Have confidence. so much bull**** advice lol

[Don_Dom]

There is way too much discussion, imo, about the one thing that attracts women. Most guys will go for any woman that looks good from the neck down and worry about how stupid, crazy, poor, etc she is later lol so we, being logical creatures, seem to want to find that one thing that rings most women's bells, but it really doesn't work that way for them.

The thing that constantly stands out to me when this comes up is what women find attractive in other women. Ever had a girl set you up with another girl saying she's cute? What always happens? You get there and she's NOT cute much less attractive to you. Women look at the whole package. Everything from her sense of style, hairstyles, smile, intelligence, sense of humor, personality, taste in shoes, etc etc. It all works together for them. So you get there, see the size of her ass or her ugly face and think your friend girl who set you up is crazy. She looked at the whole package. You looked at her big butt.

I think they do this with men, too. Sure, if you stand out in one way significantly, that's going to stand out and attract some women who are into those things. Women into body builders will be into that, gold diggers will be into guys with money and, yes, some women are specificly into alpha males with supreme confidence. And by that I mean true natural born alphas, not guys who have their $hit together and are "being alpha" as gets thrown around here. These types can absolutely smell the difference from a mile away.

But those are the extremes on the ends of the spectrum. The vast majority of women are looking for a balanced package, imo. Maximize your strengths and minimize your weaknesses and most guys will be just fine with average good self esteem and solid confidence, assuming you understand the basics (solid emplyment, good sense of style, good hygene, etc) and what I mean by that. Individual milage will vary with individual women but you will appeal to the largest cross section of women and probably surprised to occasionally attract some of the ones in the extremes. Operative part of that being minimize weaknesses. Having really bad confidence will work against you far more than having great confidence will work for you, imo. It's human nature for the negatives to stand out more than the positives.

Honestly, I'm becoming more and more convinced that, here again, spinning plates trumps anything else. Supreme confidence is great, but nothing trumps what abundance does for your inner game and what preselection by being seen with attractive women does for you. Or just about any women, for that matter. For whatever reason women can smell this from a mile like sharks sense blood in the water.

IMO

 

[zekko]

My [int in saying all that is, I remember after a date we went on and she looks at me and she says I love how confident you are in yourself it's very sexy. I remember thinking, it's pretty hard not to be confident when YOU ****ING APPROACHED ME . Not saying I'm not a confident self assured dude anyway but how the hell can you NOT be confident when you sat down and basically told me hey I think you are hot lol.

Yeah, good point. That's why I say maybe there's something to be said about leagues. I think a lot of the problems that guys bring to this forum are caused because they are basically dating out of their league. Some poor schmuck got "lucky" and is dating some mega hot chick who has 10 times the options that he does, and that's why he ends up getting oneitis. He wants the girl because being with her makes him feel like he's jumped up into her league. But because he's not there really, it also makes him feel bad.

I think "game" is built mainly for guys who are attractive with women, but just don't quite know what they're doing. Game teaches them to get out of their own way. It teaches them not to screw up by being AFC, and helps them claim an attitude appropriate for their value. Guys who are not really attractive but go into game have a harder road of it.

Gurus tell you that you should go around thinking that you are a "10" in looks. I can't do that because I know damn well it isn't true. For one thing, I don't even believe in 10s. You might as well tell me to go around thinking that I'm a troll leprechaun living under a bridge, neither is more fantastical than the other.

But if you can know that you have a baseline attractiveness and that women will be curious about you and give you a chance, if you can just pull off being charming and interesting for a while, then that seems a lot more realistic.

 

[backbreaker]

zekko you make good points

that was verbatim my problem when I came to this forum. I came here when I was 18 years old, from the time I was 13 until the time I was 17 I don't 'think I ever went more than 1 month without having dates or a GF., When I was 16-17 I was spinning plates even. Cute plates.

all that changed when I met the girl that brought me to this site. she was a good.. 2 points higher than anything I had ever dated. she was so out of my league but she liked me enough to keep me around / string me along and I thought I was soooooo damn close.

