Help! Fear of STDS holds me back

[tryst type]

So I can manage to get girls to hang out and want to hook up but my fear of stds particularly HIV stops me. Even the use of condoms doesn't help if there was foreplay involved ie oral receiving/giving.

I ask their history and proclaim my fear and most say they've been tested but it's hard to know if they're being truthful.

This problem exists for me because of two main reasons:
1. A friend of mine who used to have multiple partners eventually contracted something and
2. As you may know HIV is not detectable for 3 months since last sexual engagement. This makes the possibility that people are unknown carriers walking around infecting others with no knowledge.

Any advice?

 

[PDubb75]

If it worries you that much, abstinence is your only sure way to stay safe.

But, that simply isn't gonna happen for most of us. The first thing you need to realize: if you are smart, chances are you will not catch anything. Even if you end up having sex with someone that has HIV, that doesn't mean you will contract it. Most other STDs are similar in that respect, and some of them can be treated fairly easily.

Use a condom. It does help prevent the spread. Stay away from pvssies/mouths that look infected. That is really all you can do. To ease your mind, get tested every so often to make sure you are clean.

 

[tryst type]

Great points. I guess I don't trust guys more than the girls. I mean it seems guys will say almost anything to get laid. So it's hard to trust a girl is clean.

I rather receive oral from someone I don't know too well but even that worries me a bit. I've read conflicting info on wether HIV can be passed orally

 

[drak_ool]

I ll jump in before someone posts "just get a serious, committed gf." That in fact would be the situation I would be the MOST worried about, especially if the girl is american: you're getting comfortable with her, she gets on the pill, you start to do it raw thinking it's all safe and good and then... the wh0re gets drunk one night you're out of town and gets railroaded by some random stud, is too ashamed to admit it and then passes whatever she got to you.

As others have said, short of abstinence there is no fire-proof way. I've had random sex with quite a lot of girls, ranging from actual wh0res in mexico and southeast asia to any type of US/European skanks. I've even had my fair share of rubberless ONS, including anal sex with a chick until she bled. Over the last 6 years I have been getting tested 2x a year and so far so good. Not saying you should engage down the same unsafe sex route, simply pointing out to you that you might be overthinking this.

Just go out there, rubber up and nail them hoes! lol

 

[Iceberg]

Great points. I guess I don't trust guys more than the girls. I mean it seems guys will say almost anything to get laid. So it's hard to trust a girl is clean.

I rather receive oral from someone I don't know too well but even that worries me a bit. I've read conflicting info on wether HIV can be passed orally

Unless you're hanging out with heroin users or bisexual men, you're very unlikely to even meet anyone who has HIV, let alone f**k them, and a get the virus.

Even if you were f**king someone who had HIV, it's very difficult to get. It's not like getting chicken pox. And orally it's extremely rare.

There are plenty of STDs to be cautious about, a straight guy in upper middle class society getting HIV is like....getting struck by lightning during a shark attack. It just doesn't happen THAT much. Most of our paranoia came from the 80's and 90's when nobody knew what the f**k was happening. So the best they could tell us was "Unprotected sex = HIV".

 

[Night-hawk]

I used to worry about that. I would recommend you rule out the idea stds are some curse of ****ing girls, as the only curse upon you...that will be transmitted is your uncomfortableness...this in turn will 'rub' off on you as you find yourself becoming more sexually inhibited. Also, this worry, I'm sure, takes away the pleasantness you feel about girls, to the point where sexual excursions are not fun and a release for you but a way to put you in a corner and see it as a mental chore, which then, in affect, becomes a physical chore.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I agree with Iceberg regarding HIV. Gays, IV drug users, street wh0res, and prison are where you find HIV. Avoid all of those, and you will be fine.

 

[Alvafe]

you can also study/check all the stds, ways to contract then, ways to prevent and treatments for it, knowing how it would show on a person and all.

i'm the folower of you only fear the unkown, so knowledge will help you maybe overcome your fears, but rule of thumb is use condom

 

[tryst type]

Thanks guys your replies do help. I know I sometimes over think in this area but it's scary never really knowing history of a girl and the partners she's had or even chose to forget she had (if it was a bad decision etc)

I'll try being cautious with less paranoia. It has gotten a little better, I remember freaking out after a long make out session lol fear of potential blood exchange from gums or something

 

[Iceberg]

Thanks guys your replies do help. I know I sometimes over think in this area but it's scary never really knowing history of a girl and the partners she's had or even chose to forget she had (if it was a bad decision etc)

I'll try being cautious with less paranoia. It has gotten a little better, I remember freaking out after a long make out session lol fear of potential blood exchange from gums or something

Man, every time I have sex with a new girl, I'll be staring at my junk for the next two weeks, as if it's gonna turn green and fall off. It's not just you...so don't feel bad.

But even as paranoid as I am, the reality is people aren't getting HIV from protected sex in middle class society. There's all kinds of nasty diseases out there...most of which are protected via condoms. Read up on it a bit, and you'll realize that people aren't getting HIV from oral and they're definitely not catching weird sh!t from making out.

 

[Colossus]

The most likely diseases you are to "catch" are chalmydia, gonorrhea, and herpes, in that order.

Condoms protect you from the first two, not so much herpes; although it lessens the risk.

Short of demanding any future girl get a comprehensive STD panel, there is no sure way to avoid them except abstinence.

Like the others said, however, you are very unlikely to get HIV from protected heterosexual intercourse with middle to upper middle class girls. Even direct needle-stick injuries in hospitals only have a transmission rate of around 1:100.

