******** hElP mE

[usdaprime]

Ok I am going to make this short. There is this woman that I am into and she says she is into me but she has a borefriend. So she does something that makes me think that she is thinking about being with me and I ask her friend if I am correct and she says the following whether you consider this ******** or not I don't know.

"" I don't want to hurt you but she loves her boyfriend""
"" She use to tell me all the things she wanted to do to you but she didnt want to hurt her boyfriend""

I say to the friend When will these feelings go away that I have for this girl and she says
""They will go away when they are ready""
Then I mention the feelings the next day and I said I am trying to get rid of them and she says
""Geez Don't rush them they will go away when they are ready""

Now I have a feeling that this chic does want me again. Also I find it funny that she tells me not to rush the feelings to go away.
Can anybody please help me......Thanks.........


http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=38072

*Don't make a post title with alternating letters.* - Crazykid

 

[Shadow Dancer]

They are trying to tell you that she's not into you. At one point, perhaps you piqued her interest but I assume you did something(s) that put her off. I bet two dollars and thirty seven cents that you are too "nice" and that's what did it.

Stop being so nice but don't be an *******. Work to create a balance. It takes time but if you keep at it, it will come.

 

[dollashort]

bro i think you should never ask a chicks friend about wether she like u or not, thats your job doing that is a sign of your softness.

and for fcuks sake, look at your convo with her friend, its AFC to the maxx

either go for her like a DJ or dont. but stop making a fool out of yourself cos thats what ur doing.

 

[usdaprime]

Originally posted by dollashort
bro i think you should never ask a chicks friend about wether she like u or not, thats your job doing that is a sign of your softness.

and for fcuks sake, look at your convo with her friend, its AFC to the maxx

either go for her like a DJ or dont. but stop making a fool out of yourself cos thats what ur doing.

ah ah ah please somebody read the post that I have a link to in my orignal message and tell me what the heII is going on. This is just crazy thats why I asked her friend.

I didn't ask her friend if she likes me. She did like me and told me so, we dated. The problem is I think she wants to get back together due to the facts in my other post.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Man, will you chill???? Quit spazzing over all those questions, you sound like a chick.

1st: stop carrying on this running conversation with the friend. It's getting you all wrapped up in knots. They're both playing you and you don't really have the skills yet to match or beat them. So don't even get in the game this time.

2nd: do you want the girl back or not?

Yes or No---quick!

If you can't come up with an answer quick, you shouldn't want her.

The correct answer, of course, is "no".

For whatever reason (and that reason doesn't matter, so don't get started on spazzing out on the 'why's' of it...) she is probably having problems with her last BF or is single and needs a guy so that she doesn't look and feel like a can't-get-a-guy loser. You're available and, it seems, they think you are primed and ready for being whipped into compliance and should do quite nicely until she can get something better going.

That's my guess. Lucky you've begun searching for answers--what will accelerate it (put the ex and her friend on solid 'hold' until you do this), will be...

3rd: I or someone else will say it: read the bible. Look at the top of the screen. Just follow the threads that are most interesting to you and just dive in.

You could also do well to get some of the books debated here and get some of the basics down.

To the other DJs: don't we have a "Recommended Reading" section or some such place???--maybe Allen will have concerns about seeming to endorse products, so I suppose we could all put up a thread on a book and let others post their reviews--then leave it for newbies to scope through...) Maybe that's what Amazon is for. Just a thought.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

A few thoughts:

1) Never use her friend as a sounding-block or an intermediary.

Everything you say gets back to her without the added benefit of the confidence of presence it would take to tell her directly. Besides that, you risk alienating a friend for the sake of a crush. This having been said...

2) Emotions are for LTRelationships not for crushes.

Desperation is oozing from your every pore.

They don't want to hurt you because with all that pining and sensitivity you've become a giant puppy to them. Cute maybe, but totally harmless and completely asexual to any girl you'd want to get involved with. Think about it. The simple fact that they want to spare you presupposes their ultimate superiority to do so. This I might add is a fact which you reinforce by turning into a blubbering lump of man-flesh when you talk about her. You never win a healthy relationship by throwing yourself at her mercy.

