Help I need specific advice.

[ShyBandit]

Advice from the old lady:

I'm born in 1969 ok. So of your generation. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Do not beat yourself up over this. Most women are conflict averse and will NOT be direct. I'm polite yet direct, but I am the exception. Very few women will be straight with you. In my experience the ones who will be very direct will do so out of great abundance. When you have lots of good choices you have to make sure nobody is wasting your time. In actuality that saves you time too. This is a net positive. Value your time.

2. Quit caring about her (schedule/work/family/obligations) more than your own. Do NOT tell her what days you are free & submit those days for her approval....ask her to join you doing something you enjoy & were going to do with or without her. She's a grown up, she can say Yes or No. If she waffles? Tell her you can make other plans. Respect your own time. Put yourself first. If you won't or don't nobody else will, trust me.

3, Yes you should initiate and do the inviting. You are the man in the interaction. Give her some masculine energy to be receptive to. Do you want her wearing the pants and being the male in the relationship? No? Good. Be the man and make a move. That's the law of the jungle Tarzan if you want Jane. As things progress she can do for you & show investment, but especially early on you gotta be the man, man.

4. Less is more. Few words, make plans, chat in person, have fun. Text banter is great but its an advanced level skillset. You aren't great at it or you'd know you're a bad ass already; you'd be confident in that ability. So use text or the phone to make plans and then chit chat in person.

I know this is a bit rapid fire. If you do those things above it will help your interpersonal posture, which will benefit you, trust me.

Welcome.

Thanks so much for taking the time to give me all that good advice.

 

[Vanderdonck]

I’m 56. Went on a 1st date Friday night with a 52 year old lady. Today (Sunday). I text her: Hi Mary, I enjoyed our date very much. I would like to see you again. How about this week? I know I’m free Tuesday & Thursday.

she replies: Hi John! I enjoyed our date as well- I appreciated your patience with me Rough start getting there

I think it’s a **** test. She’s interested in a 2nd date. But my guess is she doesn’t like the vagueness in my text. She wants a day and a specific plan. I’m cool with doing that but I don’t want to fail her test either. I need a response that’s a compromise. I’m thinking of taking Tuesday out as an option and making a solid plan for Thursday. But honestly, this is new one for me. I’ve never had a woman do that to me. How would you guys respond ?

Unlike a lot of others, I don't think your texting necessarily sunk you, though you might have waited another day and then chosen one specific night (Thursday) to make plans, yes or no.

Anyway my guess is her interest level was baked in already, from the date itself. About which you know more than us. This is where your reading of women may need honing. It could have felt friendly and light to you but boring to her. Obviously go for a 2nd if you feel it, but her mind was probably made up by Sunday.

Also guessing based on your verbiage here (needing, not wanting to fail a test, etc.) is that your vibe may be genial but a tad eager and perhaps too nice.

 

[The Diver]

I’m 56. Went on a 1st date Friday night with a 52 year old lady. Today (Sunday). I text her: Hi Mary, I enjoyed our date very much. I would like to see you again. How about this week? I know I’m free Tuesday & Thursday.
she replies: Hi John! I enjoyed our date as well- I appreciated your patience with me Rough start getting there
I think it’s a **** test. She’s interested in a 2nd date. But my guess is she doesn’t like the vagueness in my text. She wants a day and a specific plan. I’m cool with doing that but I don’t want to fail her test either. I need a response that’s a compromise. I’m thinking of taking Tuesday out as an option and making a solid plan for Thursday. But honestly, this is new one for me. I’ve never had a woman do that to me. How would you guys respond ?

My go about Inviting to date is simple:
After a quick chat (mostly face to face, I'm not doing online anymore) I say for example: how about a drink Tuesday 7 pm at XYZ ?.
If she's interested she'll free her schedule for you.
If she can't free her schedule and she's interested she'll offer a different day.
If she's not taking you for the invite or rescheduling a different day, she's not interested - move on. Simple.

My correct date said she was astonishing I asked her for a date in 3 minutes flat, she accepted, and we have dated a few times since then.
She said she liked me go for it without beating about the bush- Yes-Yes, No-No. Done.