Have any of you ever started an LTR with a Cold Approach?

[Phyzzle]

I've more or less given up on Cold Approach. Every woman I've ever been on a date with, I've (eventually) slept with. Impressive statistic, maybe, but every one was a friend of a friend, or a classmate or something. Getting to that first date with a stranger is a killer, for me. I can get numbers, but they go nowhere. Doc Love advises you to take classes or do charity work purely to meet women, since it's actually LESS work than doing the 8 or 9 hundred cold approaches necessary to get that single-nokids-nomeds-honest-giving-atrractive-nonrebounding-nondamaged woman who will NOT flake on a stranger.

So, have any of you actually done it? This question has been asked a few times on the main board, but apparently, no one seems to be able to come up with an example. This means LTR, that's 3 months or more, from a cold approach of a stranger. NOT JUST A PHONE NUMBER, GOT IT? Cold approach doesn't mean a girl in your class or a coworker. LTR doesn't mean a date or ONS.

How the heck did you do it? What are the details of that first conversation?

Seems like every CA story on these forums, even in the DJ Bible, just gets to the phone # and ends . . .

~Phyzzle

 

[zafuhunter]

online dating

I have just started an approach journal so it is too early for me to say whether an LTR could come from a cold approach. I would be surprised if after approaching a large number of women not a single LTR came out of it. I've read about two respected PUAs who met their wives at a bar so I am sure it is not impossible.

If you are looking for an LTR one avenue you might explore is online dating. I landed two LTRs from a site geared towards dating people who shared my ehtnic background. The first lasted three months and ended because I started acting like an AFC after contracting a case of oneitis. The second lasted six months before I ended it because I realized I was in the relationship for the wrong reasons. I also met at least two other women online who I could've made into LTRs if I was so inclined.

A question for you. Out of all the women you've picked up by CAs did you find that none of them were what you were looking for or was there some other reason why none of them turned into LTRs?

 

[speed dawg]

Actually this is very interesting. I don't think I ever have. Most of the girls I have met have been through mutual friends or in social settings where you have instant rapport. To me, rapport = confidence booster. I've never been real good at cold approaches. But it's something I want to get better at. There are sooo many girls I could probably be fukking that you run into everyday and don't think about approaching.

 

[Latinoman]

Practically every woman I have gone in a "date" have been a woman that I "kissed" or even managed to get intimate prior to going into the formal date. And not all I met in "nightclubs" or any other social event. Met some in odd places such as public transportation.

I don't subscribe into the "free meal for possible affection" (e.g. "dates")philosophy.


By the way...I was married once. A long and very good marriage. So to answer your question...yes.

 

[Natch]

Urrm. Most of my recent relationships have started with CAs. What do you want to know?

 

[Phyzzle]

By the way...I was married once. A long and very good marriage. So to answer your question...yes.

Eh? I didn't ask if you were married, but if you've ever gotten an LTR from a CA. Did you meet you wife from a CA? If so, how?

Natch:

Most of my recent relationships have started with CAs. What do you want to know?

Sweet! A few questions about the start of your last realtionship:
1. Was it in a nightclub? When I sarge there it's like
Hi, I'm Phyzzle
WHAT?
I'M PHYZZLE
WHAT?
I SAID -
WHAT? MY NIPPLES!?
NEVER MIND!!
Was it at another place like a bus stop?

2. What were the first words out of your mouth?

3. What did you suggest the first time you called her? Coffee get-together? Or was it a more direct "come over to my place, and we'll hang out, wink wink."

4. Do you live in a major city?

 

[Phyzzle]

A question for you. Out of all the women you've picked up by CAs did you find that none of them were what you were looking for or was there some other reason why none of them turned into LTRs?

Generally, they seem pretty interested, give me their (real) phone # and such, but when I call them, they seem 'busy for the indefinite future' (ok), or they excitedly accept a date for some day and 8:00, sit by their phones twiddling their thumbs until 7:55, then call and say they can't make it (not cool).

If she's REALLY not what I'm looking for, I generally notice before asking for the number.

I don't subscribe into the "free meal for possible affection" (e.g. "dates")philosophy.

Oh I'm with you on that one. The 1st date is always a mini-date ($5, 50 minutes). I don't need sex right away, but a woman has to demonstrate physical desire for me pretty early on.
~Phyzzle

 

[Natch]

Natch:


Sweet! A few questions about the start of your last realtionship:
1. Was it in a nightclub? Was it at another place like a bus stop?

2. What were the first words out of your mouth?

3. What did you suggest the first time you called her? Coffee get-together? Or was it a more direct "come over to my place, and we'll hang out, wink wink."

4. Do you live in a major city?

1 - It wasn't in a nightclub , but I have had girls that I picked up , fcuked , and could have had LTRs with if I'd wanted to, that I met in nightclubs.
But I agree , most nightclubs suck for doing PU.I only PU in nightclubs cos it;s sociable and its the only place you can go to do PU with your friends.

