**** has been going on for too long... My ex girlfriend

[Savaris]

I'll try to keep it short but I really need some advice. A sort of plan because after all this time and pain...i'm still determined.

I met this girl 2 years ago. I met her by accident. Some guy bought a cover from me and she added me on blackberry because she also wanted a cover. That's where our story started. After several weeks of intense talking she wanted to meet up. She had been in a relationship for 1 year but when I met her she was single for 3 months. We dated for 2 months, I was smitten, i mean really smitten. Everything about her was perfect to me and chemistry was all over the place. She used to come 1-2 times a week with the train(2 hours trip) just to be with me. After a close friend of her passed in an accident she kinda wanted to be left alone but I did everything wrong. I was needy, jealous, clingy everything that pushed her away from me and I coudnt understand why. We had a lot of arguments, she didnt want to have an relationship because she just had one. I kept trying and trying..doing the same wrong ****, i even send her a handwritten letter. After trying 3 months and leaving her alone for 2 months she finally contacted me and suddenly she got interested again.

(i faked having a pretty girlfriend and she bought the whole thing, perhaps thats why?) I played it well didnt talk much, let her come to me. Her interest kept growing and eventually she wanted to meet up with me. She was really sorry for everything and coudnt believe herself for leaving such a guy. So we dated.. I forgave her. We had been together for 4 months, everything went so well when she suddenly dropped the bomb on me, a 1 page written text telling me she doesnt feel any connection with me and she does with her ex. I searched the whole internet and followed a lot of e books. I was hurt, but I agreed the breakup. We didnt talk for 2 weeks when she suddenly initiated contact, everyday. We even met up a lot of times even when she had something with her ex. We didnt kiss but I held her and stuff.. I was secretly trying to win her back. When she and her ex fought a lot i was so happy because they had finally broken up. So I did my thing and kept meeting with her. We eventually started dating again even though she told me that she didnt want to start anything now because her ex hurt her and I mean too much for her to start something now. She didnt know where to place me, she didnt know her feelings for me.

She defined me as the perfect man for her. So we didnt talk about a relation but we dated, I held her hands and I kissed her again. We were going to meet up at my place, she had called me (it came from both sides) when she suddenly started to ignore me. I coudnt understand it because it was going so well. I had to make a fake account to find out why she was ignoring me and for the first time I was not clingy,deperate or anything of that sort. I was straight to the point with her. I told her that I never treated her bad and she knows how I am and left it at that. The reason for her ignoring me are unknown but she told my fakeaccount that I was the cutest, sweetest and smartest guy she even knew. so basicly we ignored eachother for 2 weeks when she texted me. We initiated small contact. I kept it short and told her id get back to her soon. couple of days later she talked more and I was falling back to my own pattern. I wanted to meet up call her etc. She ignored me again. (by this time u guys must think im mad but I cant explain it so dont tell me to get over her or anything please) At this point I was really frustrated and I send her a text and told her I was wrong about her and that im done with her etc. The next day she text me back and told me she would tell her part. So I agreed(cuz I was curious). 2 days later we finally talked and she told me that she thinks its better to stay friends with me because thats what she feels. Were not meant to be together she said, You make me happy but I cant make you happy, I dont want to disappoint you anymore. Your too good for me Ive said it before..

what do we have in common? I answered all her questions with my heart and in the end I was like, I want to be the man that listens to you helps you and gets you through everything just give me the time and ill do my best for you, Ill be your man. It wasnt desperation but just sheer determination, I showed her that I could live without her but I really want to give her my all, one last time no more bull****ting. I talked my heart out, proudly, told her straight what I wanted, like a man. I said, If you dont give me up I wont give you up, if you show me your worth it, ill give u the world. To which she replied with Ok..(myname)xx After that I said some things but she didnt reply.