I mean, I got the common sense **** with normal women. you didn't have to tell me to.. not always be available. you didn't have to tell me how to talk to a chick how to ask for a number. I got all that

SHE brought all the insecurities out of me. she made me nervous, she made me be always available. she made me blurt out my emotions all the time. she was so out of my league she ****ed up my entre game


there was no confidence boosting, no anything I could have done to make me think I was in her league, because I just wasn't at the time.


at the same time, 4-5 years later once I got on her level by becoming a catch, I treated her just like I treated everyone else without even trying.



the other thing that hampers guys is location. in retrospect, looking back on it I was ahead of the curve in retrospect. I fi lived in a bigger city growing up I never bother with sosuave.net no need to. so few options. I had to become better just to play ball. Then when I moved to a bigger city, it paid off because I was dealing with better quality women

 

[( . )( . )]

There is way too much discussion, imo, about the one thing that attracts women.

You'll get used to it.

Sacktakers winning formula for AW'ing success

* Take a common red pill shared truth. eg: confidence
* Deny it's validity and claim it's bogus
* Sit back as thread explodes to 9 pages
* Prop up ego as needed along way

http://image0-rubylane.s3.amazonaws.com/shops/californiagirls/5005.1L.jpg

I wouldn't mind so much if it was just BB here but now we got clowns like humbleninja copying BB's winning formula out in the main forum. My problem is a newbie just stumbling onto this place for the first time won't know what the phuck is going on. Still wondering if the cathedral, his single mother/beta father and teachers were right all along just because e-validation and AWíng is of a higher priority to these two "master don juans". Very selfish and mickey mouse in my opinion.

 

[backbreaker]

It is not something that is created out of thin air. It is the result of having positive experiences.

This is my point in a nuthsell.

Put in another way, women like guys with nice cars. I think that's something that for the most part, we can all agree on. In general. I don't need to see 10 posts about how a woman ****ed you when you drove a geo metro, in general, women like guys with nice whips. It would be like my wife telling the dude, that all he needs is a nice car.

You can't pull a nice car out of thin air, no more than you can pull confidence out of thin air. To have a nice car, it will require you to have the resources to go aquire a nice car. To have confidence, you have to have the latent resources and traits to BE confident.

IN short, when a woman says you need to be confident, A guy should not up and say "okay I"m going to be confident and approach woman and have a not give a **** attitude" because, you're going to give a **** and you in turn, aren't going to be confident. What he should say is what can I do, what changes can I make in my life to become a more confident person.

That's the 64 thousand dollar question right there.

In the OPs original example, the dude doesn't have confidence because he hasn't experienced success with women.

While this is true (he has no success with women, or at least to the level that he would like) confidence is not situation specific necessarily. In other words, I can gain confidence to do something by doing something else to build up my confidence.


I have what I call a 3 thing rule. If I am doing 3 things that I feel good about in my life, I will generally have the confidence to handle any other problem, or at least attempt to, that could come up.

This, to me, is where the "fake it till you make it" argument both succeeds and fails. It succeeds because you have to gain positive experiences with women to move forward. And the best way to do that is to exude confidence. But, you can't really have confidence without success.

The problem I have with the "fake it to you make it" point is that it's a PUA solution to a DJ problem.

In other words, play the tape out. SAy I'm single and I meet Wendy at a bar. I'm not really confident in myself but i've had a few drinks in me and I approach her and I get her number. She even agrees to go on a date with me.

The date isn't horrible but it's fine and for whatever the reason may be, she's not really all that into me and flakes.

She's just confirmed to you that you are in fact, not worth dating, because she won't date you. It actually ends up making your self esteem worse than it was when you first asked out Wendy which in turn, gives root to a very negative and unhealthy viewpoint of women.

Then the women you keep gaming keeps flaking on you and women riding the **** carousel became a self fulfilling prophesy. Then it becomes a downward circle jerk because you keep telling yourself that women like a guy with more confidence so you keep coming up with short term solutions to fix a problem that oculd be easily fixed if you just, did some **** to be confident about.



