Help me getting my frame back with this girl, please!

[summersky]

Hi everyone,

after being rejected after the first date a few times I worked on myself. I met a girl on a dating site and went on the first date with her. My frame was really strong, i acted aloof, was very cool and funny. She started touching me and took my hand while we were walking. I was shocked! Never met a girl that came on so strong. It went on like this and of course I kissed her and she was really happy about it. She is a total 10 for me and i really really like her!

But now i realize that my frame is going out of controll. Sometimes when I chat her up, she is taking much time to reply and im starting to get suspicious. But when we talk on the phone she seems super happy, is telling me that she is missing me and asking me many questions. So I see she is online but takes her time to reply to my messages. She is even still on the dating site and is uploading new pictures sometimes. I also got the fear that she is meeting or will meet other men besides me and that is making me a bit. crazy. She is also very active on social media. And I start to wonder, why is she uploading new pictures on the dating site, if she seems so into me, calling me baby, sending me hearts and stuff. So she really gets me confused and unsure. And that is killing my frame. I start to overanalyse, write and call her too often (not in a creepy way often). And my attraction for her is getting bigger and bigger, i think too much about her.

I dont want this to happen and I want to get my relaxed frame back, like I had in the beginning. But its not easy, its like fighting my feelings, fears and thoughts! I got other plates, but like her the most. I realize that it can get out of controll and I could scare her away. But I dont really know how to fight my fears and get that aloof attitude back. I need to be more distant, more like I dont care. Also because one date means nothing and women could loose interest really fast these days, i have to change my whole attitude about that all, but its harder then I thought.

Please, need your advice or some strong words, that get my head straight. Will be thankful for every answer!

summersky

 

[Tictac]

You are so focused on acting like you are in a relationship with this woman that you are forgetting that you've only been out with her a few times. Stop that.

There is no 'relationship' with her anywhere but in your head. So there is nothing to worry about, wonder about or be suspicious of. What she's doing when she's not with you is none of your business.

Do this instead - Ask her out. Go do fun things you want to do with her. Or, if she turns you down, go do those things you want to do with another girl or your friends.

Call, ask her out for a specific thing at a specific time and place. Lead. If she says 'yes', go, have fun and escalate with her. If she says 'no' or 'another time', say 'cool' and be on your way to doing these things that you like. Then, leave her alone, wait a week and call her again and do the very same thing.

Don't call or message her for anything except arranging to see her. Better yet, wait for her to contact you. When she does, ask her out.

 

[MOTU]

^^^^exactly^^^^

 

[summersky]

Thank you, you are totally right. I asked her out on a second date few days ago to come to my town and sleep over at my place. She said, she doesnt feel comfortable cause she doesnt want to travel so far yet (she is new to my country, doesnt speak the language good and my town is 3 hours away). Few days later I called her and said I will visit her town on the weekend. She said she is busy but offered another day. We agreed to meet on this day and go to a club. I will have to spend the night at a hotel room. So (if she doesnt flake) my plans are, we go to a club and after I invite her to my hotel room to drink a bottle of vine. What do you think about that? Good idea?

Regards
and merry christmas to you all!

 

[Tictac]

Thank you, you are totally right. I asked her out on a second date few days ago to come to my town and sleep over at my place. She said, she doesnt feel comfortable cause she doesnt want to travel so far yet (she is new to my country, doesnt speak the language good and my town is 3 hours away). Few days later I called her and said I will visit her town on the weekend. She said she is busy but offered another day. We agreed to meet on this day and go to a club. I will have to spend the night at a hotel room. So (if she doesnt flake) my plans are, we go to a club and after I invite her to my hotel room to drink a bottle of vine. What do you think about that? Good idea?

Regards
and merry christmas to you all!

Enjoy your date. That's all it is - a date to go to a club (if she doesn't flake). There is no relationship.

Go, have fun. If you're feelin' it, ask her back to your room, just like its a first date.

Let her come to you. You stay busy.

 

[parkthebus]

Don't focus only on this girl because if shes still on the online dating she obviously isn't only focusing on you. Youre losing frame because your commitment to her is more than hers to you.

