Handling Breakups

[Willie Naylor]

Hey GG, I think we've all dated the attachment-phobe at some point. Things are going great then boom they pull the rug out from under you and give you a lame reason. These types can be tough to sniff out because it happens unexpectedly.

It sucks at first but the clouds quickly part and relief sets in. This woman will hop from guy to guy doing the same thing until she's 55 and used up. Her past history speaks to this; two sides to every story.

You're a senior member here so I know you'll go and stay NC and let her reach out. Just remember the heart often rules the head so if you do reconnect, good chance the same will happen despite whatever she professes to you upfront.

You may want to consider taking longer than a week to reset.

Good luck.

She's been married and divorced twice.

But, if OP wants this girl, I hope they end up happy at some point.

As Red Pilled as one ever gets, there's always that one girl who comes along and tenderizes us just enough to where we actually start to feel human emotions again.

It's a good thing.

 

[Glassguy]

She's been married and divorced twice.

But, if OP wants this girl, I hope they end up happy at some point.

As Red Pilled as one ever gets, there's always that one girl who comes along and tenderizes us just enough to where we actually start to feel human emotions again.

It's a good thing.

Do I want this girl? Yes. But under the pretense of things being like they were up until a few days ago.
Feeling emotions is not a bad thing. Its good to feel someone caring about us and vice versa. Its very easy to get calloused when dating and its even easier to not allow ourselves to even get emotional about people, but that is our survival instincts coming out. But emotions only mean that we found someone we think is worth investing in. We are human after all and everyone wants to have people that care about them.

Hey GG, I think we've all dated the attachment-phobe at some point. Things are going great then boom they pull the rug out from under you and give you a lame reason. These types can be tough to sniff out because it happens unexpectedly.

It sucks at first but the clouds quickly part and relief sets in. This woman will hop from guy to guy doing the same thing until she's 55 and used up. Her past history speaks to this; two sides to every story.

You're a senior member here so I know you'll go and stay NC and let her reach out. Just remember the heart often rules the head so if you do reconnect, good chance the same will happen despite whatever she professes to you upfront.

You may want to consider taking longer than a week to reset.

Ive become good enough that I can certainly read expectations with people. This was totally unexpected. I thought it was a speed bump that new relationships get to around the month to three month period. But the cause for this behavior from her in my eyes didnt validate the reaction I got from her. But knowing her background, it does make sense. I wouldnt say she has an attachment phobe as she was 100% already getting attached through her actions, words and affection (both physical and emotional) with me.
But sometimes that pressure can quickly build and a woman will panic.

The result is still the same, she either starts doubting her decision (soon) and reaches out, or she confirms her decision soon and doesnt.

Although there were some remarkable experiences in a short period of time with her, on both ends, its not like a 2 year relationship. So the shortness of the relationship at this point means its a smaller window for her to go back on her decision.

 

[TheProspect]

Communication is underrated on this forum, and often misrepresented as vomiting your feelings or anxieties to a chick.

I think what could benefit your situation, whether you ultimately get back together with the chick or not, is communication. Proper communication that is.

I've learned that at some point in the dating process one needs to move from red-pill aware short-term game-like tactics, to more of a long-term oriented approach via proper communication. This should happen as the dynamic shifts from casual dating to more of a LTR – even if there is no mutually agreed label of exclusivity or a relationship.

Basically what I'm saying is that I think this chick had a feeling and reacted to it (telling you she is not ready for a relationship, pulling back, etc) without telling you the actual trigger of her feeling and why that trigger exists in the first place... You know, typical chick sh!t, AND, also typical behaviour of someone who is lacking proper communication skills, male or female. Now when these feelings are acute and you're in them it's hard to see the situation and its causes from a more detached perspective, so I don't fault her necessarily for failing to communicate properly. A lot of time chicks don't even know why they're doing what they're doing until you have a conversation with them and they begin to process & articulate their thoughts & feeling in real-time.

You can continue your soft NC if you like, but in my opinion I think you reaching after a couple days (if she doesn't) isn't necessarily the wrong move if you go about it with the right approach –– by disarming her insecurities and hangups through validating her feelings by acknowledging there may be some truth to them... Empathy and all that sh!t lol.

I would wrap my post more elegantly but I'm about to start work so I hope what I wrote out quickly makes sense.

And I may get a lot of flack from other members for promoting good communication and empathy, but so be it. It works for me.

