Have you ever changed a girl's mind about liking you?

[forgottenDreams]

Hello guys,

My story short is I met a girl that I really liked, she sends me a message after our last date telling me she thinks we have different interests and lifestyle, she didn't conclude anything else and left it open. I told her it's two early to know, she replies:

"it's true, but I'm just afraid of leading you on. I don't want to give you the wrong idea to have you think I see this working out great when right now I'm skeptical"

My point is, I've dated many women in the past, the ones that are %100 not interested will make it clear and not even bother discussing back and forth.

I'm not talking about some random girl I just want to bang, if that was the case I would've moved on, I have done that in the past.

Please, to all the wise men here that still believe a true man should put an effort into a woman he really likes...how would you proceed with this?

I have gotten women to like me right away and I honestly don't feel pleasure when it comes too easy, I want to pursue this one, it's this that will make me really love her...I've never felt love or respect to all the ones I've had in the past, because none was a challenge really.

Thank you all.

 

[Purefilth]

She has put it bluntly. NOT INTERESTED.

So many women would just allow you to orbit and keep trying, this one has been kind enough to give you closure and told you to look for another girl.

(thats how it translates from W0manese to mantalk)

If she was interested then the subject would not have come up.

You say you want a challenge - but a girl that throws hoops and challenges your way is one who is not interested anyway.

Put her on the back burner and game other chicks in front of her. But dont hold your breath on this one.

 

[floydb25]

She sounds like a "decent" girl who doesn't want to sound rude or hurt your feelings, and is actually being pretty forward so as to not give you the wrong idea. But she's not, as you say, 100% clear, because she probably doesn't like rejecting or hurting people, or having them hate her for it. Probably still likes being on friendly terms with people.

But this IS a rejection, and should be taken as such. The WORST thing you can do is hang on to that small glimmer of hope, make things bigger than they are, and try to PROVE that you are compatible and perfect and awesome, and she just hasn't seen it yet. That's when you lose the frame and give away all your power and let her do all the deciding. You WILL be strung along (on your own accord) if this happens, and you enter into a false friendship or pseudo-relationship with her - while waiting for her to change her mind or come around.

Never settle for half-assed interest, or put yourself in a waiting / pleading / pursuading / proving situation... or otherwise fighting an uphill battle (and losing). Pursuing harder after she rejects you just makes her less interested. And never make things out to be bigger than they are, or focus on those little hints of her still being interested - while avoiding all the rejective parts - which is what you're doing.

You already deflected her rejection by saying "it's too early to know", which is basically setting you up to be the pursuer, and making her the prize - DESPITE her low interest. Not good. She wasn't clear because she's not direct - not because she still likes you. Don't deflect rejections, plead your case, pursuade her into giving you more chances, proving your worthiness, etc. She'll just view you as a desperate, over-eager, low value chump, and lose all respect for you.

And like you said, you're doing this because you REALLY like (see: can't have) her, and girls don't usually reject you. Don't get caught up in the chase or challenge, or pedestalize her and become a simp. This is how it happens - to even the best looking, most social and happy people. All it takes is one person who DOESN'T like them, and the inevitable approval-seeking that comes with it, to tear them down. (The story of my life up until recently, btw.)

Just take it in stride, and keep it movin'. Focus your energy on those who like, respect, appreciate, and (in the case of dating) find you attractive and worth pursuing. Forget about the rest. Always. And remember that the chase is usually better than the catch; she's not a special cookie for not desiring you.

 

[forgottenDreams]

She sounds like a "decent" girl who doesn't want to sound rude or hurt your feelings, and is actually being pretty forward so as to not give you the wrong idea. But she's not, as you say, 100% clear, because she probably doesn't like rejecting or hurting people, or having them hate her for it. Probably still likes being on friendly terms with people.

But this IS a rejection, and should be taken as such. The WORST thing you can do is hang on to that small glimmer of hope, make things bigger than they are, and try to PROVE that you are compatible and perfect and awesome, and she just hasn't seen it yet. That's when you lose the frame and give away all your power and let her do all the deciding. You WILL be strung along (on your own accord) if this happens, and you enter into a false friendship or pseudo-relationship with her - while waiting for her to change her mind or come around.

