HELP, don't know how to treat my gf with Borderline Personality Disorder

[Kourt]

thanks for the advice JonJack, I just might do that

as for the stories you guys have, wow, Jenn hasnt done anything like stealing cars, or abusing me, or commiting suicide to me, she hasn't done anything to me that would warrent me breaking up with her right now, but if she starts to act like that I'll definately end up breaking up with her. Things are going fairly good right now, its just the rare boughts of rockiness that have me worried a little. Like I said earlier shes on prozac and is getting therapy so shes been doing well. So basicly, shes been good for the most part, but once the relationship starts causing more pain than pleasure I'll cut it off, does that sound reasonable?

 

[DJDamage]

They can only try to cure themselves by comitting themselves to fighting this disease. Unfortunately most women do not have the will power to fight and instead try to ignore it and fill their life with as many distractions and joy as possible.

Ironically by being in a relationship with her, you are more part of the problem then part of the solution. She sees you as a way of escapism because you make her feel better about herself and therefore she doesn't have to sit there all alone depressed or even attempt to battle this problem. In time the excitment and novelty of being with you will start to wear off and you will start seeing more of the bad behaviour until she concludes that you don't make her happy and will probably make your life misreable and dump you for another man(a new fix).

Speaking from experience of dating a girl who was histornic/bi polar and also showed signs of BPD is that I know it is a difficult experience and a difficult relationship to maintain. You are trying to see the good part of her, while ignoring the bad because in your thinking you conculde it is not her fault for acting bad. You have to accept the fact that she is what she is and not let her bad behaviour slide just because she has no control over them.

This site advocates that men who don't have their sh1t together are most likely to be faliures with women because women want guys who are mature and have it together. We should have the same approach with women and not let them enter into our live's when they don;t have it together just because she is hot and great fvck in bed. By accepting a person of that nature into your life, you allow it to poision your life and thus making your own world crumble apart and causes you to be less desirable as well.

Misery loves company.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Kourt
sigh, where to start, I guess i'll respond in order of posts

shes not psycho

she used to cut herself, she stopped

sometimes it feels like walking on eggshells
she hasnt threatened me, and she only tried to commit suicide once (it was 2 years ago im not worried)
yes, sometimes it seems I go from perfect to terrible
shes not physically abusive
she doesnt have drug/alcohol problems
she takes prozac and has therapy, so shes not terribly bad with bpd, but it still does affect me a fair amount

she doesnt cheat on me, she rarely lies, but she does make me feel guilty on occasion

the sex is great and often
she doesnt have the greattest relationship with her mom (dad killed himself)
she does get angry for little reason (she got upset today because I dont treat her normal because of her bpd, go figure)

but yeah, i'm going to wait until fall and if things arnt going good then things will most likely go down the tubes

IF you want to try to stick it out with this girl...BE INFORMED. Do a google search for Borderline Personality Disorder Support Forums. There are a few out there. There is a wealth of information online about BPD.

Oh...my ex husband behaves ALMOST human when he's on meds. He likes to go off them for long periods of time, though. When he does that he is an absolute monster.

This girl will most likely chew you up and spit you out in chunks. It's extremely emotionally draining to deal with. Been there, done that...it's very, very ugly.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

It is encouraging that she's already on meds and in therapy. Can I ask how old you two are? However, therapy is something that is hard to go through for the BPD because they have to relive all the trauma from their past. They often lie to their therapist (big surprise) about what's going on and the patient usually drops out long before any progess is made. Like I told you before, I've been researching the disorder for over a year and there is still new stuff I learn whenever I research more.

Looks like your staying in this relationship, so here's some advice on how to handle her BPD:

-know that when she rages and gets mad at you, its more likely something called projection. That is where they blame you for something that they're really at fault for.

-learn to set boundaries with her. Let her know nicely, what you will/will not tolerate.

-DO NOT fall into the trap of excusing her ****ty behavior by saying "oh well she's mentally ill." If you let her get an inch, she'll take a mile.


You are more or less dealing with a immature little kid. You will soon become the parent and she will be your child. She'll feel like you control her if you don't let her do as she pleases. Be careful, there's blood in the water and the sharks are coming!!!!



PIMP

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
Wow your ex made mine look tame even though she's full fledge BPD monster as well!!

Mine:

-faked a terminal illness when I broke up with her

-lied to my face a million times even when I was there to witness the truth

-probably cheated on me

-stole other people's shiat

-tried to get pregant to keep me with her

-started a smear campaign to everyone I knew, telling them I was crazy and needed therapy!! LOL

-got me fired from a job


I could go on and on, but what's the point. They're toxic, its sad, extremely sad but ultimately if you don't get out, they'll devour you too. They make you fukin' crazy too bro, I was always on edge, trying sooo hard to please her, but never good enough. I'm not a needy, whiny AFC, but I was a shell of myself when I was involved with her. The scary part is she I still think she calls me from blocked numbers in the weee hours of the night every once in a while.

