Help me DJs. Is she a friend or does she want more?

[Drex]

Originally posted by Dee-Zy
What do you mean not officially? Expecting a date???
sounds like you gotta be a little more direct in the future.

Well, it wasnt "official" because she did not know whether she'd be up for going out for dinner right after her doctor's appointment (which was at 5:30 at night). So she had told me she would call right when she got out to let me know, which she did.

I've put her in the back-burner anyways. If she calls, cool. If not, I've already nexted her.

Dee-zy I dont know if she deserves to be ignored with an away message if I were to log online and she messages me.

 

[Dee-Zy]

I think it's better then next'N her right away.

dunno

I would avoid all interaction for sure until she either calls me or I would give her one last chance N give her one last call in a week.

I'm hard on girls but everything is entitled to one last chance.

 

[Jake Steed]

Drex, I got your PM, and I thought I'd answer on the thread because others might be able to take something away from this. Ok, I should probably make some clarifications--

1. I hate IM. IM is a BAD idea, always. I never ever chat with any girls on IM because nothing good ever came from it. It makes you too available and you can also screw up and think you are talking to the wrong person and end up digging yourself in a hole. Girls often team up with other girls to play games with guys on IM, so you can fall into some juvenile trap on IM. If I were you I'd delete it from my computer. I personally don't even have it.

2. About this girl, I hate to be negative and I am not trying to get down on you in any way, but I have to say I think you screwed it up long ago and I think this one's dead in the water. You shouldn't have tried to game on her to begin with. I think this girl would have been easy for you to get.

I'm not saying you should suddenly IM her and smother her with attention. I'm saying the best thing would have been for you from the beginning to have simply taken her out, gave her some sexual excitement, then carried on from there. At this point, it's all about damage control for your earlier mistakes.

Here is the most important thing for you to take away from this: YOU have made this into a complicated game, not her. YOU were too caught up in "being a challenge", and worrying about whether you were doing things "right or wrong", that you didn't stop to really observe how this girl was behaving with you, and made your decisions from there.

I'm not trying to be harsh on you. You admitted you don't have much experience, so that's cool. This is all part of a learning experience for you. For this girl, I would try once more to set up a date and take her out and show her some sexual action. Don't get too caught up in the technicalities of the game. Base your decisions off of HER, not the "rules." If she makes things hard for you, then you know you screwed it up and you have to next her.

There are times when playing the game can be appropriate, and even fun, but there are other times, like this one, where you will just shoot yourself in the foot because it isn't necessary. With time you will learn to tell when each course is appropriate.

Jake

 

[Drex]

Live and learn I guess. Thanks again Jake. I dont think I even want to call her again (if she doesnt call me first). She said she'd give me a call around sunday the last time we talked.

 

[Drex]

**UPDATE**

Been almost 2 weeks since the last post. She never did call back and I havent called her either but she has messaged me on MSN messanger a few times just to chat. We've talked about random crap but she's never mentioned my asking her out to dinner or her lack of calling me back. WTF is up with her? She acts entusiastic when we talk. I'll just stop talking to her for a few minutes and she'll always try to revive the conversation like she wants to talk.

Should I say anything to her or just keep logging on occasionally like I have been and see if she mentions meeting up again? And trust me I am not going out of my way to talk to her online either. My computer automatically logs me in when I turn it on so if I dont close it fast enough she sees that I'm on and sometimes we'll talk while I do other things online (like post here!).

What do you think (for those that followed this thread or care to read it from the start)? Bring up meeting her again (date) or not? Would it make me look desperate if I asked her out again given the circumstances?

 

[GirlCrazy]

First of all you are in damage control mode, but the upside is you don't have anything to lose really.

I personally would call her and say something like: "Hey I've been really distracted lately, and I think we got off on the wrong foot, but I still want to get you naked so let's hook up! How about Wednesday night? Say yes."

Maybe fine tune the wording for your own situation, but the goal here is to leave no doubts in her mind you want to be more than friends. At least throw for the end zone once before you call the game a loss.

 

[Donny Brasco]

I think she's playing you.

And without knowing it your playing along really well. When she thinks your IL is low hers will rise. I think you did good on the first two dates, but you should have confused her even more by kino'n her.

I have the advantage of seeing the whole story for the first time today. Forget damage control, there is no damage. The only possible problem is she's hung up on another guy.

You need to find out which night of the week she's free and at the last minute tell her you have an extra ticket to this or that or whatever. I always ask "should I pick you up or do you want to meet me there?". Then she doesn't have to option of saying "no".

Its time to be assertive, give her all the singals, keep up the c/f and all that. You might have her wondering the same thing your wondering about her.

And if it doesn't work, NEXT!!

 

[Jake Steed]

I can see that everything I've said has had no effect at all and has been completely ignored.

Good luck,

Jake

 

[Drex]

Originally posted by Jake Steed
I can see that everything I've said has had no effect at all and has been completely ignored.

