HELP me from ruining a good thing please

[For_F]

I met a girl last night and we hit it off unbelievably. We ended up just being us two out on the streets until 3am talking, laughing and flirting. I said Im heading off now she kept pleading for me to stay but I ended up going at 3.30. Got her number and she got mine. As I was heading home she messaged me saying you just made me feel something I havent felt in so many years. She went on to say that I am amazing and that she hopes to see me again asap.

We werent drunk and didnt even hook up. Was so good to just connect with a beautiful girl being natural. I felt no need to get her number and run and play games which may be a downfall but I havent had this meeting with a girl since I met my ex ex years ago.

She messaged me this morning saying I cant stop thinking about yoi, you make me feel 15 again all I want is to be with you.

Im off on a business trip get back in 4 days so wont be able to see her for days but I feel my AFC past habits coming back. Shes a hb9 drop dead gorgeous cant stop thinking of her. Shes been messaging me all day saying please call me when you can tonight I cant wait t o hear you. Shes been sending me pics of her smiling and captioning them 'the way you make me feel'.

I dont want to AFC this sh1t and I know her interest level is sky high but I know how that can fade if I do play this wrong. I told her I'd ring tonight. I dont want to fvck sh1t up. Defintely no oneitis as Ive got one girl coming over friday, another on Sat and a date set up 'when my schedule frees up'. This one though is my #1 and want to make it wotk if I can.

 

[flashpoint]

Was so good to just connect with a beautiful girl being natural. I felt no need to get her number and run and play games ...


but I know how that can fade if I do play this wrong.

you know the core theme of the greek tragedy? it is someone trying to prevent something bad happening and by his preemptive actions in fact creating the circumstances that bring the bad about. dont be that guy.

so you didnt play games and it went well. why start now? it is like in poker where i see guys get dealt AA then start to fool around because they feel they need to make the most of it and are afraid to lose value on the hand. so they limp or make small dumb raises so anyone can get into the pot, then hang themselves on a board that prolly has them crushed. the pro like way to do it is to always play your big hands strong and if you have a weak hand play it as if it was a big one. so ...

you know she likes you, she even wants you, i'd say you got pocket rockets here, so just dont fool around. dont play weak or pretend to be. instead make the most of it, make the best of it. even with AA vs a random hand you are not better than 80% favorite. that's just the game and i feel with dating is the same thing. there is no guarantee but that is the best you can do.

ACCEPT.

 

[For_F]

Dudes I have to learn how to control my fvcking emotions and brain activity. So I tried to ring her tonight - picks up says sorry hold up busy just let me call back in a minute. I wait doesn't call back after 45 minutes so I send a message saying Hey thought we were going to talk tonight guess not Im off to bed.

Feel like such a wuss. She's not even my gf and I've know her for one day so wtf am I getting so offended that she doesn't return calls in two minutes as she says. I have a real problem with girls I actually want to get to know beyond sex. Hb8+ with great social skills and who I click with. I can play the game so well with broads who I want for sex but the ones like this one I lose my mind.

Like now, I'll be up for hours thinking wtf is with this b1tch. Yeah she's been messaging me all day saying how she can't wait for me to call her and ofcourse I was very keen to speak to her tonight but still - Im getting so worked up over a girl I've known for ONE day.

Fvck am I doing to myself???

 

[cordoncordon]

I met a girl last night and we hit it off unbelievably. We ended up just being us two out on the streets until 3am talking, laughing and flirting. I said Im heading off now she kept pleading for me to stay but I ended up going at 3.30. Got her number and she got mine. As I was heading home she messaged me saying you just made me feel something I havent felt in so many years. She went on to say that I am amazing and that she hopes to see me again asap.

We werent drunk and didnt even hook up. Was so good to just connect with a beautiful girl being natural. I felt no need to get her number and run and play games which may be a downfall but I havent had this meeting with a girl since I met my ex ex years ago.

She messaged me this morning saying I cant stop thinking about yoi, you make me feel 15 again all I want is to be with you.

Im off on a business trip get back in 4 days so wont be able to see her for days but I feel my AFC past habits coming back. Shes a hb9 drop dead gorgeous cant stop thinking of her. Shes been messaging me all day saying please call me when you can tonight I cant wait t o hear you. Shes been sending me pics of her smiling and captioning them 'the way you make me feel'.