Personally I dont think it's unreasonable to ask someone to get tested.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Tryst,
You are centering your anxieties around one issue......Sure the danger is there,just like crossing the Street,you have to keep your wits about you....I would be more worried about being trapped in a loveless marriage,probably only HIV is worst than that!

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I would be more worried about being trapped in a loveless marriage,probably only HIV is worst than that!

This is solid. Made me laugh and man, I agree!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The Myth of the Dodged Bullet

In my lifetime I've had sex with over 40 women and I never once caught a venerial disease, nor did I get anyone pregnant. I can also point to men I know who contracted Herpes from the only women they'd ever had sex with. The fact of the matter is that you can equally be a rock star and tap hundreds of women without any consequence and you can be a virginic saint and contract a disease on your wedding night. The myth of the dodged bullet is a social convention that's rooted in the rationalization that monogamy serves the purpose for controlling sexually transmitted diseases and thus fewer partners are more desirable than many. From a statistical standpoint this may seem logical on the surface. Fewer opportunities for sexual intercourse would indeed decrease the risk from a single individual, but unfortunately this isn't a practical estimate. You'll also have to base the numbers not only on how many sex partners you and your monogamous partner have had, but also how many prior partners they've had and how many those partners had as well and so on exponentially. Yet inspite of all this, the odds that you'll die from a form of cancer, heart disease, smoking or obesety related diseases or even an alcohol related traffic fatality far outweigh any risk of dying from a venerial disease in western society. The mortality rate for for contracting gonnerhea, syphilis, clymidia, herpes and even HIV pale in comparison to many - in some cases more easily preventable - diseases.

Of course, since this is a social convention, I would be grossly negligent and severely lambasted by the public at large for even implying that I'm condoning, much less advocating, that a man explore his options and open his experience up to having sex with multiple partners. Again, this social convention is unassailable. But it sounds like it makes good sense, "boy, am I sure glad I got married/shacked up and didn't catch a disease, pffew!" It sounds like conviction, when in fact it's a rationalization for a lack of other realistic options with women or an innability to deal with a fear of rejection from multiple sources.

 

[backbreaker]

I was always safer than most. I had a cousin on my mom's side of the family die of AIDS back int he early 90's when it was still like AIDS=Ebola. I saw how he died, it was not pretty and that always stuck. and he went QUICK. then again this was 2 decades ago before what now is modern medicine but still.. That's something that always stuck with me.

this was always such a silly problem beuycse it can be solved in about 1 hour with proper research. Most guys either go bareback-feel good or condom- feel bad. there is actually some pretty good condoms you can buy that you feel everything. feel EVERYTHING. crown condoms are the best sexual investment I ever made. and you can shoot a bullet through them and they won't bust.

Durex ribbed are good to but Crown condoms are like my Marino Rivera of condoms. never fail to please.

 

[PDubb75]

... Most guys either go bareback-feel good or condom- feel bad. there is actually some pretty good condoms you can buy that you feel everything. feel EVERYTHING. crown condoms are the best sexual investment I ever made. and you can shoot a bullet through them and they won't bust.

Durex ribbed are good to but Crown condoms are like my Marino Rivera of condoms. never fail to please.

I know this is somewhat deviating from the original post, but I did some research on Crown condoms, and I am seeing that their quality has greatly dropped in the last couple years. Apparently they stopped making them in Japan, and now make them in Thailand, and they are much thicker and poorer quality now. Have you experienced that?

 

[tryst type]

These replies help put into perspective that I'm mostly over thinking/worrying.

Just one question; should I bring up my anxiety on the issue/ask when they've been last tested before letting things escalate physically?

In the past I've had mixed results doing this. Some either appreciate it and feel more comfortable engaging while others take offense. I've noticed though the offended ones usually haven't been tested hah.

 

[PDubb75]

These replies help put into perspective that I'm mostly over thinking/worrying.

Just one question; should I bring up my anxiety on the issue/ask when they've been last tested before letting things escalate physically?

In the past I've had mixed results doing this. Some either appreciate it and feel more comfortable engaging while others take offense. I've noticed though the offended ones usually haven't been tested hah.

See, there is an issue with asking that question. There are basically three outcomes to that situation:

1) You ask, she appreciates you asking, tells you she's clean. This is not the girl you need to worry about in the first place.

2) You ask, she gets offended you ask, and you get nothing afterwards. This most likely means she hasn't been tested, and chances are you would have been fine.

3) You ask, she tells you she's clean (possibly a little offended), you fvck her. The problem here is, if a girl isn't going to tell you she has something on her own, she most likely won't tell you if you ask. A girl willing to withhold that information and put you at risk, isn't gonna care about lying to you.

Outcome 3 is probably rare, but it's the whole reason that I think asking just makes no sense. I don't really see how asking benefits you. The ones who are truthful are the ones you don't need to ask. And the rest either will lie, or don't know the answer themselves.

Use a condom, get yourself tested, and try to relax.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I agree with Pdubb. It's like asking the question, "are you a liar?" If you think someone might lie to you, there's no point in asking them anything.

I've never had the serious std talk that you are supposed to have before having sex. It kills the mood.

 

[backbreaker]

I know this is somewhat deviating from the original post, but I did some research on Crown condoms, and I am seeing that their quality has greatly dropped in the last couple years. Apparently they stopped making them in Japan, and now make them in Thailand, and they are much thicker and poorer quality now. Have you experienced that?

well i'm married i have not had to use them in some years so i wouldn't know. if so that sucks were GOAT condoms.