Help! I'm paranoid and care way too much about what others are thinking about me!
- Thread starter Viper
- Start date
WesCottII
Master Don Juan
Taken from Dirtheart (Jariel i believe), from a post in Mature man. Notice the little steps, and he had it much worse than you.
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Ok, I'm just going to tell you how I overcame my agoraphobia and maybe there's something here that will makes sense and help you.
Like a lot of kids, I had a horrendous time at school. I was verging on obese, was ridiculed and picked on by everyone. Even my so-called friends called me up in an assembly awards ceremony to give me their exclusive "Fatman award" (I ran out crying). Basically, I left school and the problems continued and I actually attacked in the street for standing up for myself.
To cut a long story short, I had no friends and I reached a point where I "couldn't" leave the house. I did, however, managed to start a friendship with some penpals I met via a computer interest. Writing letters was a good way for me to communicate with people without them judging me in person, but for ages, I was too nervous to even speak to them on the phone, until one day I decided to phone one of them. I was trembling and stuttering, but the guy was really cool and when I put the phone down I felt very proud of myself.
Gradually I started speaking to a lot of my penpals on the phone regularly and it got easier. Thinking to myself "Other people don't matter, I still have friends I can call" I soon found the courage to step out of the house and make it to the corner shop, which I did every day, because I could.
I then took the step of going to another shop, a little further this time and gradually increased my boundaries. Meanwhile, at home, I did a lot of working out and a lot of reading (self-help books, Buddhism, world religions, NLP, psychology etc) and literally transformed myself into an intelligent person. I was dieting and exercising, so I was losing weight all this time and was slowly becoming happier with myself.
Eventually I took the plunge and invited a few penpals to my house. We had a great time and they thought a lot of me. I started going into the city (though it scared the hell out of me; I couldn't even speak to a sales clerk without hyperventilating).
Basically, I took one step at a time to overcome my fear, while continually improving myself behind closed doors. You see, my fear gave me all the determination I needed, so every step was a challenge. My life was a challenge.
Then I enrolled on a computer course. Not much social interraction, but it placed me in a public environment where I even made some friends (who remain my best friends to this day).
The time came when I felt strong enough to get a job. But not just an isolated office job. I went into retail work where I had to face strangers all day every day. I had panic attacks more than once, but soon I found I could get into a routine where I didn't even have to think about it. Before I knew it, I was holding conversations!
It was only then that I decided to work on my image. All the clothes I had hung off me since I had lost so much weight, so I spent all of my wages on a new wardrobe (which I based on cool styles I saw on TV or in movies).
From there it was just a case of progressing further. I went to college, met more friends and since I had educated myself, I was top of the class, was able to help others, gain respect - big boost to the confidence there. I even did a few presentations in front of the whole class.
It was around this time it hit me. I had achieved all this through my own determination! No one helped me. I had transformed from the fat kid at school who walked away with failed grades to a straight A student, a mentor to other students, a slim and fashionable person and someone who was actually very popular. I realised that I could achieve virtually anything by using the same approach - and I have excelled all of my past ambitions and am now looking at new ones.
I've had girlfriends too and over the past year I've revamped my look and gained confidence and it appears that I'm quite a hit with the ladies these days. I'm now looking to become a successful DJ in the hope of forging the perfect long term relationship, as well as improving my confidence. I've also taught a few classes at youth training centres and am looking to become a full-time teacher in a year's time.
You know, over the past 2 years I've had so many guys say to me "I wish I was you" or "I wish I had your [insert trait or quality]" and the compliments from women are even more flattering.
All my biggest passions started out as my biggest fears, but you have to take small steps. Every time you achieve one small step, do it again until you are comfortable taking another. You will probably even get a kick from each one you take.
I know it's easy for people on this board to say "Just do this" or "Try that", but realistically speaking, I know it's very traumatising for you and seemingly impossible at this time. Take everything gradually and at your own pace, but no matter how slow you take it make sure you are progressing and not stagnating.
I'm very sorry for this VERY long post, but when I read things like this I can really relate. I hope I haven't bored you and that you found something here of some use. Best of luck.
-------------------------------------------------
Ok, I'm just going to tell you how I overcame my agoraphobia and maybe there's something here that will makes sense and help you.
