Have confidence. so much bull**** advice lol

[betheman]

this thread isnt about confidence, its about Backbreakers Narcissism

 

[jafyk]

this thread isnt about confidence, its about Backbreakers Narcissism

Ouch! How are you gonna call someone out like that? lol. Why have you come to this conclusion anyway?

 

[( . )( . )]

Ouch! How are you gonna call someone out like that? lol. Why have you come to this conclusion anyway?

Are you new? Or just a dim bulb when it comes to noticing trends and gauging personality traits?

 

[zekko]

Anyway by may/ june my confidence is completely shot. Not only getting rejected but getting rejected by girls I would not even touch a year earlier they weren't on my level. They weren't even close to the girl that i had just broke up with.

So I'm down on myself.. and i remember one day it was a saturday and it was the end of july. I had been going to the gym about 3 months straight now and i was losing weight. This chick was sitting down while I was browing on my laptop and she says backbreaker, can i ask you a quesiton, do you like black chicks? why won't you talk to me? she was black. She was kinda cute, and I needed a slump buster i was just so caught off guard by her being attracted to me I was not expecting it. My confidecne level was zero.

This matches my experience also. I've been at points where I had no confidence at all, only to be surprised to find that some young chick was interested in me. Admittedly this is not the same thing as a cold approach, but I've faked my confidence in cold approaching also.

Yet the gurus will tell you that if women even sniff a lack of self confidence on you, they will blow you out. That's why I can only take this PUA stuff so seriously. There is such a large element of randomness in it all, that defies attempts to reduce it all down to forumula. IMO. There are certain women who will be attracted to me and certain women who will not.

 

[Married Buried]

It's not about just being confident it's about doing things that require confidence like cold approaches. If you cold approach a chic you are confident even if you get rejected. I have cold approached before and sometimes they are so impressed you had the balls to walk up and talk to them it pays off, even if you act like an AFC with them afterwards.

It's about doing things like walking into a gym full of meatheads when you are a stick and working out. If they say anything tell them to f/ck off.

Things like that.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yet the gurus will tell you that if women even sniff a lack of self confidence on you, they will blow you out. That's why I can only take this PUA stuff so seriously. There is such a large element of randomness in it all, that defies attempts to reduce it all down to forumula. IMO. There are certain women who will be attracted to me and certain women who will not.

Also, I've found that MANY women, if they REALLY like a particular guy, will forgive any of his supposed shortcomings and will instead over-inflate whatever good qualities he may have---just to get with him.

However, I've also found that women will usually only remain in this state of euphoria/delusion/"unconditional love" ...TEMPORARILY.

Except in very rare cases, men usually have a very finite amount of time before the POWER STRUGGLE nature of relationships DEMAND that they acquire AND EXUDE whatever level of confidence that they'll need to continue to command RESPECT.


V.U.

 

[zekko]

Also, I've found that MANY women, if they REALLY like a particular guy, will forgive any of his supposed shortcomings and will instead over-inflate whatever good qualities he may have---just to get with him.

However, I've also found that women will usually only remain in this state of euphoria/delusion/"unconditional love" ...TEMPORARILY.

Except in very rare cases, men usually have a very finite amount of time before the POWER STRUGGLE nature of relationships DEMAND that they acquire AND EXUDE whatever level of confidence that they'll need to continue to command RESPECT.

My point is I don't believe women can actually detect whether you are truly confident or not. I don't believe they have this "magic confidence radar" that so many gurus talk about. Because I have always known to at least fake being confident - that's as fundamental as taking a shower every day. Otherwise you open yourself up and expose a weakness. That's something men don't do, or at least that's how I was raised.

Also, regardless of how confident I have felt, or whether I have felt confident with women or not, I have never tolerated disrespect from them - outside of a few early AFC mistakes when I was very young. I learned those lessons early.

 

[backbreaker]

In other words, confidence is important in the sense that i see a chick at starbucks and I want to talk to her i need to have the confidence in myself to go do it. I will never know until you try right?

however, that chick at starbucks who i cold approach, will not know if i'm confident or not she will know if she likes what she says.



better yet, i can't say it any better than this here lol. this is really gold lol.

has a woman in the history of all mankind ever said

"damn, I got approached by this dude today at starbucks, i didn't think he was cute so I rejected him, but my god he was so confident" lol.


if the chick that you approach thinks you're hot, she will think that's confident. if she thinks you aren't hot she will think you're a creep.

women are not capable of knowing what true male confidence is.