A much better way to go about it is, to simply do some **** that will make you feel better about yourself. When you don't' approach a woman what you are saying subconsciously is that, this woman doesn't have a reason to want to date me. If she did I would give her the chance to. Go out and start to gain reasons to why women should want to be with you. This has the added benefit of allowing you to have stuff to do, and to keep yourself busy when a woman flakes on you, and they will becuase they are women.

 

[jafyk]

I love this thread because it's not necessarily deep yet touches on something crucial. I wasn't going to respond because New To The Game has pretty much covered everything I had in the mind to say. However, I will try to put my spin on it.

I think a lot of times the failure of great ideas is in the teaching to begin with and emphasis. To go off on a tangent for a bit. People will often point out a problem and criticize but rarely do they offer the solution. For example they would say things like "I hate X, X svcks and here's why". They often don't give the Y of fixing X as if knowing why X is terrible is some sort of comfort. Coming back to emphasis most people who do offer a solution tend to sound like there's ONE answer. Rather than giving their recipients a cluster of information. They would say things like "Be confident" while leaving out the qualities that help build confidence as well as the other ammunition that should be combined with that confidence. "Specialize, specialize" they would say. I say diversify. The man who is more versatile tends to be more sort after. Same goes with confidence as it relates to getting women.

Personally, I know I feel more confident in my life when things are going well for me in several areas. As it relates to women I know I tend to look back at my past success. I think to myself my life wasn't that great back then and women got with me, while complimenting me on my looks. I'm not entirely blown away by compliments from women because I know women will say almost anything to get what they want and to manipulate you. It often makes me think if I had that much success imagine how much success I would have if I can transform the areas of my life where I am lacking now.

In some ways this knowledge affects me negatively and positively. It affects me negatively because I'm putting in a half hearted efforts into meeting women; because I feel that sooner than later even if I connected with said woman the issues that are affecting my confidence will come to the surface. Personally, I don't care about mindless sleeping around (it gets old). On the Positive aspect. I know that when I do approach when especially if it's in one of my elements (while I'm working or perhaps playing soccer)...I know I can actually engage her in a conversation which might even be flirtatious. I could ask for and get the #. However, after the brief initial interaction things normally die off. I figure it's probably because of those things I am lacking or at least I blame it on that. I believe this situation would mostly apply to the quality women I'd rather date. My situation may not have the same effect on the less quality women. I remember fVcking a girl at my place when I couldn't even keep my lights on. She wanted a relationship from me but I wasn't that attracted to her physically and socially. I wasn't willing to give it to her. She got mad and moved on. A few things I do have even at my lowest is my sense of humor, ability to engage people and especially in an intelligent conversation.

With that said. I would agree with some of the posters above me that confidence may or may not be a factor with girls getting with you. It depends sometimes on where the girl is in her life and what her standards may be. That is why uneducated and unemployed jail birds can pull girls left and right. Some may say that has to do with confidence or is it that maybe the girl has low self esteem and doesn't think she can do better. Perhaps she loves that street hardened mentality. Maybe that's her definition of a confident man. Still you have the educated, confident man , who has his life in order and the girls may still not want him partly because of other factors on the girl's end.

I think a guy would do better to equip himself with as much ammunition as he can; while making use of his strongest assets. In my case humor. Sometimes focusing on that one strong asset you have no matter how trivial it might seem might project confidence in you even if it is at that moment of interaction with said female. I think a lot of men out there are actually faking confidence and sometimes it's not so much inner confidence but confidence based on possession, status or physical looks. When such guys are hit at those things that boost their false confidence they fall apart. Ever wonder why that guy everyone speaks so highly about loses it over a woman (suicide, murder, murder-suicide etc). I've also noticed that a lot of guys who are successful with women most of the times are good liars who compromise their integrity yet wear a facade. I think if I were to become one of these guys my #s with women would sky rocket but alas it is not who I am nor whom I feel comfortable being.

 

[backbreaker]

I'm not saying confidence in itself is worthless. Confidence is a good thing to have in all endeavors in life not just gaming women.


I'm saying, the specific advice, to BE CONFIDENT is what is bull****, because a woman's' sense of confidence, and a man's sense of confidence are not one in the same.

