Help me save my 1.5 year LTR!!

farlenrejorano

Don Juan
Joined
Aug 12, 2007
Messages
39
Reaction score
0
Location
Brazil
Update

Hi there fellas!

Before telling what happened on Saturday, I guess it would be useful to tell you about her calling on me Thursday.

She was crying on the phone, saying that her friend (my pal's gf) told her what he had seen. She told me that I shouldn't mix up things, that this guy was only her friend and she hadn't done anything wrong. She also begged me to consider everything we lived together in my judgement. I told her this would better be discussed Saturday as we had already set.

She kept talking about how much she still loved me and that she would never break my trust. She insisted that the only thing she wanted to do was to make clear to me that she hadn't cheated on me. We also talked a bit about some other related things, I don't remember everything because I was heartened during the talking. Then, we ended this conversation because we were going to do it for real on Saturday.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

So that's it. Everything went fine Saturday. I met with my ex-girlfriend at a park we used to go in the good times. We sat on a bench under the shade of a tree and then I did what I had gone there to do.

I calmly told her:
"As you should know, I'm not happy with the way our relationship has been going in the last two months. I don't know if you're talking the truth about the guy, it's true that I have many evidences but no proof.
Apart from this, I've noticed you aren't making any efforts to see me in your weekends anymore and that in the few times we have had sex lately you didn't seem to enjoy it as you used before. As you know, my hapiness in a relationship depends on the feeling that I'm making my girl happy too. You're not doing me any favor by being with me if you don't want to and I have always made it clear.
I know things have got boring lately but I was keeping our relationship because I hoped things would get a lot better when I got my license. Unfortunately, in the last weeks I realized that things probably won't work out the way I expected, so I want us to break up now."

She agreed with my points. She told me she changed her status on facebook because she was thinking about breaking up too. She started crying, lay her head on my shoulder and said that it had been great while it lasted. I told her that I had loved to be with her all this time, and that maybe someday, after we knew other people and thought about everything, life could give us another chance. She said that it looked good. Then I told her we shouldn't be thinking about this by now, because we were really breaking up and that the only thing I wanted was that she remembered our good times in the future with a smile on her face.
She asked me if we could keep in touch with each other, because she really liked me a lot. I told her I didn't see her as a friend-only, but had no problem with talking to her once in a while. Then we stayed like that for some minutes, enjoying our last minutes together before we moved on.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's the end guys!

After talking to her, I don't know if I can trust her words that she hadn't cheated. She always inspired me so much trust before this, but on the other side what my pal have seen is a good evidence against her. Anyway, I realized I had better move on despite she being honest or not.

If she contacts me, I'm going to be short and nice. I did my best to break up without resentments, because I really enjoyed being with this girl, and I wanted to have good memories of it when I get older. After all, she was my first girlfriend, I had sex for my first time with her and she always stood by me when I needed someone to make me feel better. I definitely think that everything was worth it in the end, be it for the happy times or for the experience.

I would like to thank everybody here for the enlightment. Perhaps I wouldn't have the courage to admit that it had better be finished now if it weren't by you. I wish the very best for you all!!

Now it's time to move on with my life! Time to walk a new path...
 

Kailex

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 3, 2010
Messages
2,072
Reaction score
190
Location
New Jersey
I've found that when women are guilty of certain behaviors and they know that they have been found out... they usually resort to bargaining in order to erase their own misbehaviors.

It doesn't matter whether she cheated or not.

Imagine what she would have been saying to you if it were her friend who caught you sitting with a "female friend" of yours".

Situation definitely reversed and yes, there is a double standard.
Women believe it is okay to be out with male friends while being in an LTR but god forbid her boyfriend want to be out with a female friend.

Now, OP, you probably think the worst is over and that now you are free... but I regret to have to tell you that the hardest part starts NOW.

It was 1.5 years which means that right now you are feeling good and riding an emotional high because YOU ended it.

Now, YOU have to work on yourself. You are young.
Focus on your studies, focus on your body, focus on your sense of style, focus on becoming a man.

Date many women, not just 1.
As a man of the age of 30, I can tell you, there is no rush to find a woman to spend your life with. I date several women and enjoy my youth. I wasted away much of my 20's with one woman... so I tell you as a man with experience... enjoy it while you can...

BUT, fight the urges to see her and go out with her.
You dumped her.

Which means that pretty soon she will be calling her "male friend", telling him how you broke up with her... "How dare he, I've given him so much love and dedication, I stood by him in times good and bad"... and he'll fall for it.

And if she fails to secure any other guy within the next few weeks, guess who she is going to call next... YOU.