Ok so obviously, she has been confused about me this entire time. Ive been the one pursuing her this entire time. Because I know shes the right girl for me. Ive been with a lot of girls but I can feel that this one is the one for me. Some things in life you cant explain. Not with logic or common sense, this is one of those times. Im just really fed up with things she can get away with, I have a weakness for her so Im allowing her.. So I need some advice please.
So after that last conversation where I showed her how she sees me, and likes me. We havent spoken(2 days now). She must be confused at this point. Why isnt he chasing me? He was so determined? Right? Well im planning to just move on for the moment. Im tired. But I know in my heart that shes going to want me back again. I just need to know how I should act according to you guys in order for me to KEEP her and not let her ****ing do this **** again to me. Ive been really good to her she knows it.

So basicly, my questions are ;

1. How should I act when she talks? Just be cool? Keep convo's short and act indifferent?
2. Its obvious shes confused, is there anything I can do to get her attracted again? I have her on FB perhaps a little jealously plot?
3. How can I make it challenging for her?

I just need some guideline on doing the right things to win her back. Because I cant find anything like that on the internet and here. Just plain and simple for this particular confused girl.

some info on her. She's REALLY sweet, she always get's shy when im around but when shes with others shes really strong and always strikes back.

I'd really appreciate it if you guys could take your time to read it and think with me, i'd really be grateful, because after all this time, even though she did all that **** to me, when Im with her I feel like i can do ANYTHING. I want to fight for her. She never said '' I dont like you '' so I want to keep fighting for her. I know she likes me, and I know she loves me. I just want her back + keep her + dont want this **** to happen again. I hope you guys can help me with my effort to help open this girls eyes.

I salute you Don Juans.

 

[udokaibeh]

when i read through half of what u wrote i was thinking to myself damn shes pretty much using you cuz she does w.e she wanted then when it didnt work out she came to u. what i think you should have done was to let her know straight up that if she wnt wit her ex, she had made a decision and that u were no longer available to u. but then u said that u want things to work so my advice is this make her stop thinking that your too god for her (w.e bullsh!it that could be) ur doing good not giving up on her but you are trying too hard. u think she is the one but does she think you are the one?
when she talks respond like you would a normal person. the key is to make her realize that yes she is special but she is not that special and dont try that jealousy thing. sh!t is already complicated btwn you two. but seriously u really should stop being too available because the truth of the matter is YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE!! thats why she leaves and comes back so try to change this but do leave some avalability time after all you want her interested

 

[5string]

How old are you guys? Have you slept with this chick?

Regardless, don't be so fvckin clingy! Women hate that. Further, you have a severe case of oenitis which needs treatment immediately.

Do you really want a gal who presents you with multiple sh!t tests and fvcks with you constantly on an emotional basis? If you do, you need to unfvck yourself. Project indifference (to a degree). Let her know that you can move on without hesitation if need be. Let her know she's not the center of your world, only an addition. That'll get the little hamster spinning in her head. Remember, you're the man ALWAYS. Don't put up with her sh!t. And the stuff about feelings for her ex. Do you really believe that this will stop? NOPE. These kinds of women keep pulling their little emotional stunts day in an day out. It will never ever stop.

I said in another post yesterday that women not only want what they can't have, they also want what they may not be able to keep.

Get it?

Personally, I'd move on if I were you.

 

[Htienvu]

shiet dude, you've said it "it's been going on for too long" and looks like you want it to go on longer. This girl has rejected you time and time again, you need to see her for what she is. She really does see you as a friend, she's not confused about that at all. Also she's not confusing you, you're the one confusing yourself, she told you straight up that you should stay friends.

What you really need to do is to cut your losses and move on, it will be hard because you've invested 2 years and a whole lot of effort on this "right girl" for you. You have a bad case of oneitis(obsession with one girl), it will hurt but ignore her and move on is your best solution.

"It's been going on too long" and it will go on much much longer if you don't realise the truth. Other guys here will rip into you, listen to them because it will be good for you.