It's almost like the word confidence has 2 separate meanings. When I describe a man as confident, I'm talking about a guy who gets up and tries new things, isn't afraid to take risks. That guy can or maybe isn't having success in women, but that does not define if he's confident or not.

When my wife tells this guy to be confident, she's assigning qualities to mens he's already screened to like. If a girl looks at a guy and sees him and she think he's hot but he's kinda aloof, she will think he has a quiet confidence about himself. If she looks at the same guy and he's a little overweight and she's not attracted to him she'd think he's wired lol. I've been there. The only difference being her level of base attraction to the person.


Women, and I ****ing live with one lol, are not capable of understanding what true male confidence is. When a woman is saying be confident what she is really saying is, be hot lol or better stated, be desirable . they don't even know what they are saying. To men confidence it a tangible, rational characteristic trait. To women confidence is a throw word to describe what a man that has other qualities that she finds desirable.

That's there the disconnect happens and that's why the advice is bull****. It's a miscommunication. He's like damn I'm being confident and it's not working and she's like yeah but you aren't being confident enough. You have to be confident. What she is really saying is you need to be hot. lol, then be confident.

Pook had a post about a decade ago called ********. if you haven't read it it's great. A big problem that men have when trying to understand women is thinking that they think like men. They don't. At all.

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm not saying confidence in itself is worthless. Confidence is a good thing to have in all endeavors in life not just gaming women.


I'm saying, the specific advice, to BE CONFIDENT is what is bull****, because a woman's' sense of confidence, and a man's sense of confidence are not one in the same.

It's almost like the word confidence has 2 separate meanings. When I describe a man as confident, I'm talking about a guy who gets up and tries new things, isn't afraid to take risks. That guy can or maybe isn't having success in women, but that does not define if he's confident or not.

When my wife tells this guy to be confident, she's assigning qualities to mens he's already screened to like. If a girl looks at a guy and sees him and she think he's hot but he's kinda aloof, she will think he has a quiet confidence about himself. If she looks at the same guy and he's a little overweight and she's not attracted to him she'd think he's wired lol. I've been there. The only difference being her level of base attraction to the person.


Women, and I ****ing live with one lol, are not capable of understanding what true male confidence is. When a woman is saying be confident what she is really saying is, be hot lol or better stated, be desirable . they don't even know what they are saying. To men confidence it a tangible, rational characteristic trait. To women confidence is a throw word to describe what a man that has other qualities that she finds desirable.

That's there the disconnect happens and that's why the advice is bull****. It's a miscommunication. He's like damn I'm being confident and it's not working and she's like yeah but you aren't being confident enough. You have to be confident. What she is really saying is you need to be hot. lol, then be confident.

Pook had a post about a decade ago called ********. if you haven't read it it's great. A big problem that men have when trying to understand women is thinking that they think like men. They don't. At all.

Absolutely.

"Be confident" = Be a hot guy who is confident.

"Be funny" = Be a hot guy who is funny.

"Have interesting hobbies" = Be a hot guy with cool hobbies lol

And so on and so forth.

Most everything about a guy is viewed through a looks (or success) lens by women. The hot guy gets more credit for certain traits than the average guy.

BB makes a good point about the quiet, aloof guy. For a hot guy, it's confident, mysterious, and sexy. But an average looking guy with the EXACT same trait is a weirdo or creeper.

Men look at the TRAIT itself. Women view the trait in the context of his looks (and/or money or status). This is the miscommunication. As a man, I only care if the joke is funny and makes me laugh. I don't care who delivers the joke. But women will laugh more if the guy telling the joke is 6'4" and ripped lol.

As I mentioned before, there's the guy at work that has F-ed about a third of the broads in our building. Let's call him Steve. This woman used to give me (unsoliçited) advice all the time about women. "You know why Steve does well with the women? He has hobbies. You need a hobby Mike. That's the answer." I knew this was BS, and it's about looks. But let's put that aside for now.

