Unlock the Secrets to Dating Success

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Hello + Advice.

Sparky

Don Juan
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Hello. Very interesting forum. I'll be trying to get some tips from here, there's some really good advice.

I've realised I'm rubbish at this stuff because I've always had uncomplicated un-game playing relationships, but now I find myself single and maybe in need of some skills. Especially as I'm in my early forties and a lot of the older women I may encounter may be a lot more experienced in this than me.

Problem:

Girl in her thirties, mutual friend told me she was hot for me. I got her number, gave her a call, we chatted for quite a while flirting on the phone. I take her out a couple of days later, had a pleasant time. No kissing. That was weird but ok maybe she's a slow mover. That's cool. I did try but she said she wanted to wait until the next date. Hmmmmmm.... ok I wrote it off as old fashioned and decided to give her a chance.

On that date I arrange another date with her for a few days time. She phones me very late at night the day before. Cancels. She suggest we meet up a couple of days later. So the time comes for that one and she keeps phoning saying she's going to be late, then cancels due to time running out (Whoa.... flaky if you ask me).

She again suggests we meet up the next day. She phones me the next day and makes an excuse about having to take her car to be fixed (it was a daytime date). By this time I mentally make up a "surry luv, 3 strikes and you're out - and guess what. you're out." and find myself slightly going off the boil.

Phoned her a couple of times after that. She never responded. I gave up.

She phoned me recently from her car while shopping, jabbered random crap at me about some event that had happened to her for 20 minutes then told me she would "Have to continue this later. I'll phone you tonight". And guess what. She never phoned.

I'm getting the impression I'm drifting into the friend zone by mistake. I'm not interested. I don't have time.

Questions -

1 : What do you make of this? I thin it's a case of back burner and move on personally, but then I wish she'd stop phoning me and using me as a friend for twenty minutes then blowing me out.

2 : If I want to "Politely" tell her I think she's taking the piss, and please either date me properly or go away, and explain to her that I don't go for this kind of treatment, how could I say it to not hurt her feelings? I know that sounds like a contradiction but you know what I mean.

Sorry about the long post.
 

Chickfight

Senior Don Juan
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Your problem is you're all fight or flight. You either passively let her disrepect you or you lash out angrily. It's fearful behavior. One of the most satisfying and ego boosting things for women (especially the b!tches) is getting an emotional rise from you, so you basically just rewarded her further. You should have just told her assertively what is up the first time she cancelled on you. Not even replying to her cancelling will send the right message, then give her some playful sh!t for it the next time she contacts you.

I doubt this situation is salvageable or even worth trying, since she seems like a total cvnt anyway. The only reason she contacted you again was to toy with you some more and get more ego boosts. Maybe she's even hoping for a long angry and emotional call or email. Just remember this for next time.
 

Diaforetikos

Senior Don Juan
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She's obviously toying with you and your letting her. Stop responding to her. You answered her phone call after you said she was "out". Why did you do that?? You also called her a few times after you said she was out. That move made you look inconsistent and not a man in control.

Men in control make a decision and stick to their choice. What made it worse was that you answered her phone even though you knew it wouldn't get you anywhere. Next time, stick to your guns.

My advice is to drop her ans move on. Lots of time wasted. Good luck on your next endeavour.
 

Sparky

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Hey, thanks for helping a newbie, I really appreciate it. Especially considering you've probably read all this soft crap a million times from people similar to me.

Chickfight said:
or you lash out angrily.
Ah let me make myself more clear. I've not actually lashed out at her, I was just considering sending her an email, which obviously I'm not going to do now.
But in my head - that's a different story, so you are correct, if that's what you meant.

Diaforetikos said:
You answered her phone call after you said she was "out". Why did you do that??
Here we have a perfect example of why I'm trying to learn a few things. This is a perfect example of my green-ness at all this stuff. Do you know, I realised this as I was writing my original post, I noticed I said she was "out" then I wrote that I phoned her - even I thought "WTF?" when I read what I'd written. Perhaps sometimes it takes writing these things down to make people realise what they've done?

Update - In my head I dropped her last night. Today - whaddayaknow. There's a text from her claiming she was "tired" last night, and that's why she didn't phone. She asks after my welfare (I've been ill).
Now - if it had been me being "tired" I would have texted her last night explaining and apologising if she was expecting a call from me. But that's just the polite type of guy I am.

It's strange, like she can read my thoughts. As soon as I mentally drop her, she contacts me. As soon as I get into it, she starts playing strange. Are they somehow telepathic like this?

Well that's a curveball. So my plan is to be "busy" for the time being at least.

I think she may actually be interested in me (she's a shy type, not a player I think) but I also think she's so wrapped up in her own self importance and little world, it doesn't occur to her that her actions affect other people.

I must say I'm not quite sure what to do next, but I know it's a bad idea to text her back too soon. Past that, I'm stuck. Any hints are welcome, but aside from that I'll try and work it out and regain control, if that sounds correct. From her texting me today I feel like the balance has tipped back in my favour a bit.
 

Sparky

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Diaforetikos said:
My advice is to drop her ans move on.
Is "Keeping her on the back burner and moving on" acceptable instead? Decent women are a bit scarce round here.....
 

Diaforetikos

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She doesn't sound decent to me. But in the end, its your choice. If you wanna deal with all her BS, by all means, keep her around. Otherwise, find someone who respects you.
 

Sparky

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Diaforetikos said:
She doesn't sound decent to me. But in the end, its your choice. If you wanna deal with all her BS, by all means, keep her around. Otherwise, find someone who respects you.
It's funny because to all outward appearances she is very "decent" indeed. But I've noticed a lot of women are like this. Lovely people, but get involved with them romantically and they become b*tches. Isn't that strange.

I'm suffering from "Oneitis", right?

And even if she does make good, she's already soured her reputation with me with this initial behaviour. I've gone off the boil somewhat. Shame really.

I guess if she wants to chase me, then fine. I'm done chasing her though.

Thanks again for your help, I really appreciate it.
 
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