HB9.5, possible future wifey, post first date confusion (adavanced DJs only)

[Fash]

Ok,

Haven't posted for a while, but I am stuck in a bit of a dilemma.

Quick background:

Known this really really hot chick for about 5/6 years on and off through friends. Bumped into her a few weeks back, got talking, took her number and agreed to call her.

We meet up the following week in a big group, her friends (who I also know and love me) and my friends. I talked to her some more, and at the end of the night she asks me to ring her.

So I rang her, told her I was gonna take her out and she agreed.

A little bit on her:

She is a proper "good" girl. Now I know this for a fact because I know her friends who have known her for years and guys she has known for years. I have not once heard anything bad about her or heard that any guy has managed to get far with her.

She basically told me that she would only agree to go out with a guy if he is:

- Educated
- Comes from a good family
- Kind & caring
- Has a job and is successful
- He is not "ugly"

... and more importantly, if she genuinly sees him as a potential future husband. She basically said that she wants to get married and is looking for the right guy.

So... thats works out pretty well because I'm kinda at the same stage and am looking for the chick that I'm going to turn into "wifey"

The Date:

So... we go out, amazing night, we really get on, some slight kino (she is really careful and reserved about that stuff), she kept complimenting me on pretty much everything. Kept going on about how much fun she was having, bla bla...

AND she even offered to pay when the bill came (I didnt let her ofcourse! but i loved the fact that she offered)

No kiss close, but then again.... its not like that. I'm actually serious about this chick and she isnt the type you kiss on the first date.

So she again asked me to call her.

So i call her the next day, she thanks me again for a lovely night and so on...

Now... HERE IT IS:

Me: hey, since we are both quite busy during the week this week, I was thinking we set something up for the weekend and see each other again.
Her: yeh, sounds good but lets set up a group thing. You know, invite some of the guys that were out with us last week too. It was fun

WHAT THE F*CK????????????????

I mean I've been thinking about what she said and it could be one of two things:

1. She has low interest level, and I am in the LJBF zone which makes absolutely no sense thinking back on the conversations we had on the date.

2. She wants to spend more time getting to know me, but not in a pressured date scenario.

I dont know guys, I'm confused over this one...

Any ideas?

 

[skip2mylou781]

go on the group date and find out, and in the meanwhile dont stress too much because you only had one date so far. Make sure to keep kinoing and being close to her on the group date too, in a "shes my girl" kind of way

 

[B-DOH]

not to be the bearer of bad news and all, but maybe she finds one of your friends attractive, maybe more attractive than you, you will sense and know which friend if that is true. OR she could just wanna have more fun with you in a group setting where there is less preasure, which could also be very possible. Good Luck with her, but remember, you SHOULD keep things sexual and unredictable, even if she looks and seems like a "good girl," they still wanna get ****ED too, they just put on a front. And the more you treat her like shes a good girl, the more possibility of being stuck in the "friend zone" which you are now worried about being in, I would enhance the kino and maybe come off a little stronger, just my opinion.

 

[izza]

In my experience, the group date is the kiss of death. Once you start going out with a group, how are you supposed to get alone again?

Pook and anti-dump agree... seriously consider saying "I don't want to get to know the group better. I want to get to know YOU better."

See my post on a girl who asked to bring a friend. I totally caved and she totally ignored me after that. I neve saw her again. It's probably a test, a tough one, and you've got to get out of it. Cancel, get sick, whatever you do, DON'T GO!!!

 

[realsmoothie]

No kiss close, but then again.... its not like that. I'm actually serious about this chick and she isnt the type you kiss on the first date.

As far as I'm concerned... if she's not the type that WANTS to kiss on the first date, she's not my type at all. What, is this the 19th century?

 

[fertileTurtle]

As far as I'm concerned... if she's not the type that WANTS to kiss on the first date, she's not my type at all. What, is this the 19th century?

Yeah really. If she doesn't want you sexually, how in the hell is she going to make a good wife?

 

[dap]

All girls kiss on the first date, it just depends on the guy. I think that this girl knows that you want her, and she is pulling away a bit. She says that she wants to find someone to get married to, and I bet you are going along with it. Chances are, the ideal guy that she wants to marry isnt a guy that falls for her on the first date. In this situation, you have to act like you are in no rush to get married, and you must have a "there are plenty of fish in the sea" mentality, even if you do think she is the one.

You already agreed to the group date, so you have to stick with it. Go to the group date, and when things are starting to wind down, take her somewhere. If you went for dinner, take her for dessert, for example. Or, just back to your place. If nothing else, drive her home that night. Seem interested, but not too interested.

When you are talking to her later, tell her that you really arent too into group dates.

 

[FreeStyleZ]

Sorry to break it to you but you blew this. Too many things you did wrong. All i'll say is go read the DJ bible.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

A little bit on her:

She is a proper "good" girl. Now I know this for a fact because I know her friends who have known her for years and guys she has known for years. I have not once heard anything bad about her or heard that any guy has managed to get far with her.

