help! - in love with married co-worker

[Twistedreality]

Yes, I made THE BIG FATAL MISTAKE - fell in love with a friend/co-worker who's married and now I can't get her off my mind.

 

[romangod]

It could be worse. You could be in love with a married, lesbian co-worker.


Seriously though, you are destined for nothing but trouble and I don't envy your position. You've done everything wrong. Get it out of your head that you're in love with her and that she's the dreaded "soul mate".

She'll chew you up and spit you out without a second thought and if you persist in your fantasy world regarding her you'll deserve everything that you get.

Sorry to be hard on you but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Save yourself a lot of heartache and don't pursue this nonsense any longer. Cheers!

 

[lookyoung]

Did you bang this girl? How old are you? How old is she?

 

[Phyzzle]

And here's some more advice you may have heard before: If you had so much as made out with any other woman in the past year, there is no way you would be "in love" with this one. You deal with one, and only one, decent-looking woman on a daily basis. This alone accounts for all the "she is so perfect" feelings you are having.

In addition, there's a new guy that she REALLY likes in the office, who has a talent for handling her and manipulating her as he pleases. He makes her laugh, which I found out is the key to controlling her. She gets pissed off at him, too, but within seconds, he has her giggling instead. He's actually told me he could f*ck her anytime he wants, and I believe it - if he hasn't already. I also know he's trying to drive a wedge between us as he realizes I'm his only competition to getting laid. He has her twisted around his finger and has made me out to be the pathetic loser who's got nothing else going on except her, can't handle her sexually like he probably can, and has pretty much made me out to be the creepy office stalker.

You need to emulate this guy.

 

[Twistedreality]

Thanks for all the replies, guys.

romangod -
Wow, you're right. I know she's fully capable of chewing me up and spitting me out - and I can sure confirm that it would be without a second thought. Guess I need a kick in the ass to get me motivated to get away from this woman.


lookyoung -
No, I haven't, tho I wish I had. We haven't even kissed or done much touching except for a few hugs. As far as age, let's just say I'm middle-aged and single.


Phyzzle -
You're right about that. I sometimes wonder if I'm mentally substituting her for a GF I don't have.
And you're right, I do wish I could emulate that guy, but right now, I just don't have the game he does with her. It's almost like he's got some unique mental control over her.

 

[Latinoman]

This guy MUST be a troll.

 

[Mr. Me]

First of all, you're not "in love" with this woman. You haven't dated her, gotten into a relationship with her, gotten to really know her. You can't be "in love". She's right when she's telling you you're infatuated.

There's so much wrong in your post, my fingers would be worn to stubs typing about it all. But a few highlights:

She's married. I don't care if she's sleeping around. She's married! Plus she's an Attention Wh@re. You really want the drama that's going to happen if you score with her? She already shows you her temper and gets argumentative, can you imagine what she'd be like if you got close to her? Keep in mind how she treats the guy who's closest to her: her husband. She betrays him.

You don't consider yourself a player, no, no! - but you'll f#ck a married woman?

You're not the other guy's competition to getting laid.

Your excuse for not being able to back off (she works in the next cubicle and I'm lucky to have this job!) is a poor, pathetic excuse for doing nothing.

As is saying: "I want to f*ck her so bad - something I just can't help." You can't help it? That's what weak people say. Be a man and learn self-control.

This: "I know getting a distraction like a GF would help me over this" - You think of having a girlfriend as being a "distraction"? You would consider using a woman to distract yourself from another woman? You're a User?

You say you know the answer already... so act accordingly instead of looking for a way.

I'm sorry, but I can't have respect for this "mess" you put yourself into, either.

 

[Twistedreality]

This guy MUST be a troll.

Thanks for that - real helpful.

do you even know what a troll is?

 

[reset]

When you're not dating anyone, hot married chicks at work are good for practicing the art of detachment.

 

[Latinoman]

Thanks for that - real helpful.

do you even know what a troll is?

You certaintly write like one.

I suspect you are about to get fired or get a restraining order.

 

[Twistedreality]

Mr. Me -
Ouch ! Guess I deserved that. Not too good at expressing my thoughts in writing, so I can see now I look like a jerk. I realize nobody has respect for this mess, including myself. I just need a way to get away from it.

 

[Twistedreality]

When you're not dating anyone, hot married chicks at work are good for practicing the art of detachment.

reset -
That crossed my mind as well. If nothing else, maybe I can use this to my advantage and see how those techniques work against this most evil of b*tches.

 

[Latinoman]

you didn't even provided your age.

 

[reset]

You're really good at expressing yourself in writing, you are over-analyzing and navel gazing and are totally obsessed. Not like I don't know that feeling.

This is obviously a disaster waiting to happen, but aside from that, the words I was able to read.... and even if this chick were single... what actions and behaviors has she shown to you to indicate she is deserving of your love. From your description she's a total player. Which means you're the one being played. You're probably an ego boost to her, yet here you are thinking of her as your soul mate.... you're so in sync with someone who treats you poorly.

I find myself being tempted at work as well but you just have to do other things. It won't be a positive outcome and it will you being the one getting hurt, she's probably going to be fine.

