Help I need specific advice.

[ShyBandit]

I’m 56. Went on a 1st date Friday night with a 52 year old lady. Today (Sunday). I text her: Hi Mary, I enjoyed our date very much. I would like to see you again. How about this week? I know I’m free Tuesday & Thursday.

she replies: Hi John! I enjoyed our date as well- I appreciated your patience with me Rough start getting there

I think it’s a **** test. She’s interested in a 2nd date. But my guess is she doesn’t like the vagueness in my text. She wants a day and a specific plan. I’m cool with doing that but I don’t want to fail her test either. I need a response that’s a compromise. I’m thinking of taking Tuesday out as an option and making a solid plan for Thursday. But honestly, this is new one for me. I’ve never had a woman do that to me. How would you guys respond ?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Wait a few days and see if she texts you again. Eager is boring.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sounds like she is on the fence at best.

 

[ShyBandit]

Sounds like she is on the fence at best.

I’m probably too confident then.

 

[Clockwerk50]

How much time after the date did it pass before you text her? How come she didn’t text you first? What is the rough start she is talking about?

You basically made yourself extremely available by saying you were available those days. Also, by making sure you text her the right thing to not lose her, you will lose her, with that mentality.

Text her something funny like an inside joke from the date. After she replies message her back saying you gotta go and let her initiate next time.

 

[ShyBandit]

How much time after the date did it pass before you text her? How come she didn’t text you first? What is the rough start she is talking about?

You basically made yourself extremely available by saying you were available those days. Also, by making sure you text her the right thing to not lose her, you will lose her, with that mentality.

Text her something funny like an inside joke from the date. After she replies message her back saying you gotta go and let her initiate next time.

2 days passed. The rough start was she was late. And thanks….

 

[Clockwerk50]

2 days passed. The rough start was she was late. And thanks….

Maybe send her something like “we will make sure we equip you with a Walkman and a map like Dora the explorer just in case you get lost next time lol have a good next week. Take care”

when she initiates next time ask her out. If she doesn’t message her in a week to see how she is but don’t ask her out. Check the litmus test if she wants to see you again.

My initiation tells me that this is dead in the water but it doesn’t hurt to try this strategy. Talk to more women.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP - For phuck's sake the woman 1) is 56, 2) has the first name of "Mary" (meaning she's Catholic), and 3) is obviously expecting you to "chase" by non-compliantly ignoring your necessary and practical question to move things forward.

Your options are 1 - ghosting/nexting or 2 - texting her "let me know if either of those days are good" and going radio silent.

This isn't going anywhere, though.

edit - oh ya and to add to the above 4) was late to the date

 

[ShyBandit]

I’m 56. Went on a 1st date Friday night with a 52 year old lady. Today (Sunday). I text her: Hi Mary, I enjoyed our date very much. I would like to see you again. How about this week? I know I’m free Tuesday & Thursday.

she replies: Hi John! I enjoyed our date as well- I appreciated your patience with me Rough start getting there

I think it’s a **** test. She’s interested in a 2nd date. But my guess is she doesn’t like the vagueness in my text. She wants a day and a specific plan. I’m cool with doing that but I don’t want to fail her test either. I need a response that’s a compromise. I’m thinking of taking Tuesday out as an option and making a solid plan for Thursday. But honestly, this is new one for me. I’ve never had a woman do that to me. How would you guys respond ?

Y’all were right. She’s gone. Why the hell can’t women just say “no thanks, not feeling it”. WTF is wrong with them?

 

[Clockwerk50]

Women communicate covertly, men communicate overtly.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Y’all were right. She’s gone. Why the hell can’t women just say “no thanks, not feeling it”. WTF is wrong with them?

Nothing. They think there is something wrong with you for not understanding what she is communicating by giving you a blah response and not enthusiastically accepting.

They also assume you don't have much experience with women because you would be able to understand it if you did.

If you want to become good with women you have to be able to read between the lines better. Once you show you don't understand what they are going to communicate they will assume you don't get many women and no woman wants to be with a man other don't desire.

Might not seem fair, but that's how it is.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Y’all were right. She’s gone. Why the hell can’t women just say “no thanks, not feeling it”. WTF is wrong with them?

They're poorly designed.

 

[ShyBandit]

Y’all were right. She’s gone. Why the hell can’t women just say “no thanks, not feeling it”. WTF is wrong with them?

I like you guys. Thanks.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

I'm born in 1969 ok. So of your generation. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Do not beat yourself up over this. Most women are conflict averse and will NOT be direct. I'm polite yet direct, but I am the exception. Very few women will be straight with you. In my experience the ones who will be very direct will do so out of great abundance. When you have lots of good choices you have to make sure nobody is wasting your time. In actuality that saves you time too. This is a net positive. Value your time.

2. Quit caring about her (schedule/work/family/obligations) more than your own. Do NOT tell her what days you are free & submit those days for her approval....ask her to join you doing something you enjoy & were going to do with or without her. She's a grown up, she can say Yes or No. If she waffles? Tell her you can make other plans. Respect your own time. Put yourself first. If you won't or don't nobody else will, trust me.