I dont want to AFC this sh1t and I know her interest level is sky high but I know how that can fade if I do play this wrong. I told her I'd ring tonight. I dont want to fvck sh1t up. Defintely no oneitis as Ive got one girl coming over friday, another on Sat and a date set up 'when my schedule frees up'. This one though is my #1 and want to make it wotk if I can.

Be very careful here. This girl sounds BPD to me. No rationale person says those things after meeting one night. Except......wait for it.....a BPD. I have had girls say they felt that way after meeting one time before, but they tell me like 6 months later when we are bf/gf. I have had one girl say that the next day after meeting....a 100% fullblown BPD girl. And when I say BPD, I mean this girl was the poster child. BPD's say these things because they are very quick to form bonds with a person. To fall deeply for someone within hours and to actually say these things to you so soon, when a sane rationale person would have a filter in place to stop one from saying things like that. They lack something in their own life so they use other things and other people to fill those voids. They also act like a chameleon towards you, being able to change their colors, their personality, their entire existence, so that you feel as though she is "the perfect girl for you" when you barely know her.

Of course it is too soon to say for sure, but strong chance this one is. Her not calling back after "dying to hear from you" is another sign. They don't really love you, they just need things in their lives to give them that rush that they crave.

Good luck keep us posted.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Agree with cordon. Waaaay too much interest for my liking.
Over the top.
Tread carefully, OP. Especially since she then flaked on a simple phone call so soon after professing all this shyt.

 

[yuppaz]

Listen to flashpoint...he's on point. She sounds very into you and you very into her. There is no reason to play a lot of games (& I bet that if you try to this girl will trump the sh*t out of you with her game....ahem like saying she'll call you right back then not...making you chase).

This girl obviously really likes you and was open about that. Just tell her that you want to get together with her when you get back. Since you have already spent a lot of time together do something where you two have some additional time to spend & some privacy.

But for the bpd thing...if you're always willing to walk away if at some point you are seeing royally f&cked bad behavior then just walk..... She has you up on a pedestal, you also do with her and that is just fine and you continue to also think of yourself rigjt up there and not beneath her.

 

[For_F]

Guys thanks a million for your great responses. Doing my best on this DJ journey and it's tough stamping out tendencies I've formed over years.

I went to bed pist at her and myself then 15 minutes later she rings apologizing explaining that her best friend just got dumped and she's "unfortunately" playing therapist. She stopped talking to her friend just to call me when she said her friend was being chaotic so if that's true then it just reinforces my point about me needing to calm the fvck down. She went on to say some rather interesting opinions on girls dramas and relationships stating that she hates drama queens and how her friends have called her a guy before because apparently she's very simple and secretive with her relationship issues unlike her drama telling friends. Funny because my ex said similar things about not being a drama queen before we got together lol.

Anyway, I let her attend to her friend and tried to recover from the needy afc vibe I gave her just before she rang.

She kept saying how she felt horrible for not being able to talk to me and that she'd make up for it tomorrow.

 

[yuppaz]

Seriously sounds great man. Just don't overthink things she might be a great girl and sounds rwally into you. Just don't get in your own way.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Though it can be difficult, always maintain an attitude of "that's cool". So, when she didn't call you, rather than get emotional, you'd just think okay, I have no information as to why she hasn't called, that's cool, it is what it is.

Here is an example from around 15 years ago: Plan a date with a girl from match.com. We're supposed to meet at a Starbucks Sunday @ 11 a.m. She never shows. Later that day I email her saying it was uncool of her to stand me up like that. Hours later she replies that she went into insulin shock and had been in the hospital and had sent a friend of hers to meet me to let me know what happened (no cell phones in 1997). I say her friend never showed up. She checks and her friend says she was at the Starbucks at X address. Thing is, I was at the Starbucks at Y address -- same street but a mile up the road. Was the girl lying about the insulin shock? No, because she said she was leaving on a business trip Tuesday morning and would be gone for a week - how about I come over to her place Monday night and we'll order Chinese delivery while she packs. That was our first date.

See, never get negatively emotional.

 

[For_F]

Not many girls can get me this emotional. The vast majority Im genuinely indifferent to when sh1t happens. I kept telling myself not to contact her asking why she didn't call back but I get an insanely strong urge to act on my emotions.