Never settle for half-assed interest, or put yourself in a waiting / pleading / pursuading / proving situation... or otherwise fighting an uphill battle (and losing). Pursuing harder after she rejects you just makes her less interested. And never make things out to be bigger than they are, or focus on those little hints of her still being interested - while avoiding all the rejective parts - which is what you're doing.

You already deflected her rejection by saying "it's too early to know", which is basically setting you up to be the pursuer, and making her the prize - DESPITE her low interest. Not good. She wasn't clear because she's not direct - not because she still likes you. Don't deflect rejections, plead your case, pursuade her into giving you more chances, proving your worthiness, etc. She'll just view you as a desperate, over-eager, low value chump, and lose all respect for you.

And like you said, you're doing this because you REALLY like (see: can't have) her, and girls don't usually reject you. Don't get caught up in the chase or challenge, or pedestalize her and become a simp. This is how it happens - to even the best looking, most social and happy people. All it takes is one person who DOESN'T like them, and the inevitable approval-seeking that comes with it, to tear them down. (The story of my life up until recently, btw.)

Just take it in stride, and keep it movin'

Thank you brother, I really really enjoyed reading your post. I must admit deep inside of me I agree with everything you have said but it hurts to admit.

It's just that I don't ever get strong feelings for a girl like this, I will be honest with you it feels great and I feel some pleasure in pursuing her, everyone else that I didn't have to put any effort into I just lost interest in them after a few weeks.

My conversation with her continued as followed:
I said:
That part I appreciate, you telling me how you really feel. I'd rather have a girl be skeptical at first then just go for anyone. Why would you think you are leading me on? I don't see it as wasting time if someone is putting some effort into someone they are interested in, it's sometimes a pleasure to do so
She goes:
Okay in that case let's see what happens then. As long as we are on the same page

We are both educated with a Master's degree, in our late 20's. I just don't want another easy come easy go one. I hope someone had experienced what I'm trying to convey here.

Thanks everyone.

 

[sportguy]

Hello guys,

My story short is I met a girl that I really liked, she sends me a message after our last date telling me she thinks we have different interests and lifestyle, she didn't conclude anything else and left it open. I told her it's two early to know, she replies:

"it's true, but I'm just afraid of leading you on. I don't want to give you the wrong idea to have you think I see this working out great when right now I'm skeptical"

My point is, I've dated many women in the past, the ones that are %100 not interested will make it clear and not even bother discussing back and forth.

I'm not talking about some random girl I just want to bang, if that was the case I would've moved on, I have done that in the past.

Please, to all the wise men here that still believe a true man should put an effort into a woman he really likes...how would you proceed with this?

I have gotten women to like me right away and I honestly don't feel pleasure when it comes too easy, I want to pursue this one, it's this that will make me really love her...I've never felt love or respect to all the ones I've had in the past, because none was a challenge really.

Thank you all.

Yeah I hear you man, I feel the same way and I was in a somewhat similar situation not too long ago... Didn't end up working out, but I'm happy I tried at least. Problem with most people on this forum is they are just so quick to next instead of trying.

She sounds like a decent girl and she is being honest with you.

I would not give up just yet, but as the above poster said don't try and prove yourself to her. My advice would to talk to her less and distance yourself a bit... Might work in your favor because she might end up missing you. If that doesn't work than I'd give up.

Never try to prove yourself to her man, if it isn't meant to be than it isn't. You have to accept that. I know it's not always the easiest thing, but things will end up working out.

 

[goundra]

NOPE. never saw any reason to bother.

 

[VladPatton]

I agree 100% with floyd and purefilth. Something tells me you are not going to listen and keep pursuing and proving yourself to this girl. Somewhere down the line she had experienced this before and was able to pick up on a bad vibe, that's why she told you this early on. I'd see it as a warning shot and I'd Next her for it, but hey, to each his own. Let us know how it turns out.

 

[switch]

Hello guys,

I'm not talking about some random girl I just want to bang, if that was the case I would've moved on, I have done that in the past.

Please, to all the wise men here that still believe a true man should put an effort into a woman he really likes...how would you proceed with this?

I've never felt love or respect to all the ones I've had in the past, because none was a challenge really.

