you.

I don't doubt she regrets it and I'm sure it was a crazy, emotional time for her - but it's not just about the kiss or a set of extenuating circumstances. Allowing a guy into her world in such a way is indicative of something much deeper - she just doesn't like you.

I know, I know... "She DOES like me!" etc. etc. Noooooo - she likes parts of your relationship and she enjoys things about you. She's CONTENT with you. That is what most guys marry into these days... and then divorce. Because they marry girls who don't like them but are just content with them. How to tell the difference? A girl who likes you wouldn't be physically able to kiss another guy so close to a breakup with you. She just would not be open to that yet. She was open to it, she doesn't like you.

Cliffnotes
Date girls who like you.

 

[JoeMarron]

Lol..OP you focusing on irrelevant sh!t that doesn't matter. The fact that she may have messed around with another dude is the LEAST of your issues. Lets play list the red flags...

As far as she goes she's been in two long relationships (2 yrs) and a load of other ones that didn't last more than a month or two.

She would've been considered nothing but a fvck buddy as soon as I heard this. Guess what..she probably had sex with all of those dudes. High partner count plus a series of short relationship equals nonexistent ability to pair bond. Your relationship was fvcked from the beginning.

I've broken up with this girl three times but always came back to her thinking I was acting too rash and she's a genuinly a nice girl (lol).

Stop digging through your trash. Why the hell would you expect it to work the fourth time when it didn't work the last three times

Naturally that pisses me off big time, so we break up again.

See above.

OP your relationship is doomed. Its never gonna work. Leave her, never contact her again, and educate yourself on the ways of game. Now I expect you to completely disregard this advice and fail a few more times. That's perfectly normal. Some dudes will only see reason when they've gone through enough pain. Read and be enlightened.

http://www.mts.net/~bpony/djbible/

http://therationalmale.com/

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/

 

[backseatjuan]

Reading this makes me cherish my f'cked up relationship. After all, my girl doesn't get piss drunk and beat the f'ck out of me every month, maybe once a year. :nervous:

 

[RandomLegend]

This is a new mindfvk women do. A chick did this to me too, she dumps me and then I accuse her of cheating and she says "well now it's over for good, insecure guy". Then in bed after we make up she all but admits I was right , unprovoked LOL. I just went back to sleep. It took a while to break up with her after that just because of the mindfvk, it is almost BPD level.

BPD?

Well it's been a few days and things haven't been going very well. Last night her mother went AWOL on her because of me, I'm so bad for her, immature, inconsiderate bla bla.. and saying she doesn't want to see me on her doorstep LOL. ****, my gf attacks me because I said I don't want her mother calling me asking where she is then. I've been nothing but kind and polite to that woman. It sucks, I'm on the brink of exploding here...

 

[RandomLegend]

Last night I didn't put a kiss in the usual goodnight text I send her, this morning I get a text saying: "Babe, nobody is forcing you to be with me "

LOL, the disrespect in this broad... Anyway I kinda cave later on when she calls me saying stuff like if you really care you couldn't write stuff like this, she gets angry... How would you go about this now? I'm thinking I should let her break-up..