2 - My most recent cold approach-relationship (bearing in mind this was 2 years ago) I think was just something situational. But I have had relationships that started with just opinion openers and on thru the MM style from there."Excuse me can I get a female opinion on something....."

3- I called and said there was a comedian on at the local comedy spot I wanted to see , did she want to come... then we had a drink, then (cos the logistics were akward for an isolate) I told her I wouldn't sleep with her that night cos I didn; know her well enough .

Second date was for drinks , and we went back to mines...


4- This was in a major city.

Bottom line , CAs can lead to relationships.
Hope this helps.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

Yes, 2 GF's.

One 6 month relationship and my current one that has been going on since about late may...

If you connect; you connect.

 

[Phyzzle]

"If you connect; you connect."

I'm starting to read your field report. Cool, it's wierd that I didn't see it before. Must have been one of those busy months for me.

I can't EVER bring myself to flirt with girls when they're working.

First, they are there to get the paycheck, not to meet the man of their dreams. Morally speaking, HB9 employees are a captive audience. They have to talk to you (within reason). They have to keep a cool business-like attitude as 30 straight guys are saying "gimme ur digits." It seems merciful to just let them work.

Second, they're paid to be friendly, so Interest is hard to ascertain. I mean, even a friendly touch on the back or shoulder seems out of line for either of us in a business situation. So you can't figure interst by Kino either.

Third, I have a wierd inhibition against looking servants in the eye. Maybe that's just me. . . .

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

Mom and dad met on a bus 32 years ago..

Dad's lame line: "Haven't we met before?" lol

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

My response is in BOLD.

I can't EVER bring myself to flirt with girls when they're working.

First, they are there to get the paycheck, not to meet the man of their dreams. Morally speaking, HB9 employees are a captive audience. They have to talk to you (within reason). They have to keep a cool business-like attitude as 30 straight guys are saying "gimme ur digits." It seems merciful to just let them work.

Take advantage of every chance you get to meet someone new. Sure they might get hit on by 30 straight guys saying "gimme ur digits," but your not a "gimmer ur digits" kind of approacher (right?)

Second, they're paid to be friendly, so Interest is hard to ascertain. I mean, even a friendly touch on the back or shoulder seems out of line for either of us in a business situation. So you can't figure interst by Kino either.

Her interest equals her digits or/and a plan to meet at a later date. Maybe you should work on building rapport???

Third, I have a wierd inhibition against looking servants in the eye. Maybe that's just me. . . .

That might be the oddest state of all. Where are you from?


You should be able to approach ANY woman at ANYTIME. I don't care if she's working or running a marathon.

 

[Phyzzle]

Her interest equals her digits or/and a plan to meet at a later date.

Not for me. The only time I tried this was with a sandwich shop girl. I got the digits, and I think a concert or party to meet. But she wasn't interested at all, just made some excuse later. After that, when I'd go in to buy a freakin' sandwich, she would be colder than before, like she was annoyed that she had to deal with approaches and turning guys down, on top of working (place was usually busy).

Maybe you should work on building rapport???

Mayhaps.

You should be able to approach ANY woman at ANYTIME. I don't care if she's working or running a marathon.

I could, I just think it's inconsiderate!
It's like littering: no big deal, but what if everybody does it? In your field reports, you go into a store and spend half an hour flirting with every girl there without buying anything. Is it okay for EVERY guy who finds the girls attractive (every guy 15 to 55) who passes by that store to come in and do the same?
Of course, maybe I could make the same argument about any approach . . .
It's just that when I buy something, I wanna get on with it already, not wait for the clerk to write her digits for the guy in line in front of me. Maybe it's just a mental hangup: fear of an audience!

Have you ever made a pickup that was definitely heard by several other people? That would be gutsy.
~Phyzzle

 

[Phyzzle]

That might be the oddest state of all. Where are you from?

West Virginia, but my hangup may have come from living in Baltimore and Athens, Greece. In those two places, any "excuse me-" or "hello I-" or any sort smile was guaranteed to be shortly followed by a request for money. :cuss: I just got sick of it. Violently sick of it. If you don't know me, stop making BS ultra-boring small talk.

Anyway, I just don't wanna look like an azz anywhere near other customers. Flirting around when she could be doing other things, like helping them.

 

[Latinoman]

Eh? I didn't ask if you were married, but if you've ever gotten an LTR from a CA. Did you meet you wife from a CA? If so, how?

Sorry...sometimes I assume that everything I write is clear to everybody.

Listen I wrote:

"Practically every woman I have gone in a "date" have been a woman that I "kissed" or even managed to get intimate prior to going into the formal date." - Here I'm stating that they were cold approaches.