Like a lot of kids, I had a horrendous time at school. I was verging on obese, was ridiculed and picked on by everyone. Even my so-called friends called me up in an assembly awards ceremony to give me their exclusive "Fatman award" (I ran out crying). Basically, I left school and the problems continued and I actually attacked in the street for standing up for myself.
To cut a long story short, I had no friends and I reached a point where I "couldn't" leave the house. I did, however, managed to start a friendship with some penpals I met via a computer interest. Writing letters was a good way for me to communicate with people without them judging me in person, but for ages, I was too nervous to even speak to them on the phone, until one day I decided to phone one of them. I was trembling and stuttering, but the guy was really cool and when I put the phone down I felt very proud of myself.
Gradually I started speaking to a lot of my penpals on the phone regularly and it got easier. Thinking to myself "Other people don't matter, I still have friends I can call" I soon found the courage to step out of the house and make it to the corner shop, which I did every day, because I could.
I then took the step of going to another shop, a little further this time and gradually increased my boundaries. Meanwhile, at home, I did a lot of working out and a lot of reading (self-help books, Buddhism, world religions, NLP, psychology etc) and literally transformed myself into an intelligent person. I was dieting and exercising, so I was losing weight all this time and was slowly becoming happier with myself.
Eventually I took the plunge and invited a few penpals to my house. We had a great time and they thought a lot of me. I started going into the city (though it scared the hell out of me; I couldn't even speak to a sales clerk without hyperventilating).
Basically, I took one step at a time to overcome my fear, while continually improving myself behind closed doors. You see, my fear gave me all the determination I needed, so every step was a challenge. My life was a challenge.
Then I enrolled on a computer course. Not much social interraction, but it placed me in a public environment where I even made some friends (who remain my best friends to this day).
The time came when I felt strong enough to get a job. But not just an isolated office job. I went into retail work where I had to face strangers all day every day. I had panic attacks more than once, but soon I found I could get into a routine where I didn't even have to think about it. Before I knew it, I was holding conversations!
It was only then that I decided to work on my image. All the clothes I had hung off me since I had lost so much weight, so I spent all of my wages on a new wardrobe (which I based on cool styles I saw on TV or in movies).
From there it was just a case of progressing further. I went to college, met more friends and since I had educated myself, I was top of the class, was able to help others, gain respect - big boost to the confidence there. I even did a few presentations in front of the whole class.
It was around this time it hit me. I had achieved all this through my own determination! No one helped me. I had transformed from the fat kid at school who walked away with failed grades to a straight A student, a mentor to other students, a slim and fashionable person and someone who was actually very popular. I realised that I could achieve virtually anything by using the same approach - and I have excelled all of my past ambitions and am now looking at new ones.
I've had girlfriends too and over the past year I've revamped my look and gained confidence and it appears that I'm quite a hit with the ladies these days. I'm now looking to become a successful DJ in the hope of forging the perfect long term relationship, as well as improving my confidence. I've also taught a few classes at youth training centres and am looking to become a full-time teacher in a year's time.
You know, over the past 2 years I've had so many guys say to me "I wish I was you" or "I wish I had your [insert trait or quality]" and the compliments from women are even more flattering.
All my biggest passions started out as my biggest fears, but you have to take small steps. Every time you achieve one small step, do it again until you are comfortable taking another. You will probably even get a kick from each one you take.
I know it's easy for people on this board to say "Just do this" or "Try that", but realistically speaking, I know it's very traumatising for you and seemingly impossible at this time. Take everything gradually and at your own pace, but no matter how slow you take it make sure you are progressing and not stagnating.
I'm very sorry for this VERY long post, but when I read things like this I can really relate. I hope I haven't bored you and that you found something here of some use. Best of luck.
Kpocalypse
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2005
- Messages
- 36
- Reaction score
- 0
- Age
- 34
Question is, why are you not banned yet? [/QUOTE]
I couldn’t have said it better..... Dude, you say that you want to take advice from those that can help you? Well, guess what, YOU HAVE 9999999999999999, 99999999999999 Fucccking posts for that!! Check your previous threads and you'll find all the advice you need. It is not humanly, wizardly, animally, physically, and all other damn forms, possible for you to get any new advice! You have all the advice you need man.
