Her Birthday in a couple of days

bdbee

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Went on a date with a girl, which involved getting some drinks where everything seemed to go well, she was laughing, sharing stories, asking questions, etc. heavy flirting with me initiating a lot of touch but her not doing it herself (although she never stopped me or backed off), but no kissing. At the end she asked me my schedule, if I would be around, a few more personal questions and we went our separate ways.

We hung out again after that - not really a date but just a spur of the moment hang out, which lasted almost the whole day. Again she wasn't really initiating touch other than sometimes bumping into me but was okay with me being very touchy-feely. When we were leaving she didn't initiate a hug/kiss so I did, and gave her a kiss on each cheek (figuring maybe she's not really ready if she hasn't reciprocated physical contact).

After that things went down hill, she tried to make me jealous by asking another guy to come to get coffee with us, openly flirting with him and ignoring me, but when she noticed I wasn't paying attention to her games she would start coming over and bumping into me. I ended up walking away, because I figured this was game playing and not worth my time. Next time we see each other, she constantly hovers around me, stares at me, gives me some advice, etc. I ask her out a couple of days later, she says she can't because she's hanging out with a guy friend that week. I took that as a blow off and let it be or attempt at jealousy and let it be.

After that we didn't see each other for a couple of weeks, at which point she still continues to hover and stare at me, she would find her way into any conversation I was having, regardless if it was with a guy or girl throughout the whole time we were in the same place. I ignored it a bit, but then asked her out again a couple of days later (stupid move in hindsight, but hey that **** is 20/20), and she replied a couple of days later saying she's sorry she replied late but she's busy with a project at work for at least the next month, maybe more but wanted a rain check.

I told her okay, well give me a shout when you're free and we can try and set something up then ghosted on her for a couple of months, had other prospects, holidays, etc. However, I ended up bumping into her again and now she's pulling the same crap, hovering, staring at me, isolating herself from her friends to be around me, but won't say anything this time. I've tried to be cordial and say hi and ask how are you doing in an a pretty indifferent manner only to get a cold vague response then next day she would immediately start trying to get my attention (same type of crap again, lots of strong eye contact, lots of attempts to be in my proximity, or if I am having a conversation with someone she would find her way to that area) but again never initiated conversation.

The question is do I give her any attention or do I make her continue to pursue try to get my attention? What about for her birthday, do I not bother saying happy birthday to her for that as well?
 

Kailex

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Absolutely nothing sexual within the context of this friendship. You have been banned by this female kryptonian to the Friendzone.

Before nismo comes in and says it, your princess is in another castle.

Nothing about your post reads attraction, sexuality, or intimacy. The only way you can "salvage" this is by asking her out and actually DOING something.

How about you find another girl and try again, because this one is clearly not that into you. You can say Happy Birthday to her, it's what friends do.
 

bdbee

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We're not friends though...we're barely acquaintances and we both agreed the first night we hung out was a date, and even threw **** tests at me in attempt to see my reaction which I called out and she admit she was doing for exactly that reason.

Likewise, when we hung out after the date, she admit if we were going to keep going I needed to keep her on her toes. So I don't think I am in the friendzone, but perhaps skirting dangerously close.

While I know it's likely someone will say in your princess is another castle, the fact she's still putting this much effort into getting my attention/evoking jealousy is surely a bit of proof that there is some interest still...I mean even people on here have said multiple times that girls don't go out of there way to do this to guy they're not interested in..in some way.
 

Greasy Pig

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No OP, she is only interested in your attention. NOTHING ELSE.
She's openly flirting and dating other men yet still keeping you on the hook with the occasional contact.
This is classic attention wh0ring. Don't feed her ego, go ghost and forget about her. Get busy dating other women and leave this one well alone. She sounds downright fvcking toxic.
 

Kailex

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Answer these questions:

(1) Have you kissed her (on the lips, not the cheeks)?
(2) Have you had sex with her?
 

asa_don

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bdbee said:
heavy flirting with me initiating a lot of touch but her not doing it herself (although she never stopped me or backed off), but no kissing.

just a spur of the moment hang out, which lasted almost the whole day. Again she wasn't really initiating touch other than sometimes bumping into me but was okay with me being very touchy-feely.

When we were leaving she didn't initiate a hug/kiss so I did, and gave her a kiss on each cheek (figuring maybe she's not really ready if she hasn't reciprocated physical contact).

she tried to make me jealous by asking another guy to come to get coffee with us, openly flirting with him and ignoring me, but when she noticed I wasn't paying attention to her games she would start coming over and bumping into me.

she replied a couple of days later saying she's sorry she replied late but she's busy with a project at work for at least the next month, maybe more but wanted a rain check.
next!

wtf? kissing her on both cheeks? spending the whole day with her? she's busy the whole month? you were doing everything, while she was doing nothing. you think you have a shot with her? she doesn't want you, forget about her and her birthday.
 

narcissist

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You should definitely say happy birthday to her. Maybe get her some flowers while your at it. Oh, also some chocolates and a little heart pillow. Don't forget to give her a hand written letter professing your undying love for her. I suggest you do these things, because your intended goal is obviously to look like a pandering beta fvck.
 