Its cute that you actually believe all this bull**** she's spewing up your ass, but none of its true. She might be a good girl, but she's still female. She still has needs, she'll still get horny and she'll still be attracted to the dominant male regardless of that "list" she gave you.

... and more importantly, if she genuinly sees him as a potential future husband. She basically said that she wants to get married and is looking for the right guy.

Girls pull out that marriage horse**** ALLLLL THE TIME!! My last serious gf was only 20 (I was 25) and she started talking about marriage, its a part of who women are. They dream in a fantasy land where logic is the anti-christ.

So... thats works out pretty well because I'm kinda at the same stage and am looking for the chick that I'm going to turn into "wifey"

Focus on networking! Meeting new friends, girls and connections. Don't live your life in "stages," enjoy the whole ride.

The Date:

So... we go out, amazing night, we really get on, some slight kino (she is really careful and reserved about that stuff), she kept complimenting me on pretty much everything. Kept going on about how much fun she was having, bla bla...

Did you ever stop and think that your conception of how well the date went was different from her's?? Not to say you guys didn't have a good time, but your interest level seems to be through the roof, while you have no clue where her's is at.

AND she even offered to pay when the bill came (I didnt let her ofcourse! but i loved the fact that she offered)

WTF do you mean "of course I didn't let her." I'm not telling you that you should've grabbed her by her hair and said "yeah you better pay." But go dutch, 50/50. Nothing wrong with that and in fact most of your dates will probably respect you more in the age of the independent business women. Women want to be treated as equals, even though they constantly contradict themselves. Also if a hot girl offers to pay on the first date, a lot of times that's a sign of her putting you in the friend zone. Strange logic, but you should know women don't have any.

No kiss close, but then again.... its not like that. I'm actually serious about this chick and she isnt the type you kiss on the first date.

Well....it should've been "like that!" Why are you putting this chick on such a high pedestal???? She's just like any other girl, but your mindset is cluster-fuvking your game. I'm constantly befuddled when I read posts by guys who completely change their proven game plan for some hot chick. Why change what works?? Oh that's right because she's really hot.

So she again asked me to call her.

So i call her the next day, she thanks me again for a lovely night and so on...

Why would you call her the next day?? Let her breathe a bit, you have other **** to do, make her wonder a bit. Your super high interest level, is completely wiping out your game and putting the blinders on your eyes. The only time in my eyes where its absolutely essential that you call the next day is after you have sex with a girl, unless she's just a piece of ass.

Now... HERE IT IS:

Me: hey, since we are both quite busy during the week this week, I was thinking we set something up for the weekend and see each other again.
Her: yeh, sounds good but lets set up a group thing. You know, invite some of the guys that were out with us last week too. It was fun

WHAT THE F*CK????????????????

Why are you so surprised? You treated her like she was a celebrity, when she's just an ordinary girl. Girls, especially hot ones, don't fall for the kiss-ass routine. They like guys who make them do the chasing. Based on what you wrote, you definitely didn't create or increase her interest level on your date.

I mean I've been thinking about what she said and it could be one of two things:

1. She has low interest level, and I am in the LJBF zone which makes absolutely no sense thinking back on the conversations we had on the date.

Bingo!!!!

2. She wants to spend more time getting to know me, but not in a pressured date scenario.

Sorry but that's complete bull****. A date is only a "pressured scenario" if she feels forced to go out with you. This clearly isn't the case, she showed interest initially, but after your date, she changed her mind. Women change their mind more than a baby changes diapers, not just about the guys they are dating, but about everything.

I dont know guys, I'm confused over this one...

Any ideas?

Well I pretty much said what I had to say. But I will add that you need to learn how to be more confident in your game. Guys who suddenly change their plan of attack for a girl are insecure. The fact that your sweating this chick so much and already talking about "wifey" has one-itis chump written all over it. Instead of believing all the crap that comes outta her mouth, watch what she does. Girls don't like being mean, so she's politely telling you to take a hint, while her actions are SCREAMING low interest.


I don't think she likes one of your friends (although that could be possible). I think she DOES enjoy your company, but only as a friend, that's why she's down to still hang out in a big group, hoping you get the clue.





PIMP

 

[Fash]

Guys,

Cheers for the replies and your opinions. Some really good points have been raised there.

I guess I decided to be "kind" to this one and not game her too hard. As some of you on here that know me will agree, I've never had trouble picking up women or f-closing them, but I decided to attempt this one from a different angle.

Well, not all is lost yet. I know for a fact that she had "some" interest last week as she rang me twice to confirm the date and when I rang her the next day after the date, it went to voicemail, but she rang me back almost instantly.

So I guess she is gonna have to get gamed now. She asked for it!

I think I'll still go to the group thing because I remember one of her friends telling me a couple of weeks back how she always prefares going out in groups first, until she gets to know the guy better and so on. I guess I need to have an isolation plan in place for the end of the evening!