 

[Savaris]

Thanks for the answers, 5string I havent slept with her.. I was gonna but she wasnt prepared that day lol, I was like ok it'll come..bad move lol anyways Im 22 shes 19. Shes really amazing man, she tried hard for me too. She always wants to pay for me and used to set up picknicks for me and stuff. Its not like It was coming from me only. Im not sure if she was using me, she really loves me but doesnt know where to put me.. Ive let her known that I dont want to be her friend cuz were not like that.

I understand what you mean with that sentence 5string. Ok, so ill just act normal when she talks, i wont show signs that I want her back, Ill just make her realize she should be chasing me. Also make her believe my live has been great ever since she left. Wont show any needyness, desperation,clingyness, just a man who has his **** together.

 

[Savaris]

Htienvu, the thing is, she did say that yes, but shes not 100% sure. She said it before (like 2times) and everytime we got back because of my determination, and I everytime against all odds I kissed her and did all that stuff again. She doesnt know where to place me and since theres a lot of crap going on in her life right now, she just wants to label me as ''friend'' in order to get away from boyfriend shiet. She told someone i know that she has not time for boyfriends cuz of school and work, thats why i am thinking that. anways I know she loves me I wont doubt that, she told me before that she only sees me as a friend but when we meet up things go crazy, and suddenly im more than a friend to her. This is whats confusing me. She is also not telling me straight up YES I WANT TO GIVE U UP when i ask her that question..

let's see what happens if the person who she thinks is the sweetest, cutest and smartest and who is in her opinion the perfect man for her(those are her words, not to me but to another person) stops trying and backs off.. (never did that before) let's see if its real or not

 

[Htienvu]

one thing you need to learn is judge a girl by her ACTIONS and not WORDS. Until she sleeps with you what she says mean nothing. Why should she give you up when you're giving her everything she needs from a boyfriend but not having to sleep with you.

You need to get out of the fantasy that you've built between you and her, she's not as great as you think she is. She's could be leading you on, she's an attention Wh0re. She loves your attention but does not want to date or sleep with you, wake up!!!

 

[Savaris]

Perhaps, but perhaps not. Either way, she doesnt just sleep with someone. She's not like that trust me. Its not like i havent tried and it probably one of the reasons she left her ex again. This **** is far complex to too understand. She's studying psychiatry not many peiple can keep up with her haha. Either way, i realize what i have to do. If she shows her worth by not words only but also action, things might get good again. We"ll see, either way im not going to initaite contact or run after her anymore. If its meant to be, its meant to be if not it's not.

 

[Iceberg]

Ive been the one pursuing her this entire time. Because I know shes the right girl for me. Ive been with a lot of girls but I can feel that this one is the one for me. Some things in life you cant explain.

There's no way a guy has "been with a lot of girls" yet he's cool chasing some girl for months (years?) and NOT getting sex from her.

That's pretty much an oxymoron. "I can get LOTS of girls. But I'm gonna chase this one girl instead. Oh, and by the way, there's no sex involved. I'm getting nothing out of this."

Either way, she doesnt just sleep with someone. She's not like that trust me. Its not like i havent tried and it probably one of the reasons she left her ex again. This **** is far complex to too understand. She's studying psychiatry not many peiple can keep up with her haha.

She doesn't just sleep with someone.
She's not like that.
This is complex.
She's the right girl for me.

Jesus. The problem is, you're buying the idea that this event is special. Your love for her is "different." But if you look through any page of this forum, you'll find 10 of the same exact "different" story.

Guy chases girl. Girl doesn't care. Guy convinces himself that he just needs to chase more, and the girl will come around.

This story is not special. It's not different. You and 1 million other suckers are experiencing the same exact thing right at this moment.

This whole scenario disgusts me. Not because of you. But because I've been there. And the lies we tell ourselves to convince ourselves that "this is the right girl" are all the same. No matter how unique we think the situation is....it's a freakin carbon copy of everyone else's experience with the same type of girl. "Ohhh she's different!" Haha. Yeah buddy, you....and only you...have found the "different one". The rest of us are dating crackhead skanks, and your girl is worth waiting for...because she's different.