 

[Willie Naylor]

Communication is underrated on this forum, and often misrepresented as vomiting your feelings or anxieties to a chick.

I think what could benefit your situation, whether you ultimately get back together with the chick or not, is communication. Proper communication that is.

I've learned that at some point in the dating process one needs to move from red-pill aware short-term game-like tactics, to more of a long-term oriented approach via proper communication. This should happen as the dynamic shifts from casual dating to more of a LTR – even if there is no mutually agreed label of exclusivity or a relationship.

Basically what I'm saying is that I think this chick had a feeling and reacted to it (telling you she is not ready for a relationship, pulling back, etc) without telling you the actual trigger of her feeling and why that trigger exists in the first place... You know, typical chick sh!t, AND, also typical behaviour of someone who is lacking proper communication skills, male or female. Now when these feelings are acute and you're in them it's hard to see the situation and its causes from a more detached perspective, so I don't fault her necessarily for failing to communicate properly. A lot of time chicks don't even know why they're doing what they're doing until you have a conversation with them and they begin to process & articulate their thoughts & feeling in real-time.

You can continue your soft NC if you like, but in my opinion I think you reaching after a couple days (if she doesn't) isn't necessarily the wrong move if you go about it with the right approach –– by disarming her insecurities and hangups through validating her feelings by acknowledging there may be some truth to them... Empathy and all that sh!t lol.

I would wrap my post more elegantly but I'm about to start work so I hope what I wrote out quickly makes sense.

And I may get a lot of flack from other members for promoting good communication and empathy, but so be it. It works for me.

Totally agree. It's okay to ask a girl questions, to make sure she's feeling okay, and to bring her soup if she's not feeling well.

Feelings and emotions are encouraged.

We were born to love one another; not just mindlessly fvck the hot chick from the bar.

 

[EyeBRollin]

A week ago her texting was a little off.

I knew exactly where this was heading the moment I read this. Why were you texting?

Men, stop texting.

 

[Barrister]

Glass,

Enjoyed your post. I think you are making all the right moves. The only thing I may say I find a bit concerning reading between the lines (which has already been pointed out by others), is that this woman sounds like she may have some severe attachment issues. Her previous marriages and their ends coupled with how she is handling this with you make me wonder if you aren't better served simply moving on whether or not she reaches back out to you. I am thinking the best advice is probably just that. However, that is always easier said than done, especially if you felt a connection with the woman. But expect a lot of emotional turmoil if you continue things with her.

 

[Barrister]

I knew exactly where this was heading the moment I read this. Why were you texting?

Men, stop texting.

That may work in early stage dating (even though it isn't a view I subscribe to even then), but to think that never texting in this day and age would work in an LTR is simply unrealistic.

 

[Willie Naylor]

That may work in early stage dating (even though it isn't a view I subscribe to even then), but to think that never texting in this day and age would work in an LTR is simply unrealistic.

Hitch was right at the end of the movie when he said:

Basic principles: There are none.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Break ups are tough. No doubt about it. In today's world it's very difficult to find a woman that seems to check all the boxes and things also seem to move along very smoothly and naturally.
I stopped a 3 girl rotation when I started dating Sarah. Great convo. Excellent dates. Great sex. She had super high interest. She was planning things a month out. Invited me to go on a 3 day pre Christmas trip with her extended family.
A week ago her texting was a little off. Spent all day at a college football game Saturday. Things were great. I could go into Sarah's past marriage/relationships but for the sake of time, I'll just say that they weren't good. So here comes Glassguy and she falls head over heels. Until yesterday. Today we had the conversation of her telling me that she doesn't feel ready for a relationship (been seeing each other for 6weeks). About the time that things seem to hit a rough patch. Now I'm very close friends with a guy who is one of her in laws. I have no suspicion of another man in the picture.
SoSuave posters preach "block her", "cut her off from your life".......I didn't. I know what's going on in her head. Pressure. It built up and she freaked out. So we agreed to stop things. I followed up with a very nice text message and she did the same.
She got a little tiffed when I mentioned getting my extra bottle of Versace cologne back that she took a while back so she could smell it when away from me. I told her to keep it in case she needed a reminder later . Me getting the cologne back meant finality. I'd rather keep the door open and she seemed to like that better than me getting it back.

