HELP, don't know how to treat my gf with Borderline Personality Disorder

[Kourt]

hey guys, I've been going out with this girl now for over 3 months now, and I love her but I really don't know how to act when her borderline personality disorder acts up. I realize that about 90% of you dont even know what bpd is, so if you dont know what it is, no need to post. But for those of you who know what it is, or have dated someone with it, I really need help with how to deal with it because it gets really hard sometimes. Oh, and she is on prozac for that (and depression). I've never encountered bpd before and I really dont know what I'm doing. I really need some advice on what to do. >.<

 

[Black_Italian]

Its nice to see what quality of women SoSuave.com members get.

Why settle for a women with a mental disorder for fu*ks sake you couldn’t do any better. This stuff annoys me here is a website that gives you the power to choose from almost any women you want AND HE PICKS A PHSYCO.

You want some advice il give you the best fu*king advice you will ever get LEAVE HER.

Your reaping what you sowed so shut up and stop crying about it. Next time go out with a sane women and you wont have this problem.

'The Ninja Has Spoken (thats not BPD i really am a ninja)

 

[Big Eee Zee]

OK, I'm gonna stand up for this guy before you vultures get to him.

If y'all aren't gonna help then don't, don't just keep posting NEXT!, cause I know you all will.

Oh, btw, I'm a pirate and pirates kick ninjas' @sses.

 

[Black_Italian]

Big Eee Zee i challange you to a duel!

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Kourt
hey guys, I've been going out with this girl now for over 3 months now, and I love her but I really don't know how to act when her borderline personality disorder acts up. I realize that about 90% of you dont even know what bpd is, so if you dont know what it is, no need to post. But for those of you who know what it is, or have dated someone with it, I really need help with how to deal with it because it gets really hard sometimes. Oh, and she is on prozac for that (and depression). I've never encountered bpd before and I really dont know what I'm doing. I really need some advice on what to do. >.<

Wow...ironic that this is the first post I read after being gone for awhile. On top of that, I've been away in part because of a situation with my ex husband who happens to have BPD. He assaulted our 14 year old son and landed in jail. We've had court hearings, meetings and related issues out the wazoo.

I'm an expert on BPD. I was married for 10 years to someone who has it. Here's what you can expect:

Feeling like you are always walking on egg shells.

Frequent threats and some attempts at suicide.

Self-mutiliation...I bet she cuts herself, too, doesn't she?

One minute she'll love you and the next she'll hate you.

She will emotionally, verbally and possibly physically abuse you.

Lord forbid you have any children with her because she will treat them the same way.

Her moods will change more than you can keep track of.

She will alienate all of your family and friends to the point where they won't want to be around you because of her.

She won't be able to keep friends, so she will look to you as her only source of support...and you'll also be her main victim of abuse.

She is likely to develop alcohol and drug problems.

She will suck the very life right out of you.

People with BPD can't have healthy, normal relationships with people. They can improve with medication and something called dialectal therapy (sp?) IF they actually stay in treatment. Therapist find that people with BPD are the most difficult patients to deal with because of how toxic they tend to be.

If any of what I mentioned sounds familiar to you and you've already been experiencing any of it...it won't get better with time. My advice would be to end your relationship with her. A lot of people have psychological problems, and most can still have good relationships. BPD is a whole other monster entirely. Ending the relationship will be tricky, though. If that's what you do, you'll want her to end it otherwise she'll be bitter and angry with you until some other guy comes along and becomes her new victim. And no, she can't help it, but that doesn't mean that you should expose yourself to what this disease does to those close to the people who have it.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by Kourt
hey guys, I've been going out with this girl now for over 3 months now, and I love her but I really don't know how to act when her borderline personality disorder acts up. I realize that about 90% of you dont even know what bpd is, so if you dont know what it is, no need to post. But for those of you who know what it is, or have dated someone with it, I really need help with how to deal with it because it gets really hard sometimes. Oh, and she is on prozac for that (and depression). I've never encountered bpd before and I really dont know what I'm doing. I really need some advice on what to do. >.<

Check your PM box bro.



You'll never look at girls the same if you stick it out with this girl.