Your only course of action is to move on. If on the off chance (and by off I mean no where in the vicinity of the ballpark of the area of reality) her feelings will out themselves, especially if she thinks she is losing you. In the mean time hanging on is emasculating at best and stalkerish at worst. It may suck for now, but to avoid this painful and painfully necessary test of will in the future, remember never become too emotionally involved with a woman who has not proven her committment and loyalty to you. Even then, do so sparingly.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[myfriendblu]

why are you even wasting your time? Don't even think about settling for this. Go out and meet other girls.

 

[Milez]

holla, this is a test

 

[Austin Allegro]

Tesquered, your first line was so funny I spewed tea over my keyboard...that line should have been in 'Swingers'!

 

[usdaprime]

I bet two dollars and thirty seven cents that you are too "nice" and that's what did it.

I am not exactly sure by being nice is, but I did read the bible and actually tried to practice what I read. I didn't do things for her, unless she did things for me first. Actually I made her tie my shoes once "I read that one here and it worked for me lol"", when I was hungry I made her order me food, I made her go to the bank for me etc. I know I know laugh at me.. Anyway when she would piss me off I would yell at her and let her have it. I did tell her I hated her when I yelled at her once and I noticed she started to cry so that one time I did say I was sorry though. When other guys around her would say she was looking good I would just laugh I however never would say oh you look so good.. So correct me if I am wrong but I don't feel I was overly nice to her at all.

bro i think you should never ask a chicks friend about wether she like u or not, thats your job doing that is a sign of your softness

I didn't ask her friend if she likes me. I asked why am I hearing from somebody that her and her new boyfriend will not last. Then her friend asked me if I thought she was going to leave her new boyfriend for me . Now if anybody has read the thread that I have a link to in the first message you will see that she has not talked to me for a month until she found out I was in school. So I am sure there is a reason why she is talking to me since I went back to school obviously she plans on getting something out of me going to school....?...??

1st: stop carrying on this running conversation with the friend. It's getting you all wrapped up in knots

You sure got that right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2nd: do you want the girl back or not?

Yes I do

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=38072

 

[Legend]

First off...i found that you should never ask her friends for advice or even talk about her to her friends.

The girl i was into had a lot of her friends talk to me...i dj'ed these girls and never mentioned the girl i likeed once. Her friends go back and tell her i dont talk about her and that i never bring her up. It really helps you out. Trust me

Future information for you

 

[Santos]

Dude, I went down that road. I wasted 3 months of my life trying to get a girl with a BF. She had strong feelings for me and saw me behind his back, we went out for a while and fooled around but she ended up back with her BF. She'd been dating him for a year. It's a waste of time and a painful experience. I KNOW I coulda had this girl if she were SINGLE when we met, but she wasn't and also "didn't want to hurt her bf" and her friends told me "she will never leave her BF". They were right. Don't do it. Save yourself the heartache and use your time for better conquests.

Santos

 

[usdaprime]

Originally posted by Milez
holla, this is a test

WHat??? How so???

 

[bp1974]

Save yourself the heartache and use your time for better conquests.

Amen. I've been down this road too. Twice. Best thing you can do is take yourself out of her life now, or become a very casual acquaintance, before you totally chump-out on her. That way, when she finally does dump her bf (and, in time, she will), she may start thinking about you, if she hasn't already lined up someone new. You were in the right place, at the wrong time.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Then her friend asked me if I thought she was going to leave her new boyfriend for me .

Her new boyfriend? You mean she already decided to go with somebody else instad of bringing you back into her life? Don't let yourself be disrespected my friend. You are giving them the perfect chance to treat you like a chump.

she has not talked to me for a month until she found out I was in school. So I am sure there is a reason why she is talking to me since I went back to school obviously she plans on getting something out of me going to school....?...??

Like what? Like marrying you, now that you'll be an educated man with something going for him? STOP putting so much enphasis on the one outcome with this one particular chick.

Start sarging the babes in your school, that's probably the best thing you can imediately get out of going to school.

 

[Tantric]

Yeah, i agree with the general statement of "asking" or even "discussing" girl problems with her friend...

Anyway...you HAVE TO GET THE CONTROL BACK!!!!!!!!!!!

The reason you are so "wrapped up in knots" is becasue SHE is in control...she's playing you, and you're allowing it to happen...

How do you get control back you say?

Throw away EVERY SINGLE FEELING you have for this chick and BURY them!!!!!!!!

You are wasting soooo much energy on this one chick, when i'm sure you've got WAY MORE IMPORTANT things to do...