Shortly after that, I started ballroom dance. (It wasn't because of her. It was something I had been wanting to try.) Two years later, I really like it and have a respectable hobby. Now, she can't criticize me for not having a hobby. Her story changed. Two weeks ago, she said, "Steve is the eye candy of the office. Sorry Mike." I'm not offended. I like Steve. (No homo). I just find it funny that it was all about looks all along, just like I thought. But women wil use these smokescreens like "hobbies" or "confidence" because they are afraid to sound shallow.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

You'll get used to it.

Sacktakers winning formula for AW'ing success

* Take a common red pill shared truth. eg: confidence
* Deny it's validity and claim it's bogus
* Sit back as thread explodes to 9 pages
* Prop up ego as needed along way

Winner, winner, Chicken Dinner!

Reminds me of something a wise man once said to me:

"You'll find three kinds of people in bars. Alcoholics, lonely people, and those who've got a system at the track."

 

[jafyk]

So, I guess I've finally learned something new today. Contrary to what I learned here in the past that looks don't really matter to women. So, looks does matter or am I getting this wrong? Is what you guys are trying to say is that looks don't matter as much or looks + traits matter? Actually, now that I think about it I didn't learn anything new at all. Here's what I think. Women and men SORT OF think alike. Perhaps it's fair to say that they process their thoughts and conclusion differently.

Here's what I mean. To a certain degree I'll base it from what I've picked up from what you guys had to say on the topic.
(1) A woman's choice in a man will most likely be as a result of her values, what's available and what type of relationship she's looking for. The said values doesn't really matter. Her values for the most part will be based on her background (upbringing and associations). So, if we have a girl who grew up in an abusive home with parents who didn't aspire to achieve much and she grew up in the hood and was more in tune with the bad aspect of things associated with the hood. If she's living in an area that has the most irresponsible men who grew up in the hood. Let's even say hypothetically there aren't any men in that area who would fit the Sosuave standard of a hot guy. Here's what I believe will happen. She will still pick one of those men and probably one that may treat her how she was treated growing up. Why? Probably because this is what she knows and values.
Let's change this up a bit perhaps that same woman for some reason goes a better area to live or visit and some Sosuave physical standard hot guy (who might be AFC) and well off decides to date her. Do you really think she would date him even though she would be getting the better end of the deal? I don't think she would especially if there happens to another guy with same hood resume like hers whom she can pick. Why, do I think this? Well, because she may (1) feel he's out of her league (2) he's probably what is used to and attracted to.

(2) If the same woman is surrounded by only the educated, hot and well off type of guys and one of them was hitting on her while she's out looking to get some. Do you think she would turn them down just to be celibate because the hood guy is absent? Nope, I think she'd settle for him just to screw just for that night. Next time if given the choice she'd still return to her default (hood).

(3) If this same woman was only looking to get married and start raising a family and she's only surrounded by the educated well off guy. She'd settle for one of them for that reason. The next time she comes across her default type who can game her well. She'd probably cheat on her educated husband especially if she can get away with it. If the roles were reversed with an educated with a woman who found herself among hood guys. She's probably screw one of them for a one night stand or reduce her standards to accommodate them. Why because this is her only option for the time being.

(4) What do we as guys value most in a woman? Be honest it's beauty isn't it? Yet would you settle for a low quality woman if you could have one that was beautiful and high quality after all? So are men and women that different after all?

By the way I have a question. In my past I dated a few girls that would tell me they were intimidated by me and that it scared them and they didn't feel adequate to date me. What does this mean? They'd still keep coming around but in the long run we were never together.

Also my father said women are very adaptable. How true do you believe this to be? In other words a woman can live in an uncomfortable situation even if she had a chance to make a switch.

@Backbreaker perhaps the most important thing you should've told your friend was never to take advice from a woman. Why do you have a conversation about serious topics with a woman when they can't process it from our point of view and as it applies to us? Isn't this counter-intuitive?

 

[jafyk]

Winner, winner, Chicken Dinner!

Reminds me of something a wise man once said to me:

"You'll find three kinds of people in bars. Alcoholics, lonely people, and those who've got a system at the track."

What does "those who've got a system at the track" mean?