JonnyD123

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Two answers however you feel like pursuing:

Assertiveness
From here on out if you're really into getting this girl, you must be assertive and proactively show your intent. Ex. "Hey my place @ 7:45, you me & sushi. Wear something cute and easily removeable." I sent that exact message one time, the girl showed up in a sun dress with no panties on.

Disinterest
Disinterest on your part can be a miracle worker AS LONG as she has already invested a little bit into you (time/money etc). It will not work if she has nothing invested. Btw her hovering around you is not considered investment. Just attention seeking which others have mentioned.

One last thing. Do not wish her a happy birthday. Do not acknowledge it even if she brings it up.
 

VladPatton

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The forum has spoken. You give her nothing. We've all had contact with these cünts who pull this shıt, and it is complete attention whóring and disrespect for you. Don't even look her in the eye next time you see her.
If she interrupts you while talking to another girl, excuse both you and the other girl out of her presence. Ask the other girl out, right there in front of her and leave. If you're talking to another guy, tell her not to be rude by interrupting your conversation. Don't let her have any bit of your attention. Why would you? Are you her puppet? No.

As for her birthday? Tell her to go blow a dog for a quarter.
 

bdbee

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Mauser96 said:
I am with Greasy Pig on this one. More in bold.





No I wouldn't wish her a Happy Birthday. You said "I've tried to be cordial and say hi and ask how are you doing in an a pretty indifferent manner only to get a cold vague response "

WHY would you feel the need to wish her a Happy Birthday if she acts like this?
Lots of red flags here. I'd ignore her and move on. If she is interested, she can say "I'd like to cash in that rain-check on the date and go out"

Otherwise, forget about her.
I paid for the drinks, but when she tried to make me jealous with the other guy (who she didn't know was interested in women) I had her pay for my drink then left, and then he said he had to leave to...so I figured that triple burn was enough to knock the BS off, but apparently not.

I don't doubt her excuse is bull****, hell I wouldn't buy that buy it with monopoly money, but she's seems to be putting TOO much effort for someone who doesn't have interest. A female friend agreed, she wouldn't invest that much time and effort into evoking response from a guy she had zero interest, why bother if there's no end game when ego validation can be gotten from any other guy in our group.
 

bdbee

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JonnyD123 said:
Two answers however you feel like pursuing:

Assertiveness
From here on out if you're really into getting this girl, you must be assertive and proactively show your intent. Ex. "Hey my place @ 7:45, you me & sushi. Wear something cute and easily removeable." I sent that exact message one time, the girl showed up in a sun dress with no panties on.

Disinterest
Disinterest on your part can be a miracle worker AS LONG as she has already invested a little bit into you (time/money etc). It will not work if she has nothing invested. Btw her hovering around you is not considered investment. Just attention seeking which others have mentioned.

One last thing. Do not wish her a happy birthday. Do not acknowledge it even if she brings it up.
I've show cased disinterest so far, which is what made her come back around I feel, although indirectly, and until she goes out of her way to initiate conversation, touch, etc. she gets nothing from me.

The reason I asked about the birthday, is simply because I was wondering if not saying it could be misinterpreted as a reaction to her behavior, but as others said on the thread...who cares? :moon: If she mentions it, I'll offer minimal response and move on.

edit:
And she's invested in me more than I've invested in her, as far as sharing personal information, discussion with family members etc (she's already told her family members about me, her best friend, and her remarks are easily read through her friends, who have warmed me up to me more and more even during the months of me ghosting on her). I've invested marginally more than her financially, but nothing serious.
 

G_Govan

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bdbee said:
I've show cased disinterest so far
The problem is, this has taken entirely too much time. The ship has sailed, if it was ever open to you boarding at all.

Like others have said, she's attention whoring. You ask her out and she comes up with excuses. That isn't someone who's interested in seeing you except for the occasional reminder of how much you like them.
 

bdbee

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G_Govan said:
The problem is, this has taken entirely too much time. The ship has sailed, if it was ever open to you boarding at all.

Like others have said, she's attention whoring. You ask her out and she comes up with excuses. That isn't someone who's interested in seeing you except for the occasional reminder of how much you like them.

True, figured that was more than likely the case, and her birthday was yesterday - which I just didn't reach out for. Thanks for the advice guys!
 
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