Sounds like your entire universe is your job. Not uncommon. But you can't be in situations like this and have any control of your life.

So, ignore her more or less, be friendly and professional, and just be disinterested and pre-occupied if she tries to get your attention again. This is going to blow up in your face if you don't take control of your own brain.

 

[reset]

reset -
That crossed my mind as well. If nothing else, maybe I can use this to my advantage and see how those techniques work against this most evil of b*tches.

Wait she's an evil bytch and you're in love with her at the same time? Yikes! lol. That's how it goes when you're out of control. But yeah, see how it works.

But for it to work really well, you have to talk yourself out of your obsession. Otherwise she'll see through it as an act. Next time you're obsessing over her, go into the washroom, look in the mirror and decide if you know who you're looking at.

 

[lookyoung]

lookyoung -
No, I haven't, tho I wish I had. We haven't even kissed or done much touching except for a few hugs. As far as age, let's just say I'm middle-aged and single.

Here is a middle aged guy who has not even had sex with a girl yet is in love with her. She is also married. This is the worst type of oneitis a man can have. Scroll down and read the DJ BIBLE. You have alot to learn my friend. An experienced guy would not have this problem.

 

[KontrollerX]

I just read half of your story before I saw all the signs...

-She's your soulmate, the most amazing person you've ever met yadda yadda yadda.
-Doesn't wear her wedding ring
-Hangs out with the boys
-Cakes her face with makeup
- Never mentions her husband
- Is 10 years younger than you and married ie highly innapropriate relationship with you waiting to happen.

And from reset's post...

"Wait she's an evil bytch and you're in love with her at the same time?"

Yeah dude just use the search feature here and look up Borderline and Histrionic Personality Disorder.

You've run into one.

And she's not your soulmate she's just mirroring your best qualities and throwing them back at you.

Thats what Cluster B does.

 

[iqqi]

... She never wears a wedding ring, did not take her husband's last name, and never, ever talks about him, although I have no reason to think they have marital problems. I respect her marriage and don’t want to damage that in any way.

About 6 months ago, she began to change - more makeup, tighter tops and jeans, one hell of a lot more flirty and began to go out with "the boys" after work for happy hours, sometimes staying 'til 10 or 11pm while hubby's at home wondering where she is.

My first impression was, what a winner this chick is.

Unfortunately one night when we were both drunk, she started quizzing me about how I was acting differently towards her - at first I said nothing's going on, (but she's damned persistent when she wants something), and finally I gave in and told her I had feelings for her. (BIG mistake, I know!)

Instead of acting like your normal married woman and being shocked or repulsed, she was curious and intrigued and seemed to like it. She even started buying me little presents - nothing expensive, and calling me from her car on the way home - but once from home even when her husband was in the next room, but it shows she was thinking of me. She's even sent some pics of her in lingerie. On the downside, she blows hot and cold, she sends mixed signals all the time, one day being all sexual to me and the next indifferent....

...While we are in private, either on the phone or out walking during a break from work, she starts saying things like "Do you miss me?", "Do you like how hot I look today?", Do you want to know what kind of underwear I'm wearing?", and "Do you want to put your hand on my boob?"
NOT the typical married woman, I guess!....

...She's somehow expert at controlling and manipulating me as she wants ...and I get the strong suspicion that she's had affairs b4. ...

She's stubborn as hell and argumentative and has a short temper. Lately, things have been getting worse as the arguments get more vicious. I've tried just playing along and agreeing just to avoid the argument, but it really pisses me off that she gets away with murder and that I always end up being the jerk...

...She's told me several times she's hot in bed (with other guys). I realize she's a bored housewife looking for validation from the boys in the office that she's still hot (which she actually is).

And my first impression was right! WHAT a catch.

YOU my friend, are the definition of an idiot, then you have the nerve to say

" I respect her marriage and don’t want to damage that in any way. "

But you really want to fvck her, so which is it? You really want to fvck her, or you don't want to damage her marriage in any way??

BTW, the marriage is damaged. LOL.


DUDE, STFU. I agree with Latinoman, you sound either like a troll or just the biggest dumb@ss ever. Your user name is Twisted Reality.... I am leaning towards troll. However in any case, if not... Have some self respect, have some standards.

I had to give it to you hard.

GROW UP>

 

[Andromax]

DUDE, STFU. I agree with Latinoman, you sound either like a troll or just the biggest dumb@ss ever. Your user name is Twisted Reality.... I am leaning towards troll. However in any case, if not... Have some self respect, have some standards.

I had to give it to you hard.

GROW UP>

Hahaha

I don't think he is a troll, he'd be mouthier.

I think he is just a sad sad man that has no real concept of how to behave.

To the OP.

I'm sure you've been told countless times that you are in a bad situation.

What you need to do however is not just get over this mess and forget about it.

You need to regrow your testicles and behave like somone with a little rational thought!

 

[wjh]

Such a weird post... I don't sense much of the real desperation that a typical AFC would exhibit, just infatuation. Your writing doesn't feel overly frustrated or depressed. It almost feels emotionless.