It's sad that you're putting yourself through this. It's sad that you've convinced yourself that this is the correct path. It's sad that other guys are doing the same thing. The only person who's winning is the girl. Because she gets boyfriend attention from you without making any sexual commitment.

let's see what happens if the person who she thinks is the sweetest, cutest and smartest and who is in her opinion the perfect man for her(those are her words, not to me but to another person) stops trying and backs off.. (never did that before) let's see if its real or not

That MIGHT work. But remember - if you're backing away, it's not just to get her. It's to prepare yourself for moving on without her. The main purpose of going No Contact is to distance yourself from the woman. If she comes back, that's just a positive side effect.

 

[vatoloco]

...She was really sorry for everything and coudnt believe herself for leaving such a guy. So we dated.. I forgave her. We had been together for 4 months, everything went so well when she suddenly dropped the bomb on me, a 1 page written text telling me she doesnt feel any connection with me and she does with her ex.

At that point you should've said "Cool. See ya." and never contacted her again. When a woman says she still has feelings for an ex, that's the moment she is dropped. No exceptions.

Edit 1: I forgot. They never really "drop bombs." They drop hints here and there. Most men are just too stupid (or infatuated) to see them.

We didnt talk for 2 weeks when she suddenly initiated contact, everyday. We even met up a lot of times even when she had something with her ex. We didnt kiss but I held her and stuff..

So you were pretty much a "male girlfriend" at this point. Ugh. I got so disgusted by this that I'm not even gonna read the rest. IDK if she has dumped you yet (she eventually will) but my Rx is to drop this girl and start spinning [a] new plate (seeing other girls). Plus read the DJ Bible!! These are basic mistakes you're making.

Goddamn, son! I literally felt revulsion while reading this.

Edit 2: Since I'm not gonna waste another post for this thread I'll just say it here. I'm out. Good luck to you, kid.

 

[Savaris]

The thing is, ive been with a lot of girls yes, but not in the term of boyfriend girlfriend, just dated them. I wanted to find that special girl, the one who'd give me that special feeling. I know its her, ive been a virgin for a reason. I could have had sex by now, but i waited for that girl, and i found her. Im not saying this is different, i know its the same but to me, she is different.

Yeah, i realize its for myself, if she comes back ok let her fight for me, if not i was wrong and this perception i have of waiting for a girl that i find special is crap and i should just **** what i can. Oh well, i truly believe in this, and in her. We'llsee what happens

 

[Savaris]

Vatoloco, your misunderstanding the situation, i was trying to show her i was better than that fag. Your way of thinking kinda is revulsive tbh, i never would have come up with something like that haha

 

[udokaibeh]

There's no way a guy has "been with a lot of girls" yet he's cool chasing some girl for months (years?) and NOT getting sex from her.

That's pretty much an oxymoron. "I can get LOTS of girls. But I'm gonna chase this one girl instead. Oh, and by the way, there's no sex involved. I'm getting nothing out of this."

actually it makes perfect sense if you get a lot of girls sex might get boring and sometimes you could want to get with a certain girl just cuz u cant or just because its a different experience

 

[ScottMustaine]

Dude, just eject yourself. Maybe the next gf will be more ' the one' than the last one.

I've had this shiet with Janne. Though we started as friends, knowing each others life , everything. Even erogenous zones, my d!ck size, her breast size etc. (Made myself laugh. )

We were so fking close and since I didn't have gf ever in those days, and she was pretty and I thought of myself as an ugly dude with no balls,never dreamed the shiet would go this way. She confessed love, (when I was starting to get distant and tried searchin for other girls, was desperate, but never stopped the hunt), and I got trapped. Same shiet happened with being desperate and needy and she kept pushing away. Then when I broke up with my first girlfriend, she would get flirty with 'jokes' such as grabbing my ass in public etc. Of course, in front of her female friend, and I felt retarded to try to make out in front of her friend. Shiet didn't go really great and I just moved on. Got some 'friendly' contact, but nothing close.

