Help getting over/ get me back with the ex

[odawg]

Ok ok ok...I know this is pathetic but so be it. Unfortunately that is my mindset at the minute, and I just cannot shift it.

So here is the backhround:

She is a HB10, which is very rare where I live and we were together for about a year. To be honest our relationship was not that great, it had it's ups and downs but for the most part I had total control over the realtionship..she certainly loved me more than I did her at the time.
About 4 months ago we broke up becuase I said I wasn't ready for a relationship.This was due to the fact that we were fighting a little and also by the fact that I wasnt totally comfortable with her being in my family as I was insecure that my parents didn't like her because her family background isn't the best. I always felt in the relationship I could do whatever I wanted as she was quite needy and I had complete control. Ok, so after a few week of being single, we got back again. I told her I would be nicer and tried to be.

We got on really well for 2 weeks and then my ex gf at the time popped on the scence. My then gf seen us talking a few nights when we were out and got insanely jealous. She made a huge ordeal over it, and was completely unreasonable as I was doing nothing wrong, except for not putting her feelings first. However I was certiainly not cheating on her. She threw drink over me at the nightclub and the next week we just fought. Subsequently we broke up. She had told me she went through a nervous brakedown becuase I put my ex before her and 'didnt give a fuk'. She had lost almost a stone becuase she couldn't eat...at the time breaking up was the right thing to do!!

Now I want/ need her back. She is the most insanly hot and caring person I know and have seen (I am not being biased here, she just is!). However, she says she has nothing left. She says I put her through too much pain and couldnt get back with me. I have tried to talk her round loads of times but she is having none of it. I have well and truly blew it and I can't breath thinking about how I could have done things so differently and handled it in a different way.

I just dont know how to get her back. I met up with her a month ago to give her her things. I told her I loved her and we made out and were holding hands. She was crying as soon as she seen me because she loved/loves me so much. However, a few days later she txt me saying she coudlnt go back there.

How do I get her back? Help me!! she is the first thing I think about in the morning and last thing I think about at night. I am aware I can't look desperate but its hard when I feel like it. I know there is plenty of fish and all that but seriously this one is amazing, probably the best looking girl in the country. I took her for granted and now I can't get her back I am living in hell!

 

[Bratt2230]

Omg...

Dude, seriously, this **** is sick...

I am in the EXACT samt situation (or atleast almost), the only difference is, that mine X has gotten a new guy - a real ****head, i cannot understand what she sees in him (but wtf) i Guess he is just being "sweet" and AFC to her.

What she is telling me is, that she loves me more than him, but she cannot get back with me for 2 reasons.
The first being she does not trust me.
The second, that she cannot brake her new boyfriends heart, since he is being sweet as hell to her.

- what i am trying to do (i dunno whether it will work or not) is to cut the contact with her. i will only answer HER if she writes to me, and i wont answer her right away (ill let an hour or 3 pass). what i guess this will do, is making her realize that i have moved on, and perhaps - if it goes well - make her miss the moments we had together, and perhaps miss me.
Then, after a month or to with ignorance, i will come back as a friend, and slowly work my way back to her.

If it doesn't work., **** it, ill go with HB8-9's (even so i do not want to).

_ The reason being, that i guess i cannot meet a HB10 like her again, cause she is the quite NON-party type - the kind og girl i like - the kind of girl you cannot meet like that in clubs and stuff..

i guess your situation is a bit like my, so to summarise;

Ignore her for a bit, let her miss you, dont be TOO desperate.

I wish you the best of lucK!

 

[Rubirosa]

Leave her this message :
"Although I'll remember the good times, I've done some thinking about us and I realize that it's definatly time for me to move on. Take care..................."

Dude, this is the ONLY, ONLY, ONLY way to do it................

If you show one once of lonliness, mushiness, romance...you're done
This way, the ball is in her court. You have done your part. The rest is up to her

 

[Jariel]

I wrote a tip about this some years ago, which shows exactly what you should and should not be doing if you hope to regain her interest.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=82346

I'll also recommend that you spend this time chanelling your pain into something constructive and work on improving yourself so the next time you see her she will regret giving you up. I was dumped at the beginning of the year after 5 years together, but I hit the gym, went out and socialised and met new women. After just 2 months I felt amazing and ready to move on.

 

[Nkognito]

I'll also recommend that you spend this time chanelling your pain into something constructive and work on improving yourself so the next time you see her she will regret giving you up. I was dumped at the beginning of the year after 5 years together, but I hit the gym, went out and socialised and met new women. After just 2 months I felt amazing and ready to move on.

Just curious, did she ever return to you once you started up with other women? I have found that for some reason girls have this 6th sense when you get your first bang in and they chime in exactly after to either "ego check" or they orbit to find out if their back-up is still available.