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

This is an advertisement

If a girl looks at a guy and sees him and she think he's hot but he's kinda aloof, she will think he has a quiet confidence about himself. If she looks at the same guy and he's a little overweight and she's not attracted to him she'd think he's wired lol.

Maybe because that aloofness is being mistaken for something else.......patience?

“Patience is the refined sense of confidence.”

DJ Bible Study, Tuesday, January 28th at 4:00 PM PST (time was changed). We will be discussing the first five lessons of Pook's "15 Lessons"

All are welcome.

 

[In2theGame]

Mike32 nailed it and I have to agree with BB on this. Personally my confidence is sky high and its that way for a reason, Basically from positive experiences. There's no other way my confidence would be so strong and why wouldn't it be if I'm constantly getting females telling me they think Im gorgeous and hot. Its programed into my subconscious. This is why i can go up to a girl and say I think shes sexy or go up to a group of hot women introduce myself. I went out Friday night and kept catching women glancing at me and a few smiling at me. I had one girl (wasnt all that though) tell me that my zipper was undone... I was like oh sh*t sorry, forgot to zip up after the bathroom,... She then tells me "i would have zipped it up for you"... im not BSing either plus she was only drinking water so she wasnt drunk and came from the Knick game where Carmelo Anthony dropped 62. One cute short blue eyed blonde kept feeling me up and eventually made out with, etc... i mean why wouldnt i feel good and confident after sh*t like that happening all the time?

However... My confidence goes much deeper than that. I also feel good about my success on other areas of my life. knowing i have worked at some top financial Institutions and being promoted many times. getting into some places by Wall st and mixing with some high status guys that deal with the financial markets and now being an entrepreneur and doing my own thing outside of a job. Ill be honest also and say that many times i have been invited to top business meetings and moved into promotion because the bosses thought i was a "cool guy" they liked hearing my weekend stories of women lol I would get invites to Knicks games, Yankee games, Parties... And that makes me feel good about myself that people want to hang around me and make them laugh. Overall it boils down to what i have been through and experienced in the past. For example... Im not confident in relationships, why is that? because from bad past experiences where women cheating or my ex GF's lying and being dishonest,.. thus i have major trust issues with women.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

So, I guess I've finally learned something new today. Contrary to what I learned here in the past that looks don't really matter to women. So, looks does matter or am I getting this wrong?

Here's a SUPER simplified explanation:

A human is comprised of TONS of characteristics, one of which is physical appearance. Others are things like self confidence, intelligence, sense of humor, ambition, monetary success, kindness, social skills, etc.

Women tend to not be so attracted to physical appearance, ALL OTHER THINGS equal. Meaning if he's a decent "catch" save physical appearance, it's NOT such a big deal.

Men tend to rely more heavily on physical appearance, ALL OTHER THINGS equal. Meaning if she's fugly, there's not much she can do to attract a "quality" guy.

However, if she's physically attractive, most men will OVERLOOK all her other weaknesses.

This stems from evolution. Men knew that women would be good biological mothers by LOOKING AT THEM.

Women, on the other hand, couldn't tell if men were good biological "fathers" until she interacted with him for a bit, and saw how he interacted with others.

Hence the oft repeated advice to "get more confidence" because this CAN generally encompass all those "traits" that women subconsciously look for in a guy.

 

[jafyk]

Maybe because that aloofness is being mistaken for something else.......patience?



DJ Bible Study, Tuesday, January 28th at 4:00 PM PST (time was changed). We will be discussing the first five lessons of Pook's "15 Lessons"

All are welcome.

Hey, I've never been to a bible study well at least not this Sosuave non-religious type, lol. Where is this bible study taking place? Seriously, I'd like to attend. Book of Pook chapter 15 what verses bro?:crackup:

 

[backbreaker]

I'll tell you somehting else that's bull**** too while it's on my mind

women, who tell guys "well i've had a bunch of bad boyfriends and bad relationships and let me tell you, being in a bad relationship is worse than being single"





1. While I agree that being in a negative relationship is not good, but it's like a guy who has never had a slice of pizza in his life and you telling him "let me tell you, I've had pizza from all over the world, and trust me you don't want to have bad pizza, you want to get it done from just the right place"

PIZZA IS STILL PIZZA AND YOU ARE EATING PIZZA AND THE OTHER PERSON ISN'T. Do you think the guy who hasn't gotten laid in 5 years honestly gives a **** in all honesty if the next girl he goes out on a date with is "the one"? That's **** people with options worry about.