Good luck,

Jake

No it's had a lot of effect. You said delete my instant messanger because it makes me too available but I have long distance friends I talk to with it, cant delete it because of this 1 chic. Besides I am on it maybe 2 times a week, I usually close it as my computer is booting up.

Reading back to your last post I think you basically told me to forget about her because I messed up from the start, which is true and I have forgotten about her for the most part. I could care less if we see each other again, was just updating with the fact that she is still initiating conversation with me online (when I forget to close it).

The first time I logged on after she had not called me back about dinner about a week ago her first message to me was "SCOTT!!!" and then she babbled on for 10 minutes before I told her I had to get to the gym; but mentioned nothing of not calling me or dinner so I didnt log back on until today when again she kept the convo going.

 

[Surfboard]

We hadnt mentioned meeting up when she came home from college when I sent her a recent picture of me (I look totally different than the last time she saw me, in a good way). She complimented me on how much different I looked and almost immediately afterwards she said that we should get together when she comes home.

OK Drex....here's how I read this situation.

It looks like she is just interested in your looks or shall we say she is physically attracted to you. She didn't seem to have any interest in you until you sent her a recent picture. This is a sign that she doesn't want a romantic relationship with you, but is looking for sex.

WOW she looks amazing, she's wearing a 1 piece summer-type dress with a matching purse and flip flops. She is smoking. Wearing perfume this time also.

Well it looks like she's trying hard to get somebody to notice how hot she is and since you were the one going out with her, I'd guess it was you.

Let me ask you a personal question. Did you get a hard-on when you saw her? Don't you think if she just wanted to pal around with you, she would've just thrown on some jeans and any ol' shirt?

I start thinking to myself what the hell am I doing, maybe this WAS supposed to be a date and I havent done **** yet, I have barely touched her.

Well, at least you see your mistake.

she's never mentioned my asking her out to dinner or her lack of calling me back. WTF is up with her?

That's because dinner and conversation isn't what she wants. This girl sounds like a party girl. Party girls want to catch a nice buzz and have sex.

My advice for you is to get her over to your house and watch that DVD you two discussed earlier. Forget about taking her out on the town. She doesn't seem to be interested in that.

When you start watching the movie make sure you sit right next to her. Get the kino going by stroking her hair, massaging the back of her neck, etc.

Do a search on this site for ideas on things to do.

Good Luck

 

[Drex]

Originally posted by Surfboard

Let me ask you a personal question. Did you get a hard-on when you saw her?

No but that is not unusual. I really only get hard-ons when I want them or when I am thinking about sex (I guess I should have been thinking about f*cking her when I saw her dressed like that). Of course I still get the random ones that just pop up for no reason and the morning wood. But like I said, looking at a hot girl does not give me a hard-on, unless I want it to. Dont know if that is a good thing or not.

That's because dinner and conversation isn't what she wants. This girl sounds like a party girl. Party girls want to catch a nice buzz and have sex.

My advice for you is to get her over to your house and watch that DVD you two discussed earlier. Forget about taking her out on the town. She doesn't seem to be interested in that.

Man, this does not seem like the girl that I know. Some back ground info on her. In highschool she was very reserved and she had a boyfriend for the 2 years that I knew her and I was friends with him. According to him at the time, they never had sex. Her parents are very old-school religious type that are upset that her brother's girlfriend is moving in with him before marraige (he's like 26!). So she's been brought up very reserved. Also during college I'd see her AIM profile every once in a while and it was ALWAYS really sappy relationship/love quotes, nothing about parties/sex.

 

[Surfboard]

In highschool she was very reserved and she had a boyfriend for the 2 years that I knew her and I was friends with him. According to him at the time, they never had sex.

OK Drex...this was high school. She's now 22 years old, and has matured a lot since then.

I really don't know what more to tell you until you do some tests on her. Since you say she's a reserved type of girl, then start by doing some harmless test so you can see how she reacts.

TEST 1

The kino test. A good time to do this is while watching your DVD with her. Make some popcorn just before you start the movie and then sit right next to her so you can share the popcorn out of the same bowl.

Then watch how she reacts when you do sit down next to her. When I say next to her, I mean that you two are physically touching each other. See if she scoots away from you, or see if she seems OK by it. If she seems OK by it, then she has just passed the first test.

TEST 2

If you're still in the game then move into the stroking of the hair or a little massaging. Once again, watch how she reacts. If she welcomes your touches, then just keep turning up the heat.

TEST 3

If you've made it this far, you're going to eventually have to try to kiss her. Start with a little kiss on the cheek and watch how she reacts. If a girl wants you to continue, she'll probably look at you with a bit of a smile. Hold eye contact with her and then go in for another kiss.

By now you should have a pretty good idea exactly where you stand with her.

 

[Drex]

*UPDATE*

Havent talked to her since the last update. She just messaged me and asked me if I wanted to go to some festival with her on saturday and get drunk together. She said some of her friends from work are going that we might meet up with also. WTF. I said I'd call her tomorrow and let her know.

Dont know if we're in the LJBF zone now or what. Guess I'll go and lay down a ton of KINO on her and see what happens.