 

[Jariel]

Just curious, did she ever return to you once you started up with other women? I have found that for some reason girls have this 6th sense when you get your first bang in and they chime in exactly after to either "ego check" or they orbit to find out if their back-up is still available.

Not this one as I cut her completely from my life, but others have come crawling back once I've moved on to other women.

It's very true that it's like a 6th sense they have and moving onto other women has a really mystical power.

 

[Nkognito]

Ahh okay,

I just read your post about getting your girlfriend back. I have to say some of those examples you lists are right up there with how girls act ecspecially Jay Jay's story.

 

[Danton1975]

Reply to odawg

All the replies in this post have been golden. I will add one more from personal experience...remember what you did to make her fall in love with you? Well, you need to do that again...the same exact way. This is not some theoretical response...I tested it in a scenario very much like yours with a few exceptions...one of which was my ex had started back into the dating game and at the time I realized I had taken her for granted she was dating not ONE but TWO guys at the same time.

The key I want you to take from this is there must be a reason, a "high" for her to want to come back to you. Sometimes being aloof doesn't work that well...because it should be the 2nd step...not the first. The first would be to do the same things you did to win her over...the same exact way...Then, when the time is right and you think there has been enough of it to truly rekindle any feeling for you she may have left you pull back...and let time do its own thing. Truly, all the odds are with you...You have a chance to truly make this work if you don't F*&* it up so much by acting aloof too soon.

 

[joe henny]

while you over here crying she's probably sucking some guys d!ck and takiing it up the ass. Get over the b1tch and replace her with other women

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never what you thought it was.

Even if you could go back to where you were, any relationship you might have with an ex will be colored by all of the issues that led up to the breakup. In other words, you know the end result of those issues. It will always be the 800 lb. gorilla in the room, even if it's just a subtle one.

 

[boostinfd]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never what you thought it was.

hahaha That's one funny analogy.

 

[odawg]

Thanks for the replies dudes.

I think the difference with my case is 2fold:

1) we broke up because I wasn't complying with her needs and was too dominant, and not ready for a relationship. She new this and was a reason for us arging most of the time. I think a lot of the cases of people of this board is that they were dumped becasue they were AFC in the relaitonship. I was certianly not AFC in the relationship, and even to this day if i tried to get back, she would say 'no you can't change, you didn't give a **** about me, and now I have moved on'.

2) she is the hottest person I have ever seen. If I posted a pic of her on this, she would be a unanimous 10. Obviously I wont do this for privacy purposes.

Nonetheless, the advice given has been golden. I don't necessarily agree with Rolla Tomassi that there is no point going back, as I know countless people who have got back from break-ups and worked it out/ got married etc.

I am going to try and give her a taste of her own medicine now, and she how she likes it. If she meets someone else, then so be it. I will shake his hand and act unaffected.

My only problem is how to deal with her when she contacts me. I feel I have been getting the upper hand recently....let me know what you think:

2 weeks ago, I rang her and asked her out on a date. She said she didn't know and that I was fuking with her head but she would get back to me. She then texted me that evening to say 'no, she didnt want to waste her time as we are not right for each other'. I then tried to call her once but she didn't answer as it was late. She texted me the next day to say she was sleeping. I didnt reply and she rang me that night 'drunk'. I didn't answer or get back to her.

She then text me the following Thursay asking me 'did I just see you there?'. I replied quickly saying that I was at a concert so probably not and it must have been someone else.

No contact after that until yesterday where she text me asking me how I was. I never replied becuase I seen this thread, which inspired me to be strong and not reply. However, she text me again asking if I had fell out with this. I replied today saying that I didnt fall out with her but was just busy yesterday, and asked her how she was. She then replied saying 'ok, no bother, was just checking how you were'.

I am not sure how she is feeling at the minute but I no I can't be a desperado anymore. I will just blow her off for a while and see other chicks and see what happens.

 

[odawg]

UPDATE****************

I just thought I would write an update, as most threads like this do not have a follow-up and nobody ever knows what happens.

I must be broke up for about 5months now and my ex had been seeing somebody else a little..it was casual and non-exclusive but she told me about it and him. I had been acting fairly aloof but still in no way Don Juan. However, I had been doing my best to move on and hit it off with plenty of new chicks.

So christmas came and I seen her out at the club on boxing night. We ended up getting into a fight and she texted me the next day saying she was cross at me. We made up and got on good terms again but nothing was rekindled.

On NYE I seen her out again, I semi-blanked her and she seen me hand in hand with another girl I had been seeing. This other girl is a HB 9 and is has been offered to do modelling for a London magazine so she is very hot indeed .