If you can't see this yourself...then dude, maybe you have some sight disorder too...I wouldn't be surprised... If you stepped out of yourself for one sec and looked through your threads you'll notice a certain pattern........YOU NOT GIVING A **** ABOUT OTHER PEOPLES ADVISE! You should use your "I don't give a ****" attitude you have towards other people's advice towards other people in your life...then you'd see some ****ing results.
Don't see this reply as me flaming you, see it as advice.
I couldn’t have said it better..... Dude, you say that you want to take advice from those that can help you? Well, guess what, YOU HAVE 9999999999999999, 99999999999999 Fucccking posts for that!! Check your previous threads and you'll find all the advice you need. It is not humanly, wizardly, animally, physically, and all other damn forms, possible for you to get any new advice! You have all the advice you need man.
If you can't see this yourself...then dude, maybe you have some sight disorder too...I wouldn't be surprised... If you stepped out of yourself for one sec and looked through your threads you'll notice a certain pattern........YOU NOT GIVING A **** ABOUT OTHER PEOPLES ADVISE! You should use your "I don't give a ****" attitude you have towards other people's advice towards other people in your life...then you'd see some ****ing results.
Don't see this reply as me flaming you, see it as advice.
Viper
Banned
And you guys call me insecure and no, your wrong, all the advice given in my old threads has NOT helped my situation. Also, some people on this forum just need to accept it, that their advice doesn't work for everyone. Does every guy like the same type of girl? No, does every girl like the same kind of guy? No, Does everyone like the same food? Exactly, the same advice doesn't work for everyone either.
Kpocalypse
Don Juan
- Joined
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- 0
- Age
- 34
You have got so much advice from different people that even math is against you on this one. Viper, seriously now, out of all the replies you've gotten, have you followed at least one of them? Seriously, ask yourself that. If not, then you don't belong here man. Have this site been helpfull to you at all?
B-Lemond
Master Don Juan
Read that post and STOP giving any attention to Viper !
I've said it already but I'm going to have to say it again. STOP STOP STOP !
WesCottII, do you actually think that you're advice will change him after he read everyone's advice? C'mon, let's be realistic.
Kpocalypse, why waste your time asking if he used this advice. You and I both know that the answer is no as well as he won't answer to those kinds of questions.
Viper has been given plenty of advice. He doesn't need anymore. The advice that you may potentially give him will make no difference !
So just STOP!
Viper
Banned
You stop posting, if I wasn't paying so much attention to you, I would actually concentrate on reading the advice. Same bullsh*t everytime, you guys are going to go on and on for 'X' ammount of pages, about how I do this and that, people post advice, but I miss it because I'm paying attention to losers like you and oakraiderz.
Quagmire911
Master Don Juan
If you are paranoid about others thinking things of you then you are thinking about all the bad things that could go wrong when you talk to them. Many of these things are exaggerated and are most definetly unlikley to happen. Try to have a positive outlook on approaching people, think of the good things that could happen. If you do approach and things dont go the way you had hope, MOVE ON, because there are plenty of other people to approach and form relationships with, just try and not to worry about things so much and relax. If you dont approach then you will never know how things will have turned out, to quote the infamous pook
"Rejection is better than regret".
Quagmire
"Rejection is better than regret".
Quagmire
B-Lemond
Master Don Juan
DING DING DING! We found the case cracker. Now all of Viper's problems are solved.
Quagmire, are you f*cken stupid? Your advice has been said countless of times and it will not be taken into account for Viper. He will not listen.
STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP
Everyone just STOP reply to Viper.
Quagmire911
Master Don Juan
Bluelemond, next time you see a viper thread, feel free to not click on it, I will do as I please.
Viper do not respond such as these, they are a waste of your time.
Feel free to read my other post, your choice, just trying to help,
Quagmire
Viper do not respond such as these, they are a waste of your time.
Feel free to read my other post, your choice, just trying to help,
Quagmire
B-Lemond
Master Don Juan
First off, it's called the pm button.
Second, your advice is nothing new.
STOP FEEDING THE SNAKE!