 

[summersky]

Hi everyone, I got an update! I set up a date yesterday and she agreed but took a long time till she responded. Today in the morning she flaked, told me she is sorry and she cant make it today. Guess its game over because I acted needy after the first date. Or maybe she wasnt into me after the first date but acted in a way like she was.

What do you think, is there still a chance? Should I call her out on her flake? First I wanted to write her that I guess she is not interested and I will move on. But I didnt cause I think that is desperate and needy and will just push her away further.

What do you think? How would you proceed? Should I let her come to me (if she will, but I dont think so) and then set up a new date?

Regards!

 

[hithard]

Date more than one woman.
You are getting to hung up on every detail because you only have one prospect.

 

[Tictac]

Hi everyone, I got an update! I set up a date yesterday and she agreed but took a long time till she responded. Today in the morning she flaked, told me she is sorry and she cant make it today. Guess its game over because I acted needy after the first date. Or maybe she wasnt into me after the first date but acted in a way like she was.

What do you think, is there still a chance? Should I call her out on her flake? First I wanted to write her that I guess she is not interested and I will move on. But I didnt cause I think that is desperate and needy and will just push her away further.

What do you think? How would you proceed? Should I let her come to me (if she will, but I dont think so) and then set up a new date?

Regards!

If she's interested, she'll call you.

Don't wait for that.

 

[MOTU]

Yea dude, I would just go radio silent and focus on myself and other chicks. If she reaches out, don't get chatty - ask her out again. If it's another no or flake, go hard NC.

 

[summersky]

Hi again,
so didnt hear from her after she canceled but i stay strong. Just cant believe how someone seem so interested and into someone and then suddenly loosing all the interest. But I guess its normal these days with all the crazy women out there...

I read a lot of posts on this forum about similar topics. Got a bit confused by the "staying persistent" theory. There are a few stories, where the man still pursued after a flake and got laid. But I guess most of the times that doesnt work, what do you think? But I must say, her behaviour was really disrespectful, I had to send her a few texts till she agreed on the cancelled date. It went like:
Will be there at this time. - no answer.
Is the time ok for you? - no answer.
Hey i need to know cause I have to plan my day. - Yes I will be there.

But I still think about being persistent. So I thought about calling her in a week or something and trying one last time. Dont know if that is a good idea..!? But she surely wont hear from me the next days. But in a few days is her birthday. Dont know how to behave. If I say "happy birthday" to her, maybe she will think im chasing and desperate. If I dont do it she will think im an a..hole who forgot about her.

Would be nice to hear your opinions on that.

 

[Tictac]

Hi again,
so didnt hear from her after she canceled but i stay strong. Just cant believe how someone seem so interested and into someone and then suddenly loosing all the interest. But I guess its normal these days with all the crazy women out there...

If she lost interest, part (most) of the reason is on you. She's flaked on you twice now. I haven't been plate shopping in a while. But if I was, two flakes and she can call me.

What she says doesn't matter at all. Only what she does.

IF you speak with her again, do not tell her you need to know so you can plan your schedule. Ask her for a specific thing at a specific time and place - no counter-offer. If she refuses, say 'okay, let me know if you change your mind'. The next thing you say is 'I have to go' and you get off the phone. If she says 'yes' do not confirm later, just go. If she flakes, NEVER contact her again.

 

[Trailboss]

Wow...in your head it sounds like your ready to say "I Do" with this chick! You need to let go....you got Oneitis bad! The only way to get your "frame" back is to say "F' it..." and quit pursuing her. Go NC on her and if she gets back to you, that's one thing. If she don't: buh bye....Frame? Your doing it wrong.......

 

[summersky]

Thank you both. Yeah my frame got really fu++ed up with this one. I guess it was because the date went so good and I kissed her. Its been a while that happened to me. I started out very good and then lost all my frame. What a shame! My frame was perfect on the date though..
Now im sitting wondering about if should say happy birthday to her. Haha how silly that is! Guess it doesnt even matter if I wish her happy birthday. I will do it but in a cold way, cause I got cold treating, so she will get a cold happy birthday.