Talking to @BeExcellent earlier, she pointed out a very good point- when a woman leaves with ALL positives and no negatives, they typically start questioning their decision to end things. They think about all the good dates. The good sex. The closeness. They miss it.

How will Sarah respond? Time will tell. She will definitely feel the void of the loss of my text messages, phone calls and dates. If that's all she misses she probably won't reach back out. But if she misses ME, she will.

I say this because I didn't purge her off my fb friends list. I didn't get all mad at her during our conversation. I simply AGREED with her by telling her that I didn't want to continue if she was unsure.

Unless a woman does something disrespectful that does deserve instant dismissal, just hold off. Be mature about the situation. Let things be. Sometimes relationships are like a boomerang. You have to agree to send it away just to see if it comes back.
But.....won't reach out. That's her job at this point. But I left the door open because I care about her and in a lot of ways I understand her situation. It doesn't mean that I agree with it, but I understand to a point how women think about things and process things.

It's not a one size fits all approach. It's a situational decision. But it stings a little when you sift through enough trash in the dating world to find someone worth investing in.
Patience is something I struggle with on occasion. I see something I want and I go after it. I've always been that way.
But if you're in a non disrespectful breakup, sit tight. Just agree, communicate the fun you've had together and then go quiet. Don't do anything rash or rush to conclusions, as easy as it can be to do.

Happy Hunting

It's interesting you posted this. I am going through the exact same thing.

And I couldn't agree more, when things end and she leaves with ALL positives, they will question the break-up and time only tells. Although I am a firm believer in no contact and really moving on, it makes it a bit harder to move on since everything the relationship was positive. In my case, it was a matter of religion that got in the way. The religious constructs and narratives to be more precise. The love, the commitment, the care, the vision, the non-negotiated desire, the drive, etc, etc, all were there. So I get it it is hard to let go when you know it could be so "perfect".

However, it takes two to fully commit/surrender. If one side of the relationship is not fully in it, you have to love and respect yourself more and walk away. Even though you have great respect for her, and understand her "reasoning" or thought process you still must walk away. I couldn't agree more to leave in the best note possible "communicate the fun you've had together and then go quiet". And as much I preach no contact, that is exactly what happened. I didn't reach out, she didn't either. God simply put us on the same path that day so I took it as a sign and ultimately gave me great peace.

There are all these principles we, as men, try to follow. But in the end, you must listen. Deeply listen. And more often than not, you will find that following principles for the sake of following them is not always the best approach in certain situations. Those certain situations require a unique level of attention and action. I did what you just said, and I found peace.

Anyway, great post and you have a great mindset about this specific situation. Keep the positives, I am sure Sarah misses that. As my ex said, she might not text or call but know that she sure misses you and what you had.

For now, keep walking your path. Things have a way of making sense with time.


Modern Man Advice

 

[EyeBRollin]

That may work in early stage dating (even though it isn't a view I subscribe to even then), but to think that never texting in this day and age would work in an LTR is simply unrealistic.

My girlfriend has had 100% interest level in me for the last 10 months. I don’t text. She’s trained to only text for logistics. If she wants to chit chat, we pick up the phone and talk. This is how I’ve handled correspondence with every woman for the last 7 years. In my three LTRs, they’ve all dropped their childish texting habits.

Texting is what women do. Why grown men feel the need to text like teenage girls is incomprehensible.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Talking to @BeExcellent earlier, she pointed out a very good point- when a woman leaves with ALL positives and no negatives, they typically start questioning their decision to end things. They think about all the good dates. The good sex. The closeness. They miss it.

How will Sarah respond? Time will tell. She will definitely feel the void of the loss of my text messages, phone calls and dates. If that's all she misses she probably won't reach back out. But if she misses ME, she will.

If she wants you back, she should be downgraded to FWB status. A woman that ends the relationship when things are going well is 100% unsuitable for anything serious. This type of behaviour can only mean one of two things: a) there is another man in the picture or b) there is something wrong with her psychologically. In either case, you don't want to be invested in this woman.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Sarah does sound like a keeper.

 

[Bokanovsky]

This happens a lot...some women want closeness but are freaked out once it happens and need to run away

Those are women with mental health problems that you want to stay the fvck away from in any event.

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

You stopped a 3 girl rotation when you started dating this woman. I knew right then and there she was the one who called it off.