JayUK
Don Juan
yo man, jus go watch 'made' theres some damn brave kids on that show, and try goin for a run, an not stoppin, go work out, get a 6 man, it aint hard, jus do sit ups every night, do somethin awesome, go for a ded long run, like ded long
taiwanesedude227
Banned
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2005
- Messages
- 125
- Reaction score
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Post some field reports of your approaches so we can help fix up your convo.
AC/DC
Master Don Juan
I PMed him twice. WHILE HE WAS POSTING HERE YESTERDAY, he said I wasn't on AIM. I was purposely on AIM all day yesterday. I have recieved no PMs whatsoever, or any IMs.
This kid doesn't want help, he just wants to think he's hot **** on sosuave.com.
I'm not going to reply on this thread anymore.
This kid doesn't want help, he just wants to think he's hot **** on sosuave.com.
I'm not going to reply on this thread anymore.
No seriously I think Viper starts choking on his own spit from laughing when he types up one of these ridiculous posts.
How else can he go from
"Help! i'm paranoid and care way too much about what others are thinking about me!"
to
"Yeah, but you know what's even funnier? The look your mother had when you came out and she saw how ugly you were."
How else can he go from
"Help! i'm paranoid and care way too much about what others are thinking about me!"
to
"Yeah, but you know what's even funnier? The look your mother had when you came out and she saw how ugly you were."
Viper
Banned
Sorry, but unlike you, I have a thing called a life.
Schools tommorow, but since I have exams and all, there's not much time to talk, so maybe next week. However, when I ever get the chance, I'm just going to forget the past and these girls might think of me and just approach them, if they don't like me or think I'm a retard because of my voice, oh well, forget them, there are plenty of other babes out there that are worth my time. I just hope I'm this tough and confident when I go back out into the field.
Flabbergasped?
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- May 14, 2005
- Messages
- 541
- Reaction score
- 12
Pook's post (which was linked to above) is very inspirational. I've just about given up hope on you though, Viper. PM AC/DC and get yourself fixed up.
AC/DC
Master Don Juan
Is it REALLY necessary to try to make everyone else look bad?
That's some little kid sh*t. Cut it out.
VIPER. I hope you've ****ing learned something. Nearly everyone who has wanted to help, and has had full capability of helping you has given up on you.
You are using this place as your own journal, and people are ripping on your entries. START YOUR OWN JOURNAL SOMEWHERE ELSE, WHERE NO ONE CAN READ IT...IT WILL BE FAR MORE PRODUCTIVE.
I'LL SAY THAT AGAIN BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT...YOU WILL NOT FIND ANY ADVICE BY POSTING HERE. START YOUR OWN JOURNAL SOMEWHERE ELSE WHERE NO ONE CAN READ IT...IT WILL BE FAR MORE PRODUCTIVE.
You complain about how terrible the advice is, how stupid the people are, the best thing for you to do is LEAVE. I'm serious. If you are SINCERELY looking for advice, you will NOT find it from anyone here anymore, because you don't think that any of it is legit, and you refuse to take any of the advice anyway. If you seriously think that everyone is wrong, then YOU CAN ONLY SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS YOURSELF. If you can dish out the insults, you obviously think that you're better than everyone else (and if you think that I'm a dumbass for saying this, you're only proving me right), and you can handle your own problems.
You are using this place as your own journal, and people are ripping on your entries. START YOUR OWN JOURNAL SOMEWHERE ELSE, WHERE NO ONE CAN READ IT...IT WILL BE FAR MORE PRODUCTIVE.
I'LL SAY THAT AGAIN BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT...YOU WILL NOT FIND ANY ADVICE BY POSTING HERE. START YOUR OWN JOURNAL SOMEWHERE ELSE WHERE NO ONE CAN READ IT...IT WILL BE FAR MORE PRODUCTIVE.
You complain about how terrible the advice is, how stupid the people are, the best thing for you to do is LEAVE. I'm serious. If you are SINCERELY looking for advice, you will NOT find it from anyone here anymore, because you don't think that any of it is legit, and you refuse to take any of the advice anyway. If you seriously think that everyone is wrong, then YOU CAN ONLY SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS YOURSELF. If you can dish out the insults, you obviously think that you're better than everyone else (and if you think that I'm a dumbass for saying this, you're only proving me right), and you can handle your own problems.