So beware, she most likely will be calling you... asking you innocently if you want to get a coffee and spend some time with her... SAY NO.

You dumped her, move on.
It's time to start anew, start a new life... do so.
 

Ease

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 23, 2009
Messages
1,325
Reaction score
51
It's interesting how in a situation like this, we try to think that we ended it and dumped her.

But in reality, your relationship ended when she lost interest and started acting like a ****. At that point there's nothing you can do but tell her its over. She then cries and talks nonsense. But in the end, you didn't cause the end of the relationship, she did.

But don't tell her this, that is just some reflection for me and you. Money over bichess forever.
 

drak_ool

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 14, 2007
Messages
764
Reaction score
20
farlenrejorano said:
Hello fellas!
I need some advice...My gf of 1.5 years has just suggested that we cut off contact temporarily (about 1 week)


Don't need to read any longer. Your relationship is over. There is no saving at this point. If you were older, married to this chick for years and had kids with her, then you would want to salvage it. As things stand, b/w two 18 year olds, there is nothign you can do.

Classic power play situation: your girl is willing to walk away (she suggested the break) but you are not (obviously... you're posting about it right now!). She has the upper hand in the relationship, you have no power over her. Disregard anything else that she says to you. It s her actions that matter, not her blah blah blah. She made her stand, at this point it s up to you to make yours.

good luck

EDIT: oops, didnt see the rest of the thread! Cut off all contact with her. The more distance you put b/w you and her, the easier it will be for you to heal. Chase other women. Belive in yourself. Spin plates. Have a life!
 

farlenrejorano

Don Juan
Joined
Aug 12, 2007
Messages
39
Reaction score
0
Location
Brazil
I totally agree with Ease. I really don't feel any good by having "dumped" her, because that wasn't what I wanted deep inside. But it's right that I realized that I would actually feel worse if it was her telling me it was over.

The good thing is that I had always cared about other aspects of my life during this LTR. That's gonna help my recovery.
 

The Inside Man

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 27, 2007
Messages
554
Reaction score
8
Location
sofla
Good job kid. People twice your age have trouble with that. I was sucked into a pretty negative relationship in 2009 and learned the hard way. The whole world's in front of you bro, keep looking and planning forward.
 

Romjuan

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 21, 2009
Messages
199
Reaction score
13
Location
california
Wow, i must be getting really good at this when i read the opening thread and new exactly how it was going to turn out. OP i really do feel for you because we ALL have been there. Kailex was right on with a number of things he wrote to you. Dont go for closure leave her wondering why you broke up.
If only I can go back in the past and do what I know now at an older age with some of my break ups. I fell victom to do the same thing OP has done in my youth.

OP like many will say, DO NOT CONTACT HER. If I have learned as much as I think I have, you probably will contact her or reply to her messages even though all of us will instruct you not to, but please DO NOT DO IT. If you want to leave this with your dignity and leave on top do not reply to any of her messages. Do not go on her facebook to see what shes up to. Do not ask about her from your friends. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. DO NOT DO ANYTHING when it comes to her. Keep yourself busy, get involved with hobbies, have fun with your friends and learn from this and remember all this advice you got from everyone for the future. Good luck.
 

farlenrejorano

Don Juan
Joined
Aug 12, 2007
Messages
39
Reaction score
0
Location
Brazil
My big problem now is that my state of mind is playing against me.

I know that I need to bang other women, but my sadness makes my game go really down.
I feel like I'm totally unable to escalate anything with any woman, even though I want to do it.
 

vatoloco

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 5, 2010
Messages
1,410
Reaction score
65
farlenrejorano said:
My big problem now is that my state of mind is playing against me.

I know that I need to bang other women, but my sadness makes my game go really down.
I feel like I'm totally unable to escalate anything with any woman, even though I want to do it.
Here.

:up:
 

Sandow

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 24, 2007
Messages
930
Reaction score
37
Location
CA
Give it time...those feelings will subside. This is totally normal. Eventually you'll get over the hump and be a new man. Some people get over it soon, while others it takes longer. Regardless, she'll be old news.
 

squirrels

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 15, 2003
Messages
6,627
Reaction score
178
Age
45
Location
A universe...where heartbreak and sadness have bee
You're 18, dude.

I know this girl may seem like the most important thing in your world right now, but trust me...she's not.

Stop trying so hard. Focus on being the person you want to be and doing the things you want to do...the "good years" are ahead of you. Don't waste them worrying about some skirt from high school...see what the world has to offer.

If this girl wants to ride, then let her ride. If not, then don't waste your time.

Enjoy.
 
Top