 

[MOTU]

I think confidence can be more of a disqualifier (if you lack it) than a qualifier (if it's your only strong suit). We non-Brad Pitt types need the extra boost confidence gets us if we wanna compete.

Samspade:

Confidence, looks, game, status, wealth. It's a ****tail.

Agreed, and strength in some can make up for deficiencies in the others, to a limited degree.

 

[VikingKing]

I bet you if he created some confidence in himself, millie might still not be attracted, but some other women will. Why would you waste your time a try to explain this to her logically? You didn't change they way she thinks. Shes still not going to date your friend.

Confidence is just that, being confident. Different people build there confidence it different ways. Nothing is absolute. You will know when your are successful in building up your confidence, and there is more than one way to do it.

So, your wife and you are trying to hook your afc friend up with millie. Millie is not interested, and your friend isn't confident.

Thanks for your contribution.

 

[zekko]

Confidence is just that, being confident. Different people build there confidence it different ways. Nothing is absolute. You will know when your are successful in building up your confidence, and there is more than one way to do it.

People also have different ways of showing their confidence. I would think people who were ultimately confident would be completely relaxed. But women might also respond to swagger, which is more likely to be fake. It's an old saying here that women don't know what they want, I tend to agree. Like others here have said, usually when they say be confident they just mean "Be hot".

 

[backbreaker]

everytime people talk about confidence there is one specific incident in my life that i always remember and cemented my entire ideas about confidence

i got off drugs feb 12th, 2005. got an anny in 2 weeks Anyway, so I checked into rehab, stayed there a month and a half. Mind you, I had just sold my company and had a stupid amount of cash, I had my own house, and I moved into this chem free house with these other people in recovery, simply becuase i knew i was not ready to live alone yet.

Anyway it was co ed. I put on some weight when I was in rehab because they feed you **** and the only thing you can spend money on is the vending machine. I had put on some weight as it was, but by the time i got out of rehab i was like, 235. Still, I went to the store and bought some decent clothes for my size, i cleaned up well still, I was quite confident.

So I try to flirt with these chicks up there, there were some cutie pies up there, 2 in particular. nothing lol. Not only nothing, i kept seeing dudes not on my level score with chicks. I'd go to outside meetings, nothing. I'd go to the mall ,nothing. This went on for about, 3 months until like april or so, becuase my friend had the keys to my car(s) and would not give them ot me utnil i had 6 months clean and i had to walk everywhere and the gym was too cold to walk to until then.

Anyway by may/ june my confidence is completely shot. Not only getting rejected but getting rejected by girls I would not even touch a year earlier they weren't on my level. They weren't even close to the girl that i had just broke up with.

So I'm down on myself.. and i remember one day it was a saturday and it was the end of july. I had been going to the gym about 3 months straight now and i was losing weight. This chick was sitting down while I was browing on my laptop and she says backbreaker, can i ask you a quesiton, do you like black chicks? why won't you talk to me? she was black. She was kinda cute, and I needed a slump buster i was just so caught off guard by her being attracted to me I was not expecting it. My confidecne level was zero.

The next week I went clothes shopping to buy clothes that actually fit.. i Had lost lost 25 pounds and this chick who wouldn't give me the time of day, and this new chick who a month later i would end up dating, wanted to hang out with me so bad, i invited the new chick to go bowling with me and the old chick who wouldn't give me the time of day, just invited herself too lol. Then when we get back the new chick asks me do I want to go chill with her by ourselves.

It was about that time I started to actually build confidence and say you nkow what.. i must be pretty good looking again lol. I never was repulsive even when I was big but i mean, i was big. and i don't have a big frame so I look funny when I get big. Anyway my point being, i had zero confidence. these chicks could not have been attracted to the way i carried myself or my swag becuase i had none whatsoever lol.