 

[ColdCore]

What is a "cold" happy birthday. Just don't say anything and NC that ****.

 

[marmel75]

I've often wondered...

How do guys acting this AFC get women out on dates with them in the first place?

OP...this is just...horrendous. Why the hell do you care if she is texting you back within a certain timeframe or not? Or posting things on social media?

You have sh!t to do in your life, worrying about some random chick you went on a few dates with isn't worth a fraction of a minute of your time. Withdraw your attention and force her to come to you.

You are way too invested in her for absolutely no reason. You haven't fvcked her, you aren't her boyfriend, you are acting needy and desperate because you have no options.

Go find some other options and stop worrying about this woman.

 

[summersky]

Hi again, I wanted to give you an update.

So I didnt contact her and was concentrating on other girls and get rid of my little onitis. After a few days she texted me, after a few texts i called her. On the phone I told her about another girl, I am talking to (that is true). I met her in the meantime. She reacted jelous and was asking a lot of questions. I set up a date and we went to the cinema. At the cinema we made out a lot and did light petting, like touching each other underneath our clothers. We both got horny and she made it clear that she wanted to go further. So I offered her to come to my place but she told me she had to go home. I dont know if it was true or a lie but she said, that we can spend time at my place the next time we meet. After the date she wrote me first.

So I am really glad, that I fought my oneitis and got my frame back. If I realized that she wants to go further earlier, I would asked her earlier to come to my place, I missed a chance here. But I hope that doesnt affect this whole thing and that I will see her again.

Would be happy about comments!

Regards!

 

[parkthebus]

Well done mate. Wait a week before rearranging. Continue as usual.

 

[Slickster]

Hi again, I wanted to give you an update.

So I didnt contact her and was concentrating on other girls and get rid of my little onitis. After a few days she texted me, after a few texts i called her. On the phone I told her about another girl, I am talking to (that is true). I met her in the meantime. She reacted jelous and was asking a lot of questions. I set up a date and we went to the cinema. At the cinema we made out a lot and did light petting, like touching each other underneath our clothers. We both got horny and she made it clear that she wanted to go further. So I offered her to come to my place but she told me she had to go home. I dont know if it was true or a lie but she said, that we can spend time at my place the next time we meet. After the date she wrote me first.

So I am really glad, that I fought my oneitis and got my frame back. If I realized that she wants to go further earlier, I would asked her earlier to come to my place, I missed a chance here. But I hope that doesnt affect this whole thing and that I will see her again.

Would be happy about comments!

Regards!

Remember exactly what you did here! You took control and she responded favourably. You didn't chase her, you allowed her to chase you. You made sure you had other options. Always have other options, even if you are in a relationship. Don't be afraid to let her know you have other options whether you are in a relationship or not. Do this subtly. Let her see the way you interact favourably with other women.

In the future, demand respect from the beginning. Don't let this slip for one second. If she does something that you don't like or agree with you have to call her on it right away. Do not let her disrespect you ever! Do not be afraid to walk away from the relationship if she disrespects you. Even if it is something minor. Do not be the one to bring up being in an exclusive relationship. Continue to date and see other women. It is up to her to bring up the idea of being exclusive. Remember you have the most to lose in a steady relationship. There is an endless amount of pvssy out there waiting for you. Is she worth it? If she continues to date and see other guys or is still active on the dating site then her interest level in you is low. Don't waste time on low interest women. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Do not listen to what she says. Listen to what she does.

Follow all of this and you are well on your way to being a Don Juan with the ladies!

 

[Afrei]

You can't act like you are ready to marry her after the only first date...you need to act and believe that you are the best thing that ever happen to her you are the price to be won.....you acted needy and probably paid to much attention to her,that scare women and probably the reason why you were getting rejected after the first dates ...I have heard countless women saying to each other .."if I haven't **** him and he is acting like like that , imagine what would happen when Ido" ....so they push the eject bottom ...keep that in mind and good luck for the next one