Cheers,

Fash

 

[realsmoothie]

Oh, nothing's lost there, Fash. Just because she doesn't kiss YOU on the first date doesn't mean you couldn't have kissed HER!

The only reason I bring it up is because I really blew it lately with someone who could have been really special. But I DIDN'T kiss her that first date. If I had, it would have been zippy-quick to bed in the next week. But things only got more nervous from there, and I think she figured I wasn't interested. Dang it.

Get on it. Get physical. If you really like this girl, and you're decent with the kissing/sex stuff... she should be HAPPY to get your goods. Don't you want her to be happy?

That's how I'm thinking from now on. When I get "some" from a girl, it's not like she's giving something away in some retarded Christian sense... she's having as much fun if not more than me. I mean, if you've seen some of these girls' faces when I'm in action... man, I wish I was having that much fun.

 

[Nighthawk]

My gf fools everyone with her sweet and innocent act. She didn't fool me.

 

[NatiL]

dude have you ever read ANY seduction stuff?

there's two zones you can fall into. player, who she is attracted to, and CHUMP, who is looking to date her.

guess which one you keep putting yourself in?

be a man, dude.

 

[Fash]

dude have you ever read ANY seduction stuff?

there's two zones you can fall into. player, who she is attracted to, and CHUMP, who is looking to date her.

guess which one you keep putting yourself in?

be a man, dude.

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

Did you read the subject line? I said experienced DJs only which means people who have been here at least a little while and actually know me.

I suggest you look up some of my FRs. But cheers for the response anyway.

 

[Doc Dogg]

Doesn't take an advanced DJ to tell what's going on here mate! It looks to me like she has this image of the perfect guy she wants to date and doesn't want to settle for anything less...the problem is that who she thinks she wants and who she would really be attracted to are two different things.

You're trying to be her perfect guy, instead of being the man you really are(and who she would be attracted to), of course she doesn't feel anything for you when you are playing this charade...

It is like when I was buying home theatre equipment, In doing my research I found two setups, the first was a good quality 5.1 setup at a good price, the second was a 7.1 cinema-grade setup with all the bells and whistles at a price that was well beyond what I should be paying...even though the 5.1 was exactly what I needed to fulfil my needs, I was attracted to the 7.1 setup and I bought it purely based on my emotions. Now I realise that most of the movies I have don't use the extra 2 channels, they are useless, I feel like I made the wrong decision...If the salesman had been a man and made the 5.1 setup attractive to me, I would have been very happy to live with them for the rest of my life.

 

[Fash]

You're trying to be her perfect guy, instead of being the man you really are(and who she would be attracted to), of course she doesn't feel anything for you when you are playing this charade...

Very good point! The trouble is that I do meet the criteria she specified, but I guess I have been trying hard to demostrate those qualities as well.

Next time I go out with her, i'm gonna be like how I am with the other chicks. I'm gonna go with the mentality of finding out if SHE is good enough for ME, not the other way around.

 

[Doc Dogg]

Very good point!

Thanks Mate!

The trouble is that I do meet the criteria she specified

Yes, that sounds like real trouble.....

I think you are doing pretty well, you might have a a bit of a rocky start due to some misguided beliefs but it sounds like you are back on the path. I hope to read a good post next week about you isolating and showing her the REAL you.

 

[Serialized3]

Very good point! The trouble is that I do meet the criteria she specified, but I guess I have been trying hard to demostrate those qualities as well.

Your idealization of her (describing her as a "possible future wifey" even though you've been on one date so far) seems to be clouding your judgement as an advanced DJ. Don't worry, it's happened to me too. It always seems the ones we like the most tend to slip away.

Anyways, in reference to the quote of yours I highlighted, you have to remember that what a woman says she wants and what a woman really wants and is actually attracted to are often worlds apart. We all know that a lot of women want they say a caring, sweet man that treats them like a princess, but they always date loser druggies that slap the **** out of them.

I've been with girls and I've asked them to describe what they want in a guy, and more often than not they were traits that i've displayed (independence, intelligence, strength, humor, passion, etc) and I thought things were going well.

And then they flake out. Doh.

Never judge a woman by what she says, because talk is so cheap that it's free, but rather by what she does.

 

[wayword]

AND she even offered to pay when the bill came (I didnt let her ofcourse! but i loved the fact that she offered)

Of course not, Captain AFC to the rescue..dun duh DUHHH!!! :crackup:

 

[vorbis]

well, there's nothing wrong with paying on the first date. Its a continued pattern of paying for her thats afc. I have to say though, is this the same Fash that posted previous FRs????

WHY would you change what was working for you for this one girl? It also sounds like you're looking for a virgin to marry. Why is it so important to you, if you're actually going to MARRY someone, then their personality should be far more of a factor.

Like others have said, treat her as any other girl and put any thoughts of marriage aside until at least a year of being together. Goes to show I suppose that anyone can turn afcish around the right girl.