 

[Savaris]

Yeah, I understand. But i don't know. At this point, after all the crap i've been through with her i'm like hey, if your going to forget about me your not worth it.. We'll see what happens, i'm done trying. She knows what kind of man I am, she knows exactly how we were and she knows exactly what she is going to miss sooner or later...Everytime something bad happened we found eachother again, We'll see, I told her that if she would show her worth to me i'd make her the happiest girl on the planet, and she admitted and knows that I'm able to do that..o well time will tell.

 

[Iceberg]

actually it makes perfect sense if you get a lot of girls sex might get boring and sometimes you could want to get with a certain girl just cuz u cant or just because its a different experience

Yeah. But he's never had sex. He's a virgin.

 

[ScottMustaine]

Vatoloco, your misunderstanding the situation, i was trying to show her i was better than that fag. Your way of thinking kinda is revulsive tbh, i never would have come up with something like that haha

Are you competing for that s1ut ?

Sorry, I don't call girls s1uts, but SHE IS.

Look dude. SHE CHEATED ON YOU.

And what did you do ?

YOU FORGAVE HER.

Instead of YOU (A MAN, who is ABOVE HER) putting yourself down, she should COMPETE FOR YOU, BEG FOR MERCY. But no, you'd rather get humiliated just once again to put your erected penis in her vagina.

Literally by forgiving you sent her a message

' FCK ME IN THE ARSE WITH A DILDO, PLEASE DONT GO AWAY, PLEASE I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU ! '

Seriously, you've put yourself down below her feet. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I expel girls from my life even if I get to SUSPECT that I am being cheated. Once I am in a commited relationship, it's like an algorhythm.

IF Gf doesn't cheat = > Continue relationship
If GF is suspected to cheat, or is OBVIOUSLY cheating => EXPEL. NO MERCY !

It's simply disrespecting as if you were cheated you don't have options (if you are commited, really) to have anythign with other women (if you don't cheat as well.)


She even now DOES NOT HAVE mercy upon YOU. Getting you back for attention then tossing you away. What are you ? A MAN ? OR A DOG? If you are a dog remind me to send you a dog's bracelet, just in case you don't get lost.


Don't care if she gave you the best BJ, let you fck her in the arse, ride you for 12 hours in bed. IT... HAS...TO...END.

Now.

 

[Johnnyventana]

I can't say what she is, but I have heard similar before.

For your own good, read: How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves

And then read the forums. In either case, no matter what, for your own sanity, RUN!

 

[Savaris]

She didnt cheat on me she broke it off before going to her ex cuz she was confused thats not cheating anyways ,she thinks im the sweetest, cutest and smartest boy thats what I heard from someone, what I dont understand is that shes attracted to me, she likes me, loves me and all that but is not IN love with me? I dont get it, I sat down with her wanted the truth and thats what she said. To me, those words are confusing because it makes me not want to give up on her. but then on the other side all the **** ive been gone through for her, makes me think twice.. but i cant change my feelings or who I am. Im not a quitter. So its a complicated case.. anyways right now were just having normal conversations, Im not acting like shes special or anything, im acting a bit aloof, keeping convo's short. Hope i'm doing the right thing cuz I know theres more.. just need to spark it and keep the flame going once and for all.. or if my feelings fade for her keep them in the shades forever

 

[Savaris]

Lol Johnny, Im in love with her and she isnt sure about her feelings for me, I just wanted to know more about getting into her heart not reading about some mental ilness Thanks though

The ex she broke up with is going through the same thing as I am.. so shes really confused or else she'd just stay with him, anyways sucks to be in love with someone this much, you start overnanalyzing everything and stuff, I just miss the times I had with her, we did a lot together.

anyways, ill just play it cool and dont show my feelings unless she starts.. and just move on in the progress, if she forgets about me ill forget about her. Thats how my mindset is right now