PIMP

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Kourt:

I'm really hoping you listen to us (Wyldfire and myself) who have both been in LTR's with these emotional vampires!! I seriously lost myself for a good 3 or 4 months towards the end of that relationship. And Wyldfire's right, if you break up with her, she'll call you crying telling you not to leave her etc. Don't fall for it, they play off your guilt, and then she'll turn around and break up with you a few days later. And quicker than you can say "Ahh" she'll be fukin' someone else. All people with BPD have three things in common:

-they cheat
-they lie A LOT
-they play of your guilt to make them feel better about themselves



Really read my PM I just sent you carefully and take the time to educate yourself on the disorder. BPD is a disorder of INTIMACY!! That means no matter what she says (I love you) and what she does (gives you great sex, buys you gifts) it is never EVER geninue. The cannot completely commit because they always feel on edge. You know that feeling you feel when your nervous before a big event (anxiety of sort), your nerves get you going and you feel on edge? Well that's how your gf feels 24/7. It is SUCH a complex disorder, don't try to reason or understand it, it doesn't and won't make sense.


Good luck getting out of hell!!!


PIMP

 

[flexion_]

I dated a BPD girl for about 12 weeks.

They have the ability to act like a camelion - meaning they adapt themselves to you and your likes to suck you in - the relationship will be so perfect at first you'll assume that it must be love.

Wait until the devaluation phase kicks in... Take all that you had and reverse it.

The sex was great.
She would see ghosts and flashes of light.
She tended to burn herself.
She had a terrible relationship with her parents.
She would go from happy to explosively angry for no reason.

etc...

I'd run for the hills but if this is the kind of relationship you are looking for then more power to you.

 

[Kourt]

sigh, where to start, I guess i'll respond in order of posts

shes not psycho

she used to cut herself, she stopped

sometimes it feels like walking on eggshells
she hasnt threatened me, and she only tried to commit suicide once (it was 2 years ago im not worried)
yes, sometimes it seems I go from perfect to terrible
shes not physically abusive
she doesnt have drug/alcohol problems
she takes prozac and has therapy, so shes not terribly bad with bpd, but it still does affect me a fair amount

she doesnt cheat on me, she rarely lies, but she does make me feel guilty on occasion

the sex is great and often
she doesnt have the greattest relationship with her mom (dad killed himself)
she does get angry for little reason (she got upset today because I dont treat her normal because of her bpd, go figure)

but yeah, i'm going to wait until fall and if things arnt going good then things will most likely go down the tubes

 

[Black_Italian]

Shes a phsyco stop living in denial. You just had what 4 people tell you FROM EXPIRANCE to leave the realationship and you decide to stay. WHY ASK FOR ADVICE if you dont want to listen.

You ask for advice because you hope someone will validate your decision to stay. If you stay your a Idiot.

 

[SupaDupaAFC]

**** italian, you know he needs to be indoctrinated into the ninja-hood

 

[Kourt]

what I was looking for was advice in how to treat her when her BPD spikes, 95% of the time shes herself, and then theres the times when shes not herself, so I'm looking for how to deal with the 5% when shes not herself

 

[SupaDupaAFC]

just :woo: .

 

[JonJack]

If during those 5% when she not herself, reasoning with her is out of the question, then I don't see much you can do but to avoid her. If she is incapable of reasoning her behaviour, comforting her will only let her know that's it's okay with you that she's behaving that way. In which case, if you ever decide to leave her in the future because of her condition, you're gonna get it from her. You could confront her with it, but since her reasoning is gone, you could actually make her more agitated.

Tell her you can't handle her when she's like that. Tell her that it is best that you just go away for a while until she's better. If she refuses, ask her if she wants you to leave her for good because that's what you'll do if she keeps asking you to stay and endure her. Hopefully she can at least understand that.

Take my advice as a suggestion. It might not be the best method to achieve what you want.

 

[Black_Italian]

Originally posted by Kourt
what I was looking for was advice in how to treat her when her BPD spikes, 95% of the time shes herself, and then theres the times when shes not herself, so I'm looking for how to deal with the 5% when shes not herself

Man listen to me for fu*ks sake i may be harsh but im harsh with good reason.

This girl is self destructive she will always be self destructive she isnt going to change. If you allow a self destructive person into your life she will take you down along with her and the longer you stay the harder it will be to leave.

Do your self a favour and run NOW and dont look back.

 

[optimist prime]

Listen to me, and listen to me well. I lived with and dated a girl for 1.5 years that had BPD, and by the end of our relationship she had:



physically abused me

tried to commit suicide 4 times, one time in front of me by slitting her wrist wide open

stolen my car

made up strange and odd stories about being abused, being attacked out in a parking lot 50 feet from our apt. (she cut herself on her face to make it look like an attack) just to get me to pay more attention to her

Had a huge fear of being abandoned

claimed she was raped while we were together in a wal mart parking just to get my sympathy-she even went to the police

stole money from her dads business

Had rampages of hate and vile like I have never seen-you could have sworn she was possessed, followed up by extrme niceness

severe alcohol and painkiller addiction

had me thrown in jail at the end of our relationship when i finally left her because she claimed I beat her up-I never touched her. She cut herself then called the cops claiming I did it. I faced a weekend in jail, 6 months probation, and about $2,000 in costs.