Today is recovery day for me. I won't message or call until she does and if she doesn't - no initiation on my end. She's a hb9 undoubtedly yet she acts like she's very beneath me a lot of the time. My ex is a Hb8 and for the first few months she was under me then she started acting like she knew she was sexy and could do whatever the fvck she wants.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Some golden Tomassi rules, or maybe they're someone else's rules, but I know Rollo has wrote about it before.

"Never get emotional with a girl before you get physical."


Pretty straight forward, but to clarify, if you let your emotions get involved too early simply because your giving her value based on her looks, you will lose the war.

I echo the sentiment of Cordon and Greasy, this chick seems like she MIGHT BE, key word MIGHT be a whack job. No one is so straight forward and forth-coming with their emotions when they are mature and emotionally healthy.

The fact that she is supposedly super hot only adds fuel to that fire.


BTW, every girl I've ever met that says "I hate drama" ironically are the very cause of drama...


Keep your eyes open, instead of your emotions.








PIMP

 

[For_F]

Some golden Tomassi rules, or maybe they're someone else's rules, but I know Rollo has wrote about it before.

"Never get emotional with a girl before you get physical."


Pretty straight forward, but to clarify, if you let your emotions get involved too early simply because your giving her value based on her looks, you will lose the war.

I echo the sentiment of Cordon and Greasy, this chick seems like she MIGHT BE, key word MIGHT be a whack job. No one is so straight forward and forth-coming with their emotions when they are mature and emotionally healthy.

The fact that she is supposedly super hot only adds fuel to that fire.


BTW, every girl I've ever met that says "I hate drama" ironically are the very cause of drama...


Keep your eyes open, instead of your emotions.








PIMP

Always an abundance of positive direction.

Cheers.

 

[Serg897]

Who hasnt been here before? Chances are the OP will screw it up, just like many of us do.

Find other women and put this one on backburner the moment she starts to indicate low interest. These women arent to be trusted before she has proven herself worthy of that trust.

 

[yuppaz]

Jesus - ^^^ sonotsuave Mindset / beliefs to live by to be forever alone and miserable

 

[bigneil]

0) Whether she turns out to be a psycho or not, the OP must have done something right that night, so congrats.

1) These are indeed signs of high interest (especially her saying she feels like 15 and texting photos), but I'd rather see them at the 3 month mark (date 10), not at the 3 hour mark (date 0).

2) She is clearly projecting some other man who she knew longer onto the OP. He probably just dumped her 3 days ago and they are already back together.

3) While I hate to agree with Cordon or use the term BPD, she is exhibiting extreme behavior to say those things after one date. The other extreme would be her smashing something that is OPs (possibly his heart) because he didn't text back.

4) Until the OP sees her again he can't possibly expect her to maintain this level of interest. She may go on a lunar (4 week) cycle, so 2 weeks from now she'll be all depressed, as will the OP if he's not careful. He'll never live up to her expectations unless he has a perfect body and makes her orgasm the first chance he gets. I see her going MIA soon. He must start dieting, working out and fasting immediately. And get some new shoes. If he doesn't now, losing her might inspire it.

5) OP, act as if you are used to women acting this way. Don't tell her it's unusual. In fact, tell her "Why do all the women say that about me?"

6) Pimp_Sickle's Tomassi quote is key - you want to feel emotions but not share them. Only talk about your feelings 20% as much as she talks about her feelings.

7) Text her once a week and keep her having those feelings!

 

[Kbomb]

Your emotions are trying to get you to take action towards this woman because they want to make babies. It is a mechanism of human nature and you need to develop beyond them. The surest sign of inexperience is desperation and inexperience is unattractive.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The only way this could get 'screwed up' is if she's the only thing you have going for you at the moment. In fact the only reason you have a fear of it getting 'screwed up' is because you're not spinning other plates. A Scarcity Mentality will cause you to over-invest, and often far too quickly. This is exactly what you've done with her up to this point.