The combination of semi-ignoring her and walking around the club with the new chick destroyed her and she said the next morning she was the most depressed she had ever been in her life. We started talking again and slowly but surely I have been working my way back into her life.

The guy she was seeing is now a getting the cold shoulder and there is nothing more she can do. I looked through her phone and she has been sending him messages telling him she is busy etc. and plans on telling him soon that she doesn't want to lead him on because she isn't ready for anything with him.

I have been having sex with her again on a regular basis and she is telling me that she loves me again. I took her for a weekend away and swept her of her feet and things are going very good. I am being very nice to her and she is coming round...

BUT, and there always is a BUT. She said she still isn't ready to get back with me yet because she needs to be 100% sure it's what she wants. I told her that i want her to be my gf again but she said not yet. How do I play this one?

She loves me, but knows she has the slight edge on me and that she is in control. I feel I am 90% there but don't want to fall at the last hurdle..any advice?

 

[betheman]

can you not feel the web tightening around you?

 

[loveshogun]

You say "tomato," I say "to-mah-to."

You say HB10, I say "crazy b*tch with nothing going for her."

You say "things are good," and I say "she yells at you all the time."

Sosuave says "OP," I say "troll."

Either way, let's call the whole thing off!

Seriously OP. You "want/need" her back? I read the line about the HB10 part and how that somehow makes her valuable.

This is what rang out in my head:

No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.

Did you get that?

No.

Repeat it to yourself until you stop finding her attractive. She's wasting your time.

Geez, I'm gone for a couple weeks and all hell breaks loose. Iceberg, Kailex, Warrior, Mantis Toboggan, where you all at?

At least Rollo chimed in.

 

[betheman]

"I am being very nice to her and she is coming round..."


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[odawg]

bethman-- yeah I sort of can!lol

loveshogun-?????? that was single-handedly the worst comment I have ever seen... When I say hb 10 i mean HB 10-- a very rare commodity and to be quite frank she is THE girl that everyone wants. That coupled by the fact that she has a heart of gold and we get on really well is not a reason why I should next her becuase some keyboard jocky who would probably faint if he seen this girl says so..

I think it is just a matter of patience and persistence whilst keeping her interest levels up?? anybody got any practical advise other than the ****e I got from loveshogun?lol

The fact that

 

[odawg]

beteman-- i understand that it is not an ideal situation, however the reason I have to be so nice is because I was such a bas*ard to her when I was with her. That was the reason that we broke up..

 

[loveshogun]

loveshogun-?????? that was single-handedly the worst comment I have ever seen... When I say hb 10 i mean HB 10-- a very rare commodity and to be quite frank she is THE girl that everyone wants. That coupled by the fact that she has a heart of gold and we get on really well is not a reason why I should next her becuase some keyboard jocky who would probably faint if he seen this girl says so..

You are single-handedly the most clueless guy I've ever seen post on this board. My evaluation of you is that you're either a glutton for punishment, or a troll.

Since I have faith in humanity, and since people reached out to help me when I was doing the same stupid things that you're doing now, I'm writing my honest appraisal of your situation.

NO woman, NO person, is worth that kind of aggravation. Count on your fingers the number of ways this woman has improved your life. After you're done, you can use that closed fist to get out some of the frustration that's been building when you were with this girl.

You keep coming back to the HB10 thing, saying "everyone wants to be with her." Guess what? You wrong, son, cause I don't. And neither does anyone else here who is worthy of giving advice. The best she's worth is a pump and dump, and even then... I know plenty of girls who are game, who are not even a tenth as crazy.

Love Shogun Samurai Slash of Truth: There are 3 billion women on this planet. Yours is not special.

Technically, we can't even call her "yours." Cause she ain't!

Furthermore, based on the examples you gave, here is how you seem to define the phrase "heart of gold":

- Needy
- Bipolar
- Crazy
- Confrontational/argumentive

If you were buying a car, you're paying top dollar for a Geo Storm just because it has a body kit to make it look like a Ferrari.

Once again, sorry for the rough words, but you didn't come here looking for advice. You came here looking for people to tell you what you wanted to hear, and when someone (like me, or anyone else who is a board regular) tells you otherwise, you start "explaining more about the situation."

Wake up, Neo.

 

[odawg]

I came on here looking for some help to get her back.

I am nearly there but I just need to get a change in psychology where she turns to be the one chasing me....

She is perfect 10 lookswise and as much as you say there are plenty of fish in the sea..very very very attractive girls are hard to come by. I know I am happier when I am with her so I think that means quite alot..

you say you dont want her. I promise you if you seen her you would say different..

anyways, practical advise on how to get her please??? i real man doesnt give up