Thank you all.

i usually don't post in this sub forum but hell i'll do it since i went through the same thing 2 years ago.... look mate you have ONEITIS....
forget her and move on, try to separate your logic from your emotions
also ALWAYS listen to your guts it's usually correct
this girl might be especial to you right now, but think of her being railed by two jerks simultaneously ......is she a princess now? i don't think so. :nervous:

go ahead and try to win this girl,be prepared for drama and rejection and maybe a rape charge..... have fun :cheer:
i commend your efforts but isn't it better to put them into something more productive? (means a high IL girl...)

 

[forgottenDreams]

Yeah I hear you man, I feel the same way and I was in a somewhat similar situation not too long ago... Didn't end up working out, but I'm happy I tried at least. Problem with most people on this forum is they are just so quick to next instead of trying.

She sounds like a decent girl and she is being honest with you.

I would not give up just yet, but as the above poster said don't try and prove yourself to her. My advice would to talk to her less and distance yourself a bit... Might work in your favor because she might end up missing you. If that doesn't work than I'd give up.

Never try to prove yourself to her man, if it isn't meant to be than it isn't. You have to accept that. I know it's not always the easiest thing, but things will end up working out.

Thank you for the reply mate.

That's what I mean, you can't just next everyone. It wouldn't be a strong relationship if we all expect it to come easy.
Honestly I think it might not work but that doesn't mean you just next. You try another time within reason, it doesn't mean you are weak, it means you are a confident man. The key is "within reason", it will actually make you look stronger and not weaker.

I think a lot of people here have taken it too far because they are so protective of their ego, nexting everyone right away, it's part of being a man to PURSUE the woman you feel you want, again within reason and without letting her disrespect you. Simply her rejecting me twice is by no means disrespectful, besides I would happier to know that I tried all I can than to just wonder what it would've been like to give it another shot.

I mean she told me let's see where it goes, I'm not going to give up yet even if my chances are at just %1, I will ask her out again and I'm going to tell her I'm interested in her and actually thank her at the end of the night for her time if she insists this will not work out and then case closed.

I appreciate everyone who voiced his opinion on here but believe me guys it's more manly when you have no fears expressing your feelings and no fears of whatever outcome there is than to just next a girl and hit on 10 more.
But I will definitely not give it another shot after that because then I will be the one disrespecting myself.
Try it guys, but only on a girl you really like, not on one of the 20 girls you hit on daily.
Some women out there are worth the effort, and these are the ones you will truly love if you were to succeed in getting them.

What's better than not having to worry about what to text or when to text or when to call...this is all not worth your energy, just go for what you want and do what you want and be strong enough to handle any outcome.

Good luck to you all out there

 

[Purefilth]

Thank you for the reply mate.

That's what I mean, you can't just next everyone. It wouldn't be a strong relationship if we all expect it to come easy.
Honestly I think it might not work but that doesn't mean you just next. You try another time within reason, it doesn't mean you are weak, it means you are a confident man. The key is "within reason", it will actually make you look stronger and not weaker.

I think a lot of people here have taken it too far because they are so protective of their ego, nexting everyone right away, it's part of being a man to PURSUE the woman you feel you want, again within reason and without letting her disrespect you. Simply her rejecting me twice is by no means disrespectful, besides I would happier to know that I tried all I can than to just wonder what it would've been like to give it another shot.

I mean she told me let's see where it goes, I'm not going to give up yet even if my chances are at just %1, I will ask her out again and I'm going to tell her I'm interested in her and actually thank her at the end of the night for her time if she insists this will not work out and then case closed.

I appreciate everyone who voiced his opinion on here but believe me guys it's more manly when you have no fears expressing your feelings and no fears of whatever outcome there is than to just next a girl and hit on 10 more.
But I will definitely not give it another shot after that because then I will be the one disrespecting myself.
Try it guys, but only on a girl you really like, not on one of the 20 girls you hit on daily.
Some women out there are worth the effort, and these are the ones you will truly love if you were to succeed in getting them.

What's better than not having to worry about what to text or when to text or when to call...this is all not worth your energy, just go for what you want and do what you want and be strong enough to handle any outcome.