I'm not suggesting you should've ƒucked her that night, but my guess is that you provided too much information to her all in one meeting until 3:30 am. The familiarity that develops from offering up so much about yourself in too short a time kills attraction. Guys who think they need to go full disclosure as soon as possible do so for the same reason you're worried about 'screwing it up'; they only have one shot and think familiarity and comfort are the keys to getting a girl into them. So they bypass the anxious and urgent, sexually tense phase of arousal and rapidly go straight into comfort and rapport, and then wonder what went wrong when the girl LJBFs him.

There's nothing intriguing or mysterious about him. There's nothing left for her imagination to wonder about; it's all on the table, full disclosure and she looks for a better guy who's more entertaining. I'm not saying that's what's happening in your case, but this is 'how you'll screw it up.'

You need to learn to leave Breadcrumbs for women to follow.

 

[For_F]

0) Whether she turns out to be a psycho or not, the OP must have done something right that night, so congrats.

1) These are indeed signs of high interest (especially her saying she feels like 15 and texting photos), but I'd rather see them at the 3 month mark (date 10), not at the 3 hour mark (date 0).

2) She is clearly projecting some other man who she knew longer onto the OP. He probably just dumped her 3 days ago and they are already back together.

3) While I hate to agree with Cordon or use the term BPD, she is exhibiting extreme behavior to say those things after one date. The other extreme would be her smashing something that is OPs (possibly his heart) because he didn't text back.

4) Until the OP sees her again he can't possibly expect her to maintain this level of interest. She may go on a lunar (4 week) cycle, so 2 weeks from now she'll be all depressed, as will the OP if he's not careful. He'll never live up to her expectations unless he has a perfect body and makes her orgasm the first chance he gets. I see her going MIA soon. He must start dieting, working out and fasting immediately. And get some new shoes. If he doesn't now, losing her might inspire it.

5) OP, act as if you are used to women acting this way. Don't tell her it's unusual. In fact, tell her "Why do all the women say that about me?"

6) Pimp_Sickle's Tomassi quote is key - you want to feel emotions but not share them. Only talk about your feelings 20% as much as she talks about her feelings.

7) Text her once a week and keep her having those feelings!

Im away on business trip and following advice like this is proving tough. I am completely honest on SS and tell it how it is. Im all alone here and my two options are either gambling/hookers at night or back to my hotel room and let myself think what sh1tty timing it was me meeting her then going away. I think my normal life at home would have provided more distraction as I have a couple girls im meeting when I get back.

All I want to do is message and talk to this girl. There are three other women on my plate atm one is completely dtf and is sleeping over on the weekend, another I am still to contact after a very good date and the other is waiting for me to organise a date.

This chick though has be infatuated. It's not her looks it's that we connected so well. She found me hilarious laughing from the belly and I found her extremely funny, entertaining and sincere. Problem with that though like you mentioned is that these high expectations are bound to disappoint.

 

[For_F]

The only way this could get 'screwed up' is if she's the only thing you have going for you at the moment. In fact the only reason you have a fear of it getting 'screwed up' is because you're not spinning other plates. A Scarcity Mentality will cause you to over-invest, and often far too quickly. This is exactly what you've done with her up to this point.

I'm not suggesting you should've ƒucked her that night, but my guess is that you provided too much information to her all in one meeting until 3:30 am. The familiarity that develops from offering up so much about yourself in too short a time kills attraction. Guys who think they need to go full disclosure as soon as possible do so for the same reason you're worried about 'screwing it up'; they only have one shot and think familiarity and comfort are the keys to getting a girl into them. So they bypass the anxious and urgent, sexually tense phase of arousal and rapidly go straight into comfort and rapport, and then wonder what went wrong when the girl LJBFs him.

There's nothing intriguing or mysterious about him. There's nothing left for her imagination to wonder about; it's all on the table, full disclosure and she looks for a better guy who's more entertaining. I'm not saying that's what's happening in your case, but this is 'how you'll screw it up.'

You need to learn to leave Breadcrumbs for women to follow.

Honestly, I hardly disclosed anything. She rang me the next day asking what my age was and some other basic things because we were honestly just laughing and carrying on about sh1t we thought was funny but noone else does. She doesn't even know my occupation, where I live, my education status, where I work, what I was doing out or whatever. Right now im some guy who she met out who made her night special by making her feel excitement and other emotions she had forgotten
ofor years.

 

[yuppaz]

You're fine bro, just don't go thinking you gotta do anything special because you find her attractive or that she's above you in some way.