Your in the white knight phase, where your perfect. Soon she'll split you black, cut off the great sex and have no regard for your feelings. Its inevitable, its crazy, ITS BPD!!!


Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn :woo:



PIMP+

Since we're comparing stories...

My ex:

Abused me physically, emotionally verbally and sexually (frequent rape, including anal rape)

Hung our 2 year old son upside down in a well because he got too close to it

Threw our daughter's clothes all over the yard when she refused to go with him for visitation.

Stole, lied and cheated

Lied and said his father was dying to get me to move from Maine to Florida

Stole the money I earned to buy booze and drugs forcing me to go to the freaking food bank to get food for our children

To this day still threatens to kill me by slitting my throat. Threatens to kill himself regularly.

In one breath begged me to take him back and when I refused he told me he hated me and called me a f**king c*nt.

Can't get along with anyone at all. He alienates everyone he comes into contact with.

Routinely emotionally and verbally abuses his own children

Abuses and neglects animals.

Smashes other's belongings during temper tantrums.

Files repeated frivolous court cases just to harass me.

That's just a very small list of the crap he's done.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Kourt
thanks for the advice JonJack, I just might do that

as for the stories you guys have, wow, Jenn hasnt done anything like stealing cars, or abusing me, or commiting suicide to me, she hasn't done anything to me that would warrent me breaking up with her right now, but if she starts to act like that I'll definately end up breaking up with her. Things are going fairly good right now, its just the rare boughts of rockiness that have me worried a little. Like I said earlier shes on prozac and is getting therapy so shes been doing well. So basicly, shes been good for the most part, but once the relationship starts causing more pain than pleasure I'll cut it off, does that sound reasonable?

How long have you been with this girl? BPD's are VERY good at controlling how much of their "crazies" you see until they know they've got you hooked. Then all hell breaks loose. If you haven't been with her at least 6 months then mark my word...you'll be seeing the same things. Medication or not...you'll be seeing it if you stay with her.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
How long have you been with this girl? BPD's are VERY good at controlling how much of their "crazies" you see until they know they've got you hooked. Then all hell breaks loose. If you haven't been with her at least 6 months then mark my word...you'll be seeing the same things. Medication or not...you'll be seeing it if you stay with her.

SO TRUE!!!! In the beginning she was soooo sweet, sooo incredibly sexy, and so much fun!! Everything I ever wanted in a gf and more!! Bought me expensive gifts, called me everday to say she was thinking about me, loved me, missed me. Wrote me long love notes telling me she knew I was her husband to be!! :woo: Then the demon veiled its ugly face!! We started fighting a lot. My exgf never raged at me much (until the end) but she had this way of talking down to me, to make me feel like shiat and then always lie.

Your girl doesn't have her fish hook deep into yet, so your perfect. And don't be so naive about the cheating and lying!! All bp's do it, its just a matter of figuring it out bro.



PIMP

 

[Kourt]

we've been together 3 months, and we're both 19

i've done a bit of researching

I draw lines and boundries, I've told her I will not tolerate lying

if she ever cheats on me shes gone

as long as she can keep her shyt together I'm going to stay with her, I've had some of the happiest times of my life, and only one of my saddest times of my life with her

plus shes hot, and sex twice a day is great

i've drawn lines with her, and told her what I won't tolerate, if she goes beyond that then shes out

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Kourt
we've been together 3 months, and we're both 19

i've done a bit of researching

I draw lines and boundries, I've told her I will not tolerate lying

if she ever cheats on me shes gone

as long as she can keep her shyt together I'm going to stay with her, I've had some of the happiest times of my life, and only one of my saddest times of my life with her

plus shes hot, and sex twice a day is great

i've drawn lines with her, and told her what I won't tolerate, if she goes beyond that then shes out

Well, you've gotten some very good advice here. It's your choice whether you leave or stay. There are plenty of young women who like sex twice a day or even more who don't have BPD. Many of them are quite beautiful, too...and they don't have BPD. There are literally millions of fish in the sea and most of them don't suffer from BPD. It always plays out the same way, unfortunately. This is a Personality Disorder...it's part of who she is and it's always going to be a significant part of who she is. I managed to stay with the BPD I married for ten years, but when I left I was essentially dead inside. It took me a long time to find my soul again after living through hell on earth...and that's exactly what living with a BPD is like. If you stay with this girl you're not going to come out of it unscathed and undamaged. I don't care how strong you think you are. I'm incredibly strong, and it damn near killed me. Bottom line...you can find all you like about her with any other myriad of girls. Perhaps you should really ask yourself if it's really her you're so into or if it's feeling like you can fix, rescue or help her and be the hero that you like.

You need to put a lot of long, hard thought into what you're getting yourself into before you make any decisions.

 

[flexion_]

Well Kourt.... do please come back in a few months when your world is turned upside down so you can try and change the next victim like we all have tried.

BPD cannot be cured - it is a personality disorder - meds don't work on it.