So many other stories you wouldnt believe it, they occured pretty much daily. The list that wyldfire gave was right on, my ex had everyone one of those symptoms.

Im telling you, run, dont walk away from this girl. By the time my relationship was over, I felt like I had been though a hurricane 1000 times. I had no energy, no will, nothing. I was tapped out. These people CANNOT be fixed--EVER. They are a whole different league when it comes to disorders. You have no idea how nice it is again to be in a normal relationship with a wonderful, beautiful, normal girl. One where I dont have to worry about what I am going to say to her when i walk in the door at night, or one where i dont have to wonder if I have to fear for my own safety when she goes into one of her tirades.


Listen to me. RUN AWAY NOW!!

 

[optimist prime]

Here is a website for people that have to live or be in a relationship with a BPD. We nons have to stick together lol. Read the message boards, especially the ones for the newbies where they tell their story, and tell me you still want to stay with your girl............

http://www.bpdcentral.com/nookboard/index.php

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by optimist prime
Listen to me, and listen to me well. I lived with and dated a girl for 1.5 years that had BPD, and by the end of our relationship she had:

Cheated on me

physically abused me

tried to commit suicide 4 times, one time in front of me by slitting her wrist wide open

stolen my car

made up strange and odd stories about being abused, being attacked out in a parking lot 50 feet from our apt. (she cut herself on her face to make it look like an attack) just to get me to pay more attention to her

Had a huge fear of being abandoned

claimed she was raped while we were together in a wal mart parking just to get my sympathy-she even went to the police

stole money from her dads business

Had rampages of hate and vile like I have never seen-you could have sworn she was possessed, followed up by extrme niceness

severe alcohol and painkiller addiction

had me thrown in jail at the end of our relationship when i finally left her because she claimed I beat her up-I never touched her. She cut herself then called the cops claiming I did it. I faced a weekend in jail, 6 months probation, and about $2,000 in costs.

So many other stories you wouldnt believe it, they occured pretty much daily. The list that wyldfire gave was right on, my ex had everyone one of those symptoms.

Im telling run, dont walk away from this girl. By the time my relationship was over, I felt like I had been though a hurricane 1000 times. I had no energy, no will, nothing. I was tapped out. These people CANNOT be fixed--EVER. They are a whole different league when it comes to disorders. You have no idea how nice it is again to be in a normal relationship with a normal girl. One where I dont have to worry about what I am going to say to her when i walk in the door at night, or one where i dont have to wonder if I have to fear for my own safety when she goes into one of her tirades.


Listen to me. RUN AWAY NOW!!

Wow your ex made mine look tame even though she's full fledge BPD monster as well!!

Mine:

-faked a terminal illness when I broke up with her

-lied to my face a million times even when I was there to witness the truth

-probably cheated on me

-stole other people's shiat

-tried to get pregant to keep me with her

-started a smear campaign to everyone I knew, telling them I was crazy and needed therapy!! LOL

-got me fired from a job


I could go on and on, but what's the point. They're toxic, its sad, extremely sad but ultimately if you don't get out, they'll devour you too. They make you fukin' crazy too bro, I was always on edge, trying sooo hard to please her, but never good enough. I'm not a needy, whiny AFC, but I was a shell of myself when I was involved with her. The scary part is she I still think she calls me from blocked numbers in the weee hours of the night every once in a while.

Your in the white knight phase, where your perfect. Soon she'll split you black, cut off the great sex and have no regard for your feelings. Its inevitable, its crazy, ITS BPD!!!


Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn :woo:



PIMP+

 

[penguin]

The more I read about BPD the more I can relate it to my ex. Example: she did always try to guilt me, she did suck the life out of me (being with her was just a chore), and I don't know if she was lieing/cheating (how would I know if she did it well?) among other general signs that I won't get into.

I'm not qualified to say that she has it, but boy if she's an example of someone who does have it, RUN. I don't care if it's even mild, do not go there. It makes you suffer mentally.

 

[optimist prime]

The are like a chameleon. When you first meet them they seem to be the perfect girl. Everything you like, they like! They will mold themselves to be your ideal of a perfect girl. They will also declare their undyeing love for you after a VERY short amount of time in your relationship. Write you long love letters of their devotion. YOu will feel on top of the world. Then, little things will start to happen that dont quite seem to add up, or just seem a little "odd".

After a while, it will get worse and worse, until you are sucked in, and it takes a longggggggg times to get out.