 

[RangerMIke]

She got a little tiffed when I mentioned getting my extra bottle of Versace cologne back that she took a while back so she could smell it when away from me. I told her to keep it in case she needed a reminder later . Me getting the cologne back meant finality. I'd rather keep the door open and she seemed to like that better than me getting it back.

Don't worry about this. Her being mad is not a bad thing. It means at some level she still cares. If you want another turn on the ride, worst would be her saying with a smile "Of course... here you go." Apathy is worst than anger.

 

[Glassguy]

Don't worry about this. Her being mad is not a bad thing. It means at some level she still cares. If you want another turn on the ride, worst would be her saying with a smile "Of course... here you go." Apathy is worst than anger.

I reached back out a few days later, talked to her and the trail seemed cold. I haven't talked to her since. I built a new rotation up rather quickly and now back on track.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I think I’m breaking up with my gf before Christmas, sucks bro

 

[metalwater]

take a look at all the advice you have given others. you already have the knowledge, it just sucks when it's personal and not someone else issues. your back dating again already so it's business as usual.

you have made the best choice. how could you trust her ever, she walked for apparently no reason. the only message you can get from that is that you're not good enough for her. of course you are good enough even better. but would you want to spend an eternity with a woman that puts up a frame that your not good enough for her attention and affection?

or she wants you to chase, if so that's a power play you want no part of.

as you have told hundreds of times, bullet dodged.

girls with genuine high interest that are not NPD or other issues do not leave you unless you fck up or another dude gets access and plays her. medium interest will leave all day long for all sorts of reasons, medium interest will fake high interest to manage you.

 

[zinc4]

Break ups are tough. No doubt about it. In today's world it's very difficult to find a woman that seems to check all the boxes and things also seem to move along very smoothly and naturally.
I stopped a 3 girl rotation when I started dating Sarah. Great convo. Excellent dates. Great sex. She had super high interest. She was planning things a month out. Invited me to go on a 3 day pre Christmas trip with her extended family.
A week ago her texting was a little off. Spent all day at a college football game Saturday. Things were great. I could go into Sarah's past marriage/relationships but for the sake of time, I'll just say that they weren't good. So here comes Glassguy and she falls head over heels. Until yesterday. Today we had the conversation of her telling me that she doesn't feel ready for a relationship (been seeing each other for 6weeks). About the time that things seem to hit a rough patch. Now I'm very close friends with a guy who is one of her in laws. I have no suspicion of another man in the picture.
SoSuave posters preach "block her", "cut her off from your life".......I didn't. I know what's going on in her head. Pressure. It built up and she freaked out. So we agreed to stop things. I followed up with a very nice text message and she did the same.
She got a little tiffed when I mentioned getting my extra bottle of Versace cologne back that she took a while back so she could smell it when away from me. I told her to keep it in case she needed a reminder later . Me getting the cologne back meant finality. I'd rather keep the door open and she seemed to like that better than me getting it back.

Talking to @BeExcellent earlier, she pointed out a very good point- when a woman leaves with ALL positives and no negatives, they typically start questioning their decision to end things. They think about all the good dates. The good sex. The closeness. They miss it.

How will Sarah respond? Time will tell. She will definitely feel the void of the loss of my text messages, phone calls and dates. If that's all she misses she probably won't reach back out. But if she misses ME, she will.

I say this because I didn't purge her off my fb friends list. I didn't get all mad at her during our conversation. I simply AGREED with her by telling her that I didn't want to continue if she was unsure.

Unless a woman does something disrespectful that does deserve instant dismissal, just hold off. Be mature about the situation. Let things be. Sometimes relationships are like a boomerang. You have to agree to send it away just to see if it comes back.
But.....won't reach out. That's her job at this point. But I left the door open because I care about her and in a lot of ways I understand her situation. It doesn't mean that I agree with it, but I understand to a point how women think about things and process things.

It's not a one size fits all approach. It's a situational decision. But it stings a little when you sift through enough trash in the dating world to find someone worth investing in.
Patience is something I struggle with on occasion. I see something I want and I go after it. I've always been that way.
But if you're in a non disrespectful breakup, sit tight. Just agree, communicate the fun you've had together and then go quiet. Don't do anything rash or rush to conclusions, as easy as it can be to do.

Happy Hunting

You should be the one feeling guilty about breaking up with and hurting her. Not the other way around. 6 weeks? Aint ****. Next.