 

[Die Hard]

Wow, some high level reasoning going on here, *ahum*. People finding out there are exceptions to rules and everything, lol. Hey, perhaps we can reinvent the wheel while we're at it?

 

[Mike32ct]

My point is I don't believe women can actually detect whether you are truly confident or not. I don't believe they have this "magic confidence radar" that so many gurus talk about. Because I have always known to at least fake being confident - that's as fundamental as taking a shower every day. Otherwise you open yourself up and expose a weakness. That's something men don't do, or at least that's how I was raised.

Also, regardless of how confident I have felt, or whether I have felt confident with women or not, I have never tolerated disrespect from them - outside of a few early AFC mistakes when I was very young. I learned those lessons early.

Interesting observation. I agree that we're taught from gurus and even mainstream sources that women have this all powerful "intuition" that knows ALL, including your "confidence" lol. In reality, I think they greatly OVERESTIMATE women's intuition and underestimate a man's. Plenty of women get involved with abusive, dangerous men, but somehow their "superior" intuition didn't warn them. It's usually a guy friend or male family member that detected right away that the guy was bad news.

Sure, I think a female can tell if a guy is REALLY nervous. That doesn't require any magical powers lol. But other than that, she probably doesn't know jack about what real confidence is. She is unable to logically separate it from her feelings of attraction or lack thereof. As BB just said, confidence versus creepy-ness because her way of saying hot or not.

An average or ugly quiet guy who doesn't feel the need to impress anyone might actually be confident. But he won't get credit for it from females.

 

[zekko]

It's not about just being confident it's about doing things that require confidence like cold approaches. If you cold approach a chic you are confident even if you get rejected.

Interesting idea. If you are afraid or anxious but approach anyway, that is definitely a positive trait. Probably more fortitude than confidence though.

Sure, I think a female can tell if a guy is REALLY nervous. That doesn't require any magical powers lol. But other than that, she probably doesn't know jack about what real confidence is. She is unable to logically separate it from her feelings of attraction or lack thereof. As BB just said, confidence versus creepy-ness because her way of saying hot or not.

An average or ugly quiet guy who doesn't feel the need to impress anyone might actually be confident. But he won't get credit for it from females.

Yeah, if a guy is obviously nervous, that's a big tell. But generally I would say that not only do women not know how to detect authentic confidence, they probably don't even know what it is.

I think the main reason women like men to be confident is because then they don't have to do anything. Confidence is useful for the man to approach and escalate, while having fun at the same time. If the man does all that, the woman can just sit back, be passive, and soak up the sexual validation and male attention.

 

[potato]

This thread reminds me of the question, “Am I photogenic because I’m a ham or am I a ham because I’m photogenic?”

Nonetheless I’m sure that confidence, as a separate characteristic, plays little if any in a woman’s attraction to a man, or not. Back when I was a shy insecure teenager I received a lot of female attention. In the same way that as I've gotten older and have gotten more confident in other aspects of my life. I have become more confident that I can attract women because of my successes, not the other way around. That is that I am confident around women because of an accumulation of positive experiences around women. Which is also to say that women being attracted to me is what made me confident that women are attracted to me.

This thread, especially the OP, does much to make my long held point that women are most attracted to physically appealing men. This point is often obscured because many women, like many men, tend to settle for what is readily available.

 

[SaturnGreed]

Way too much analysis here guys. As I said before: Status, wealth, confidence, looks, game, in no particular order, but some combination. Women's demands are elastic to a point. They will forgive a deficit in one category for a surplus in another.

very well put. simple and to the point. what if i have a deficit in all 5 lol. Im doomed.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Women perceive confidence on two fronts - Social ease and daring action.

If you can display social ease, she will perceive you as "confident". When you combine that with boldness of action (either with her or in any part of your environment), you are deadly confident in her eyes.

Nothing more is needed. The way to achieve social ease is to make a habit of "small talk" with people throughout you day.

As Nismo says... Case closed.

 

[zekko]

Women perceive confidence on two fronts - Social ease and daring action.

If you can display social ease, she will perceive you as "confident". When you combine that with boldness of action (either with her or in any part of your environment), you are deadly confident in her eyes.