3, Yes you should initiate and do the inviting. You are the man in the interaction. Give her some masculine energy to be receptive to. Do you want her wearing the pants and being the male in the relationship? No? Good. Be the man and make a move. That's the law of the jungle Tarzan if you want Jane. As things progress she can do for you & show investment, but especially early on you gotta be the man, man.

4. Less is more. Few words, make plans, chat in person, have fun. Text banter is great but its an advanced level skillset. You aren't great at it or you'd know you're a bad ass already; you'd be confident in that ability. So use text or the phone to make plans and then chit chat in person.

I know this is a bit rapid fire. If you do those things above it will help your interpersonal posture, which will benefit you, trust me.

Welcome.

 

[New_Journey]

Hi Mary, I enjoyed our date very much. I would like to see you again. How about this week?

Its better for her to text you, if she's interested in you.

I know I’m free Tuesday & Thursday.

Why are you making yourself that available for a woman whom you've seen one time.

she replies: Hi John! I enjoyed our date as well- I appreciated your patience with me Rough start getting there

Low level interest reply, the medium is the message.

I think it’s a **** test. She’s interested in a 2nd date

Nope, and nope, she just doesn't want to hurt your feelings, women expect men to get it.

But my guess is she doesn’t like the vagueness in my text.

There was nothing vague in your text, you were too direct after only 1 date.

I need a response that’s a compromise

You're looking for a cheat code like in Grad Theft Auto, there is no cheat code in life my friend.

I’m thinking of taking Tuesday out as an option and making a solid plan for Thursday.

Woooohaaaa slow down cowboy, you're sounding desperate to see her every time available you have, she picked on this and it was game over at that moment.

2 days passed. The rough start was she was late. And thanks…

The rough start is an excuse.

Y’all were right. She’s gone. Why the hell can’t women just say “no thanks, not feeling it”

Like Coach Corey Wayne says " Predictable as the sun comes out from the east and sets in the west"

WTF is wrong with them?

You're the problem, not her.

You made too many mistakes too quickly. Don't let your wounded ego prevent you from learning.

 

[ManFromTartarus]

I don’t want to fail her test

OP, this is after the fact cause it seems you've figured out the potential with this lady already by now, but I think you should really objectively look at your statement here. It sums up one of the big problems I see in your game.

You want to determine if potential plates pass or fall your tests.
Don't put yourself in a subordinate status with your own mindset.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP, this is after the fact cause it seems you've figured out the potential with this lady already by now, but I think you should really objectively look at your statement here. It sums up one of the big problems I see in your game.

You want to determine if potential plates pass or fall your tests.
Don't put yourself in a subordinate status with your own mindset.

Agreed a subordinate status is bad, but realistically everyone faces tests.

To answer OP's question, @ShyBandit you would've passed by exhibiting what's called a "DHV" by using the opportunity to casually mention something about you or your life that conveys high status (something you hadn't mentioned before or something that happened to you that day, even if it's bs), or say or share something that's amusing or funny (without being sterile). Provide value with your follow up, get her warned up a little bit first (but not too much, you want to keep whatever it is brief), and *then* pitch your 2nd date plan.

This doesn't change the fact the woman in the OP was low to medium interest, but in the future if you have someone you like who's on the fence and needs a little coaxing, the above would help, just remember to keep it short.

 

[The Duke]

Y’all were right. She’s gone. Why the hell can’t women just say “no thanks, not feeling it”. WTF is wrong with them?

Its best to learn how to interpret them correctly. Also stop caring so much.

 

[BeExcellent]

Look guys. You gotta understand that low to medium interest is the typical starting point for attractive women. Why? Attractive women always have viable options seeking to spend time with her. I know I always have, even in my 40s and 50s.

I started out medium interest with my husband.

This is why expecting a woman to initiate is a bad strategy, especially true for a gal in her 50s. Women my age have enough life experience to understand the value of peace & may be very happy being single.

If she's also attractive she's going to have options vying for her attention. So the men making an effort to ask her out will be rewarded with her time. She's not reaching out to guys. She is responding to men who reach out to her. Simple. Natural order of things.

With the much younger gals the culture is a bit different, but top girls still are not reaching out first to guys.

The change from medium to high interest takes time & is determined by your behavior in the context of her other options. So you are best to be a man, ask her out & see how she responds. Go from there.

That is how it goes with attractive women.

 

[Slowhandluke]

Look guys. You gotta understand that low to medium interest is the typical starting point for attractive women. Why? Attractive women always have viable options seeking to spend time with her. I know I always have, even in my 40s and 50s.

I started out medium interest with my husband.

This is why expecting a woman to initiate is a bad strategy, especially true for a gal in her 50s. Women my age have enough life experience to understand the value of peace & may be very happy being single.

If she's also attractive she's going to have options vying for her attention. So the men making an effort to ask her out will be rewarded with her time. She's not reaching out to guys. She is responding to men who reach out to her. Simple. Natural order of things.

With the much younger gals the culture is a bit different, but top girls still are not reaching out first to guys.

The change from medium to high interest takes time & is determined by your behavior in the context of her other options. So you are best to be a man, ask her out & see how she responds. Go from there.

That is how it goes with attractive women.

This is also how it goes with attractive men. People usually date at the "same level". Trying too hard means you are not at her level OR she is delusional OR etc.. etc.. time to move on.

when people are the "same level", things just come easy.