Cut off communication...walk away (this is going to be hard)...if she REALLY wants you, she'll follow...

Right now she is getting attention from 2 guys...chances are, she's playing her BF as well...she is having her cake and eating it too! I think the one who walks away from her games and BS in the end will not only be the DJ, but also get her attention (if you even still want her after that).

best advice is to be the DJ you are and bury those feelings and concentrate on someone more important...

Do i need to tell you who that is?

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Originally posted by Tantric


best advice is to be the DJ you are and bury those feelings and concentrate on someone more important...

Do i need to tell you who that is?

Nice! One of the best pieces of advice I've read here in a while. Short, sweet to the point.

 

[usdaprime]

Thanks Guys I really appreciate the advice... Now you say she is playing me how is she playing me ? Its not that I don't beileve it I just want to understand how.

Now my concern is what does she want from me, or does she want anything?????? Like I said in this POST I hadn't talked or even tried to talk to her in a month then myself and her friend whom I work with was talking about her a little bit then she said ""Are you in some kind of school?""" I told her yes then later in the convo she says me and your X was in our workplace. So I took that as a hint to say something which I just ignored. Then the next day her friend said ""Me and your X tried to call you last night but she lost your number so I need to get it again"""

My point behind all of this is to find out why she is talking to me again. I think she is talking to me again because I am in School and I would be able to support her in the future and she is going to drag me along until she needs me or that she does want to be with me and I can't support her at this time. She dropped out of college and her family lives over an hour away whom she doesn't get along with so if her boyfriend ever left her she would be out on the streets................... Thanks

 

[penkitten]

i think that if i were in this situation i would try my best to forget about her and the whole ordeal, it is stressing you out too much here.
when you run into the friend that the two of you share from the earlier conversation, dont ask how the ex is.
if the friend brings her up i would change the topic or something. sooner or later the friend will directly ask you something in a few days about your feelings for the ex. at that time, i would stand up for myself and say something to the effect of "i dont know why you are asking , she has a ball and chain doesnt she?"
after that if the ex wants you she has to chase you which will require breaking up with her boyfriend.

personally, i dont think i could date her after all the drama, but that is up to you.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Originally posted by usdaprime
...Now you say she is playing me how is she playing me ? Its not that I don't beileve it I just want to understand how.

I thought a number of us had been explicitly pointing that out from the beginning--??? Exactly what is unclear?

Now my concern is what does she want from me, or does she want anything??????

Huh? Let's stop and think a moment.

She wants something from you. That's why she's contacting you and playing you through her friend, your co-worker.

Flip that answer: if she didn't want anything from you, she wouldn't contact you. And she's playing you through her friend, and playing, as in, by getting you confused, excited, heaping attention and "you're popular, big boy!"-style moves on you.

Like I said in this [...]So I took that as a hint to say something which I just ignored.
Good, your instincts are working.

Then the next day her friend said ""Me and your X tried to call you last night but she lost your number so I need to get it again"""
Just a pointer here---try out the standard line women use to blow off a guy trying to get their number: "It's not easy to reach me on phone, give me her number instead." They'll know what it means. By all means, DO NOT give these two your number.

My point behind all of this is to find out why she is talking to me again.

Get this: it doesn't matter "why". That's a useless, low-value question for you. Asking "why" is often very necessary and useful, but recognize when it isn't. This is one of those times. Obsess about it all you want, you will only hurt yourself and be more easily confused and played by them.

Basic answer: she wants something---attention (of course) and my guess is she wants you so that she isn't alone, or as backup because the thing with the other guy isn't working out, or--simply--for amusement.

The actual, real, honest-to-goodness "why" of it---??? Immaterial. It doesn't matter. It could be anything. The guys have given a few pretty good guesses here, but even those were provided as an aside to their main point that she's playing and you need to keep some distance between you and her and her friend.

You could even ask her straight up, but she won't ever give you a straight answer. There's an off-chance you could get her friend drunk to the point of brain-damage and see if she says why (but it'll probably be so slurred you wouldn't understand it...)

I think she is talking to me again because I am in School and I would be able to support her in the future and she is going to drag me along until she needs me or that she does want to be with me and I can't support her at this time. She dropped out of college and her family lives over an hour away whom she doesn't get along with so if her boyfriend ever left her she would be out on the streets...

Sure--could be that. You're overthinking this. You're probably right, too. You want any involvement with her based on this--???