Good luck to you all out there

I'm actually all for giving it another shot (depending on circumstances) but If somebody feels the need to ask the internet its never gonna be good news.

 

[Zarky]

Classic oneitis denial. Sure to crash and burn, if not sooner then later.

 

[twentee]

she has to EARN the right to be treated better, over time and with crises mastered, or she's definitely not worth any concern at all. Move on if it's not a mutual affection, right from the start. Life is too short, and there's almost 4 BILLION women, dudes.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

If you just had a date with a super model, would you be "skeptical" about continuing the relationship like this girl is skeptical?

You can't change a girl's mind about what she's attracted to. If there is no attraction, there is no attraction.

She's not being a challenge. She's telling you that she's not interested.

 

[zekko]

That's what I mean, you can't just next everyone. It wouldn't be a strong relationship if we all expect it to come easy.

In my experience, the strongest relationships I've had are the ones that have come the easiest. In contrast, the harder I've had to work, the less likely they have been to work out.

 

[forgottenDreams]

If you just had a date with a super model, would you be "skeptical" about continuing the relationship like this girl is skeptical?

You can't change a girl's mind about what she's attracted to. If there is no attraction, there is no attraction.

You don't have to be a super model. And I'm not saying you can change a girl's mind about what she is attracted to, I'm saying most of the time yes they are not attracted when they act this way but there's a very tiny chance that it could be for other reasons.
Anyhow my point is, you don't need to be afraid of finding out after a second try that she is really not interested, if you are a strong confident man then why would you care if you get rejected? I would be "disappointed" but definitely not hurt or discouraged from going after other women.
Do you get it my friend? Nexting right away is not manly, it's fooling yourself that it's manly while the truth is you are just afraid of finding out the real outcome and pretending to be strong enough to next her. If you are truly strong you would try again and get down to the point without worrying about what the outcome is.

Nexting just after a first try = running away and protecting your fragile ego.

 

[Purefilth]

nope, its saving time from being wasted on an uninterested chick

 

[JoeMarron]

You don't have to be a super model. And I'm not saying you can change a girl's mind about what she is attracted to, I'm saying most of the time yes they are not attracted when they act this way but there's a very tiny chance that it could be for other reasons.
Anyhow my point is, you don't need to be afraid of finding out after a second try that she is really not interested, if you are a strong confident man then why would you care if you get rejected? I would be "disappointed" but definitely not hurt or discouraged from going after other women.
Do you get it my friend? Nexting right away is not manly, it's fooling yourself that it's manly while the truth is you are just afraid of finding out the real outcome and pretending to be strong enough to next her. If you are truly strong you would try again and get down to the point without worrying about what the outcome is.

Nexting just after a first try = running away and protecting your fragile ego.

But you've already found out the real outcome. She isnt interested. If you wanna cross valleys and climb mountains for this chick then by all means go ahead just know that its gonna hurt even more if she rejects you again. I've never understood this thrill of the hunt mindset. I couldnt care less how much effort I put into getting a chick as long as I enjoy being with her when I finally do get her.

 

[youngmack]

I have but u didnt really want her i just wanted to fucck her. I had no emotional feelings at All for her. She would Always tell me what this girl told u,but I would constantly flirt with her and kino her which is ironic because back then i knew nothing about "game. Basically i was sooo detached to the outcome ,i just didnt cadd.

 

[floydb25]

In my experience, the strongest relationships I've had are the ones that have come the easiest. In contrast, the harder I've had to work, the less likely they have been to work out.

Same. I don't think people realize that challenge usually equals low to no interest, playing the field, seeking other options, personal issues, etc. As well, that challenge does not mean they're special and worth pursuing. Just as when you look up to and seek the approval of a jerk. They're not "better" than you, you're not worthless, and don't have to prove anything to them. Quite the opposite. They're the fake, insecure, worthless ones who are projecting their failures and insecurities onto you - to keep you beneath them. They're the only worthless ones.

This revelation usually comes with experience. I think everyone looks up to losers at one point - then realizes that they're just losers, and have nothing going for them. And that hot & exciting does not equal quality. So on, and so forth.

 

[Fatal Jay]

you cant change a girl mind.....and even if you did it will be short term, and she will go back to her original thought.