"I don't subscribe into the "free meal for possible affection" (e.g. "dates")philosophy." - Here I'm stating that I don't believe in "dates" for the purpose of getting a woman to like me.

"By the way...I was married once. A long and very good marriage." - Here I am stating that I was married for a long time.

Therefore, if I'm telling you that practically ALL my relationships were due to cold approach...that I don't believe in dating unless I have done something with them (e.g. that can only be done due to cold approach)...then, it is easy to conclude that ALL women in my adulthood life (including my ex-wife) were products of cold approach.

I also said,
"So to answer your question...yes." - How much clear do I need to be?

 

[Latinoman]

I have a technique. I don't go and do the "hi" or "hello" crap. Well, I do that if I want to do business or whatever. But NEVER for cold approach. In my opinion (and I don't care what the Bible or whatever says), if you get shut down in a public place...OTHER women will see it. And they think; "Well, if he is not good enough for her...he is certainly not good enough for me". So, I never put myself in the "shutdown" thing. I do encourage men to talk to women (ugly or pretty). But I discourage putting yourself in a situation of getting shut down. But I'm not an expert. I don't write articles and I don't do field reports. I'm just a regular guy.

All my cold approaches have been toward women that I know they find me very attractive. I know that, because I can tell by looking at them. I am not brad pitt or one of those extremely good looking men by today's society standards. Some women won't want to be with me (although, they might describe me as a "good looking man"), because maybe I'm too dark or look too Persian or Latino or whatever (I'm Latino...but because of my features, I could easily be described as Persian or European). But some find me extremely attractive. Kind of "exotic" some have stated. Why I describe myself? Because it is important to understand that my approach works with me, because I might look different and due to me looking different, people will notice me (men, children, women, etc.) way before I notice them.

What do I do? I work in my posture. I work in my body language. I work in my eyes. I work in the way I dress. I work in my smile. I work in my fitness. I work in my hair. I work with my jewerly and shoes. Because the thing is...in a crowded place women will notice you WAY before you notice them. And in my case and for the reasons stated in here, women will notice me quicker...and once they do, they would either stereotype me (and discard me) or they will take a second look. The ones that take a third look all the ones that I cold approach. But applying the wolf and rabbit approach: I'm the wolf.

Some of my cold approaches that end up in "relationships"...public transportation station, nightclubs, wedding, etc. Several ended up in affairs, in places such as swimming pools, beach, etc.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I don't feel like writing alot, so I am going to sum up your problem in a few phrases. This might come off as a little mean...

STINKIN THINKIN

TOO SOFT

TOO CONSIDERATE-- "hitting on women is like littering"-- (I'm shaking my head)

YOU ARE NOT A REAL MAN

YOU NEED SOME EDGE

AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FIGHT--- a sandwich shop clerk flakes on you, and you allow her to bitter your taste for the 'game.'

I really don't understand the concept of someone shutting down your game...

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

All approaches are cold.

The first introduction with anyone was eventually cold. The only discerning factor for me is between laying someone the minute you meet them or cultivating a relationship.

For me, it's a matter of perspective. I've dated girls @ places I get my haircut, had a drawn-out relationship, mostly of sex and sporadic dates, and other's I've met on biz trips across country, that lead to nothing until a few months elapsed.

The bigger one is, can you convert a ONS into an LTR?
Do you even want to?

I don't care about psychological games a woman plays with herself.
"Gee I slept with him on my first date, I'm the slvt, so i can't be his gf."
Who cares. Stop trying to read your partners poker hand and play the one you've been dealt. If you want the girl get her, difuse her shields. If she cracks apart, break up with her.

Even an introduction from friends is still "cold", because there's no assumption of an easy lay. Of course, if your buddy's gf brings you a girl on New Year's, it's a lay-up, but under sober circumstances, you still have to perform and ALL approaches with new people are cold. There's no guarantee you hit it off with that person.

Have I done it? Absolutely. Working as a bus boy/server @ a restuarant I did it. We dated awhile, something of a LTR, and still talk now and then. Even my LDR/LTR was a cold approach, on both our parts.

Life is a matter of PERSPECTIVE and FRAMES. Wrap the right ones around the right situations, and you can reveal your strongest and deepest abilities.


A-Unit

 

[Phyzzle]

TOO CONSIDERATE-- "hitting on women is like littering"-- (I'm shaking my head)

I guess you're right. I needed a slap. It's real easy to fall into thinking that women get annoyed by strange guys walking up and starting conversations every 10 minutes. But is it my fault they get approached all the time? No, it's just the way things are. Nothing to get annoyed about. Is it her fault I have to risk rejection, since girls never will? No.
~Phyzzle

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

FK how byotches feel (as I pamper my sick girlfriends azz.) I don't think you should care about how many times they get approached.