Nothing more is needed.

Yeah, I mean really you're either confident or you're not. I used to think if there was just some way to display more confidence then it would be easier to attract. As if you could stoke your confidence in a white hot furnace so it burned hotter and brighter so they could see it better. Of course then you start looking like a douche lol, but some girls like that too.

I remember reading some article on women telling you how to pick them up. It's always stuck in my mind that this one girl said to ask her to dance, and that "you should display your confidence through your dancing". Which I guess just means get up and do it and move smoothly without caring what people think of you. And look hot lol.

 

[BeDJ]

We're all going to have different opinions on what confidence is and as a result, our perception of variables of female attraction are going to be different. I've been called many things. Spunky. Arrogant. Fearless. Bold. Assho|e. C0cky. Neither of that will change who I am and neither of that will change who you are.

With that said, there is a difference between self confidence and social confidence. Both are needed it everyday life - think of it as inner game and outer game - the DJ mindset and PUA mindset. I've come to terms that both are necessary in seduction.

Self confidence
- Working out
- Dressing well
- Financially stable
- Having passions and goals
- Realizing your self worth

Social confidence
- Getting attention of a group
- Maintaining attention
- Exuding your presence
- Social awareness
- Realizing your social worth

I'm going to talk more about social confidence because self confidence has been beaten to death lately. When you introduce yourself to new people, they don't know anything about you, nor do they care at the moment. It's all about how you make them feel. First impressions are mostly made by exuding your social confidence, a reason why they should get to know you. Social confidence is MUCH harder to build because it means you have to step out of your comfort zone - your world - and into someone elses' to invited them back. I' know a ton of men who are self confident, but are terrible at social confidence.

This site stresses the importance of self improvement, which is absolutely important, but it's just one piece of the equation. Most advice here is improve yourself and women will come as if it was the end all - be all to seduction. I personally believe that social confidence is much more important and before you give me 'uh BeDJ you are putting pu$$y on a pedestal' realize you are on a seduction forum at the end of the day. You can believe you are the prize all you want and approach women, but examine the results. If you aren't getting better success, it's not because of your self confidence, it's the lack of social confidence.

 

[Night-hawk]

Confidence. Con (or Pro?). Confide (in what?). Dens(c)e (with what?). Condens(c)e (into what?).

It all makes sense now.

 

[zekko]

When you introduce yourself to new people, they don't know anything about you, nor do they care at the moment. It's all about how you make them feel.

There are some people who make you feel so comfortable, they make you feel like you have known them and been friends with them for years, almost immediately after just meeting them. Then they turn around and do the same with the next person.

When I was a young man trying to improve my social skills, these were the people that I looked up to and tried to emulate, tried to figure out what their secret was. I can't say I ever really got there, but I improved. Now days, I realize I don't want to be friends with that many people anyway, I have my own life to live, and I value my solitude. But at the time I was heavily into socializing, which of course leads to more women.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

From Plate Theory II

Confidence is derived from options.

Don’t think of plate theory as a filter so much as it is a means to reinforce confidence. If you were to step into the ring with a professional UFC fighter right now it’d probably be suicide for you. But train for a few years, spar with other fighters and win a few bouts and you’ll probably be confident enough in your past performances that you know you can hold your own in the ring. That’s the idea, confidence derived from the options of non-exclusive women in hand and from having successfully generated those options in the past.

A good example of applied confidence is Amused Mastery Even ****y & funny find a root in confidence derived from past experiences and the capacity to generate options. A guy with a lot of money has confidence because he knows what options that money can generate. Same with having a good physique; a good body consistently generates sexual options for a man which provides him with confidence.

However, even having an intellectual advantage, a status advantage, a social proof advantage can generate confidence in a contextually applicable way. If you know something (i.e. Game) your target woman is unaware of, you have the advantage of creating options with her.

It's a positive feedback loop – options create confidence, confidence creates more options. Getting into that loop is the trick.

 

[Night-hawk]

It's a positive feedback loop – options create confidence, confidence creates more options. Getting into that loop is the trick.

This simply sums it up for myself. It's conscious, or better yet, unconscious competence at 'generating' these positive feedback loops, and having that ability to re-engage and ignite it when it loses its spark or momentum.

I believe a big part is developing the ability to change states quickly. For some people this has been a naturally developed ability, while for others it's something they learn to continually develop.