Last chance... run away.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Since we're comparing stories...

My ex:

Abused me physically, emotionally verbally and sexually (frequent rape, including anal rape)

Hung our 2 year old son upside down in a well because he got too close to it

Threw our daughter's clothes all over the yard when she refused to go with him for visitation.

Stole, lied and cheated

Lied and said his father was dying to get me to move from Maine to Florida

Stole the money I earned to buy booze and drugs forcing me to go to the freaking food bank to get food for our children

To this day still threatens to kill me by slitting my throat. Threatens to kill himself regularly.

In one breath begged me to take him back and when I refused he told me he hated me and called me a f**king c*nt.

Can't get along with anyone at all. He alienates everyone he comes into contact with.

Routinely emotionally and verbally abuses his own children

Abuses and neglects animals.

Smashes other's belongings during temper tantrums.

Files repeated frivolous court cases just to harass me.

That's just a very small list of the crap he's done.

What attracted you to him in the first place?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by flexion_
Well Kourt.... do please come back in a few months when your world is turned upside down so you can try and change the next victim like we all have tried.

BPD cannot be cured - it is a personality disorder - meds don't work on it.

Last chance... run away.

You're wasting your time. He's not going to get away from her, even though he really should. Unfortunately, at just 19 years old he has yet to figure out that no matter how strong his urge for sex is...there are some times it's just not worth it. Yes, his life will be turned upside down, he will be hurt and will very likely end up hating women after this experience. We all warned him...and that is all we can do. If he chooses to ignore the warnings it's his own fault when she rips his heart out and crams it up his arse in pieces.

 

[penkitten]

wb wyld

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by TillTheEndOfTime
What attracted you to him in the first place?

He was good looking to me back then...and I was an 18 year old idiot who was entirely clueless about relationships. He took my virginity, convinced me to marry him quickly and I put up with the abuse for all those years because it filled a sick need that I had at the time. Growing up my family never showed emotion at all...neither positive or negative. Our relationship was very passionate, albeit negatively charged. I needed to learn to express and feel emotions, I guess you could say. When I outgrew that sick need, I was out the door in the blink of an eye.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by penkitten
wb wyld

Thanks pen...hope you're well.

 

[SSben]

hey

honestly lose this girl,
if shes taking meds thats even worse, couse they will **** up her liver, and if u wanna marry her, this is just more problems,
tell her to eat organic, eat the paleo diet,

honestly just be her bestfriend, she has a serious condidtion wich needs help, just help her out, im just afraid when u break up with her , shes gonna freak out, man ur in a tough situation.

 

[DJDamage]

Re: hey

Originally posted by SSben
honestly just be her bestfriend, she has a serious condidtion wich needs help, just help her out, im just afraid when u break up with her , shes gonna freak out, man ur in a tough situation.

He can't be her bestfriend, he is too much into her. He will end up being Captain-Save-A-Ho regardless of how he proceeds. He just needs to be careful not to break up with her when she is really into him otherwise the old saying" Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned" is very well applied to BPD. They don't take breaking up very well, not well at all (shaking head).

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I'm not mocking him or making fun of him at all, but I like how he says, "she's never lied to me!!" That is the biggest bunch of bullshyt I've ever read. Lying is one of the STRONGEST signs that indicate someone is BPD. She lies everyday to EVERYONE!! Its crazy if you think she can control who she lies to!! Its part of who she is!!! I was YOU one year ago. I knew my ex had BPD, but I didn't care, I thought if I could "be there" for her, she'd get better. You know what? She got worse, or at least showed me how crazy this disorder can be.


I assure you 100000000% you will be very very hurt to find out the truth when the shiat hits the fan!!



PIMP

 

[Kourt]

alright, well let me start off by saying I love the girl, but I dont want to marry her

secondly I never said she hadnt lied to me, just that the lies she made were little white lies, like she lied about a gift she had gotten me, then fessed up within the next 5 minutes

Wyldfire, you've given some good advice, thanks

and hahaha I could never hate women, i'm way to much of a flirt, and I also realize that if/when she ends up hurting me it'll because of the bpd monster, and now that I know whats coming I can prepare for it

no intentions on marrying her!

when I break up with her, if she makes a huge fuss about it, I know how to make her break up with me, so thats not a big deal

when the so adequatly named '**** hits the fan' I'm out

thanks for all the advice/warnings guys, i'll probably end up kicking myself for not listening to you a few months from now, but right now things are good, and i'm not going to get rid of a good thing until it turns bad
is that really such a bad plan?

 

[Bible_Belt]

I feel for you man. I am watching my best friend's life being run to hell by his bpd wife. You mentioned that her dad killed himself. There is almost always abandonment by one parent in some way - this creates a chronic fear of abandonment in her. My friend's wife would call him 20 times a day. She is now facing jail for aggravated dui and crippling a man - all on his insurance of course.

If you can make it work, good luck to you. To say "you will need it" is a vast understatement.